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Issue #167
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Posted September 19, 2005 There was no Disinfotainment Today last week because: a) Like Entertainment Weekly, I thought one double issue should count as two issues. b) The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy conspired against me. c) A desert wildfire came within a quarter mile of my house last Friday, taking out the phone and electric lines. Our water is delivered from a tank through an electric pump, so on Monday, when I should have been publishing, it was no phone, electricity, water, or transportation, 100 degrees, no air conditioning. We were a drier version of hurricane Katrina victims, isolated and alone, just waiting for someone to save us. Electricity came back soon but phone lines took a week. So it's not that I'm inconsistent, it's that life is inconsistent. I hate it when that happens. I also hate having to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, what popsicles look like when the refrigerator's been off for days, and all liars and thieves. The list goes on and on. If I wanted to, I could do nothing but hate all day. Wouldn't that be nice? Okay, I suppose stopping hate is a good thing and that the world would be a better place if we all loved one another and listened to the Beatles instead of Eminem, but I hate that idea. I don't think anyone can go through life without hating something once in a while. What's important is what you do with that hate, act it out aggressively with violence or sarcasm, or hold it in and give yourself an ulcer. Wouldn't it be nice if we could take all that hate and wrap it up into a nice ball of fluffy kittens? That's the goal of congress after September 9, when they were briefed on International Cooperation on Internet Hate. Apparently there was an OSCE Conference on Hate on the Internet in Paris in June 2004, so this month the Anti-Defamation League experts addressed a packed room on Capitol Hill to discuss how governments, industry and advocates could partner to curb online hate. The session was sponsored by the Congressional Task Force Against Anti-Semitism and co-hosted by ADL and the French Embassy. Christopher Wolf, Chair of ADL's Internet Task Force said, "We all know and appreciate that the Internet has transformed the ways in which we communicate, educate, inform and entertain. But there is a dark side to the Internet. Terrorists, anti-Semites, racists, homophobes and other haters have logged on and are online... Unfortunately, the Internet has become the new frontier in spreading hate." His recommendations:
That the Anti-Defamation League is pro-Israel is a given. Though they've often done good jobs stopping actual racism, their credibility withers every time they mistake anti-Zionism, which is a political viewpoint, with anti-Judaism, which is a racist viewpoint. Everyone who thinks that the Anti-Defamation League won't use internet anti-hate measures to help Israel politically under the guise of stopping racism, raise your hand. I'd form an Anti-Anti-Defamation League but I hate that name. I hate the acronym SPMAZR, so I'm not forming a Society for the Prevention of Mistaking Anti-Zionism for Racism. And I hate hatred on the internet too. Someone should do something about it. How about a war on hatred? That should last a long time. If Edgar Allen Poe Had Been a Studio Executive Once upon a midday dreary,
while I pondered, weak and weary,
Yet my business had been
slacker since I hired Joel Schumacher
Open here I flung the shutter,
and I cleared my throat to utter
Turning back, I saw them
seated; feeling injured and defeated
The actor sat there, massive,
with his craggy face impassive,
I staggered back, mind reeling,
and with a sick and dizzy feeling
"Begone!" I cried, upstarting
- "And let this word be our parting!
So the agent, never quitting,
still is sitting, still is sitting
- torgoblog
-
![]() Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any more. There's no more money to spend--you used up all of that. You can't start another war because you used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out. No one's speaking to you. Mission accomplished. But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire city to rising water and snakes. On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side. So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying is: 'Take a hint.' ![]() A mouse
looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open
a package.
"What food might this contain?" He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr.Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it." The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house." The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers." The mouse turned to the cow. She said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose." So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house - like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital, and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient. But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbours came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them. So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember - when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. Last week's question...
I've been contacted by the makers of a documentary film who are going to get a chance to interview on camera many of the fundamentalist Christian leaders we've grown to know and love, and they're looking for questions. Any ideas? If Jesus died to pay for my sins, home come I'm not allowed to commit any? To me, "paid in advance" means, "go nuts, kid, it's on the house," right? - Jimmy McConnell
Cheers, - Charles Watkins
I can answer
the one about the land of Nod.
Matthew 22: 36 "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?" 37
And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
and with all your soul, and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and
first commandment. 39 And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor
as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets."
41
Consider your gay, lesbian or pagan neighbors. Exactly what part of this do you not understand? - thundsdo How come only three of you answered that question? Wasn't it a good question? What do you want from me? Send your answers here.
![]() Oops, Snopes
says they're actually photographs of tornadoes (still worth checking out)
Alternative Galleries of the
Week
Elderberry is better than a flu
shot. It literally disarms the flu virus
"It is bad to be oppressed by a minority,
but it is worse to be oppressed by a majority. For there is a reserve of
latent power in the masses which, if it is called into play, the minority
can seldom resist. But from the absolute will of an entire people there
is no appeal, no redemption, no refuge but treason."
"People called 'weird'
by their peers may have a leg up in life, at least in one respect.
"Controversy is raging in Paraguay, where the U.S. military is conducting
secretive operations. 500 U.S. troops arrived in the country on July 1st
with planes, weapons and ammunition. Eyewitness reports prove that an airbase
exists in Mariscal Estigarribia, Paraguay, which is 200 kilometers from
the border with Bolivia and may be utilized by the U.S. military. Officials
in Paraguay claim the military operations are routine humanitarian efforts
and deny that any plans are underway for a U.S. base. Yet human rights
groups in the area are deeply worried. White House officials are using
rhetoric about terrorist threats in the tri-border region (where Paraguay,
Brazil and Argentina meet) in order to build their case for military operations,
in many ways reminiscent to the build up to the invasion of Iraq.
"The tri-border area
is home to the Guarani Aquifer, one of the world's largest reserves of
water. Near the Estigarribia airbase are Bolivia's natural gas reserves,
the second largest in Latin America. Political analysts believe U.S. operations
in Paraguay are part of a preventative war to control these natural resources
and suppress social uprisings in Bolivia."
- Benjamin Dangl: U.S. Military in Paraguay Prepares To "Spread Democracy" - "Life is nothing until it is lived,
but it is yours to make sense of, and the value of it is nothing other
than the sense you choose."
"Hamalainen waited
quietly as nurses wandered in and out of the examination room, taking her
vital signs. Finally, she lost it. 'My pain is real,' she said frantically
to one of the nurses. 'I need relief. Why does he keep refusing to talk
to me about it? What do I have to do?'
"No More Games. No More Bombs. No More
Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17
more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun - for
anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax - This won't
hurt."
"I love to smoke. To
me, everything about smoking is cool. When I hear Kinda Blue by
Miles Davis, a cigarette magically appears in my hand, and I am THERE.
Smoking is Miles Davis. Smoking is Tom Waits. Smoking is Bob Dylan. Smoking
is Keith Richards. Billy Ray Cyrus does not smoke. Michael Bolton doesn't
smoke. Paula Abdul doesn't smoke. Is this clear? I'm not saying people
who don't smoke aren't cool although there does seem to be a pattern. I'm
saying a lot of cool people smoke, and smoking is part of their coolness.
I know I surprised a few people when I toured the UK last year. During
the first tour, I was smoking and discussing my love of smoking onstage.
By the time the second tour had begun, I had quit smoking, and all the
people who liked what I did before seemed genuinely hurt and betrayed.
People were yelling Judas! and Traitor! and throwing cigarettes at me onstage.
It was like Dylan going electric. While it was all done in good fun, except
the lit ones, I explained my new lifestyle quite ingeniously. (There's
nothing quite like a hail of burning embers raining down upon you to make
you quick on your feet.) I told everyone the point of my old smoking routine
was that I should have the right to smoke even if you think I SHOULDN'T.
Now, I should have the right NOT to smoke even if you think I SHOULD. The
point is THE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE. After explaining this to the audience,
they calmed down somewhat. While cigarettes were still thrown, fewer and
fewer lit ones were flicked at my head."
"Three mice infected with the bacteria
responsible for bubonic plague apparently disappeared from a laboratory
about two weeks ago, and authorities launched a search though health experts
said there was scant public risk. The mice were unaccounted-for at the
Public Health Research Institute, which is on the campus of the University
of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey and conducts bioterrorism research
for the federal government. Federal official said the mice may never be
accounted for. Among other things, the rodents may have been stolen, eaten
by other lab animals or just misplaced in a paperwork error."
"Michael Brown, the director of FEMA,
was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any
day now... Prior to heading FEMA, Brown spent the '90s as a commissioner
of the International Arabian Horse Association. I guess he stands out because
most Bush appointees are beholden to Arabian
people."
"Cuba, a short distance
away from Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama, was in a position to offer
assistance to the American people. At that moment, the billions of dollars
the United States could receive from countries all over the world would
not have saved a single life in New Orleans and other critical areas where
people were in mortal danger. Cuba would be completely powerless to help
the crew of a spaceship or a nuclear submarine in distress, but it could
offer the victims of hurricane Katrina, facing imminent death, substantial
and crucial assistance. And this is what its been doing since Tuesday,
August 30, at 12:45 pm, when the winds and downpours had barely ceased.
We don't regret it in the least, even if Cuba was not mentioned in the
long list of countries that offered their solidarity to the US people.
"Our earth is degenerate in these later
days. Bribery and corruption are common. Children no longer obey their
parents. Every man wants to write a book. And the end of the world is evidently
approaching."
"Excess generally causes reaction,
and produces a change in the opposite direction, whether it be in the seasons,
or in individuals, or in governments."
"A pile of rocks ceases to be a rock
when somebody contemplates it with the idea of a cathedral in mind."
"Welcome to the world's largest garage
sale! Bush bureaucrats are selling off our jobs, our pensions, our treasures,
our heirlooms - and anything else stored in our basements and closets that
they can get good money for. Like a fall yard sale where the sellers hope
it doesn't rain before everything goes, they are stripping it down just
as fast as they can. And bolting the furniture down won't even stop them.
Elections are for sale. Congress is for sale. And now the Supreme Court
Chief Justice seat is up for sale too. Do you think that an honest lawyer
with the American people's interest at heart can afford to buy that chair?
Think again!"
"The problem, the challenge
before us, today, in the middle of what is a great depression, great suffering,
great problems among us, and in the world at large: The chief challenge
is, that the government, the Executive branch of our government, is in
the control of a few people, typified merely by Cheney, who are for permanent
regime change, permanent revolution. And the irony of the thing, is of
course, they've recruited a lot of Trotskyists, who are called neo-cons,
neo-conservatives or chicken-hawks, because they ducked service in Vietnam,
and went on to wars in other places, where other people are fighting the
wars - and permanent war.
"When you see your own inner Self everywhere,
then, wherever you go, everything flourishes."
"In the arts, the critic is the only
independent source of information. The rest is advertising."
"Michael D. Brown, Under Secretary
of Homeland Security for Emergency Preparedness and Response and head of
the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), today urged all fire and
emergency services departments not to respond to counties and states affected
by Hurricane Katrina without being requested and lawfully dispatched by
state and local authorities under mutual aid agreements and the Emergency
Management Assistance Compact."
"Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly
can make us see a thread which is not there."
"The man who is aware of himself is
henceforward independent; and he is never bored, and life is only too short,
and he is steeped through and through with a profound yet temperate happiness."
"Amid increasing
tension between the United States and Iran over Tehran's nuclear program,
and growing concern about overstretched US ground forces, the George W
Bush administration is moving steadily toward adopting the preemptive use
of nuclear weapons against non-nuclear states as an integral part of its
global military strategy.
"Dubai: Amnesty
International is seeking an investigation as to why British police failed
to execute an arrest warrant on an Israeli war crimes suspect. The human
rights group is also demanding an inquiry into classified information being
leaked to the suspect.
"Ed Rosenthal, the
self-described 'Guru of Ganja,' was convicted two years ago of growing
and distributing hundreds of marijuana plants. He says he was authorized
to do so by the city of Oakland under a 1996 California medical marijuana
law.
"The tax cut that Bill Gates alone
got under the Bush administration would have paid for levies that could
have saved New Orleans. Ross Perot's tax cut could replace all the bridges
that were destroyed. When we hear about the government not having enough
money we have to wonder why they are giving such big tax cuts to the rich.
I think it's time we went back to taxing the rich and not making the middle
class bear the brunt of paying for everything.
"Human beings are created from the
dust of the earth; but do they resemble dust? Grapes come from vines; but
do grapes look like vines? Does theft have the same shape as gallows? Does
piety resemble eternal life? Nothing resembles its consequences. So the
root of pain and torment is not evil."
"It was a broiling
August afternoon in New Orleans, Louisiana, the Big Easy, the City That
Care Forgot. Those who ventured outside moved as if they were swimming
in tupelo honey. Those inside paid silent homage to the man who invented
air-conditioning as they watched TV 'storm teams' warn of a hurricane in
the Gulf of Mexico. Nothing surprising there: Hurricanes in August are
as much a part of life in this town as hangovers on Ash Wednesday.
"To err is dysfunctional, to forgive
co-dependent."
"Louisiana's Department
of Wildlife and Fisheries estimates that currently over 63,000 acres (25,000
hectares) of coastal wetlands have been demolished, or chomped, by the
now ubiquitous nutria. The large, marsh-loving rodent, somewhere between
a muskrat and a beaver, was brought to Louisiana from South America in
the 1930s for the fur industry and has since claimed Louisiana's coastal
wetlands as home. The Department of Wildlife and Fisheries is hoping to
control nutria populations by encouraging Louisianans to trap them. And
eat them.
"Could the levees
in New Orleans have been INTENTIONALLY blown out in order to provide the
justification for total FEMA federal takeover?
"FOR 7,000 YEARS, THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER
flooded Louisiana's coast with land-building sediment. The amount of new
land this sediment created always exceeded the amount of land lost to the
natural processes of subsidence, erosion and sea-level rise. Then in the
20th century, raising the levees erected along the banks of the river prevented
its sediment from reaching the coastal marshes. This upset the balance
between land lost and land gained, and began the catastrophic retreat of
Louisiana's wetlands."
"No sage or savior has ever endorsed
greed and gluttony as a path toward social justice or personal fulfillment.
These sane and enlightened people come to us from all cultures and all
eras,
sometimes knowing of each other but more often not. Socrates and Jesus,
Lao Tzu and Tolstoy, Gandhi and Martin Buber - no one can find in their
lives and words a jot of support for a political and economic regime that
encourages the acquisition of wealth far beyond what is needed for the
necessaries - or even the restorative pleasures - of life while consigning
the masses to live and work in squalor."
"I am struck, watching the hearings,
at the complete disconnect between the criticisms of many of those opposing
Judge Roberts and a cogent view of the role of the courts. It seems that
many of the criticisms are policy based - x or y rulings would lead to
bad RESULTS - and make no reference whatsoever regarding whether such results
are in fact the correct interpretation of the law (or the Constitution).
Judge Roberts' repeated point was that he was committed to the law, and
not to a political agenda, yet most of the criticism seems to be that he
lacks a particular favored agenda on things like civil rights, the environment,
etc. But certainly the critics cannot have it both ways, pissing and moaning
that he might reject a substantive conclusion that they favor, yet demand
that he not bring his personal views into the judging process. Unless they
think that he will misinterpret the law in a way that follows his allegedly
retrograde views and opposes their more 'enlightened' views, it seems that
their criticism should be about the laws as written, or the constitution
itself, and not about the jurist who interprets them faithfully."
"Another lie that they have told us
is that there are five senses. Feeling is not a sense. It is one/half of
you. We are feeling and desire. As long as we believe that feeling is only
a sense, we well never wake up."
"Last night, President
Bush proposed
the creation of a 'Gulf Opportunity Zone' to encompass 'the region
of the disaster in Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama.' You won't find
specifics in Bush's speech, but you can find them on the Heritage Foundation's
website, since it proposed
the idea in its 'manifesto
on post-Katrina policy' last week. According to Heritage's plan, the
'opportunity' in the zones is actually for the wealthy few and for special
interests seeking to strip away government protections and regulations.
Heritage calls for a panel of government and private sector officials to
target 'regulations at all levels' to be 'eliminated or simplified,' for
capital gains taxes and the estate tax for the ultra-wealthy to be repealed,
and for waivers on environmental rules.
"Evidence is beginning
to accumulate which suggests that the failures of levees in New Orleans
may have had more to do with explosives than water. In addition to many
eye-witness accounts of explosions at the levee, engineers from LSU are
puzzled by how they might have failed. They all share the opinion that
the forces exerted by storm water were insufficient to breach them, and
I'm willing to bet that the evidence has already been destroyed, because
I've seen this game played after 9-11.
"In the decade
before September 11th, 2001, 'globalization,' a word now largely missing-in-action,
was on everyone's lips and we constantly heard about what a small, small
world this really was. In the aftermath of Katrina, that global smallness
has grown positively claustrophobic and particularly predatory. Iraq and
New Orleans now seem to be morphing into a single entity, New Oraq, to
be devoured by the same limited set of corporations, let loose and overseen
by the same small set of Bush administration officials. In George Bush's
new world of globalization, first comes the destruction and only then does
one sit down at the planetary table to sup.
"Pretty much everything
Mr. Bush has said since this crisis began has been unspeakably insensitive.
But tonight he topped himself. While reading his ghost-written speech in
front of the temporarily illuminated 1855 statue of slaveowner Andrew Jackson,
he used the most tasteless metaphor of all. Speaking from the deserted
city of New Orleans, he appropriated the image of the jazz funeral.
"President Bush on Monday urged Congress to examine whether the White House needs stronger powers to deal with catastrophes like Hurricane Katrina. Bush's backing for the congressional inquiry raised the possibility that lawmakers might expand presidential authority to:
"Back in 1991, when
I retired, with the rate of inflation and interest rates, I had enough
money to last for my life time. Now Bush Administration economics have
caused my plans to go awry and I must make other plans. I'm too old and
ill to work and I decided to place some rather expensive items on sale
to be delivered after my demise.
"The youngest son of Florida Gov. Jeb
Bush was arrested early Friday and charged with public intoxication and
resisting arrest, law enforcement officials said. John Ellis Bush, 21,
was arrested by agents of the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission at 2:30
a.m. on a corner of Austin's Sixth Street bar district, said commission
spokesman Roger Wade. The nephew of President Bush was released on $2,500
bond for the resisting arrest charge, and on a personal recognizance bond
for the public intoxication charge, officials said."
"An increase in
the ferocity of hurricanes around the globe over the last 35 years may
be attributable to global warming, a new report states.
"History is the version of past events
that people have decided to agree upon."
"Poverty is a great enemy to human
happiness; it certainly destroys liberty, and it makes some virtues impracticable,
and others extremely difficult."
"Greatness is always humble. But pettiness
is self-adorned with words of praise. Greatness abides in the absence of
arrogance. Smallness proudly parades its haughtiness. Greatness conceals
through silence the weaknesses of others. But pettiness proclaims such
things to all."
"Only a mediocre person is always at
his best."
"I hate quotations. Tell me what you
know."
"If there were in the world today any
large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired
the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years."
"The trouble with being poor is that
it takes up all of your time."
"We are as much informed of a writer's
genius by what he selects as by what he originates."
"Supreme Court chief
justice nominee John Roberts said in his confirmation hearings that he
has no agenda and no platform. You know what that means, he could be the
next Democratic presidential candidate."
- Jay Leno -
"Truth is nowhere
to be found but in the unanimous opinion of the people."
- A. Idiot -
"I have no opinions on the truth."
- Blaise Pascal - "I can live for two months on a good
compliment."
"'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds."
Everything Else FEMA not only wasn't helping victims of Katrina, they were actively blocking relief efforts. Check out this amazing list. Everyone who thinks that NASA should go ahead with its plan to spend $100 billion in the next 12 years to build the spacecraft and rockets it needs to put humans back on the Moon by 2018, raise your hand. If you were in charge of the war in Iraq and
the media was completely distracting the public with news about hurricane
Katrina, would you use the opportunity to commit some atrocities you'd
been planning but didn't want the public to know about? Well, maybe YOU
wouldn't, but the United States sure would. So don't act surprised that
there's a
massacre in Talafar that no one's writing about.
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and so is Issue
#168.
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Contact George W. Bush
- president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Freemasons
- president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Skull and Bones
- president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Carlyle Group
- president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Illuminati
- president@whitehouse.gov
Contact
Satan - satan@whitehouse.gov
Contact both houses of
Congress - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Supreme Court
- president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Dick Cheney -
vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Halliburton -
vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Bechtel -
vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Saddam Hussein
- tightywhities@whitehouse.gov
Contact Osama bin Laden
-
deepthroat@whitehouse.gov
Contact Jeb Bush - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Fidel Castro
- jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Kim Jong Il -
eng-info@kcna.co.jp
Contact Jacques Chirac
- france-presse@un.int
Contact the new Pope
- accreditamenti@pressva.va
Contact the old Pope
- thirdlevel@hellfireanddamnation.com
Contact God - president@whitehouse.gov
Am I supposed to believe
you don't drink coffee?
You need a Disinfotainment
Today mug.

Boo hoo
Check out my current
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Buy
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Read
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"It's a charming story, very
funny and I hope he writes a lot more.
- Lynette Sheffield -
Acknowledgment
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's fair use.
Thanks,
Joe Kizanu
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