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Flying Lasagna
Robert Anton Wilson & Paul Krassner
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Posted January 28, 2007  Mainstream media have yet to acknowledge the death of Robert Anton Wilson, prolific futurist author and countercultural icon who passed away early yesterday (January 11). He had been suffering from post-polio syndrome. Caregivers read all of his late wife Arlen's poetry to him at his bedside and e-mailed me that "he was quite cheered up by the time we left. He definitely needed to die. His body was turning on him in ways that would not allow him to rest." On June
19, 2006, Wilson sent this haiku (with one syllable missing) to his
electronic cabal:
We
originally became friends in 1959, when his first published article
graced the cover of my magazine, The Realist. It
was titled The Semantics of God, and he presented
this suggestion: "The Believer had better face himself and ask
squarely: Do I literally believe 'God' has a penis? If the answer is
no, then it seems only logical to drop the ridiculous practice of
referring to 'God' as 'he.'" Wilson then began writing a regular
column, "Negative Thinking."
"In 1964,
I ran another front-cover story by him, Timothy Leary and
His Psychological H-Bomb, which began: "The future may
decide that the two greatest thinkers of the 20th Century were Albert
Einstein, who showed how to create atomic fission in the physical
world, and Timothy Leary, who showed how to create atomic fission in
the psychological world. The latter discovery may be more important
than the former; there are some reasons for thinking that it was made
necessary by the former....Leary may have shown how our habits of
thought can be changed...."
Wilson
took that process as his own marching orders, altering the
consciousness of countless grateful readers of his 34 books - from Sex,
Drugs & Magick to the Schrödinger's
Cat trilogy to Everything Is Under Control: An
Encyclopedia of Conspiracy Theories - all written with the
aid of that good old creative fuel, marijuana. He once told me about
his process: "It's rather obsessive-compulsive, I think. I write the
first draft straight, then rewrite stoned, then rewrite straight again,
then rewrite stoned again, and so on, until I'm absolutely delighted
with every sentence, or irate editors start reminding me about
deadlines - whichever comes first..."
"Various medical authorities swarm in and out of here predicting I have
between two days and two months to live. I think they are guessing. I
remain cheerful and unimpressed. I look forward without dogmatic
optimism but without dread. I love you all and I deeply implore you to
keep the lasagna flying.
"Please pardon my
levity, I don't see how to take death seriously. It seems absurd."
-
Robert Anton Wilson: Do
Not Go Gently Into That Good Night (RIP
1/11/07, bye pal) -
Collectable of the Week
Who
wouldn't want the
actual rope used to hang Saddam?
Good Idea
Libya has declared 3 days of mourning
over the death of Saddam and Qhaddafi is planning to build a statue of him in the capital.
The
Egyptian Journalist's syndicate did a commemoration for Saddam, where he was declared "in rank with the
greatest leaders and the national symbols of the Arab nation; those who
live eternally in the minds and hearts of the Arab people like Saladdin, Omar Al-Mukhtar and Saad Zaghloul. He is one
of those who sacrificed for the good of the nation and it's liberty."
 Contest of the Week
The Great American Think-Off releases the
2007 question: "Which Should you Trust More - your Head or Heart?"
Are we at war in Iraq today because of an emotional response to 9/11 or
because the facts warranted our involvement as a correct course of
action? As free thinkers in a free society each decision we make and
act upon is weighed carefully between our head and heart. In the past
have you made a choice based on one or the other and regretted it? Has
your life been saved because you trusted your instinct and not your
logic or the reverse? Which then should you trust more? Would you like
to be named America's Greatest Thinker? If so let the 2007 Great
American Think-Off know your opinion.
Entering
the competition is easy. Just submit an essay of 750 words or less by
April 1, 2007 (postmarked date). You may send your essay in one of
three ways, if through the mail send to New York Mills Regional
Cultural Center, P.O. Box 246, New York Mills, MN 56567 or email to nymills@kulcher.org (no attachments) or submit on-line.
Everyone's a Comedian
The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's traffic school. Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do." Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car? A: Always wear a condom. Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your car. Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? A: Be too shit-faced to find your keys. Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving? A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster. Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully. Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A: The color. Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? A: Heavy psychedelics. Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? A: Carry loaded weapons. Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer? A: It would be tough to be a dickhead all day long. I Feel So Much Safer Now
"The FBI held the first in a series of
workshops for Hollywood screenwriters to help them create a realistic
portrayal of the FBI... They focused on the Islamic radicalism that has
had the strict attention of FBI and the Department of Homeland Security
since September 11, 2001... The FBI then discussed what they do;
profiling terrorist organizations, dissecting the hundreds of daily
terrorist threats, and what areas in Los Angeles are constant targets
for terrorist activity."
- Jennifer DeFilippo: FBI
Teaches Screenwriters a Thing or Two -
"The Wall Street Journal, in a profile of Prime Minister Nouri
al-Maliki on Tuesday, quoted one of his aides saying that part of
Maliki's motivation in speeding Saddam to the gallows was that he
feared a secret deal sparing Mr. Hussein's life in exchange for a halt
to attacks on U.S. troops. Although some reports, and some of my
sources, say that precisely that deal was considered by more sensible
administration officials - and why not? why not give Saddam a life
sentence as part of a ceasefire agreement with the resistance? - it was
never a serious option. Indeed, since the very start of the insurgency
in late 2003, the United States has repeatedly rejected the idea of
peace talks with the main force of the resistance, including Baath
party officials, former army and intelligence officers, the clergy tied
to the Association of Muslim Scholars and resistance groups like the
1920 Revolution Brigade and the Islamic Army of Iraq. Now, and so
utterly predictably, virtually the entire Sunni population of Iraq is
likely to line up foursquare behind the insurgents, making it
immeasurably more difficult to ease sectarian and communal warfare.
"Now, any chance
that Saddam could be used as a bargaining chip to help ease a deal with
the insurgents is gone, forever...
"Last week, the army and Marines invaded the compound of a top Iraqi
leader, Abdel Aziz al-Hakim, the leader of the Supreme Council for the
Islamic Revolution in Iraq and the man behind some of Iraq's most
feared death squads, to arrest several Iranian diplomats. The
still-unexplained incident resulted in the Iraqi government taking
control of the seized diplomats - who may, indeed, have been
terrorist-inclined spies from Iran's Revolutionary Guard corps - and
packing them off to Iran, safely. Incredibly, the assault, involving a
raid on the home of the commander of Iraq's Badr Brigade, the
20,000-strong SCIRI militia, came only weeks after the turban-wearing
Hakim met Bush in the Oval Office.
"Then, like a
matching bookend, on Monday U.S. troops raided and demolished the
offices of Saleh al-Mutlaq, whose Iraqi National Dialogue Front is a
leading Sunni political party with 11 seats in parliament. Several of
Mutlaq's aides and bodyguards were killed, amid nonsensical assertions
from U.S. commanders that the offices were an al-Qaeda safe house.
"So, in about a
week, the United States managed to conduct ham-handed raids on the
offices of two of the biggest Iraqi political parties. In four years,
it is hard to imagine anything more stupid and clumsy. Certainly, there
is no plan or strategy behind any of this. By the same token, the
United States meekly stood by and allowed a Shiite-led band of thugs to
conduct the atrocious hanging of Saddam - knowing that it was a
shameful process that could only inflame the sectarian divide even
more. (And it has. Not only that, but Saddam's grave in his village
near Tikrit, deep in the heart of the insurgent's base in the so-called
Sunni triangle, is guaranteed to become a shrine and an inspiration to
all those Sunnis who are determined to expel the United States from
Iraq.)
- Robert Dreyfuss: Saddam's
Death Squad Hanging -
Actual Good News
"Two UK-based academics have devised a way to invent new medicines and get them to market at a fraction of the cost charged by big drug companies, enabling millions in poor countries to be cured of infectious diseases and potentially slashing the NHS drugs bill. Sunil Shaunak, professor of infectious diseases at Imperial College, based at Hammersmith hospital, calls their revolutionary new model 'ethical pharmaceuticals'. "Improvements they devise
to the molecular structure of an existing, expensive drug turn it
technically into a new medicine which is no longer under a 20-year
patent to a multinational drug company and can be made and sold
cheaply.
"The process has the
potential to undermine the monopoly of the big drug companies and bring
cheaper drugs not only to poor countries but back to the UK.
"Professor Shaunak and his colleague from the London School of
Pharmacy, Steve Brocchini, have linked up with an Indian biotech
company which will manufacture the first drug - for hepatitis C.
Hepatitis C affects 170 million people worldwide and at least 200,000
in the UK.
"Multinational drug companies put the cost of the research and
development of a new drug at $800m. Professors Shaunak and Brocchini
say the cost of theirs will be only a few million pounds. Professor
Shaunak says it is time that the monopoly on drug invention and
production by multinational corporations - which charge high prices
because they need to make big profits for their shareholders - was
broken.
"The team's work on the hepatitis C drug has impeccable establishment
credentials. But the professors' ethical pharmaceutical model is
unlikely to find much favour with the multinational pharmaceutical
companies, which already employ large teams of lawyers to defend the
patents which they describe as the lifeblood of the industry."
- Sarah Boseley: Scientists
find way to slash cost of drugs -
Sophistimicated Doowacky of the Week
 Click on
any dot in this chart at No Fake News and find out who to complain to about this
travesty of journalism.
Watch This
My
personal choice for the best rock video ever made - Artists United
Against Apartheid doing Sun City.
The song by Steven van Zandt (Bruce Springsteen's band, The
Sopranos) is a rocking indictment of South African politics
in the '80s, the video (directed by Jonathan Demme) is spectacular,
full of rapid fire editing and dozens of heartfelt performances from
one of the greatest line-ups in the history of music: Peter Gabriel,
Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, Bono, Pete Townsend, Miles Davis, Herbie
Hancock, Joey Ramone, Jimmy Cliff, Kurtis Blow, Daryl Hall,
John Oates, Lou Reed, Jackson Browne, Ringo Starr, Keith Richards,
Bonnie Raitt, Clarence Clemons, Nona Hendryx, Gil Scott-Heron, Afrika
Bambaataa, Peter Wolf, Ruben Blades, Pat Benatar, Run DMC, George
Clinton, Stanley Jordan, Ron Wood, and lots more.
Play This
The faster you type, the more enemies you
kill in this excellent
game.
Satan Doesn't Want You
To Know
"I
hate good taste. It's the worst thing that can happen to a creative
person."
-
Helmut Newton -
"Washington
intelligence, military and foreign policy circles are abuzz today with
speculation that the President, yesterday or in recent days, sent a
secret Executive Order to the Secretary of Defense and to the Director
of the CIA to launch military operations against Syria and Iran."
-
Steve Clemons: Did
the President Declare "Secret War" Against Syria and Iran? -
"For
the third consecutive day, the main corporate media units in the US-EU
have not published news about the US war in Iraq, no attacks on US
forces, no so-called Shi'i-Sunni sectarian violence or civil war... In
fact, it has become a pattern for observers to record and analyze.
Every time President [sic] Bush announces a new policy or plan in Iraq,
news coverage of the war would not include any attacks for two or three
days following the announcement."
-
Hassan El-Najjar: Why
Do War Attacks Suddenly Stop for Three Days Following Announcement of
Every New Bush Policy on Iraq? -
"At the heart of George W. Bush’s new
way forward is the plan already under way to expand the US
civilian presence across Iraq and complete the world’s
largest embassy in Baghdad.
"Construction of what critics call Fortress Baghdad has led to
arguments inside the State Department amid fears that the overwhelming
diplomatic presence will perpetuate a sense of US occupation and become
a focus of local anger.
"US diplomats
say that just as the armed forces are being stretched to breaking
point, the US foreign service is suffering from low morale and
operations in the rest of the world are being damaged by the diversion
of resources to Iraq.
"Officials are
also questioning why the Bush administration is sending more civilians
into a deteriorating war zone, and the effectiveness of the work they
can do.
"The embassy
compound being built inside Baghdad's Green Zone covers 104 acres,
making it six times larger than the United Nations compound in New
York. A city within a city for more than 1,000 people, it will have its
own water, sewers and electricity, six apartment buildings, a Marine
barracks, swimming pool, shops and some walls 15 feet
thick.
"The State Department has told the Financial Times that the US civilian
presence in Iraq has grown considerably beyond the numbers projected
for the new embassy compound, which is scheduled for completion by
September 1 at a cost of $592,000,000."
- Guy Dinmore: US
twists civilian arms to fill Fortress Baghdad -
"I fully understand they could try to stop me from
doing it. But I've made my decision. And we're going forward."
"We're waste deep in the big muddy
and the big fool says to push on.
- Pete Seger -
"Habits of Thought
1. Sturdy
professionalism
2. Make
yourself hard to kill
3. No
Better Friend, No Worse Enemy
4. First,
Do No Harm
5. The
Iraqi People are not our enemy, but our enemy hides among them.
Corollary
1: You have to look at these people as if they are trying to kill you,
but you can't treat them that way.
Corollary
2: Be polite, be professional, have a plan to kill everyone you meet."
- Sign on the wall of Sparta Base Marine
camp in Iraq, from Vanity Fair, Nov. 2006 -
"It is the duty of the Patriot to protect
his country from his government"
- Thomas Paine -
"On
December 19, 2006, you wrote: 'Iran held a conference to examine
whether the Holocaust happened.' It would be more accurate to say '...
to examine WHY the Holocaust happened.' The attendees of the
conference, dubbed 'Review
of Holocaust: A Global Vision'(December 11-12) concluded
that, 'The genocide of Jews during the World War II aimed to justify
the formation of the Zionist regime," which Ahmadinejad himself called,
for apparently sound reasons, 'a fake Zionist regime.'
"There is an
excellent speech delivered by Rabbi Aharon Cohen, an Orthodox
Jew, that explains 'the opposition by Orthodox Jewry to the idea known
as Zionism' at the Neturei Karta website.
"I think the conferees have some
legitimate concerns and if Iran is the only place where it is legal to
explore the facts then they ought not be slandered with the same old
tattered Anti-Semite label, an obvious oxymoron.
"United Press International, Dec 14, says
much the same: 'Ahmadinejad says Zionists are criminals' and
'the ultra-conservative Neturei Karta Jewish sect ... doesn't believe
there should be a Jewish nation until the Messiah appears.'
"Ditto Reuters, Dec
12, 2006: 'Iran says it organized the conference to shed
light on the reasons behind the formation of the state of Israel after
World War Two and to allow researchers from countries where it is a
crime to question the Holocaust to speak freely.' I am not reading
anything about people doubting 'whether the Holocaust happened.'
"Does Iran's President deny the Holocaust?
What is this assertion based on? It is based on dispatches of 2 days -
Dec. 14 2005 and Feb. 11, 2006. Both
mistranslated.
"It seems that Ahmadinejad has not gone
far enough. Why not explore the present? How did the loon right get
into White House Bible study groups? (What are Bible study groups doing
in the White House?) And why
is White House, Homeland Security, and Pentagon policy being set around
Ezekiel, chapters 38 and 39?
"At a time when organized religion has
been shrinking world-wide for the past 20-30 years - attendance is
flat, and collection plates are dry - how come Evangelism is running
record profits and booming numbers? Where do they get their money?
Where do Christian Zionists get their money? Does it have anything to
do with the $2.3 trillion missing from the Pentagon or Jack Abramoff or
AIPAC? Just curious.
"How can anyone question Iranian integrity
when the highest offices of the US and Israel are crawling with heavily
armed, batty Holy Warriors, Dominionists, End Timers, and
Armageddonites?"
"On Sept. 10, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld declared war. Not on
foreign terrorists, 'the adversary's closer to home. It's the Pentagon
bureaucracy,' he said.
"He
said money wasted by the military poses a serious threat. 'In fact, it could be said
it's a matter of life and death,' he said...
"'According
to some estimates we cannot track $2.3 trillion in transactions,'
Rumsfeld admitted. $2.3 trillion that's $8,000 for every man, woman
and child in America."
- BenFranklin2006: Rumsfeld
Sept 10, 2001: The Pentagon cannot account for $2.3 TRILLION
(The day before 9/11. Yep, watch the video) -
"Early this year the Bush administration is to ask Congress to approve
an additional $100bn for the onerous task of making life intolerable
for the Iraqis. This will bring the total spent on the White House's
current obsession with war to almost $500bn - enough to have given
every US citizen $1,600 each. I wonder which the voters would have gone
for if given the choice: shall we (a) give every American $1,600 or (b)
spend the money on bombing a country in the Middle East that doesn't
use lavatory paper?
"Of
course, there's another thing that George Bush could have done with the
money: he could have given every Iraqi $18,700. I imagine that would
have reduced the threat of international terrorism somewhat. Call me
old-fashioned, but I can't help thinking that giving someone $18,700
brings them round to your side more quickly than bombing the hell out
of them. They could certainly buy a lot of lavatory paper with it.
"In
2002 the house budget committee and the congressional budget office
both guesstimated the cost of invading Iraq at approximately $50bn;
$500bn seems a bit wide of the mark. What's more, with over half a
million dead, it means that the world's greatest military superpower
has spent a million dollars for every Iraqi killed. That can't be value
for money!"
- Terry Jones: A
million dollars spent for every dead Iraqi -
"Canadian wildlife officials are looking for a brave driver prepared
for a 3,500-kilometre trip to take a stinky stowaway skunk back to her
home in California. But the skunk, who survived a seven-day journey
across the United States and into Canada without food and water, after
being accidentally locked away in a transport truck, is having a hard
time finding someone to give her a ride home. 'We can never give a
no-spray guarantee, of course,' said Nathalie Karvonen, executive
director at the Toronto Wildlife Center, which has been caring for the
skunk since January 5, referring to the black-and-white striped
animal's foul-smelling defense mechanism. 'It would have be somebody
who would be prepared for that possibility.' Releasing her into the
wild in Canada is out of the question, Karvonen said."
"A
car engine will be destroyed when sugar is put into the fuel tank. Busted. The engine ran even better than without
the sugar."
- Mythbusters
-
"Resistance
is feasible even for those who are not heroes by nature, and it is an
obligation, I believe, for those who fear the consequences and detest
the reality of the attempt to impose American hegemony."
-
Noam Chomsky -
"The
dissenter is every human being at those moments of his life when he
resigns momentarily from the herd and thinks for himself."
-
Archibald Macleish -
"There
are men - now in power in this country - who do not respect dissent,
who cannot cope with turmoil, and who believe that the people of
America are ready to support repression as long as it is done with a
quiet voice and a business suit."
-
John Lindsay -
"We
live in oppressive times. We have, as a nation, become our own thought
police; but instead of calling the process by which we limit our
expression of dissent and wonder 'censorship,' we call it 'concern for
commercial viability.'"
-
David Mamet -
"During a press conference at the Crawford Peace House on December 31,
Dr. Alan Northcutt, of the Waco Friends of Peace, delivered a summary
and explanation of the Johns Hopkins study published in the Lancet
Journal documenting that over 650,000 Iraqis were sacrificed in
America's thirst for oil. Dr. Northcutt is a pathologist who practices
in Waco.
"Northcutt said,
'The cluster survey technique used in the study is the standard and
best method for assessing deaths in war situations, and is utilized by
the UN, UNICEF, and the US government.' Northcutt said the study
revealed that since March 2003, an additional 2.5% of Iraq's population
have died above what would have occurred without conflict. 'The results
of the Johns Hopkins study have been largely concealed because they
reveal the magnitude of the tragedy of Bush's war in Iraq,' he said.
"The report also
estimates an additional 53,000 deaths due to non-violent causes, most
of them in recent months, suggesting a worsening of health status and
access to health care."
- Kay Lucas: Waco physician agrees
with Iraq death study methods -
"And my aim in
my life is to make pictures and drawings, as many and as well as I can;
then, at the end of my life, I hope to pass away, looking back with
love and tender regret, and thinking, 'Oh, the pictures I might have
made!'"
- Vincent van
Gogh's 338th letter to Theo -
"You may choose, if you wish, to parrot the line that Watergate was a
'long national nightmare,' but some of us found it rather exhilarating
to see a criminal president successfully investigated and exposed and
discredited. And we do not think it in the least bit nightmarish that
the Constitution says that such a man is not above the law. Ford's
ignominious pardon of this felonious thug meant, first, that only the
lesser fry had to go to jail. It meant, second, that we still do not
even know why the burglars were originally sent into the offices of the
Democratic National Committee. In this respect, the famous pardon is
not unlike the Warren Commission: another establishment exercise in
damage control and pseudo-reassurance (of which Ford was also a member)
that actually raised more questions than it answered. The fact is that
serious trials and fearless investigations often are the cause of great
division, and rightly so. But by the standards of 'healing' celebrated
this week, one could argue that O.J. Simpson should have been spared
indictment lest the vexing questions of race be unleashed to trouble us
again, or that the Tower Commission did us all a favor by trying to
bury the implications of the Iran-Contra scandal. Fine, if you don't
mind living in a banana republic."
- Christopher
Hitchens: Our
Short National Nightmare - How President Ford managed to go soft on
Iraqi Baathists, Indonesian fascists, Soviet Communists, and the shah
in just two years. -
-
Gore Vidal -
"Bloody
George, the lamest duck in US history, has announced to the nation that
he will be sending 21,500 more troops into Iraq, which some call a
'surge,' some call an escalation, and I like to refer to as Operation
Increasing Cannon Fodder."
- Cindy
Sheehan: Insanity
Surge -
"Each
of the Iraqi children killed by the United States was our child. Each
of the prisoners tortured in Abu Ghraib was our comrade. Each of their
screams was ours. When they were humiliated, we were humiliated. The
U.S. soldiers fighting in Iraq - mostly volunteers in a poverty draft
from small towns and poor urban neighborhoods - are victims just as
much as the Iraqis of the same horrendous process, which asks them to
die for a victory that will never be theirs."
- Arundhati
Roy: Tide?
Or Ivory Snow? Public Power in the Age of Empire -
"Think
truly, and thy thoughts Shall the world's famine feed. Speak truly, and
each word of thine Shall be a fruitful seed. Live truly, and thy life
shall be a great and noble creed."
- Horatius
Bonar -
"Imagine
a steer in the stockyards hollering to his fellows, 'We need a phased
withdrawal from the slaughterhouse, starting in four to six months.'"
-
Alexander Cockburn: Head
for the Exits, Now! -
"Almost half the countries in the world can be classified as democratic
but only 28 'full democracies', which are mostly developed nations with
the exception of Uruguay and Costa Rica from Latin America according to
the latest report from The Economist.
"In 'The World in
2007', the British weekly magazine analyzed the level of democracy in
167 countries with the five categories; electoral process and
pluralism, functioning of government, political participation,
political culture, and civil liberties, maximum of 10 points per each
category. The Economist, based on its analysis, classified the
countries into four stages of democracy; full democracy, 28 countries;
flawed democracy, 54; hybrid democracy, 30; and authoritarian regime,
55.
"Although the recent
wave of worldwide democratization, only 13% of the world population is
considered to be living in full democracy, whereas 40% of them are
still under authoritarian regime.
"Sweden is the most
democratic country, according to the research, with 9.88 average score.
Ireland, 9.71 points, the Netherlands, 9.66, and Norway, 9.55 follow
the Scandinavian kingdom. The US is ranked 17th while Japan is 20th and
the United Kingdom 23rd."
"There is a basic weakness in governments, however massive their
armies, however vast their wealth, however they control images and
information, because their power depends on the obedience of citizens,
of soldiers, of civil servants, of journalists and writers and teachers
and artists. When the citizens begin to suspect they have been deceived
and withdraw their support, government loses its legitimacy and its
power.We have seen this happen in recent decades all around the globe.
Awaking one morning to see a million angry people in the streets of the
capital city, the leaders of a country begin packing their bags and
calling for a helicopter.
"This is not
fantasy; it is recent history. It's the history of the Philippines, of
Indonesia, of Greece, Portugal and Spain, of Russia, East Germany,
Poland, Hungary, Rumania. Think of Argentina and South Africa and other
places where change looked hopeless and then it happened. Remember
Somoza in Nicaragua scurrying to his private plane, Ferdinand and
Imelda Marcos hurriedly assembling their jewels and clothes, the Shah
of Iran desperately searching for a country that would take him in as
he fled the crowds in Tehran, Duvalier in Haiti barely managing to put
on his pants to escape the wrath of the Haitian people.
"We can't expect
George Bush to scurry off in a helicopter. But we can hold him
accountable for catapulting the nation into two wars, for the death and
dismemberment of tens of thousands of human beings in this country,
Afghanistan, and Iraq, and for his violations of the U.S. Constitution
and international law. Surely these acts meet the constitutional
requirement of 'high crimes and misdemeanors' for impeachment."
-
Howard Zinn: A Power
Governments Cannot Suppress -
"The
Toyota Eco Spirit was the talk of the fuel economy car industry in
2002. At over 100 MPG and with the lowest exhaust emissions and a very
reasonable sticker price, the Eco Spirit's debut was widely
anticipated. Now, several years later, what happened to it? If you do
an Internet search, you will find that Toyota decided not to be move
forward with it. Why in these times of soaring oil prices would they
not rush this car into mass production?
"Have you ever wondered why gasoline
mileage has improved little over the years? The November 1941 issue of
Popular Mechanics (pp. 1-6) reported 'The average gasoline consumption
in the 1930's and 1940's was 15-20 miles per gallon, slightly higher
for some cars.' In 2004, the San
Francisco Chronicle reported: 'While official overall gas
mileage of new U.S. passenger cars rose from about 14 miles per gallon
in the late 1970s to a peak of 22 miles per gallon in 1987, it has
since declined to 21 miles per gallon.'
"So the average car mileage today has
dropped from 17 years ago, and is not much improved over 60 years ago.
Consider that in the same amount of time we've achieved quantum
technological leaps in computers, genetics, electronics, engineering,
plastics, and almost every other industry. Does this make sense? Why is
it that the fields of transportation and energy have progressed at a
comparative snail's pace? Could it possibly be that corporate profit
and greed keep technology from advancing in these critical sectors?"
"Jell-O
shots were invented by Tom Lehrer who couldn't otherwise have hard
liquor in his professorial offices."
- Phil Proctor -
"There are
two places in Baghdad for foreigners. The Red Zone and the Green Zone.
The Green Zone is a bizarre Neocon Disneyland where the US and Iraqi
governments huddle and the Red Zone is everything outside the T
walls.
"You can stay in the
Green Zone at a number of houses run by private security companies.
Plan on $65 a day and they may even give you a car to run around inside
the Green Zone. You do not need security but you need to stay away from
US military PSD's some of whom seem to still like to shoot. All other
PSD's are not locked and loaded, but there are the occasional mortars,
bombing and incident.
"You need ID to go
everywhere. DoD and Embassy badges are great, CPIC (Journo) cards are
useless and a US passport is all that is needed to enter and move
around. You have to be signed into the KBR chow halls (DFAC) by a
contractor or embassy worker.
"How? Make friends
at the Chinese restaurant (next to the hospital, down an alley) Good
food and cold beer interrupted by the sound of hellos landing wounded
next door.
"Other places to meet the locals are the various stores that sell
stolen PX goods, the liquor store and various small restaurants tucked
here and there."
- Come
Back Alive from Iraq (excellent guide to visiting dangerous
countries. Go get your visa now at the U.S. Embassy in Iraq.)
-
"There
are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what
they are."
-
W. Somerset Maugham -
"In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty." -
Ralph Waldo Emerson: Self Reliance -
"It
is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument."
-
William G. McAdoo -
"Facts
do not cease to exist because they are ignored."
-
Aldous Huxley: Proper Studies -
"General
standards of human rights apply to the people of all countries because,
regardless of their cultural background, all humans share an inherent
yearning for freedom, equality and dignity. Democracy and respect for
fundamental human rights are as important to Africans and Asians as
they are to Europeans and Americans."
- His Holiness the Dalai Lama - "They
are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see
nothing but sea."
-
Sir Francis Bacon -
"If the human mind was simple enough to
understand, we'd be too simple to understand it."
-
Emerson Pugh -
"What we think, or what we know, or what
we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence
is what we do."
-
John Ruskin -
"The marvel of all history is the patience
with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them
by their governments.
- William H. Borah - "Confusion is always the most honest
response."
- Marty Indik - "Nothing
is really work unless you would rather be doing something else."
- James M. Barrie - "What
is justice? Giving water to trees.
What is injustice? To give water to thorns. Justice consists in bestowing bounty in its proper place, not on every root that will absorb water." - Mathnawi [V, 1089-1090] - "You're only as young as the last time
you changed your mind."
-
Timothy Leary -
|
|
The Best of Disinfotainment Today - 2006 A Year of Journalism with the Crap Removed  Or The Best of Disinfotainment Today - 2005, you slowpoke. |
My website Emulsional Problems was chosen as the
 Cost of the War in Iraq (JavaScript
Error)
|
Who am I?
and so is Issue #203.
Random
Issue of Disinfotainment Today
Link to Disinfotainment Today with one of these tasteful banners.
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Iraq Body
Count
Contact George W. Bush - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Freemasons - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Skull and Bones - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Carlyle Group - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Illuminati - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact
Satan - mailto:president@whitehouse.gov
Contact both houses of Congress -
president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Supreme Court - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Dick Cheney - mailto:mvice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Halliburton - vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Bechtel - vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Saddam Hussein - tightywhities@whitehouse.gov
Contact Osama bin Laden - mailto:thetwins@whitehouse.gov
Contact Jeb Bush - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Fidel Castro - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Kim Jong Il - eng-info@kcna.co.jp
Contact Jacques Chirac - france-presse@un.int
Contact the new Pope - accreditamenti@pressva.va
Contact the old Pope - mailto:%20thirdlevel@hellfireanddamnation.com
Contact God - president@whitehouse.gov
Am I supposed to believe you don't drink coffee?
You
need a Disinfotainment
Today mug.
Boo
hoo
My
life's a fucking wreck.
Please donate
to the cause.
 |
|
HARARE, Zimbabwe (04-04) After 20 mental patients disappeared from his bus, a driver replaced them with sane citizens and delivered them to a mental hospital. The unidentified bus driver was transporting 20 mental patients from the capital city of Harare to Bulawayo Mental Hospital when he decided to stop for a few drinks at an illegal roadside liquor store. Upon his return he was shocked to discovered that all the mental patients had escaped. Desperate for a solution, the driver stopped at the next bus stop and offered free bus rides to several people. He then delivered them to the mental hospital, informing the staff they were easily excitable. It took the medical personnel three days to uncover the foul play. The real mental patients are still at large. |
Chapter 1
The Inmates It was a good night to be insane. Pitch black, rain pouring heavily, lightning striking again and again, perfect for lighting up the old wooden sign outside the crumbling gray stone walls of "The Gainesville Asylum for the Insane," with the word "insane" crossed off in crayon and the words "mentally handicapped" scrawled nearby, and the words "mentally handicapped" crossed off in chalk with the words "perfectly normal" scribbled next to them. There must have been an insane cackle breaking the momentum of the storm as lightning struck again and again, barely illuminating a skeleton key opening an old lock on a dirty door, heavy with age, squeaking open with a rusty creak. Another insane cackle. Yep, the insane like nights like this. It takes them outside themselves, forcing them to ponder the outside world as it really is, a random series of powerful illuminations, rather than the inside world, which varies splendidly in the sparkling synapses of the cerebral cortex of each individual, sane or not. |
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The Critics Agree
Looks like it might be “REALLY GOOD” - Publisher’s Discount Outlet Not quite as “HILARIOUS” as I thought it was going to be - New York Times Falls far short of “THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL” - Joyce Carol Oates Tries very hard to be “THE FUNNIEST BOOK YOU’LL EVER READ” - Norman Mailer “I WISH I’D THOUGHT OF IT” because if it had been written by me it would have been much better - Dave Barry When I stopped reading and turned on The Family Guy, “I COULDN’T STOP LAUGHING” - Carl Hiaasen Almost achieves something “INCREDIBLY GREAT” but falls far short - The Village Voice The author obviously thinks he’s a “GENIUS” - Psychiatry Today If you want something “ENORMOUSLY ENTERTAINING” look elsewhere - Books in Print “INSPIRED” me to write a better book - P.J. O’Roarke It starts out fairly RATIONAL, but about halfway through you're bound to tell yourself "this is NUTS." A second later, you will nod as another voice in your head says "PRECISELY." - Sigmund Freud $20 for the quality paperback from Cafepress. $10 for a PDF file directly to your mailbox, preferably with Paypal, or write me and tell me why you think you deserve a free copy. "Art is like a border of flowers along the course of civilization." - Lincolm Steffens - "Artists lie to tell the truth. Politicians lie to hide it." - V for Vendetta - |
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The Management Disavows Any Acknowledgment
dIsInFoTaInMeNt
ToDaY consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in
the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I
apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke,
graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more,
and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is
unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose
bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done.
Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still
pissed off, hey, it's fair
use.
Thanks,
Troy D'Cheesedip
Troy D'Cheesedip
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