Adult Motel

Adult Motel
by Michael Dare & Richard Goldman

Remember sex? ADULT MOTEL, a half-hour sitcom, is a '70s nostalgia show - that pre-AIDS time when people wore bell-bottoms, danced disco, smoked pot, and engaged in pre-marital sex without worrying that it would kill them. Perfect for Fox or HBO.

Laszlo and Harriet Adulté are the proprietors of THE ADULTE' MOTEL on the shores of Dead Bear Lake. Though once a booming tourist trap, their business was flagging of late when fortune smiled upon their neon sign. The "E" at the end of their name went out, changing their Adulté lives forever.

Suddenly, their rooms were overbooked with a kinkier clientele than they were used to. Fortunately, their street wise son Anthony Adulté knew how to deal with the new situation. He quickly installed magic fingers in the beds of some rooms, and magic handcuffs in others.

Behind his parent's backs, Anthony will do anything to keep his customers satisfied. He's developed theme rooms geared towards a wide variety of tastes - from a jungle habitat to an S&M fallout shelter, from a 2-way mirrored boudoir to a Catherine the Great room (horses not included).

Laszlo approves of his son's resourcefulness as long as his wife Harriet is unaware of what really goes on. Harriet, on the other hand, approves of her son's resourcefulness as long as her husband Laszlo is unaware of what really goes on. So long as Anthony can keep up the appearance of running a legit operation, he can keep his parents happy.

Then there's Ursula, the sexy Swedish maid. She's a foreign exchange student looking to get married. Her cherry is intact and it drives Anthony bananas. He's asked her to marry him several times, but she's saving herself for that perfect guy, or at least someone who's not as perverted as Anthony.

ADULT MOTEL is an R-rated cross between The Love Boat, Hotel, and Psycho. Its modus operandi is "innuendo and out the other." No real sex; Anthony manages to keep it from our eyes as well as from his parents. The point is to constantly refer to the craziness inside the rooms without ever giving away what really goes on. Each week, Anthony barely survives his parents finding out.

SAMPLE DIALOGUE:
LASZLO
Son, why are there 500 cucumbers
in the refrigerator?
ANTHONY
Uh, next Wednesday is National
Cucumber day, dad! I've, um,
invited all the neighbors for a celebration.

REGULARS:

A businessman whose name changes every week, all the way from Smith to Jones and back again.

The town hooker

Two gay cops

A priest who is an old friend of the family

A middle-aged and very straight couple