How I Ended up Writing for Animaniacs

As a film critic for the LA Weekly, I was voted in as a member of the Los Angeles Film Critics Association. One year we gave our Best Picture award to Schindler's List, which meant that Steven Spielberg joined us for a private luncheon to receive his award. Of course I didn't get to sit at his table. I was stuck at a table in back with the unknown actor we were giving the award for best supporting actor to, a punk kid named Leonardo DiCaprio whom I had nothing to say to. After lunch, I went up to Spielberg and mentioned that as much as I liked Schindler's List, my favorite creation of his that year was the TV show Animaniacs. He loved this and we ended up talking a bit about the show. I was pleased to find out that his involvement with the show was very "hands on," and that he personally approved of every script before it went into production.

Finally, he told me that the reason I like the show so much was because it was written by guys like me. I said I'd love to try to write for the show, and he told me the name of the guy to call, Tom Ruegger. 

I called Tom Ruegger a half dozen times and he never got back to me, despite the fact my messages said that Steven Spielberg told me to call. 

Then, months later, in a miraculous fluke of serendipity, I got a call from one of the editors of Daily Variety asking me to do a piece on children's television. They gave me a list of people they wanted me to interview, and one of them was Tom Ruegger. This time I called him saying I was a writer from Variety wanting to interview him for an article, and THAT got me in his office. 

After the interview, I mentioned the Spielberg story, and he told me to get in touch with the headwriter of the show, Peter Hastings. Six months and a dozen phone calls later, I still hadn't gotten into Hasting's office. 

At a party for the opening of a film, I happened to meet a show biz attorney, and I told him my Animaniacs story. He told me that HE could get me in, but only after I signed a contract with him agreeing to give him a percentage of anything I would make. I signed and he finally got me a meeting with Hastings, though he told me later that it even took HIM more than half a dozen calls to get me the appointment.

I called Hasting's office to confirm the appointment. It had to be postponed. I called the next week. No appointment. Finally, out of desperation, I sent Peter Hastings the following questionaire along with a self-addressed stamped envelope...
 

We have not responded to your proposals because... 

• We just don't like you. PLEASE don't submit anything else. 
• Your music is nice but your lyrics suck. 
• Your lyrics are nice but your music sucks. 
• Your sucking is nice but your lyrics aren't musical. 
• We thought your proposal for a "Schindler's List" ride at Magic Mountain was in incredibly bad taste. 
• Your ideas are so fantastic that we simply can't allow you to give our regular writers inferiority complexes.
• We think that anyone who wants to make a mid-life career change from journalist to cartoon writer is just a little bit pathetic. Get a life. 
• We can't handle rejection, even when we're the ones rejecting. 
• You spies from Disney are all the same. You waltz on in here pretending to be journalists and expect us to reveal all our secrets to you. Well not this time, bub. Tell Eisner we're on to his tricks. 
• All our writers are members of the Tri-Lateral Commission and 27th level Masons. Please submit proof of your participation in these organizations. 
• Steven remembers your review of "Always." 
• We like candlelight dinners, long walks on the beach, a nice physique, and... oops, wrong questionnaire. 
• Putting together WB cartoons is a complicated process full of political checks and balances. Your proposals are working their way through the grapevine where they can be derailed by the slightest misstep. So just bide your time and when there's a vacant spot that you can fill, you will be notified. 
• We found out all about your sordid past. I'm afraid we've already filled our quota of draft-dodging ex-hippies. 
• That woman you insulted when she cut in front of you at the check-out counter at Alpha Beta yesterday was Sherri Stoner. 
• We're sorry. We were busy. You're hired. 

 
The next day the phone rang. It was Peter Hastings who said "I understand your sucking is nice but your lyrics aren't musical." We both laughed, he told me he thought the questionaire was funny, and what was I doing right then? Nothing? Come on down.

Once in Hasting's office, it became clear that he was one of the most creative people on earth (he now runs Disney's One Saturday Morning), that he was thoroughly capable of writing every single Animaniacs himself, and that who needed me. I persisted. I pitched idea after idea. Half of them they were already doing, which was actually good since it showed we thought alike. Other people came in and out of the office to do important business on that week's show. I didn't leave. I just kept pitching and pitching and pitching until he looked at me like he couldn't believe I was still in his office. Finally he said he'd let me know and I left. 

Three months later I called the attorney and asked if he'd heard anything. He said no but he'd give them a call. He called me back ten minutes later to tell me that two months ago they had decided to buy several of my ideas but had neglected to get back to me. I had an appointment the next day with Hastings to go over the scripts they were hiring me to write. This was close to one year after my meeting with Spielberg.

Then the show was canceled before any of my scripts got made, though one was turned into a comic book.
 

Dear Dr. Hollywood,

I see from your bio that you used to write for Animaniacs. There's something I've always wondered. Why do they always say "Hello nurse?"

Wakko fan

Dear Wakko fan,

Years ago, Tom Ruegger was asked by Steven Spielberg to come up with new Warner Brothers cartoons. Ruegger invented Tiny Toons, which took place at Acme University, where all the old Warner Brothers characters taught classes to new, younger Warner Brothers characters. Since Bugs Bunny would be teaching a class to up-and-coming cartoon rabbits, the first character Ruegger created was Buster Bunny, who was to be the new Bugs. Ruegger wanted to come up with a new version of Bugs Bunny's famous catch phrase "What's up, Doc?" but all he could come up with was "Hello Nurse!" It just didn't make any sense for Buster to say "Hello Nurse," so the whole idea was dropped.

Years later, Ruegger was once again asked by Spielberg to come up with new Warner Brothers cartoons, only this time completely original. Ruegger invented Animaniacs, and finally found a use for "Hello Nurse."

MD

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