Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the creators of the consistently brilliant South Park, also created the adventures of Princess, a cute little puppy who watches her family do obscene things. Princess is funny in the other sense of the word and rated X in the exact sense of the word. Though the production of episode one was actually paid for by Comedy Central, no network on earth ever has or ever will show it, and for good reason. Find out why.

A film about a man who comes back from the dead and lives forever by watching his followers pretend to eat his body in holy communion has been knocked off the number one spot in the charts by a film about millions of people who come back from the dead and actually eat the followers of the man who came back from the dead (and everyone else).

The GOP warned us what would happen if Gore was elected in 2000.

1. We would go to war. 
2. The national debt would soar. 
3. The US economy would plummet. 
4. The stock market would plunge. 
5. Unemployment would be rampant. 
6. The US dollar would quickly decline in value. 
7. We would have a huge budget deficit.

There are new viruses that can attack through e-mail just by looking at the message, without actually opening the attachments. They use a web-based URL or hyper-text message in the body of the e-mail that triggers the computer to secretly download a copy of the worm from already infected computers. The solution? On Internet Explorer, go to Tools|Internet Options|Advanced and make sure that "Install on Demand" is DISABLED. Take the check mark out of the box if there is one there. Stop reading this and do it NOW. 

     I noticed in #95 that you provided a link to a site that claims to unmask satanic messages in backwards lyrics. Now I'm not saying that this never exists, but I went to that sight to check it out, and let me assure you that every one that I listened to was actually nothing but the sound of the words backwards. I am a bit of an expert on backwards sounds, as my best friend in college and I spent hours and hours recording phonetically backwards scripts into a tape recorder and playing them backwards.
    The confusion seems to stem from the mind's desire to create familiarity out of chaos (what Robert Sheckley calls "metaphoric deformation"). The same capacity that makes people see faces in chaotic scenes-- probably the beginnings of inventing "spirits" and "gods" everywhere - takes the ambiguous sounds produced by backwards consonants and superimposes "words" that sound similar. This is especially true for sounds like "p" and "t" in which air is expelled after the attack. A "t" backwards sounds like "hhht" (the hhhh being a sucking sound), etc. Couple this with the way many rock vocalists slur words due to whatever chemical alterations they have undergone or just for effect, and you have fertile ground for metaphoric deformation.
    "Number 9" is a good example. The words "Number nine" backwards sound like "neon urbmun" which was then morphed into "Turn Me On, Dead Man". The Zep is the same; the only Satanic messages are the ones your mind superimposed on the sounds that occur there naturally.
    Of course, some people have tried to record various messages backwards, especially since the fuss first started, but they are few and far between. I listened to a couple dozen of those "examples" on that site, and not one was a real backwards masked message.
    So if your candidate for 2004 (or have you switched allegiances?) wants to mask his campaign slogans backwards, he'd better get started.

- Howard Anshell -

Microsoft has issued a supposedly "critical" update that removes the Star of David and the swastika from the list of Office fonts.

GLOBAL WARMING GREATER THREAT THAN TERRORISM 
Obesity greater threat than global warming.
 

1. Same-sex marriage
2. On-air indecency
3. Steroids
4. Illegal file sharing
5. Martian attack
6. Return of communism
7. Return of the living dead
8. Obesity
9. Global warming
10. Terrorism

(Statistics courtesy Department of Defense.)

"During the summer of 1974, George W. Bush flew for a CIA-connected airline in Alaska which was suspected by the Iran Contra Commission of being involved in CIA drug trafficking in support of the Contras."
- MadCowMorningNews -

The US is selling WMDs in Iraq.

    "After more than 1 million votes went uncounted in the last presidential election, Athan Gibbs Sr. devoted his life to making sure voters in future elections would know their votes mattered.
   "The enterprising 57-year-old saw his invention of the TruVote vote-casting system as nothing less than the key to social justice and democracy in America.
   "As family members and business partners gathered at the TruVote office yesterday morning to mourn Mr. Gibbs' death, they vowed that his dream would not die with him.
   "Mr. Gibbs was killed about 10:30 a.m. Friday in a car crash on Interstate 65 near Eighth Avenue North as he drove from his north Nashville home to his downtown office at Tennessee State University's Business Incubation Center."
- Holly Edwards: He wanted every vote to matter; Athan Gibbs, Sr. dies in crash -

    "Coincidence theorists will simply dismiss the death of Gibbs as a tragic accident - the same conclusion these coincidence theorists came to when anti-nuclear activist Karen Silkwood died in November 1974 when her car struck a concrete embankment en route to a meeting with New York Times reporter David Burnham. Prominent independent investigators concluded that Silkwood's car was hit from behind and forced off the road. Silkwood was reportedly carrying documents that would expose illegal activities at the Kerr-McGee nuclear fuel plant. The FBI report found that she fell asleep at the wheel after overdosing on Quaaludes and that there never were any such files. A journalist secretly employed by the FBI, and a veteran of the Bureau's COINTELPRO operation against political activists, provided testimony for the FBI report.
    "Gibbs' death bears heightened scrutiny because of the way he lived his life after the 2000 Florida election debacle. I interviewed Athan Gibbs in January of this year. 'I've been an accountant, an auditor, for more than thirty years. Electronic voting machines that don't supply a paper trail go against every principle of accounting and auditing that's being taught in American business schools,' he insisted.

Brazil is about to completely decriminalize all drugs and liberate 37,500 current nonviolent drug offenders from Brazil's prison system.

     "What do you give someone who's been proved innocent after spending the best part of their life behind bars, wrongfully convicted of a crime they didn't commit? An apology, maybe? Counseling? Champagne? Compensation? Well, if you're David Blunkett, the Labour Home Secretary, the choice is simple: you give them a big, fat bill for the cost of board and lodgings for the time they spent freeloading at Her Majesty's Pleasure in British prisons.
    "On Tuesday, Blunkett will fight in the Royal Courts of Justice in London for the right to charge victims of miscarriages of justice more than £3000 for every year they spent in jail while wrongly convicted. The logic is that the innocent man shouldn't have been in prison eating free porridge and sleeping for nothing under regulation gray blankets."
- Neil Mackay: We locked you up in jail for 25 years and you were innocent all along? That'll be £80,000 please -

Did you know that Kubrick's film is about the Illuminati and the New World Order?
 

"There is a special throne in heaven for poets, who labor in obscurity. The rest of us harbor an unexpressed hope for fame and glory. You might be tempted to write for a market. You might be tempted to ride the crest of a trend. That kind of writing is about as stable and fulfilling as day trading. Write what moves you. Write what interests you. Write what frightens you. Write what thrills you. Take a cue from the poets, bless their underfunded little hearts." 
- Monica Wood -

"A closed mouth gathers no feet."
- Xarvon, alien investigator -

"Some people have argued art is nothing more than a scratch on the wall to prove we once existed. But if that's the case, let's make that scratch so deep and unique future generations wouldn't even think of painting over it!" 
- Daryl Haney -

"You may not be able to change the world, but at least you can embarrass the guilty."
- Jessica Mitford -

"Kerry points out what everyone knows: The Iraq war was an American operation dressed up as a 'coalition of the willing,' in which Britain was the only other country to play a major role. Cheney calls this 'contempt' for 'friends of the United States.' Nineteen Italians get killed in a war that Bush and Cheney started against the will of most Italians, but it's Kerry, not Bush, who has shown contempt for Italy and other 'friends of the United States.'"
- William Saletan: If you're against Bush, you're against America -

"A widely observed irony is that the dovish Kerry saw combat in Vietnam while the hawkish Cheney accepted a series of student and family-related draft deferments."
- Timothy Noah: How Dick Cheney dodged the Vietnam draft -

"John Kerry is liberal, Wesley Clark is anti-war, and an un-elected president is seeking re-election. When Colin Powell recently said: 'Whether or not he is able to effectively continue as president is something he will have to examine carefully,' Powell was not talking about Bush... he was discussing Jean-Bertrand Aristide, the democratically elected president of Haiti (until ousted by 'rebels' and 'students'). Of all the beguiling propaganda tactics Corporate America has cultivated, the usurping of language is the greatest victory of all."
- Mickey Z." New Word Order -

"The trouble with words is that you never know whose mouths they've been in."
- Dennis Potter -

"Grant, if thou wilt, thou art beloved of many,
But that thou none lovest is most evident;
For thou art so possess'd with murderous hate
That 'gainst thyself thou stick'st not to conspire."
- Shakespeare: Sonnet 10 -

    "On April 23, 2003, Andrew S. Natsios, head of the U.S. Agency for International Development, laid out in a televised interview the costs to U.S. taxpayers of rebuilding Iraq. 'The American part of this will be $1.7 billion,' he said. 'We have no plans for any further-on funding for this.'
    "That turned out to be off by orders of magnitude. The administration, which asked Congress for another $20 billion for Iraq reconstruction five months after Natsios made his assertion, has said it expects overall Iraqi reconstruction costs to be as much as $75 billion this year alone."
- Dana Milbank and Robin Wright: Off the Mark on Cost of War, Reception by Iraqis -

"For the President of the United States to assert that we were safer because Saddam Hussein is in jail is ludicrous, given what happened three days ago in Spain."
- Howard Dean -

"We dabble in many things; but the one great real idea of our age, not copied from any other, not pretended, not raised to life by any conjuration, is the Much Making of Things, - not the making of beautiful things, not the joy of spending living energy in creative work; rather the shameless, merciless driving and over-driving, wasting and draining of the last bit of energy, only to produce heaps and heaps of things, things ugly, things harmful, things useless, and at the best largely unnecessary."
- Voltairine de Cleyre: The Dominant Idea -

   "Will that be cash, check or finger?
   "Biometric devices -- which confirm identification by measuring biological or behavioral features -- have been a staple of police work and science-fiction movies for decades. Now they're moving into the everyday world of airports, workplaces and corner markets.
   "In the future, expect to see them at cash registers, allowing customers to pay for goods as well -- no ATM card or wallet needed.
    "The most common biometric measure is fingerprints, but some devices also identify based on a retinal or iris scan, a face or voice. Biometrics promises identities that promoters claim are virtually impossible to steal, impersonate or misplace."
- Alison Roberts: Devices that scan index fingers for identities gaining popularity at retailers -

"When anybody asks me what I do, I always say that I'm a writer. I think of myself as a writer. Because if tomorrow you said I have to give everything up except one thing, I would have to keep writing. Filmmaking is a luxury and a privilege, and writing is a necessity."
- Anthony Minghella -

"The Central Intelligence Agency owns everyone of any significance in the major media." 
- William Colby, former Director of the CIA -

    "News alert: it's the jury's job to decide what's fair and what's not fair. It's not the judge's, and, contrary to popular wisdom, it's not the legislature's. The legislature is the modern stand-in for King John, and it has no more authority over the jury than he did.     "Unfortunately, we've reached a stage in our history when the people are forced to take back the rights granted by those ancient kings, notably in the form of Amendment A in South Dakota. The so-called 'jury nullification' proposal in that state would require judges to tell juries that they're allowed to interpret the law--not just the facts--so that they can follow their own consciences if they disagree with some concoction of the legislature that shouldn't be applied to the living, breathing human being set before them.
    "Oddly enough, this idea strikes fear into the heart of the judiciary everywhere. And yet it's one of the oldest ideas in the land--almost all the Founding Fathers agreed with it--and, if you think about it, it's self-evident. If the judge could direct a verdict, by framing a question so narrowly that you could only vote one way, then it wouldn't be a real jury in the first place, would it?"
- John Bloom: Juries That Actually Decide? Blasphemy! (mandatory reading) -

"When faced with the choice of being right and being kind, choose the kind option every time"
- Wayne Dyer -

"These 'reality TV shows' are engineered by the globalists to condition ignorant people to accept universal camera surveillance, including in the home."
- Aftermath News -

"All paths in life lead to the same place - nowhere. So pick out one with heart."
- Carlos Castenada -

"Photojournalist Nina Berman's photo essay, The Damage Done in Mother Jones magazine, of young wounded soldiers in the Iraq invasion is a visual explanation as to why George W. Bush does not want pictures of the dead or wounded returning home to be flashed across the nation's television screens or on the pages of our newspapers. What a dizzying effect: the battle between what is real and what is fabricated; between what is and what should not have been. Between the potential and possibilities for one's life's journey and that journey as it has become truncated by the effects of Bush's greedy, narcissistic invasion of another country."
- Teresa Simon-Noble -

    "There are six individuals who have the power to influence whether President George Bush, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, and Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman, General Richard Myers, will publicly testify under oath before the American people to explain why they sat at their desks and in a school classroom, failing to take decisive action on September 11, 2001, until after four planes attacked the United States and killed 3,000 Americans and citizens from many other countries. This, despite knowledge of the hijackings earlier that morning before any of the four planes crashed.
   "Starting immediately, we are asking Americans and others around the world who also seek truth and accountability regarding the mysteries of 9-11 to phone, fax and/or email the following six individuals once or twice per week until Mr. Bush, Mr. Rumsfeld, General Myers, Dr. Condoleezza Rice and other top government officials testify publicly under oath and are questioned by career prosecutors like those who interrogated President Clinton.
   "Fair is fair. Please demand answers to the 23 questions [at the page linked below] - provided by the 9-11 Family Steering Committee."
- Tom Flocco -

"It is preoccupation with possessions, more than anything  else, that prevents us from living freely and nobly."
- Bertrand Russell -

"All advertising advertises advertising."
- Marshall McLuhan -

    "Well it took over a year, but finally Vice President Dick Cheney, the Bush administration's leading towel snapper, actually stumbled upon a truth [inadvertent!] the other day when he suggested if it were up to Sen. John Kerry, '... Saddam Hussein would still be in power in Iraq.'
   "Yes, and more than 570 American military personnel might still be alive. And hundreds more of the 3,000 soldiers wounded in George W. Bush's vanity war would not need to be fitted with a prosthetic limb.
   "And countless other U.S. families would not have had their lives imploded simply because the president of the United States and his fellow country club warriors took a 'Get Smart' intelligence approach to going to war.
   "Good grief, there have been times over the past 12 months when the Don Adams-In-Chief has appeared to be on the very verge of saying; 'Would you believe ... we went to war because ... uh, ... because, uh, Saddam was keeping his neighbors up all night playing Bobby Darin records?'"
- Daniel Ruth: Vanity war: A frat boy's keg party approach to foreign policy -

    "You don't stop ingratiating yourself with your powerful friends and accepting 'social courtesies' from them just because you get on the court. Ingratitude is a terrible vice. Anyway, what's the point of being in the ultimate insiders' club if you have to fly coach, eat at IHOP and follow silly rules on conflict of interest? Justice Scalia proffers that while he accepted the vice president's offer of a ride on Air Force Two to Louisiana for a duck hunting trip, taking along his son and son-in-law, there was no quid pro quack. Not since Tony Soprano discovered ducks in his swimming pool have ducks revealed so much about the man." 
- Maureen Dowd: Quid Pro Quack -

"If it is reasonable to think that a Supreme Court justice can be bought so cheap, the nation is in deeper trouble than I had imagined."
- Justice of the Supreme Court Antonin Scalia inadvertently telling the truth just so he can keep with the theme of this week's issue -

"A New York hospital has been ordered to turn over abortion records to the Justice Department, which is seeking them for its legal battle over the Partial-Birth Abortion Act. Manhattan federal Judge Richard Casey ruled Thursday that New York-Presbyterian Hospital must comply with the Justice Department's request. Casey said the records are not covered by federal privacy laws because information identifying the women who received the abortions could be deleted."
- CNN Law Center neglecting to point out the difference between "could be" and "would be" -

"There are only two tragedies in life: not getting what one wants, and getting it."
- Bhanta Henepola Gunaratana: Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness -

"False ideals cannot be shattered by criticism. Right ideals must take up the battle against them."
- Franz Werfel: Between Heaven and Earth -

"If you add to the truth, you subtract from it."
- The Talmud -

"He who can work in the realm of the real and live in that of the ideal, has attained the highest."
- Ludwig Boerne -

"Mountains cannot be surmounted except by winding paths."
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe -

Do I have to keep reminding you to use the speakers on your computer to listen to Meria Heller, who is the voice of reason to use the speakers on your computer? She can also be heard at Reality Radio and Jack Blood.

The First Amendment Cyber-Tribune has the most extensive and up-to-date coverage of First Amendment issues on the net. Now would be a good time to re-read the Declaration of Independence, which contains a list of grievances against King George that mysteriously apply to another George.

Surely you've got something better to do than watch The Exorcist in 30 Seconds Enacted by Bunnies.

What happens when you focus on one itsy bitsy little part of the bible and get EXTREMELY fanatical about it? You end up with this. (Warning: not for the satirically impaired.)

The "Bush-Orwell '04" campaign has announced the first television ad of their campaign, I Demand Your Flesh.

Here's a lovely collection of photos of members of Skull and Bones frollicking with each other. Please notice the "Eyes Wide Shut" art direction, and see how many Presidents of the United States you can spot.

The International Criminal Tribunal for Afghanistan at Tokyo has found Dubya guilty of war crimes.

The history of the Pledge of Allegiance. Socialist? You bet.

Don't do drugs unless you've visited the world's best drug site.
 

• Studio Script Notes on The Passion by Steve Martin
• In the Eyes of the Law, I'm a Criminal by Montel Williams and Lawrence Grobel
• Why I'm Not a Terrorist
• My Candidate: John Buchanan: Bush's GOP Challenger Detained by US Secret Service
• Republican Zen Bastard: Meet the Republican who will Challenge Bush by Paul Krassner
• Zen Bastard: Predictions for 2004 by Paul Krassner
• Making the Yoke Obsolete
• Good News/Bad News about Saddam's Capture
• Zen Bastard: Blowjobs, Ballet, Baggies - the parts left out of the Reagan movie by Paul Krassner
• Tips on Junk Calls by Ken Rubin
• The Worst Commercial on Television
• Marketing Ploys from Hell
• Zen Bastard: Threats Against the President by Paul Krassner
• The Bush/Nazi Connection: Journalist John Buchanan gets targeted
• Why Schwarzenegger Gropes
• Issue #1 of the Hollywood Free Press
• Me and Monty Python
• Special 9/11 "Don't Take My Word for It"
• Zen Bastard: Who's Need to Know? by Paul Krassner
• Equal Time with Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot (An Other Triumph For George W. And You Cannot Prove Those Are My Baboon Noses So Stop Saying That!!)
• Mordechai Vanunu: The Prisoner of Zion by Mary La Rosa
• Equal Time with Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot (I Am Not Fair and Balanced and I Am Not A Sissy For Having A George W. Bush Doll So Stop Saying That!!)
• Bob Hope's Last Monologue from Heaven by Lynette Sheffield
• Inside/Outside #1: The Riddicks vs. Judge Burrell by Billy Hayes
• The California Choice
• Why I'm Against Gay Marriage
• Creation Science Fair Proves God Exists by Tom Norris
• What Would Jesus Do About Cramps? by Nancy Cain
• Summer Reading or Harry Potter vs. What's-His-Face
• Scumbags of the Week - Letter to the RIAA
• Hello Mullah, Hello Fatwah
• The Israeli Wall
• Dream Job or How Disinfotainment Today Almost Came Out in Print
• Celebrities vs. the United States Government
• Test of the National Homeland Reconciliation and Healing System
• The Still Missing Artifacts
• Why Bush is Nothing Like Hitler
• Tim Robbins' Speech to theNational Press Club
• Randy Newman's "Follow the Flag"
• How I would Re-Write the Bill of Rights by Satan
• I Didn't See the News Today, Oh Boy
• Global Voice by Jim Channon
• Daniel Ellsberg's Review of the Made-for-TV Movie The Pentagon Papers
• The Lemon Pledge of Allegiance
• U.S. Diplomat's Letter of Resignation
• Message from Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
• Obfuscation of the Week: Who grows the most opium? We do.
• Urgent Plea for Assistance from George W. Bush
• How I Got the Rights to Tom Robbins' Another Roadside Attraction
• Please Help the FBI Find These People
• The Adventures of Xarvon: Alien Investigator
• The Under-Reported Story of the Year - Margie Schoedinger vs. George W. Bush
• Why I'm Optimistic About the Future by Paul Krassner
• Booze (A movie I'd like to see)
• Hope (after the election)
• The Empty Boat by Chuang Tzu
• Special Halloween/Election Issue
• What's Wrong with Leonard Maltin?
• Forwarded E-mail from Satan
• A Letter from Tom Robbins
• Good Thing/Bad Thing - American Foreign Policy
• The Ultimate Politically Correct Flag and Pledge of Allegiance
• A Letter from Paul Krassner
• The History of Denials