The Only Daily That Comes Out
Weekly
Issue #115
...is brought to you by...
|
![]() |
|
![]() |
WWW Disinfotainment Today |
|
Posted July 26, 2004 Coming Soon!
Quote of the Week "[T]he American people shared
the blame for 9-11 for underestimating the terrorist threat."
Oh yeah? Well a hearty fuck you, 9/11 commission. As one of the "American people" you mention, please allow me to point out that I didn't receive an FBI or CIA top secret memo regarding a possible terrorist strike or hijacking, Pakistan didn't warn me about anything, and on August 6, 2001 I somehow failed to receive a Presidential Daily Brief titled, "Bin Ladin Determined To Strike in US." You wanna blame ME for this mess? Suck my dick. And your statement that "....many building occupants in the World Trade Center did not take preparedness seriously," is the most insensitive thing I've ever heard. If I had a relative who died in the WTCs, I'd be hiring the nearest Tony Soprano to blow your brains out. How DARE you, in any way, blame people who did nothing more than go to work in the morning for their own deaths? What were they supposed to do? Have duct tape in their desks? Here's a daily brief. "Michael Dare Determined to Shove a Hot Poker Up Your Ass." Satirical Empirical Redux Sir, I hate people who point out grammatical errors only slightly less than I hate people who misuse the word loose. "Are you loosing your ability to distinguish between media and reality?" Your grip on reality may be loosening, but you're losing your ability. Losing. Thanks for your indulgence.I only point this out because your site is so fabulous. Thanks for it. -John Hey John,Dear Michael, I dare to take umbrage with your definitions and examples of so-called empirical experiences. Your contention is that if you do not experience it yourself, you cannot trust its validity. That is totally incorrect. I have never had hydrochloric acid thrown in my face and yet I can be reasonably sure that it is, at the very least, unpleasant experience. No one has ever seen an atom and yet we have been able to split them and destroy two Japanese cities and worry constantly about what they might do in the wrong hands. In science, empirical evidence usually means that a result is repeatable when the experiment is done over by someone else. Repeatability being the key here. Observable results need not be direct, or else there would be no molecular science. You site love and shame as "empirical events" because you experienced them. However, they are nothing of the kind. They are emotions and they are experienced differently by different people. There are different kinds of love. There is the love one has for one's spouse or significant other. Then there is the love one has for one's children, hopefully, not the same, unless of course, you are Michael Jackson. Then there is the love of books and money. You can't have sex with these items though you could vicariously with the former and purchase some fine sex with the latter. One person's love is another's friendship. These are not universally the same and repeatable. Even one person does not experience love the same way twice. One may love one's second wife in a whole different way than one's first wife. Even your example of cruelty is ego centric. What you consider people being cruel to you may well be in their minds, kindness. Like putting you out of your misery might be an example. Now, I have some background in these matters as I trained in grad school on experimental psych, which gave me the courage to stand up to someone like you. LOL. I do not have to be hit by a bullet to know that they are harmful to me when propelled by a firearm or actually have been at the Holocaust to know that taking a shower in Germany may not be a good thing for a nice Jewish boy like me. I watched my wife's body ravaged and mutilated by the effects of uncontrolled diabetes until death gave her peace. I do not need to have a leg amputated to know that I must control my diabetes or face similar consequences. I also know enough about con jobs not to send anything to you, or anyone else for that matter, at Pay Pal. Of course, the last time I did that, was for a two year subscription to the Net Wits magazine and having been burned once, I am now twice shy. Seriously though, while I find your premise interesting, I do feel it is flawed and limits a person's view of the world to only those things they have experienced. You say knowledge only can be trusted if it is first hand. Well sir, I was born after the American Revolution and World War II, so there is no way I could ever experience these things first hand, but yet, I can trust that they did indeed happen because I can check out the accounts of people who did experience them. If you fail to study history, you have no choice but to repeat it. Perhaps, since you crave first hand experiences, that might not be a bad thing for you, but I for one, do not need an atom bomb dropped on my head to know what it would do to me. iRv ô¿ôThe Long Island Sleuth Irv,
Calling All Nerds Look up any program in your STARTUP file and find out whether you actually need it or not, then delete the ones you don't need and make your computer work faster. Reward yourself for a job well done by checking out these preview shots of Star Wars III: The Revenge of the Sith. The Stupid Question of the Week Hello, and welcome to "The Stupid Question of the Week." Every week I'm going to ask a stupid question. Every week I will publish the best answers to last week's question. It's that simple. Get out your pens. Ever notice that whenever the armed forces of the United States show up in a foreign country, the only people in the country who go "Hooray, the United States of America is Here!" are the ones who've been oppressed by a local government of our creation? Today's Stupid Question of the Week is "Does the United States of America actively foment trouble in foreign countries it wants to invade, and if not, why?" Send your answers to stupidquestion@disinfotainmenttoday.com. More Normal News There is no more normal news. Gallery of the Week
"...the unbearable hallucinations have ceased,
and are now getting reduced to a simple nightmare..."
E-mail Joke From Hell President Bush visits a primary school classroom. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy." So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a 'tragedy'." "No," says Bush, "that would be an 'accident.' A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a 'tragedy.'" "I'm afraid not," explains the President. "That's what we would call a 'great loss.'" The room goes silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searches the room."Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a 'tragedy'?" Finally at the back of the room a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If Air Force One, carrying you, Mr. President, were struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a 'tragedy.'" "Fantastic!" exclaims Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a 'tragedy'?" "Well," says the boy, "because it certainly wouldn't be a 'great loss' and it probably wouldn't be an 'accident' either."
Headline of the Week Federal Law Banning Assault
Weapons Unlikely to Be Renewed
Sophistimicated Doowacky of the Week Build your own online kaleidoscope. Open Letter to Certain Spammers I'm sure you've gotten these spams from do-gooders. You are welcome to use this as a generic reply...I mean no disrespect but if you've got a virus protector that automatically sends a response to whoever sent you a virus, will you please shut the fucking thing off or die? Viruses are usually sent from "spoofed" addresses, which means the address it LOOKS LIKE it came from isn't the address it ACTUALLY came from. You're complaining to the wrong person. Millions of innocent schmucks like me get hundreds of e-mails telling us we just sent someone a virus when in fact we did no such thing. Every time you reply to a virus from a spoofed address, YOU'RE the one wasting time and space as if there were an endless supply. You're the spammer. I know you're just trying to help. Fuck off.
Hallucination of the Week The U.N.'s highest judicial authority decided that the 425-mile-long barrier Israel is building in the West Bank in response to Palestinian suicide bombings violates international law and must be dismantled. "Okay," said Israel. "No problem. We'll just hire some Mexicans to tear it down." Don't Take My Word For It "I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman
ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being
near the window."
"Wisdom is to be crazy when circumstances
warrant it."
"I'm a poet, and the difference
between a politician and a poet is politicians use words to conceal and
poets use words to reveal."
"From the liberal wieners..."
"...to the right-wing nutjobs,"
"this land was made for you and
me."
"[Abu Musab] Zarqawi's the best
evidence of a connection to al Qaeda affiliates and al Qaeda."
" "
"Every work of imagination widens
the frontiers of reality."
"Forget all the spending caps
and loopholes and assorted gobbledygook - here's how it works. We make
a law that says, 'No member of Congress can take or solicit anything of
value from any person.' It's that simple. Nothing of value. Not a lunch.
Not a flight. Not an American flag lapel pin. They can't even solicit money
for the March of Dimes. Good causes, bad causes, Sisters of Mercy, Nazi
Youth - it doesn't matter. As soon as you're chosen by the people to be
a member of Congress, you're out of the money business. You don't go near
it, you don't ask for it, you don't raise it. You just do your job. Think
how nice it would be if, instead of spending hours a day raising money,
our elected officials spent a little more time studying legislation or
seeing those families of theirs they claim to want to spend more time with.
You could look at what politicians were doing and how they were voting,
and you could say they were doing something because they wanted to get
re-elected. Okay. Or that they're doing it because they're egomaniacs.
Okay. Or that they're doing it because they lack courage. Fine. But the
one thing you could finally say is that they didn't do it for a campaign
contribution. I don't think that's asking too much."
"Christ told us that if an enemy
strikes us, we are required to forgive them and turn the other cheek. This
is why savvy Christian nations work around Jesus' girly-man approach by
preemptively attacking first."
"[T]he word
has gotten around old and new Europe that America is no longer the land
of the free. In the practical sense, Bush and his accomplices achieved
what Al Qaeda's terrorists, Osama bin Laden, and yes, even that overblown
bogeyman, Saddam Hussein, could never have dreamt of: sucking the freedom
out of America. Bush has accomplished this by spreading fear and passing
one law after another restricting personal freedom in the false promise
of increasing the security of Americas homeland.
"By 1900 more than a dozen manufacturers
began producing both battery-powered vibrators and models that operated
from line electricity. In the newly electrified home, women were avid consumers
of electrical appliances. First electrified was the sewing machine; the
fan, the tea kettle, the toaster, and the vibrator came next."
"There are many humorous things
in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage
than the other savages."
"Traces of female contraceptive
pills in sewage discharge are changing the gender of more than a third
of male fish in English rivers, according to a United Kingdom Environment
Agency survey issued last week... More than a third of 1,500 male fish
samples in 42 English rivers showed female characteristics, according to
the 20-year survey."
"This year my people, we scaled
the Everest of stupidity and we stand upon its peak."
"Eventually Mankind will be forced
to migrate to a new home on Mars before Earth grows to the size of Neptune."
"I came to the conclusion that
we had reached a point in human history when there probably was no longer
a possibility of waging a just war, because the overwhelming technology
of modern warfare inevitably involves the killing of large numbers of people.
The means overwhelmed any end you could come up with, however important
it looked at the moment. Overthrowing a tyrant, preventing aggression,
whatever end you could come up with was offset by the horror of the means."
"Just hours after the commission
on 9/11 published its official report, President Bush proposed that a new
commission be impaneled to read the 567-page document 'immediately.'"
"Military records that could
help establish President Bush's whereabouts during his disputed service
in the Texas Air National Guard more than 30 years ago were inadvertently
destroyed, according to the Pentagon."
"I felt so bad for George W.
Bush about that. You know, he could have conclusively proved to everybody's
satisfaction that he had finished out his time in the Air National Guard
without any question at all. And darn if the records haven't been destroyed.
I know he's upset."
"In the current
White House, attendance at daily Christian Evangelical prayer meetings
is mandatory." "Vice President Cheney is the de
facto President of the United States. When he arrives at the White House
for one of his 'briefings' of the President, all employees are cleared
from the West Wing and especially from the Presidential office suites.
Cheney arrives in an escorted armored limousine surrounded by his own personal,
heavily armed bodyguard and is always shown directly into the President's
office. It is reliably reported by [redacted] that Bush has a thick pad
of lined, yellow note paper on his desk, placed there by [redacted] just
before the Vice President arrives.
"As he entered the room within
which so many a wild night of their sweltering love affair had been spent,
the White Rabbit regarded her with benevolent eyes, her posture such that
he suspected something was wrong, but before he could speak Alice unburied
her face from her trembling hands and between her intense sobs he made
out the words, 'I'm late . . . I'm late.'"
"I never know how much of what
I say is true."
"First become a blessing to yourself
that you may be a blessing to others."
"People don't understand this:
Ideas are important, but they're not essential. What's essential and important
is the execution of the idea. Everyone has had the experience of seeing
a movie and saying, 'Hey! That was my idea!' Well, it doesn't mean anything
that you had that idea. There's no such thing as an original concept. What's
original is the way you re-use ancient concepts.
"It's a problem only if a lot
of people see it."
"It's a problem only if a lot
of people see it."
"[T]he Commission confirms that
it has found no evidence that the government of Saudi Arabia funded Al-Qaeda.
The Commission also confirmed accounts of Saudi Arabia's attempts to capture
Osama bin Laden prior to 9-11 and efforts to foil Al-Qaeda terror attacks
inside the Kingdom as early as 1998."
"Since the seed does not contain
anything other than the seed, even the flowers and the fruits are of the
same nature as the seed: the substance of the seed is the substance of
subsequent effects, too. Even so, the homogenous mass of cosmic consciousness
does not give rise to anything other than what it is in essence. When this
truth is realized, duality ceases."
"How pissed off can you get?
I can top you. You wanna see anger? I'm your man. Michael Savage? Rush
Limbaugh? I'll see you and raise you. Forget about anger management. Forget
about the well-bred manners I learned as a sorority girl. Where's my tire
iron? I wanna punch a hole in the wall. Forget the tire iron. Bare hands
will do! The difference between me and the Dittoheads, however, is this:
I'M ANGRY AT THE RIGHT PEOPLE!"
"Man was made mortal, because
the Holy One foresaw that some...would proclaim themselves gods."
"The Air Force has
spent $2.6 billion to buy 50 planes which do not meet the military's requirements
and cannot be flown in combat zones, Pentagon investigators reported Friday.
"I also have not delivered one
single C-130J plane that meets the Air Force's requirements. Where's my
$2.6 billion?"
"On June 24,
a federal court roundly
rejected the FCC's controversial media ownership rules (details)
rules favoring Big Media and written with almost no public input. But the
rules aren't dead they've been sent back to the FCC for revision. Let's
make sure they listen to the people before they rewrite them.
"Fear is a state of darkness
in
which the soul wanders, bewildered, seeking help, and then comes hope as
a ray of light, and grace prevails."
"To be intelligent is to be open-minded,
active-memoried, and persistently experimental."
"Pull off
U.S. Interstate Highway 55 near Cape Girardeau, Missouri, and into the
drive-through lane of a McDonald's next to the highway and you'll get fast,
friendly service, even though the person taking your order is not in the
restaurant - or even in Missouri.
"Presumably
da American troops be stationed on these bases will remain under da control
of da Pentagon 'n beyond da legal reach of any 'sovereign' Iraqi state,
know what I'm sayin'? Who will sign da SOFA on da Iraqi siiiiide? What
are its terms? Will that shiznit be binding on da new government yo' ass
hope da Iraqis will elect early next year?, know what I'm sayin'?"
"God revealed Himself in a bush,
to teach us that the loftiest may be found in the lowliest."
"We probably wouldn't worry about
what people think of us if we could know how seldom they do."
"All that is valuable in human
society depends upon the opportunity for development accorded to the individual."
"The dictator
walked into the prison courtyard, his entourage of government officials
and foreign bodyguards scurrying around him. A crowd of policemen had gathered
there to hear the Leader speak. Under the blinding fury of the desert sun,
he ordered them to strike without mercy at the enemies of the state --
and to fear no retribution should their zealotry devour the innocent with
the guilty. He would shield them from the law, he said.
"A ship in harbor is safe, but
that is not what ships are built for."
"As a Buddhist monk my concern
extends to all members of the human family and, indeed, to all sentient
beings who suffer. I believe all suffering is caused by ignorance. People
inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their own happiness or
satisfaction."
"Depend on the rabbit's foot
if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit."
"By love they will quench the
fire of hate,
"To look at something as though
we had never seen it before requires great courage."
"The marksman hitteth the mark
partly by pulling, partly by letting go."
Everything Else FreakingNews is a non-stop Photoshop contest dedicated to altering the news. Happy Third Anniversary
to Bartcop Entertainment,
not only one of the best entertainment pages on the net, updated every
day with loads of fabulous material, but the only site with bad enough
taste to reprint Disinfotainment Today every Tuesday. Keep up the good
work.
|
Last Disinfotainment Today,
Issue
#114, was much better than this one,
and so is Issue
#116.
Link to Disinfotainment Today with one of these tasteful banners.
Don't Let
This Happen to You.
Subscribe. |
|
| WARNING TO THOSE ON AOL
This column is sent out in HTML format which can only be seen with AOL 6.0 or better, so upgrade or go to hell. Powered by groups.yahoo.com |
|
Contact pResident Bush
- president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Dick Cheney -vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Jeb Bush - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Saddam Hussein
- president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Osama bin Laden
- president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Kim Jong Il -
eng-info@kcna.co.jp
Contact Jacques Chirac
- france-presse@un.int
Contact the Pope - accreditamenti@pressva.va
Contact the Democratic
Candidates:
Wesley Clark,
Howard
Dean,
John
Edwards, Dick Gephardt,
Bob
Graham,
John
Kerry,
Dennis
Kucinich, Joe
Lieberman,
Carol
Moseley Braun, Al
Sharpton
Embassy of France in
the US: 202-944-6000
German Embassy in the
US: 202-298-4000
Embassy of the Russian
Federation: 202-298-5700
Embassy of the People's
Republic of China: 202-328-2500
White House switchboard:
(202) 456-1414
Contact your Senator
Contact your Representative
House and Senate switchboard:
(202) 224-3121
Links
to Central Government Agencies
Mordechai
Vanunu
c/o
Cathedral Church of St. George
20
Nablus Road
PO
Box 19018
Jerusalem
91190
Israel
vanunumvjc@hotmail.com
Am I supposed to believe
you don't drink coffee?
You need a Disinfotainment
Today mug.

Annoy your Nazi Neighbors...
Buy this Disinfotainment
Today bumpersticker
and put it on their car.
Donate to my PayPal Account
and
call it tax deductible.
Acknowledgment
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's fair use.
Thanks,
Randy Quartermile
Your Very Special Gif for Making it to the Bottom of the Page
