George W. Bush and the entire White House staff started taking the anti-anthrax drug Cipro on Sept. 11, one month BEFORE any anthrax showed up in the U.S. mail.

The Bush Administration is distancing itself from the Bush administration's report that admits that humans are causing climate changes. 

In their continuing efforts to safeguard the nation against terrorist attacks, the entire Federal Government is reorganizing itself. The FBI (Federal Bureau of Investigation) and CIA (Central Intelligence Agency) are now one entity, the IGONUTS (Intelligence Gathering Organization Not Under Terrorist Subordination) and will report directly to the BFEE (Bush Family Evil Empire). Much has been made of the lack of communication between the JBCO (The Jewish Banking Conspiracy Office) and the FBCB (Federal Bureau of Catholic Buttfuckers), who will both now report directly to the VRWCO (Vast Right Wing Conspiracy Office) who report directly to the BFEE (Bush Family Evil Empire). The FBRB (Federal Bureau of Redundancy Bureau) will be split into two, though they will share the same office. The IRS (Internal Revenue Service) is now the FBE (Federal Bureau of Extortion) and will report directly to the BFEE (Bush Family Evil Empire).

US Attorney-General John Ashcroft says a plot to attack the country using a radioactive "dirty" bomb has been prevented by putting a drape over its tits.

"Wish I could be there."
- Heather Mills' left leg -

USA Today has this story about how to circumvent airport security.

A 13-year-old California boy who was facing a possible eight years in juvenile prison for a spitball attack on a fellow student was given a much lighter sentence Thursday. He has been appointed the new head of US Homeroom Security.

FBI whistleblower Coleen Rowley testified before a Senate panel while presidential whistleblower Monica Lewinsky avoided jury duty by crying.

 
Dear Dr. Hollywood,
I am trying to get a bead on agents specializing in animation. I have already submitted a couple of screenplays.  I am also new to how to approach these agents once found.  Any advice on the process for animation such as query letters, etc would be greatly appreciated. 
Thank you.
George A. Leone

Dear George,

You can search the links at Ask Dr. Hollywood for access to agents but I gotta tell you it's completely futile approaching them unless you already have extensive animation credits. You're going up against guys who've been doing this for decades, who are brilliant at what they do, and they're all out of work. I couldn't get an agent to handle me WHILE I WAS ACTUALLY WORKING FOR WARNER BROTHERS ANIMATION. I was offering to hand over a piece of my paycheck on a platter and they still weren't interested.

Most animated features are developed "in house," which means a gig was never available. Writing on an animated series is a specialty with few jobs and extremely heavyweight competition. Of all the writing gigs in Hollywood, animation is, without a doubt, the hardest nut to crack. I couldn't get Warner's to even think about considering my work until I got a recommendation from Steven Spielberg. No kidding.

The only way to break into animation is to do it yourself. Nickelodeon won't even look at scripts. Why should they when they're deluged every day with completed films and storyboards? As a matter of fact, other than at the big animation factories like Warner Brothers, very few cartoons are scripted at all since the writer is usually the animator, who thinks visually and does it himself. "South Park" and "Spongebob Squarepants" weren't sold on scripts or pitches. Someone just made them. "Dexter's Laboratory" is great but I'm sure Dexter's voice.was a bigger selling point than the concept.

Discouraging enough?

MD

Send your questions to "Ask Dr. Hollywood" at disinfotainment@earthlink.net

 

WHO’S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK?

by Helen A. Handbasket

If I had to make a list of everyone going to hell this week, I wouldn't have time for my beauty bath or my pedicure or my botox injections. Let's just say it's a good week to invest in pitchforks.

June 10, 2002

BUDGET FROM HELL

FINANCIAL REPORT OF THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT
for the Fiscal Year 2001

a $127 billion surplus

FINANCIAL REPORT OF THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT
for the Fiscal Year 2002

a financial loss of $514.8 billion.

"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."
- George W. Bush -

ADVERTISEMENT FROM HELL

More subversive advertising here.

NURSERY RHYMES FROM HELL

JACK AND JILL 
went up the hill 
To have a little fun. 
Careless Jill forgot the pill 
And now they have a son. 

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB,
her father shot it dead. 
Now it goes to school with her 
Between two hunks of bread.

DEADLINE FOR A PALESTINIAN STATE FROM HELL

"We are not ready to lay down a specific calendar except for the fact that we've got to get started quickly, soon, so we can seize the moment."
- George W. Bush -

HISTORY LESSON FROM HELL

1. George Washington: Also had a wooden pecker. 
2. John Adams: Had sex in every room in the White House 
3. Thomas Jefferson: Used to roll around naked in piles of twenty dollar bills. 
4. James Madison: The smallest penis of any president. 
5. James Monroe: Refused to give his wife head so she used his nose. 
6. John Quincy Adams: Could give himself head. 
7. Andrew Jackson: Saved all his sperm in teacups. 
8. Martin Van Buren: Wore no underwear and exposed himself regularly to tourists. 
9. William H. Harrison: Flaming queen. Danced around the oval office in his wife's dresses. 
10. John Tyler: Three balls. 
11. James K. Polk: Could only get off if there was a chicken in the room. 
12. Zachary Taylor: Took hot coffee enemas. 
13. Millard Fillmore: Virgin. 
14. Franklin Pierce: Personally pierced his wife's labia. 
15. James Buchanan: Frolicked through the rose garden with a feather duster up his ass. 
16. Abraham Lincoln: Never washed his beard after giving head. 
17. Andrew Johnson: Wore a chastity belt. 
18. Ulysses S. Grant: Painted his pecker red and went to a state ball as a hibiscus. 
19. Rutherford B. Hayes: Kept a dildo under his desk. 
20. James A. Garfield: Liked to spank Chester A. Arthur. 
21. Chester A. Arthur: Liked to get spanked by James A. Garfield 
22. Grover Cleveland: Screwed the entire White House staff, including the gardeners 
23. Benjamin Harrison: Banned cucumbers in the White House. 
24. Grover Cleveland: Had one cast iron testicle that he invited reporters to kick. 
25. William McKinley: Necrophile. White House morgue finally closed. 
26. Theodore Roosevelt: Fucked a bear. 
27. William H. Taft: Jerked off into bibles. 
28. Woodrow Wilson: They didn't call him "Woody" for nothing. 
29. Warren G. Harding: Made the chiefs of staff suck him off in the Washington Monument 
30. Calvin Coolidge: Anal fixation. Sat on every doorknob in the White House. 
31. Herbert Hoover: Numerous three-ways with his VP. 
32. Franklin D. Roosevelt: Liked to be tied down and have his balls tickled. 
33. Harry S. Truman: Did it doggie style dressed like a choirboy. 
34. Dwight D. Eisenhower: Elaborate cock ring collection. 
35. John F. Kennedy: Couldn't get it up for Marilyn Monroe. 
36. Lyndon B. Johnson: Fucked John F. Kennedy in the wound. 
37. Richard M. Nixon: Kept Polaroids of other heads of state sucking ass. 
38. Gerald R. Ford: Slipped it to a White House maid while Nixon watched. 
39. James Carter: Enormous porn collection. 
40. Ronald Reagan: Could only have sex when Nancy wore a Ronald Reagan mask. 
41. George Bush: Wore a merkin. 
42. Bill Clinton: Liked blowjobs.
43. George W. Bush: Not really president.

QUOTES FROM HELL

"I think I finally understand the symbolism behind the crucifixion. It's not about the redemption of human pain and suffering. It's about God on a Stick. Makes sense. If you're going to have a personal savior, you better make damn sure he's portable." 
- Mike Jasper -

"I don't see the difference between a chimpanzee and my 4 1/2-year-old
son."
-Animal rights activist Steven Wise-

"I want to eat your children."
- Mike Tyson -

"I didn't inhale."
- Scooby-Doo -

DYLAN QUOTE FROM HELL

"Genetic threats are blowin' in the wind"

QUIZ FROM HELL

(With apologies to Grand Illusions)

It's a code red emergency and everyone has got to leave the White House. They've got 17 minutes to cross a subterranean bridge before the bombs arrive. Bush, Cheney, Ashcroft, and Rumsfeld begin on the same side of the bridge. You must help them across to the other side. It is night. There is one flashlight. 

A maximum of two people can cross at one time. Any party that crosses the bridge, either 1 or 2 people, must have the flashlight with them. The flashlight must be carried back and forth, it cannot be thrown, etc. Each cabinet member walks at a different speed. A pair must walk together at the rate of the slower man's pace: 

* Bush: - 1 minute to cross 
* Cheney: - 2 minutes to cross 
* Ashcroft: - 5 minutes to cross 
* Rumsfeld: - 10 minutes to cross 

For example: if Bush and Rumsfeld walk across first, 10 minutes have elapsed by the time they get to the other side of the bridge. If Rumsfeld then returns with the flashlight, a total of 20 minutes have passed and you have failed the mission.

Answer below.

RENT FROM HELL

A man who spent 11 years in jail for a murder he did not commit has been charged £37,000 for his stay.

MOUSE FROM HELL

Monkeys implanted with special electrodes moved a cursor on a computer screen just by thinking about it.

 SITES FROM HELL

Mandatory reading: Propaganda and Plan Colombia - Perception management of the US's terror war. Learn how the US employed the services of a PR company, the Sawyer/Miller Group, to transform the perceptions of the Colombian state as a corrupt and brutal abuser of human rights, to a staunch ally of the US in its so-called "war on drugs," making Colombia the third largest recipient of US military aid in the world today.

Want proof that pharmaceutical companies put their bottom line ahead of the interests of mankind? Check this out.

You would have thought that the legality of linking to another site would have been settled by now. Not so.

Remember the abolition of nuclear weapons? Good.

Read some horror stories about zero tolerance in schools.

Wouldn't you know it? A murderer has won an award from a Republican Party committee.

Want to learn how to influence legislation? Ask Auntie Pinko.

Do the dots connect to a police state?

Learn Why Islam Hates Democracy.

Somebody's proud of George W. Bush. Read At Last We Have A President Who Ignores Warnings And Does Nothing!

Forget those other commandments, these are the Top Ten Commandments.

Boldly going where no pseudo-president has gone before - The Great Missing Star Trek Episode.

A U.S. Air Force colonel who called President Bush "a joke" and accused him of allowing the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks to happen because "his presidency was going nowhere," has been suspended and could face a court-martial.

Confused? You need this Republican/English dictionary.

ANSWER TO QUIZ FROM HELL

Bush and Cheney cross the bridge - 2 minutes
Bush returns with the light - 1 minute
Rumsfeld and Ashcroft cross - 10 minutes
Cheney returns with the light - 2 minutes
Bush and Cheney cross the bridge - 2 minutes.
Total 17 minutes!