There are no new answers, merely different ways of asking the same questions. If the question is "Are Republicans Nazis?", you're in for an argument because every Republican in the United States will say "no." Other than actual Nazis, nobody likes being compared to Nazis because when we hear the word Nazi, we think of their worst attribute, their compulsion to take over the world and rid it of people they don't like. 
    So you've got to approach the question from a different angle. If the question is "Other than the actual Nazi Party (whom we all know are just a lunatic fringe group), what organization in the United States most resembles the Nazi Party?", I don't know how you can come up with any other answer than the Republican Party (with Disney a close second).
    The Nazis encouraged citizens to spy on one another. So do the Republicans. (Whether Disney encourages employees to spy on another is debatable) The Nazis rallied the public to their side by demonizing a racial segment of the population. So do the Republicans. The Nazis funneled all money into the war effort. So do the Republicans. The Nazis had "camps" to "house" people during "emergencies." So do the Republicans. Did the Nazis give themselves tax breaks? I bet they did. There are differences to be sure. The Nazis had a much greater fashion sense.
    And if the Republicans are the new Nazis, guess who's the new Hitler? And I don't mean that in a bad way. The current leadership of the Republican party embraces all of Hitler's best attributes. They've embraced his tactics so thoroughly that basically, the only real difference is that Hitler was evil. Just how big that difference actually is, I'll leave up to you.

"If Lewis and Clark had died on the trail, it wouldn't have mattered a bit," says Notre Dame University historian Thomas Slaughter. Like the moon landing, the Lewis and Clark expedition was inspiring, poetic, metaphorical, and ultimately insignificant. Their route was way too far north to be practical. No one could follow it. Other explorers located better, southerly shortcuts across the Continental Divide, and that's where Western settlers went. Lewis and Clark aficionados delight today in the unspoiled scenery along the trail. The reason the trail remains scenic and unspoiled is that it was so useless.

Operation Enduring Pipeline is the most realistic anti-terrorist game on the net.

NASA plans to read terrorist's minds at airports.

Number of days since 9/11 that Osama bin Laden has not been found - 337.
 

THE TEN SECRETS OF INDEPENDENT FILM
By Chris Gore

1. Corporate independents rule. Deal with it. Every major studio has an independent film division, or what might be called a "low budget studio division." Basically, dramas in which the actors are paid scale. These corporate indies have co-opted the independent spirit and turned it into a section in the video store. You can look on this as a good or a bad thing, but that's the way it is. So learn to live with it.

2. It's a business of relationships. Yes, it really is who you know. There are those who say that the film world is all "politics." So, get good at politics. Get to know the acquisitions executives at the major distributors who still buy movies like Patrick Gunn at Artisan or Mark Ordesky at Fine Line and the other 50 or so select people in this group and get them to your screening no matter what it takes. 

3. Casting counts. Unfortunately. The first question any acquisitions executive, or moviegoer, for that matter, is going to ask is "Who's in it?" Which explains low budget, independent digital features starring Ethan Hawke (Tape), Sigourney Weaver (Tadpole) and Kevin Kline (The Anniversary Party). So, put together a cast that will get your film noticed. Actors are always on the lookout for good material, so get it to them any way you can. Director Rod Lurie played poker weekly with actor Kevin Pollack and ended up directing his independent feature debut by casting his card-playing pal. Cultivating relationships with recognizable talent is valuable, so pursue these assets by building a friendship first, and not by shoving a script in their face. 

4. Be original. But don't be too original. As much as film executives say they want something original, they really don't. What they mean by "original" is simply "old wine in a new bottle." They want a familiar genre or story or tried and true formula told in a completely original way. For example a rock and roll musical (familiar) about a man with a botched sex change operation (very original) called Hedwig and the Angry Inch. That works.

5. Want to get into a film festival? Get to know the "Phantom Programmers." Sure, everyone knows that Geoffrey Gilmore is the chief gatekeeper at the Sundance Film Festival. And there is no chance he is going to return the call of an unknown emerging indie filmmaker. That's why it is critical to get to know the "Phantom Programmers." These are the trusted friends of festival programmers - people they rely on to offer advice about how to fill a programming slot. So, if you can't get to guys like Gilmore, get to the people close to him like John Sloss or Bob Hawk or Jeff Dowd or those nice folks at HBO that always seem to have about 10 films playing at Sundance. It's key to look for the people close to the main programmer and enlist their support for your film in order to get into the festival of your choice. 

6. Get a good review from Roger Ebert. There are seven "Roger Eberts" that can be found in the phone book in the Los Angeles area alone and one of them is bound to love your movie. Seriously, there are more outlets covering film today than films released in a year. No joke. If you can't get a decent review in a recognizable media outlet, there are plenty of unknown media outlets on the web just salivating over the prospect of being quoted on your movie poster. Just ask the major movie studios who use this technique all the time. 

7. Awards are meaningless. Unless, of course, you are the one receiving the award. Be sure to tout any kind of award you receive no matter how cheesy or meaningless it seems to you. That "award" graphic with those two leafs of feathers or wheat or whatever with the "Award Winner" in the center will make a perfect piece of marketing to use on the poster or video sleeve. 

8. Don't be an orphan. There are thousands of "cine-orphans" out there - movies without distribution. It's important not to end up as one. After all of the large and small distributors have passed on your film, don't concern yourself with making back your money. At this point, it becomes about your career, so it's critical to get the film into the commercial marketplace even if you have to self-distribute it on DVD. And DVDs make great give-always at meetings about your next project!

9. Get a look. Yes, as irrelevant as it seems, fashion sense is important and a distinct look does count for something. If fame matters in moving up the indie film career ladder, then it's important to be recognizable in a crowd, or at least in photos that appear in the trades. Picture the writer and director of such films as Spanking the Monkey and Three Kings. You can't. That's because writer/director David O. Russell is about as nondescript as they come. He's an average guy and there's no crime in that. Now picture the writer and director of such films as Welcome to the Dollhouse and Storytelling. Yes, Todd Solondz is that dork with the big glasses. His unique "look" will get him recognized at festivals, events and parties and will even get his geeky mug in the trendy sections of magazines. Fame does help. 

10. The Truth. The reality is that the indie film world is a freelance business in which one rarely gets paid and almost no one gets paid well. Success is garnering good press or winning an award at a festival or receiving rave reviews or the simple pleasure of getting distribution and seeing your film open on the big screen. All of this perceived "success" still won't pay the bills, so it's important to take that tried and true parental advice and have a fall back plan to actually make money. Otherwise, you'll be racking up credit card debt and filing for bankruptcy before your first feature even hits the festival circuit. Sad, but true. Of course, once you reach that "perceived success status," your job is now to lie to everyone about how great life is in the business and continue to perpetuate the myths about the entertainment industry. No one likes reality.

From Film Threat.

Send your questions to "Ask Dr. Hollywood" at disinfotainment@earthlink.net

 

WHO’S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK?

by Helen A. Handbasket

You never know who’s going to trade their soul away or what they’re going to get for it unless you’re Helen A. Handbasket, ex-executive chief in charge of operations for the burning flames of hellfire. Who are her sources? Wouldn’t you like to know? Sorry, all communications are confidential and the property of Helen A. Handbasket, whose opinions do not necessarily reflect those of this or any other publication. 

August 19, 2002

1. Scientists completed a map of the mouse genome on the same day they discovered that England now has as many rats as people. Coincidence? I don't think so.

UNDO THE COUP
Satan for President in 2004

#1 AT SATAN'S CINEPLEX

My Big Fat Road to Perdition

CARTOON FROM HELL

LAWS FROM HELL

Pending Cell Phone Legislation 
By Chris Painter 

New York has banned the use of hand-held cell phones while driving, except for use in emergencies. What are other states planning? 

Idaho: Illegal, unless purpose of call is to secure some lovin' for later. Penalty: $50 if call not used to secure lovin', or lovin' not successfully secured. 

California: Permitted, although any other driver who becomes irritated with cell phone user may legally step out of their vehicle and bash their freakin' teeth in. 

South Carolina: Rental cars with cell phone equipment must include programmed speed-dial function for minimum of five local escort services, upscale, not just some skanky thing. Penalty: Currently a warning; $200 if escort proves to be just some skanky thing. 

Alaska: Illegal, unless situation involves eating frozen family member following grisly car wreck. Penalty: $100 if wreck not especially grisly, or family member not fully frozen. 

Florida: Permitted as long as cell phone is not used to call Manuel. You promised you'd stop calling Manuel, so why do you still call him? What do you two have to talk about? Penalty: $500.

QUIZ FROM HELL

Who said "If you don't probe me, I won't probe you."

a) Ben Affleck
b) Matt Damon
c) Every Democrat and Republican in Congress.

The answer.

HISTORY LESSON FROM HELL

One of the many posters that helped rid America of alcohol prohibition

SATAN DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW

Hot water freezes faster than cold water.

CANDY FROM HELL

Scriptures Candy – These sugar-free breath mints are shaped like tiny Christian fish symbols and are packaged in attractive tins that feature inspirational scripture verses printed on the inside of the lids.  There are 78 different verses. 

QUOTES FROM HELL

"The things that will destroy us are: politics without principle; pleasure without conscience; wealth without work; knowledge without character; business without morality; science without humanity, and worship without sacrifice." 
- Mahatma Ghandi -

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."
- Buddha -

"If the law permits reprehensible behavior, people will engage in reprehensible behavior."
- William F. Buckley Jr. -

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?' Actually, who are not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing so enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God which is within us. It is not in just some of us, it is in all of us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.
- Nelson Mandella (1994 Inaugural Speech) - 

"Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lots of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance."
- Robert F. Kennedy -

SITES FROM HELL

Mandatory reading: Was the U.S. Patriot Act written before 9/11? According to Doreen Miller in High treason in the U.S. Government, "U.S. government officials would have us believe that this 342-page, complexly nuanced document was allegedly crafted after September 11 in the time span of little over a month. To accomplish this feat would have required the in-depth study of fifteen other lengthy acts and statutes which it modifies and amends." 

What's an air war like from the ground? Read Daddy, What's a War?

For the latest Bush antics, don't miss The Accidental President.

Stop playing with your search engine, you'll go blind.

You gotta ask yourself what's going on when Bush deliberately alienates firefighters.

Free fertilizer.

"There is something almost comical about the prospect of George Bush waging war on another nation because that nation has defied international law. Since Bush came to office, the United States government has torn up more international treaties and disregarded more UN conventions than the rest of the world has in 20 years." What if the United States were the enemy? Read The Logic of Empire.

Check out the headquarters of the new resistance, VOXNYC - Piercing the Thin Veil of Lies.

Just another site that say's it has the answer to the UFO question.

Who's been sleeping in the Lincoln bedroom lately?

How does Hamas recruit its suicide bombers? Through pamphlets like The Advantages of Martyrdom.

Another fabulous list of political links debunking the media.

Iraq and Russia, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Would ET Vote? Yes, according to The Likelihood of Extraterrestrial Democracy.

I'm sure it's got NOTHING to do with that big new Hollywood film about them, but there are a bunch of new crop circles that are pretty far out.

There's a damned big difference between Republicans and Democrats.

You don't have to be a disgruntled housewife to enjoy the hell out of Disgruntled Housewife.

Why was everybody celebrating the 25th anniversary of the death of Elvis when he's obviously still alive.

Bush's big plan? Create a mess then clean it up.

What is absolutely everything made out of? The God Particle.

Al Gore never said he invented the Internet, so can we cut the crap?

Save Internet radio. Let congress know you support the Radio Fairness Act.

Guess what resident of the White House is running around the country throwing sham economic forums?

Wanna fuck 'em up? Go here and give bad answers to a survey from the Republican National Committee.