Who's Going to Hell This Week?


Helen A. Handbasket is a game show host
on the 3rd level of hell. She asks...
What do you expect from hell, GOOD puns?

Hello studio audience and welcome to Satan for a Day. Terri Schiavo, come on down.

Have we got some surprises waiting for you.

Just for showing up, you get a brand new esophagus, perfect for swallowing whatever we feed you. There are no feeding tubes in hell, so try to remember, and if you remember, then swallow. Swallow swallow swallow swallow...

And speaking of swallowing, meet your roommate, Linda Lovelace, who had sort of a different problem concerning things being shoved down her throat. I'm sure you two will have a lot to talk about.

But enough chit-chat and on to the prizes. After fifteen years of lying around doing nothing, we just know you'll appreciate... a set of golf clubs! Of course there are no golf courses in hell, so just relax. In hell, you can't get teed off.

Satan wants you to know he appreciates all the hard work you've put in for him. Lying comatose for such a long stretch of time isn't easy, especially when you're fully cognizant every second. Your parents could have ended your suffering any time they wanted, so wow, they must have really hated you. You'll be able to get back at them pretty soon because, Terri, take a look behind this curtain, yes, it's the room we've got waiting for THEM.

Yep, here it is, Terri, just for you, a fully functional medieval torture chamber. As soon as your parents die, which will be together in a car wreck by the way, they will be put in these cages hanging over open pits of eternal fire where you get to keep THEM alive for fifteen years. Won't that be nice? Who said hell wasn't fabulous? Not me.

One reason your husband wanted you dead was because he's a Catholic so he couldn't remarry till you croaked. You can thank the Pope for that, personally next month, when Linda Lovelace gets moved to another room and the Pope shows up as YOUR NEW ROOMMATE!

Yes, Terri, just for suffering such lovely damnation on earth, you get to wack the dead Pope over the head with a rubber chicken every morning for the rest of eternity. Not only that, but every Easter you get to shove a live bunny up his ass, and each Christmas, Jesus Christ gets to wear HIM around his neck nailed to a cross.

And for being such a good sport about this whole thing, you also get to take over for Satan when he goes on vacation tomorrow. The entire realm is yours to do with as you wish.

So bend over Terri, here comes the trident of destiny, and enjoy your brief reign as lord of the dark forces of the universe as this week's winner on Satan for a Day.

CUE STING MUSIC:

Good girl. Now if you'll just step into this soundproof chamber... Thanks, Terri.

Now that Terri can't hear me, I can let you in on a little secret. Terri's not dead yet. That's right, she's just imagining all of this while waiting to die in a Florida hospital.

But if Terri actually got to be Satan for a Day and had the supernatural power to exact revenge upon anyone for anything, what would she do?

Send your answers to stupidquestion@disinfotainmenttoday.com.

Stupid Answers of the Week

Last week's question...

I know that Charles Wonderlake is a liar, a thief, and a drug dealer. I suspect he is a sexual predator. What do I do about the fact he's working as a lunch guard at my son's middle school?

The answers...

    I like the flier idea, and letters to the school board members really get action (learned by experience). Depends on how under the wire you want to remain. Fix the flier up, write the letters to school board & have all the envelopes addressed and ready. In both or either of these MENTION THAT YOU ALERTED THE PRINCIPAL, use his name. Then if you want to stay out of the whirlwind and you still like your Tom Hanks character, give him one last chance before you post fliers or letters. One last chance with a time limit. Rain righteous wrath. motherfucker!
    PS. If you don't like your Tom Hanks character, distribute your reading material. Even sweeter, fax him a copy of school board letter AFTER they are already mailed, so he can sweetly savor the shit-storm heading his way.
- Chriss

    Tell everything to the cops and include that you told the middle school principal. Or even better as you are a professional writer, write it up as a newspaper article and send it in to the local paper. Or do both. Wonderlake is scum and needs to be somewhere where they will do to him what he has done to others, the lifers section of Folsom Prison comes to mind.
- Spitfyre

    I can't advise you on Charles Wonderlake. I suppose you must decide where your responsibility begins and ends. However, I can tell you what to do about drug testing at the workplace. Instead of drug testing, the employer should be performance testing. Instead of giving the bus driver a drug test, give her a bus driving test. This has the advantage of catching bus drivers that are incapacitated for other reasons -- alcohol, prescription drugs, lack of sleep, etc. 
Be seeing you..
- Charles Watkins

Hey Michael,
   Call up the principal and ask what's happened regarding Charles. Otherwise...it might just be best to let Charles hang himself. Which he will, sooner or later. Take care and keep it up.
- Rougy

    "Hell, yes" to the flyers. I'd also make sure the PTO president got one. You know someone in law enforcement? See what they know about Mr. Wonderlake. He may be on someone's list, if you know what I mean. If I was feeling real hormonal I'd be passing out the flyers while Mr. Wonderlake was working, letting him see me....the problem may take care of itself at that point. Maybe he'd just quit. 
- Marta Martin

    I like the leaflet idea, but. its you, man. You can't write a serious leaflet!!! Why not print ones saying "Hooray for equal rights" with a news column about how the school has "courageously stood up to the prudes and bureaucrats" by hiring employees who are "non homo/hetero-sexually-orientated."
    "For too long have fetishists, pedophiles, rapists and other alternative sexualities been discriminated against when applying for jobs in the public sector, and its down to schools like yours to ensure their voices are heard nationwide."
   What do we want? "Freedom for kiddy-sexers!" When do we want it? "After school in an abandoned building!"
- Nick Kent

    Grab the principal, figuratively speaking, and demand to see something in writing that reflects your report to him. Then assure him that you'll take the matter up with the school board. Get the issue in front of someone who is concerned about the schools liability if something happens to a child after they were placed on notice.
- Chris McFarland

MD,
   This is indeed a shitty situation. And you are clearly stuck, because you didn't report the guy when he was at your place boinking street kids. How are you supposed to explain that to the police? If I were a cop and you came to me with your story, I'd be inclined to give Mr. Wonderbread the benefit of the doubt. Which is probably what the principal did. Either that, or he's the principal's dealer. Or his boy toy.
    The answer is to do nothing, but make sure your kids know to stay away from the guy.
    No matter what you do, you look suspect. Hell, man, you let your own kid go with the guy after you knew what he was like. You ever hear of date rape drugs?
    Mr. Wonderbread obviously has the gift of gab and can talk his way out of or into any situation once. Just give him the Roz treatment. Go up to him and say, I watching you Wonderbread. Always watching. Always.
   On second thought, don't do that. Just keep your eyes open and wait and watch. He'll slip up. When he does, call the cops. If he slips up at school, make sure the cops know that you tried to warn the principal.
- Jeff

    Mike mate
   What a shitty story. I'm surprised by your situation and even more surprised by your admissions. Clean your house out (THOROUGHLY), get rid of all your drugs [moi?], straighten up and be careful. Forget about Charles and if he does turn up, tell him to go away. No more strays. I can't believe that there are 12 year old children living homeless in your area, and that you are letting your kids bring them home, to say nothing of Charles, who sounds really weird. The whole thing sounds like the Blair Witch project
Good luck
- Wal

    Print up the flyer with the same copy, but add in ALL CAPS that Wonderlake also hates Jesus and George W. Bush, and make sure the local Republican Party HQ, Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, and various fringe-right Christian groups get copies. Being a degenerate, thieving, lowlife pederast isn't enough to get you fired these days, as we've seen in Washington and the Michael Jackson circus, unless you're also against America's Christian Savior and His Appointed Leader on Earth.
    Instead of Pacino in Serpico, think Pat Robertson in full-bore 700 Club hate mode.
- RSJ

    Look for the little boy whose mom picks him up from school in a Mercedes. Tell her.
   Look for the boy who will be the star quarterback in high school. Tell his father.
   The money that backs the school board and sports. That's what runs the school.
- Locke Millholland

UPDATE: I didn't do any of these things. I simply FORWARDED all these answers to the principal of the school. By the end of the day, I received the following reply...

Mr. Dare,
   As I stated earlier, I would never discuss a personnel matter with anyone other than that person or their legal representative.
   Unfortunately that stance has led to your internet account of the event.  I still am not able to discuss any employee or their current status including termination.  If you would like to continue to pursue Mr. Wonderlake, you will need to find other avenues as he is no longer at this school.
M. Swize

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

I can't believe it. You guys did it. Good job. Your responses got Wonderlake fired. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and the students at Desert Springs Middle School thank you from the bottoms of their, well, never mind.

Recipes of the Week

Boners in Blankets is just one recipe at Porn Bread.
 Check out Vagina Danish, Penis Pretzels, 
and Ejaculating Eclairs.

Activist Letter of the Week

     The fact that Israel has a large and growing nuclear arsenal - larger than Britain's - has been recognized by the rest of the world ever since Mordechai Vanunu revealed it conclusively nineteen years ago. For demolishing his country's policy of concealment, denial and "ambiguity" of its status as a nuclear weapons state, Vanunu served eighteen years in prison, including an unprecedented period of eleven and a half years of solitary confinement in a six-by-nine foot cell.
   Meanwhile, not one of the harms that some feared might result from his revelations has materialized in the slightest degree. The notion that any further details he could disclose, nineteen years later, could harm Israel's national security is absurd. Why then, after he has served his full sentence, is the State of Israel invoking British Mandate Emergency Regulations of 1945, pre-dating its own independence, to threaten him with prison for exercising his fundamental human rights to speak to foreigners and foreign journalists? Why do its leaders still insist on suppressing any open discussion in Israel itself of its real military posture and its implications for their security?    Here's one possible answer. This very month both Israel and the US are making open threats of armed attacks as early as this summer on Iran's nuclear weapons potential. For Israel to confirm openly Vanunu's revelations at this particular time - dramatically abandoning forty years of obfuscation - would attract unfavorable attention to the fact that such threats or attacks against Iran are aimed not at achieving a nuclear-weapons-free zone in the Middle East but at prolonging, indefinitely, Israel's monopoly of nuclear weapons in the region. That is an unstated aim for both the US and Israel, but a less than compelling justification for war. This may be a reason - but not a legitimate one - for returning Mordechai Vanunu to silence in solitary.
   What the world needs of this prophet of the nuclear era is not his silence but his freedom to speak and travel, to inspire others to follow his example of truth-telling in their own countries, above all here in the United States.
- Daniel Ellsberg -

18 Things We Learned from the Terri Schiavo Case

1. Jeb Bush, George W. Bush, and Tom Delay are all world renowned Neurologists.
2. 22 successive court battles that all ended in exactly the same way means there is something wrong with the courts, not the Schindler's case.
3. Mike is after money which is why he turned down 1 million dollars and 10 million dollars to sign over guardianship.
4. Congress and the State Legislature of Florida has nothing better to do than pry into the private medical affairs of others.
5. Pulling life support is bad in Florida when authorized by the legal next-of-kin, but pulling life support is good in Texas when you run out of money and the mother pleads not to pull the plug on her baby.
6. Medical diagnoses are best performed by watching highly edited videotape made by Randall Terry rather than in person by trained physicians.
7. Minimum wage making nursing assistants are more qualified to diagnose a persistent vegetative state than experienced neurologists.
8. Cerebral spinal fluid is a magical potion that can mimic the entire functions of a missing cerebral cortex.
9. 15 years in the same persistent state is not really enough time to make an accurate diagnosis.
10. A feeding tube that infuses yellow nutritional goop is not really "life support."
11. Jesus was wrong when he said that a man and woman should leave their parents and cleave only to each other.
12. Marriage is the most sacred of all unions, except when it isn't.
13. Interfering in a family's private tragedy is a great reason to cut short a vacation, but getting a memo that warns a known terrorist is determine to strike inside the US is cause to relax and finish up some R&R.
14. Pro-lifers are really compassionate people which is why they are hoping that Michael Schiavo dies a horrible painful death.
15. The Supreme Court of the United States and the State Supreme Court of Florida mean "Maybe" when they are saying "No!".
16. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia is a bleeding heart liberal.
17. 7 Supreme Court Justices were appointed by republican presidents, so it's Clinton's fault.
18. A judge who makes rulings based on the law is obviously an atheist, liberal, democratic activist even though he is a conservative, republican, Southern Baptist. 

- e-mail from hell -

Gallery from Hell

The most disturbing thing about Adolf Hitler's original watercolors
is that they're good. With a little bit of encouragement from an art critic, 
a lot of my ancestors might still be alive.

Emboldened Shakespeare

Sonnet CXXX

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

Shockwave of the Week

Okay, it's a wee bit hippie-dippy, but I admit I liked Woody Harrelson's Thoughts from Within.

Satan Doesn't Want You to Know

The worst months to be in the hospital are July and August. Reason: New residents fresh out of medical school begin their residencies on July 1st. And to make matters worse, many of the senior doctors are on vacation during this time!

Don't Take My Word For It

"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing."
- Robert Benchley -

"When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'"
- Don Marquis -

"Man improves himself as he follows his path; if he stands still, waiting to improve before he makes a decision, he'll never move."
- Paulo Coelho -

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens."
- Carl Jung -

"The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot."
- Mark Twain: What Is Man? -

"Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and formal education positively fortifies it."
- Stephen Vizinczey -

"When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out - because that's what's inside. When you are squeezed, what comes out is what is inside."
- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer -

"Everything, everything in war is barbaric... But the worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being."
- Ellen Key -

    "Sun Hudson, a six-month-old boy with a fatal congenital disease, died Thursday after a Texas hospital, over his mother's objections, withdrew his feeding tube. The child was apparently certain to die, but was conscious. [Or perhaps not: see third update below.] The hospital simply decided that it had better things to do than keeping the child alive, and the Texas courts upheld that decision after the penniless mother failed, during the 10-day window provided for by Texas law, to find another institution willing to take the child.
   "Where, I would ask, is the outrage? In particular, where is the outrage from those like Tom DeLay, who referred to the withdrawal of Terry Schiavo's life support as "murder" If it's appropriate to Federalize the Schiavo case, what about the people being terminated simply because their cases are hopeless and their bank accounts empty?
   "Sun Hudson is dead, but 68-year-old Spiro Nikolouzos is still alive, thanks to an emergency appeals court order issued yesterday. However, his life support could be cut off at any moment. A nursing home is willing to take him if his family can show that he will be covered by Medicaid after his Medicare runs out. Otherwise, the hospital gets to pull the plug."
- Mark A. R. Kleiman: Schiavo, Hudson, and Nikolouzos -

"The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards."
- Arthur Koestler -

"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."
- Douglas Adams: Mostly Harmless -

"Would those of you in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry."
- John Lennon -

    "A well-respected German historian has a radical new theory to explain a nagging question: Why did average Germans so heartily support the Nazis and Third Reich? Hitler, says Goetz Aly, was a 'feel good dictator,' a leader who not only made Germans feel important, but also made sure they were well cared-for by the state.
   "To do so, he gave them huge tax breaks and introduced social benefits that even today anchor the society. He also ensured that even in the last days of the war not a single German went hungry. Despite near-constant warfare, never once during his 12 years in power did Hitler raise taxes for working class people. He also - in great contrast to World War I - particularly pampered soldiers and their families, offering them more than double the salaries and benefits that American and British families received. As such, most Germans saw Nazism as a 'warm-hearted' protector, says Aly, author of the new book 'Hitler's People's State: Robbery, Racial War and National Socialism' and currently a guest lecturer at the University of Frankfurt. They were only too happy to overlook the Third Reich's unsavory, murderous side."
- Jody K. Biehl: How Germans Fell for the 'Feel-Good' Fuehrer -

"A person of genius is admired, a person of wealth is envied, a person of power is feared - but only a person of character is trusted." 
- Woody Barlettani: cartoonist who runs a hot dog stand in Reno, Nevada -

    "The U.S. military command in Iraq has blocked two Italian policemen from examining the car in which an Italian intelligence agent was shot to death in Baghdad, a newspaper said Wednesday.
    "Corriere della Sera said that the policemen were about to leave when the Italian Embassy in Baghdad received an order from the U.S. command on Monday to abort the mission for security concerns.
   "The embassy in Baghdad reportedly alerted Rome authorities, who called off the trip.
   "The car, a Toyota Corolla, is reportedly still in American hands, at Baghdad airport where it was originally rented."
- AP: U.S. bars Italians from examining victims car -

    "Last year, the U.S. trade deficit with China soared 31 percent to $162 billion the biggest imbalance ever recorded between any two countries. Seven years ago, the U.S. trade deficit with the entire world was lower than its current deficit with China...
   "In the early days of Chinese trade, most Chinese exports were cheap, low-quality, labor-intensive products such as toys, shoes and clothing. As with many developing countries, China's chief tool for attracting foreign manufacturers was to offer low-wage semi-skilled labor, bolstered by an artificially low currency.
    "The salary and benefits of a Chinese factory worker average about 92 cents an hour, according to a 2004 study by the Goldman Sachs investment firm. That compares with $1.20 in Thailand, $1.70 in Mexico and $21.80 in the United States.
    "But Goldman Sachs may be overestimating. A study commissioned late last year by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics estimated that the average Chinese factory worker makes 64 cents an hour, including benefits...
    "China now produces half of the world's DVD players and digital cameras, more than one-third of its personal desktop and laptop computers, and about one-fourth of its mobile phones, televisions and car stereos...
   "If consumers tried to 'Buy American' goods in those categories, they would come away empty-handed, because most no longer are made in the United States. Fewer than 10 percent of Chinese imports compete directly with U.S.-produced goods...
   "The latest trade figures demonstrate how China is expanding more into high-tech trade. As recently as June 2002, the United States exported more high-tech equipment than it imported. But that trade advantage no longer exists. Last year, the United States ran a record $37 billion tech deficit, with 99 percent of the deficit attributed to China.
    "At a time when U.S. colleges are reporting declining enrollments for engineers, Chinese colleges are churning out 350,000 engineers a year, which suggests that greater technology deficits are in store in the future, as China pushes more of its own products onto the market."
- Dean Calbreath: Imbalance of power - As U.S. trade gap balloons, China soars with more high-tech products and leaves behind its cheap-export reputation -

   "Iran does not pose a threat to the United State because of its nuclear projects, its WMD, or its support to 'terrorists organizations' as the American administration is claiming, but in its attempt to re-shape the global economical system by converting it from a petrodollar to a petroeuro system. Such conversion is looked upon as a flagrant declaration of economical war against the US that would flatten the revenues of the American corporations and eventually might cause an economic collapse.
    "In June of 2004 Iran declared its intention of setting up an international oil exchange (a bourse) denominated in the Euro currency. Many oil-producing as well as oil-consuming countries had expressed their welcome to such petroeuro bourse. The Iranian reports had stated that this bourse may start its trade with the beginning of 2006. Naturally such an oil bourse would compete against London's International Petroleum Exchange (IPE), as well as against the New York Mercantile Exchange (NYMEX), both owned by American corporations...
   "In its economical war Iran is treading the same path Saddam Hussein had started when he, in 2000, converted all his reserve from the Dollar to the Euro, and demanded payments in Euro for Iraqi oil. Many economists then mocked Saddam because he had lost a lot of money in this conversion. Yet they were very surprised when he recuperated his losses within less than a year period due to the valuation of the Euro. The American administration became aware of the threat when central banks of many countries started keeping Euros along side of Dollars as their monetary reserve and as an exchange fund for oil (Russian and Chinese central banks in 2003). To avoid economical collapse the Bush administration hastened to invade and to destroy Iraq under false excuses to make it an example to any country who may contemplate dropping the Dollar, and to manipulate OPEC's decisions by controlling the second largest oil resource. Iraqi oil sale was reverted back to the petrodollar standard."
- Dr. Elias Akleh: The Iranian Threat: The Bomb or the Euro? -

"He who speaks without an attentive ear is mute."
- Stephen King -

"The purely righteous do not complain about evil, rather they add justice. They do not complain about heresy, rather they add faith. They do not complain about ignorance, rather they add wisdom."
- Rav Kook -

"A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down."
- Arnold Glasgow -

"Was that a lesbian reference?"
- Helen -

    "As you may know, one in six American women of child-bearing age already has enough mercury in her blood to put a developing fetus at risk. That's why pregnant women are urged not to eat many ocean and freshwater fish. Mercury also causes heart attacks among adults.
    "If the Clean Air Act, already in place, were simply implemented as it is supposed to be by the Environmental Protection Agency, we would be rid of over 90 percent of mercury emissions in this country by 2008. But, of course, that would cost the power industry a lot of money, and the power industry gives lots of money to politicians. So the EPA came up with a 'cap and trade' system, under which power plants can avoid meaningful regulation until after 2025.
    "Then, the EPA, whose name is rapidly becoming a morbid joke, had the gall to put out a press release claiming its new rule will cut mercury by 70 percent in 2018. Using the EPA's own figures, it fails to do even that. We'd be lucky to get a 50 percent reduction by 2020, according to Natural Resources Defense Council...
   "Now here's another charming note. As is becoming monotonously repetitious with the Bush administration, it turns out the EPA simply ignored scientific opinion on this subject. The Washington Post reports that the EPA based its new system of 'regulation' on a cost-benefit analysis -- cost to industry versus public health payoff. 'What they did not reveal is that a Harvard University study paid for by the EPA, co-authored by an EPA scientist and peer-reviewed by two other EPA scientists had reached the opposite conclusion. That analysis estimated health benefits 100 times as great as the EPA did, but top agency officials ordered the finding stripped from public documents, said a staff member who helped develop the rule.'
    "One hundred times as much? Gee, maybe the Harvard study is too alarmist. OK, try the EPA's definition of cost-benefit analysis. According to its numbers, 600,000 babies of the approximately 4 million born a year are potentially exposed to mercury emissions. The EPA estimates the health benefits at $50 million, which works out to $83.33 per brain-damaged child. That's some cost-benefit ratio there." 
- Molly Ivins: Mercury Rising -

"So I'm sitting in a Waffle House after a show. I'm not proud of it, it's late, I was hungry. So I'm sitting there, I'm eating, I'm reading a book. This waitress in the next booth stands over me, 'What you reading for?' I said, 'Gee I've never been asked that. God dang it, you stumped me.' Not what am I reading, but what am I reading FOR? I guess I read for a lot of reasons, but the main one is so that I don't end up being a fucking waffle waitress."
- Bill Hicks -

"I pay no attention whatever to anybody's praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings."
- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart -

"Once in every show
There comes a song like this
It starts off soft and low
And ends up with a kiss"
- A Song Like This from the Broadway musical Spamalot -

"To solve the mystery of King Tut's death, a team transported his remains to a hospital for a CAT scan - remarkable for many reasons, most notably that it's not covered by Tut's HMO. Apparently, anything that happened over 3000 years ago? A 'pre-existing condition.'"
- Jon Stewart: The Daily Show -

"OK, if you get elected president, what are you going to do for the little guy?"
- Alexandra Pelosi in the documentary Journeys With George -

"The little guy? I am the little guy. Jeb is 6-4 and I am only 5-11."
- the future president in the documentary Journeys With George -

Everything Else

The Union of Concerned Scientists is doing a good job debunking the latest deceptive ads from the automobile industry.

Read what the bible code has to say about Terri Schiavo.

If the History of Psychological warfare (PSYOPS) and aerial propaganda leaflets doesn't give you some really bad ideas, nothing will.

Just because Easter's over doesn't mean it's too late to dress-up Jesus like a bunny.

 I can't believe you don't know I once pulled off one of the biggest April Fools Day stunts of all time.