Job Offering

I've got no particular problem with the "design" part of "intelligent design." It's the "intelligent" part I've got problems with. I see no sign that who or whatever may have designed all this was intelligent. Incompetent is more like it. If life on earth was deliberately designed this way, whoever did it is an asshole. Life on earth sucks except for the privileged few. What's intelligent about that? Sounds more like stupid, vicious, and cruel to me. 

The perps of intelligent design are, of course, referring to the "intelligent" god of the bible, the one who appears in the Book of Job, sitting around with the devil, making bets on how seriously he can fuck up the life of one of his creations before he loses faith in the benign goodness of his creator. 

I've suffered some of my own tribulations lately, so I decided to pick up the old testament and actually read the Book of Job. If God were to punish me some more, he'd make me read it again. It's the longest book in the bible, thought provoking as hell, the primary thought being "when is this going to end?"

One day, Job is doing fine, living a pious life. The next, everything he owns is stolen, his ten children are killed, and his body is covered in boils. Three friends come by to visit, presumably to comfort him in his time of loss, but all they do is berate him that he must have done something terrible for God to treat him this way. Repenting his sins is the only solution. The problem is that Job didn't sin, has nothing to repent, and doesn't appreciate their accusations that go on and on and on and on, page after endless page of recriminations. God is merciful. God is just. He wouldn't have let this happen to you unless you deserved it. It wouldn't occur to them in a million years that the god of the Book of Job is a total dick who allows the devil to completely destroy the life of one of his followers, killing all his children and stealing his possessions, turning his life from one of success and happiness to failure and misery in one day, all on a bet. With the devil himself, no less, who seems to be one of God's best pals. Apparently they hang together and cause mischief, all to prove... what? That Job, like Candide, still believes this is the "best of all possible worlds" despite all evidence to the contrary? One of the messages of the Book of Job is that God needs an intervention and a membership in Gamblers Anonymous.

I like the story of the tortoise and the hare. It's got a good message, it's entertaining, and easy to understand. Try misinterpreting the moral that slow and steady wins the race.

But I don't worship it. There isn't a part of me that believes there actually once was a tortoise who raced a hare. It's a parable.

So is the Book of Job, and anyone who takes it literally is an idiot. That there are people who actually believe that God and the devil were sitting around one day making bets on how seriously they could torment somebody before he yelled "uncle" is the strongest possible argument against "intelligent" design. 

Like the current administration, the entire purpose of the Book of Job is to inspire fear. You better be scared of the guys in charge because they could be gambling with your life at this very second, all on a whim. 

My favorite part of the Book of Job is God's final response to Job's question "why is this happening to me? What did I do wrong?" God says "How dare you question my majesty?" He goes on and on, pompously listing all the things he knows that Job doesn't, things like how the rains fall and how rocks are formed, all questions that have since been answered by science, stuff everyone knows. If God pulled that egotistical shit on someone today, they'd say "Excuse me, all your magic tricks have been exposed. Ever heard of evaporation and precipitation? What about basic geology? I'm not impressed."

The message is clear. God is a show-off. Then he gives Job back everything he took from him, as though that makes it all right. Every parent who has lost a child knows that having another one totally makes up for the loss, so Job lives the rest of his life in contentment, never bearing the slightest grudge against a God who capriciously put him through hell.

As the subject of a bad Movie of the Week, I can identify with Job, whose troubles became the most ludicrous book in the bible. The Book of Job asks a lot of interesting questions, then supplies answers that are totally ridiculous. We're supposed to be comforted by the fact that some guy in the bible went through worse shit than we're going through, and he not only survived, he prospered. We're supposed to be impressed that God gave Job back his possessions, but only after taking them from him in the first place. What kind of God is that? One who can't take criticism, who demands obedience, who revels in power. The one our administration worships, God help us.

"Actually, people who believe, doubtlessly, in things like angels, heaven, Noah's ark, talking snakes, and giants, with no rational basis, no evidence, and a palpable disdain for empirical data marginalize themselves. Remember the 'Heaven's Gate' cult, the ones with the Air Jordans who all castrated and killed themselves because they thought they were going to wake up on a comet? When people made fun of them, were they being unfairly marginalized? No. They were just plain silly, because there was no logic or reason behind their beliefs. They'd just been talked into it, and anyone that gullible deserves to be ridiculed, or at least ignored. Well, the same is true of Christians, however many of them there are. 'That's what they told me' is simply not a respectable justification to believe something so strongly that you think others should be made to conform."
- Allan Uthman: In defense of stupidity -

All Listings of the word ASS in the King James Version of the Bible

Genesis 22:3	And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him.
Genesis 22:5	And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the ass; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you.
Genesis 42:27	And as one of them opened his sack to give his ass provender in the inn, he espied his money; for, behold, it [was] in his sack's mouth.
Genesis 44:13	Then they rent their clothes, and laded every man his ass, and returned to the city.
Genesis 49:14	Issachar [is] a strong ass couching down between two burdens:
Exodus 4:20	And Moses took his wife and his sons, and set them upon an ass, and he returned to the land of Egypt: and Moses took the rod of God in his hand.
Exodus 13:13	And every firstling of an ass thou shalt redeem with a lamb; and if thou wilt not redeem it, then thou shalt break his neck: and all the firstborn of man among thy children shalt thou redeem.
Exodus 20:17	Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that [is] thy neighbour's.
Exodus 21:33	And if a man shall open a pit, or if a man shall dig a pit, and not cover it, and an ox or an ass fall therein;
Exodus 22:4	If the theft be certainly found in his hand alive, whether it be ox, or ass, or sheep; he shall restore double.
Exodus 22:9	For all manner of trespass, [whether it be] for ox, for ass, for sheep, for raiment, [or] for any manner of lost thing, which [another] challengeth to be his, the cause of both parties shall come before the judges; [and] whom the judges shall condemn, he shall pay double unto his neighbour.
Exodus 22:10	If a man deliver unto his neighbour an ass, or an ox, or a sheep, or any beast, to keep; and it die, or be hurt, or driven away, no man seeing [it]:
Exodus 23:4	If thou meet thine enemy's ox or his ass going astray, thou shalt surely bring it back to him again.
Exodus 23:5	If thou see the ass of him that hateth thee lying under his burden, and wouldest forbear to help him, thou shalt surely help with him.
Exodus 23:12	Six days thou shalt do thy work, and on the seventh day thou shalt rest: that thine ox and thine ass may rest, and the son of thy handmaid, and the stranger, may be refreshed.
Exodus 34:20	But the firstling of an ass thou shalt redeem with a lamb: and if thou redeem [him] not, then shalt thou break his neck. All the firstborn of thy sons thou shalt redeem. And none shall appear before me empty.
Numbers 16:15	And Moses was very wroth, and said unto the LORD, Respect not thou their offering: I have not taken one ass from them, neither have I hurt one of them.
Numbers 22:21	And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab.
Numbers 22:22	And God's anger was kindled because he went: and the angel of the LORD stood in the way for an adversary against him. Now he was riding upon his ass, and his two servants [were] with him.
Numbers 22:23	And the ass saw the angel of the LORD standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and the ass turned aside out of the way, and went into the field: and Balaam smote the ass, to turn her into the way.
Numbers 22:25	And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she thrust herself unto the wall, and crushed Balaam's foot against the wall: and he smote her again.
Numbers 22:27	And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam's anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff.
Numbers 22:28	And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?
Numbers 22:29	And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.
Numbers 22:30	And the ass said unto Balaam, [Am] not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since [I was] thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? And he said, Nay.
Numbers 22:32	And the angel of the LORD said unto him, Wherefore hast thou smitten thine ass these three times? behold, I went out to withstand thee, because [thy] way is perverse before me:
Numbers 22:33	And the ass saw me, and turned from me these three times: unless she had turned from me, surely now also I had slain thee, and saved her alive.
Deuteronomy 5:14	But the seventh day [is] the sabbath of the LORD thy God: [in it] thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, nor thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thine ox, nor thine ass, nor any of thy cattle, nor thy stranger that [is] within thy gates; that thy manservant and thy maidservant may rest as well as thou.
Deuteronomy 5:21	Neither shalt thou desire thy neighbour's wife, neither shalt thou covet thy neighbour's house, his field, or his manservant, or his maidservant, his ox, or his ass, or any [thing] that [is] thy neighbour's.
Deuteronomy 22:3	In like manner shalt thou do with his ass; and so shalt thou do with his raiment; and with all lost thing of thy brother's, which he hath lost, and thou hast found, shalt thou do likewise: thou mayest not hide thyself.
Deuteronomy 22:4	Thou shalt not see thy brother's ass or his ox fall down by the way, and hide thyself from them: thou shalt surely help him to lift [them] up again.
Deuteronomy 22:10	Thou shalt not plow with an ox and an ass together.
Deuteronomy 28:31	Thine ox [shall be] slain before thine eyes, and thou shalt not eat thereof: thine ass [shall be] violently taken away from before thy face, and shall not be restored to thee: thy sheep [shall be] given unto thine enemies, and thou shalt have none to rescue [them].
Joshua 6:21	And they utterly destroyed all that [was] in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword.
Joshua 15:18	And it came to pass, as she came [unto him], that she moved him to ask of her father a field: and she lighted off [her] ass; and Caleb said unto her, What wouldest thou?
Judges 1:14	And it came to pass, when she came [to him], that she moved him to ask of her father a field: and she lighted from off [her] ass; and Caleb said unto her, What wilt thou?
Judges 6:4	And they encamped against them, and destroyed the increase of the earth, till thou come unto Gaza, and left no sustenance for Israel, neither sheep, nor ox, nor ass.
Judges 10:4	And he had thirty sons that rode on thirty ass colts, and they had thirty cities, which are called Havothjair unto this day, which [are] in the land of Gilead.
Judges 12:14	And he had forty sons and thirty nephews, that rode on threescore and ten ass colts: and he judged Israel eight years.
Judges 15:15	And he found a new jawbone of an ass, and put forth his hand, and took it, and slew a thousand men therewith.
Judges 15:16	And Samson said, With the jawbone of an ass, heaps upon heaps, with the jaw of an ass have I slain a thousand men.
Judges 19:28	And he said unto her, Up, and let us be going. But none answered. Then the man took her [up] upon an ass, and the man rose up, and gat him unto his place.
1 Samuel 12:3	Behold, here I [am]: witness against me before the LORD, and before his anointed: whose ox have I taken? or whose ass have I taken? or whom have I defrauded? whom have I oppressed? or of whose hand have I received [any] bribe to blind mine eyes therewith? and I will restore it you.
1 Samuel 15:3	Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.
1 Samuel 16:20	And Jesse took an ass [laden] with bread, and a bottle of wine, and a kid, and sent [them] by David his son unto Saul.
1 Samuel 25:20	And it was [so, as] she rode on the ass, that she came down by the covert of the hill, and, behold, David and his men came down against her; and she met them.
1 Samuel 25:23	And when Abigail saw David, she hasted, and lighted off the ass, and fell before David on her face, and bowed herself to the ground,
1 Samuel 25:42	And Abigail hasted, and arose, and rode upon an ass, with five damsels of hers that went after her; and she went after the messengers of David, and became his wife.
2 Samuel 17:23	And when Ahithophel saw that his counsel was not followed, he saddled [his] ass, and arose, and gat him home to his house, to his city, and put his household in order, and hanged himself, and died, and was buried in the sepulchre of his father.
2 Samuel 19:26	And he answered, My lord, O king, my servant deceived me: for thy servant said, I will saddle me an ass, that I may ride thereon, and go to the king; because thy servant [is] lame.
1 Kings 2:40	And Shimei arose, and saddled his ass, and went to Gath to Achish to seek his servants: and Shimei went, and brought his servants from Gath.
1 Kings 13:13	And he said unto his sons, Saddle me the ass. So they saddled him the ass: and he rode thereon,
1 Kings 13:23	And it came to pass, after he had eaten bread, and after he had drunk, that he saddled for him the ass, [to wit], for the prophet whom he had brought back.
1 Kings 13:24	And when he was gone, a lion met him by the way, and slew him: and his carcase was cast in the way, and the ass stood by it, the lion also stood by the carcase.
1 Kings 13:27	And he spake to his sons, saying, Saddle me the ass. And they saddled [him].
1 Kings 13:28	And he went and found his carcase cast in the way, and the ass and the lion standing by the carcase: the lion had not eaten the carcase, nor torn the ass.
1 Kings 13:29	And the prophet took up the carcase of the man of God, and laid it upon the ass, and brought it back: and the old prophet came to the city, to mourn and to bury him.
2 Kings 4:24	Then she saddled an ass, and said to her servant, Drive, and go forward; slack not [thy] riding for me, except I bid thee.
Job 6:5	Doth the wild ass bray when he hath grass? or loweth the ox over his fodder?
Job 24:3	They drive away the ass of the fatherless, they take the widow's ox for a pledge.
Job 39:5	Who hath sent out the wild ass free? or who hath loosed the bands of the wild ass?
Proverbs 26:3	A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back.
Isaiah 1:3	The ox knoweth his owner, and the ass his master's crib: [but] Israel doth not know, my people doth not consider.
Isaiah 32:20	Blessed [are] ye that sow beside all waters, that send forth [thither] the feet of the ox and the ass.
Jeremiah 2:24	A wild ass used to the wilderness, [that] snuffeth up the wind at her pleasure; in her occasion who can turn her away? all they that seek her will not weary themselves; in her month they shall find her.
Jeremiah 22:19	He shall be buried with the burial of an ass, drawn and cast forth beyond the gates of Jerusalem.
Hosea 8:9	For they are gone up to Assyria, a wild ass alone by himself: Ephraim hath hired lovers.
Zechariah 9:9	Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion; shout, O daughter of Jerusalem: behold, thy King cometh unto thee: he [is] just, and having salvation; lowly, and riding upon an ass, and upon a colt the foal of an ass.
Zechariah 14:15	And so shall be the plague of the horse, of the mule, of the camel, and of the ass, and of all the beasts that shall be in these tents, as this plague.
Matthew 21:2	Saying unto them, Go into the village over against you, and straightway ye shall find an ass tied, and a colt with her: loose [them], and bring [them] unto me.
Matthew 21:5	Tell ye the daughter of Sion, Behold, thy King cometh unto thee, meek, and sitting upon an ass, and a colt the foal of an ass.
Matthew 21:7	And brought the ass, and the colt, and put on them their clothes, and they set [him] thereon.
Luke 13:15	The Lord then answered him, and said, [Thou] hypocrite, doth not each one of you on the sabbath loose his ox or [his] ass from the stall, and lead [him] away to watering?
Luke 14:5	And answered them, saying, Which of you shall have an ass or an ox fallen into a pit, and will not straightway pull him out on the sabbath day?
John 12:14	And Jesus, when he had found a young ass, sat thereon; as it is written,
2 Peter 2:16	But was rebuked for his iniquity: the dumb ass speaking with man's voice forbad the madness of the prophet.

Joke of the Week

Q: What did the doctors say when Peter Jennings fell down dying in the NBC lobby?

A: If it ain't Brokaw, don't fix it.

I Feel So Much Safer Now

   "The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) has amassed at least 3,500 pages of internal documents from political protest groups in what the targets say amounts to political surveillance of some of President George W. Bush's leading critics.
   "The FBI has obtained 1,173 pages of internal documents on the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) since 2001, the rights watchdog and prominent administration critic said Monday. Federal agents also have collected some 2,383 pages from environmental group Greenpeace, a leading voice of anti-Bush protest, the ACLU added...
   "'The UFPJ report underscores our concern that the FBI is violating Americans' right to peacefully assemble and oppose government policies without being branded as terrorist threats,' said Ann Beeson, the ACLU's associate legal director. 'There is no need to open a counterterrorism file when people are simply exercising their First Amendment rights...'
   "A novel coalition of conservatives and liberals normally at each other's throats over the nature of government and free speech have made common cause to oppose key parts of the antiterrorism law.
   "The ACLU, long vilified by conservatives, has joined forces with right-wing groups the American Conservative Union, Americans for Tax Reform, and the Free Congress Foundation to spearhead the 'Patriots to Restore Checks and Balances' coalition."
- Abid Aslam: FBI Keeping Lengthy Files on Groups Opposed to Bush's Policies -

Stupid Answers of the Week

Last week's question...

Life is more and more like a no-win situation comedy. Survival-wise, is anybody ever really more than a month ahead? How do you do it?

    Straight answer: I don't.
    Simple, really, and it goes to the response I gave to the last stupid question. I sold my soul and work for organized crime (insurance, the biggest legal scam there is). My current job is to sit on a phone and talk to people who, every single day, come to the short, sharp shock of realization that a wrong turn, a simple turning of the head to check for traffic, or simply walking outside of the home could well be the last thing they ever do.
    A really good, close personal "friend" (one of those twin sons by different mother things, although he has the looks), in a period of less than two weeks: had his wife leave him; his father died and; returned to find that his uninsured rental had been torched. He has nothing, his heart weighted by grief and loss.
    He was by last night. He laughed and joked. It is all a matter of perspective, isn't it?
    Take a worst case scenario look at your life. I do this on a regular basis. Ask yourself, point blank, what is the worst thing that could happen? Make it a real Room 101 situation, like the loss of a child, or your sight, whatever is the worst thing that could happen to you... and then what would you do?
    Does this phrase have any meaning to you, "One Day at a Time?"
    Fiddle de dee, I'll worry about it when it happens. Because it does happen, shit that is, shit happens, every day, without warning, and all you can do is either live or die.
    I have spoken to people who have been involved in horrific accidents, and they came away with the attitude that Detroit is still making new cars every day, and they can get another (eventually, or as some have said, that as they live in areas with decent mass transit, they may never bother again), while others are (undoubtedly) still moaning and gnashing their teeth over a 2" scratch on their BMW.
    Whatever. Life is too damned short, say I. Fuck someone, make them cum first. Have a nice goddamned day in spite of the shit life offers.
    Smile, asshole. SMILE! Why not? 
- James and Katherine Allard

     Hi Michael Dare:
    First, thanks for this newsletter/website. I get at least one good laugh every week, and your research and links are awesome. I would love to help you out financially, but as I make 12 bucks an hour working on the local veteran's psychiatric ward, where budgets barely exist, I can't right now. However, assuming I don't die before I sell a screenplay, or rejoin the marketing/advertising juggernaut, I'll send you a nice check when I am able!
    To the stupid question of the week:
    As a college graduate who worked in politics for way too long and then wanted to be a writer, I don't even stay two weeks ahead, financially, most months. Where my personal (higher) goals and dreams exist within me, which are free, I am planning well in advance. The best advice I can give is pass up anything you don't absolutely need, which is way more than most people tend to think, and save what you can -- somewhere safe in your home (our economy could go bust any second. and then we'll all be able to pick up a nice house on the cheap!)
    Good luck and never give up!! Best regards,
- Julie 

Financial aid, baby. But ask me again in a few years when the Fed comes to collect. 
- Beancounter 

How to get more than a month ahead? Find and read Money Is My Friend by Phil Laut. He'll tell you how to do it. Read, particularly, chapter 9 on savings. It's about developing a prosperity consciousness. I've used his method for over 20 years and I am in great financial shape. 
- Bill Moses 

Mike,
    I don't. Manage it, that is. Every month, I fall a little more behind. I have a decent job that pays well, and my wife works part time. Every time we seem to be catching up, something happens.
    For example, a few months ago, we realized that we would be credit card debt free in about 8 more months. This is 8 years after we cut up our credit cards and enrolled in a debt reduction service that got us lower interest rates. The day after telling my wife how close we are to being debt free, our washing machine broke. The part to repair it cost half as much as a new washing machine, and since the machine was already 12 years old, most likely it would only break again in a couple of months. I had already repaired it once last September. We didn't have the cash to buy a new one, so we had to get a Sears card and put a new machine on that. Either that, or drive 25 miles to the nearest laundromat every other day.
    Then the place where I work was taken over by another company, and their insurance is 2.5 times more expensive that what we were paying. I opted out and went with COBRA extension of our previous coverage because my son has to have a tonsillectomy to hopefully get rid of his obstructive sleep apnea. But to get the COBRA extension, I had to back pay to the date that the new company took over, which meant that I had to come up with an additional $1200 last month, which means that the house note is once again being paid 30 days late, and I still have to come up with $700 more this month to continue the COBRA coverage. But that is better than the $3000 (so far) it would have cost me to take the company's crappy insurance, not to mention that their deductibles would have run me another $2,000 for his surgery this Friday, whereas the deductible on the COBRA coverage is a mere $150, thank God, Buddha and the immortal Tao.
    Last night, our 5 year old television died - $250-$300 to replace that. $600 in car insurance was due yesterday. Since my son was born in 2001, our average grocery bill has gone up by more than 50% despite the fact that we rarely buy meat other than the cheapest, fattiest hamburger, and I quit drinking Coke.
    The bright spot is that we are still on track to be credit card debt free by December of this year. Of course, by that time my wife's 10 year old Saturn will probably need to be replaced, which means another car payment every month, not to mention a higher insurance premium. And in just 12 short months, my oldest son will be beginning school, which means we either have to come up with the money for private school or move to a better school district (because he is NOT going to the school where we currently live), which will inevitably mean a higher mortgage.
    So the answer is, we don't manage it. I don't know how people do manage it. My wife works part time at night so she can stay at home with our boys during the day, but if she were to work full time, the cost of daycare for two boys would mean that she would actually be bringing home less than she does working part time at night.
    Obviously my situation isn't as bad as yours. I have a house and a relatively new car (at 0% interest). I have a job. Every three months, a royalty check will arrive, which means we get a half a week of groceries gain on our expenses. Frankly, I don't know how you manage it as well as you do. I wish I could help. When I win the Powerball, look out!
    We do what we have to do, don't we? 
- Jeff 

Cut costs. Buy cosmetic seconds calendars. 
- Locke

     I had to go back and read the piece about Rick twice. A very nice tribute. 
   As you know I can so identify with what you have going on in your life right now.  Two years ago we were living in a motel with the dog. Even though I had already applied for disability I returned to work because I simply didn't know what else to do....we had to eat and we had to live, though I had considered the alternative several times in the middle of the night. Thirteen months later my I get laid off, run through my unemployment and now it's the same story---three months behind in the rent I wait each day to see when they will turn the phones off---it could be any minute now. It's a hell of a way to live, Dare....but I think there is a reason for it and I also believe that good will eventually come of it. Yes, I'm an idealist but somewhere in my soul of souls I want to believe that there is more to it all than this---than what I am holding in my hands right now. But then I read about Rick and I think to myself....maybe it's me who is missing the point here. Who knows?
    Last week someone anonymously gave my pastor two hundred bucks to go towards my rent. That's pretty powerful stuff....someone being moved to perform a random act of kindness like that. Funny how my misery brings out the best in some people. 
   Anyway, this is sort of my way of saying "I hear ya, man"---two years ago when I was truly down and out you wrote me and I've never forgotten it. It was very comforting. I'm so glad that folks who could responded to your needs. 
- Marta 

we emanitized the eschaton until the therbligs
- Fred Robinson 

therbligs? 
- MD

    Even I am not selfish enough to say, "Yes, I know the only thing between you and destitution is fifty dollars, but what about MY needs."
    You're right, though, your readers are only a few steps behind you. I myself deliver pizzas, and haven't gotten a raise even thought gas has nearly doubled in price from when I started. I live in Texas, so even the old car I have that I sold for $450 wouldn't do you much good if I had it to give to you.
    I could chronicle more of my woes, but I find misery does NOT in fact, love company, especially the company of strangers.
    Perhaps the support network used to keep those blacklisted in the fifties going is still in place or could be resurrected, because it REALLY sounds like someone is whispering in someone's ear over your potential gigs.
    Kind regards and GOOD LUCK, 
- Jimmy McConnell 

Shit. I was gonna ask YOU for money.
- MM 

Stupid Question of the Week

What is the stupidest religious belief?

Send your answers here. 

Satan Doesn't Want You to Know

Oolong tea fights eczema. Have a cup after each meal. Studies have shown that the tea's antioxidants relieve itching, redness and swelling.

Don't Take My Word For It

   "One of the surprises of the London bombings has been the line taken by prominent imperialist spokesmen. Tony Blair, Charles Clarke, John Reid, Condoleezza Rice and John Howard have all been careful to say, or imply, that the bombings were not specifically related to their nation's invasion and occupation of Iraq.
   "At first glance, this is a bizarre position, but on further reflection the reason for it is obvious. Clear majorities in Australia and Britain were opposed to joining the US-led invasion of Iraq. Majorities in Britain, the United States and Australia now think that the Coalition should get out of Iraq (although there are differences on the timetable). The war is widely viewed as immoral, a bad mistake and a quagmire. It follows logically from majority public opinion that if the putative enemy is now bringing the war to London (and potentially, New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, Washington, Sydney or Melbourne) we can remove the threat by bringing the troops home.
   "If on the other hand the London attacks are just about 'their' hatred of 'us' (as Bush and Blair are now spinning it) a Coalition retreat from Iraq would make no difference to the shadowy Islamist fanatics for whom (the story goes) the target is 'our way of life.' Of course, this is the exact opposite of George Bush's previous line that its better to fight the terrorists in Iraq rather than back home in the good old US of A."
- Gavin Gatenby: By any spin necessary. Why imperialist spokesmen are distancing the London bombings from the Iraq war -

"The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit."
- Nelson Henderson -

"As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will, he will be sure to repent."
- Socrates -

    "I worked with Peter Jennings during the 1970s, writing his copy when he anchored the news on AM America and producing news coverage when he was an anchor on the World News Tonight. He was a decent enough fellow though completely taken with himself. He could work very hard, strive for the finest in reportage but at times he was officious and other times lazy.
    "It is not unfair to compare him to long-term politicians by noting that during his tenure, the United States went from being the leading creditor nation to the leading debtor nation. That we now supply half the worlds arms, we rank 40th in infant mortality, we have more people in prison than any other developed nation, the gap between our rich and poor is astronomical.
    "Jennings, Brokaw and Rather had the power to do something, to solve problems, or at least to turn them around, by revealing the facts and exploring possibilities. They didn't. They had the attention of a news-hungry nation and they fed them gruel-thin diet of meaninglessness masquerading as journalism. There were no major scoops, no Deep Throats, no holding to the fire the feet of the fools and miscreants who had taken over leadership of the nation.
    "Perhaps as we would love the sinner while hating the sin, it is appropriate to mourn the man. But if we are to be truthful about his record, it is necessary that we also rue the depth of his anchor."
- Tony Seton -

    "Minutes ago, I held an emergency meeting with key White House staff, along with officials from the Food & Drug Administration and Department of Homeland Security. Our focus: news of the horrifying and diabolical plot by Osama al ZarHussein to kill untold thousands of teeth-grinding Wall Street investment bankers and Izod-wearing country club trustafarians by covertly slipping toxic poisons into foreign shipments of Grade A South American hocaine.
    "God, what kind of insidious evil is next? Planes loaded with delicious kilos of yayo careening into a Super Bowl stadium packed with skinny blonde cheerleaders with blue eyes and gleaming ivory chiclet teeth? THAT WOULD BE THREE TIMES THE EVIL OF 9/11!
    "Of course, I also realize that if this fun powder plot had succeeded, thousands of pinko movie stars, swishy magazine editors, smarmy network news producers, and bleeding heart rock and rollers would also be dead. And while that's certainly not a bad thing... well... I just also worry about my girls. (Dabs Away Tear.)"
- George W. Bush -

"Japan was at that very moment seeking some way to surrender with minimum loss of 'face.' It wasn't necessary to hit them with that awful thing."
- General Dwight Eisenhower on the bombing of Hiroshima -

"You have just dined, and however scrupulously the slaughterhouse is concealed in the graceful distance of miles, there is complicity."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson -

"The quickest way to kill a mediocre product is to make people aware of it."
- David Ogilvy -

"There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love."
- Don Juan de Marco -

"The one important thing I have learnt over the years is the difference between taking one's work seriously and taking oneself seriously. The first is imperative and the second disastrous."
- Harlan Ellison -

    "Forty years ago he struck a match and lit a single blow against an immoral war. He fired the only weapon he believed he had in his arsenal: himself. Some called him a madman, a cruel father and heartless parent. Most shook their heads in disbelief: Norman Morrison killed himself to protest a war.
    "Norman Morrison died 40 years ago this November in Washington DC by self-immolation. He set himself afire outside the Pentagon office of Secretary of Defense, Robert McNamara. Before he doused himself and set himself aflame, he left his 15 month-old daughter nearby.
    "Emotionally overwrought at the reports of children killed in a bombed church in Vietnam the day before, Morrison may have intended the presence of his daughter, Emily, as a symbol. He may have intended her presence as a reminder. He may have wanted her there to symbolize the tragedy of parents in Vietnam losing their children, by making an emphatic point. At that time, November 1965, the war in Vietnam was still in its infancy. Morrison tried to stop it altogether by a single, excruciatingly painful act of self-sacrifice.
    "The father of three small children, Morrison had everything to live for. Thirty two-years old and a Quaker, he suffered no personal risk of involvement in the war in Vietnam. He wouldn't be drafted. No blood would be upon his hands...
   "What made him do it? What religious zeal made him choose a terrible death, crucifixion by fire, when he could have easily walked away? What did he expect to accomplish?...
   "Morrison may have only sought to change the mind of one powerful man, while pricking the conscience of a country. Suppose the Secretary of Defense, McNamara, had suddenly been stricken by a pang of conscience? Suppose the public had seen Morrison's act for what it was--a symbolic blood sacrifice to assuage guilt--and suppose enough citizens lobbied their elected leaders to stop the war? Instead, as so aptly portrayed by Alec Baldwin in the movie Path to War, McNamara and LBJ continued on the course of escalation.
    "So, in a way, Morrison sacrificed himself, some say needlessly, to save 58,000 US soldiers and an estimated two million Vietnamese who died. From that perspective, 40 years later and well into another disastrous war, Morrison failed. The public may have been aghast, but the press, politicians and most Christian preachers dismissed his suicide as the act of a disturbed man. Apparently, they implied, only a fool dies for the sins of others."
- Douglas Herman: Requiem for a Forgotten Hero -

"President Bush did not offer India official recognition as a nuclear state, which would have put it on par with Russia, France and China. So if India ever drops a nuclear bomb on you, remember: it doesn't count."
- Jon Stewart -

"Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don't fit into boxes."
- Tori Amos -

"I will make love my greatest weapon and none on who I call can defend against its force... My love will melt all hearts liken to the sun whose rays soften the coldest day."
- Og Mandino -

"We don't know yet about life, how can we know about death?"
- Confucius -

"Would you like me to give you a formula for - success? It's quite simply, really. Double your rate of failure - You're thinking of failure as the enemy of success. But it isn't at all - You can be discouraged by failure - or you can learn from it. So go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because, remember that's where you'll find success. On the far side of failure."
- Thomas J. Watson, Jr. -

"The only failure one should fear, is not hugging to the purpose they see as best."
- George Eliot -

"Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it."
- Winston Churchill -

"Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these."
- Susan B. Anthony -

"When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong."
- Arthur C. Clarke, Clarke's first law -

"Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's 'St. Matthew's Passion' on a ukulele."
- Bagdikian's Observation -

"Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember."
- Oscar Levant -

"A designer knows he has arrived at perfection not when there is no longer anything to add but when there is no longer anything to take away."
- Antoine De Saint-Exupery -

"It is bad luck to be superstitious."
- Andrew W. Mathis -

"What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure."
- Samuel Johnson -

"It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can stop him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important."
- Martin Luther King Jr. -

"I never make the mistake of arguing with people for whose opinions I have no respect."
- Edward Gibbon -

"Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining?"
- George Wallace -

"Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature."
- Kin Hubbard -

"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity."
- Harlan Ellison -

"Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted."
- Hesketh Pearson -

"Life is just a bowl of pits."
- Rodney Dangerfield -

"Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure. We get very little wisdom from success, you know."
- William Saroyan -

    "Exclusive! This column has just learned from a source high in the government, who told me not to use his name, that __ __. This is the first time anyone would admit it. The __ Party was overjoyed, but the __ Party wanted to know who the source was and demanded an apology.
   "Sen. __ __ said it would not be forthcoming, because when Sen. __ __ said, '__ __,' he refused to say he was sorry.
   "So the chairman of the __ Committee demanded an investigation. All Washington is talking about it. This is one of the biggest scandals since __."
- Art Buchwald: This Just In! Now ____ Can Be a Roving Reporter -

"You've got a guy who has got millions of children's ears and he says he's gonna shoot straight to them about the weighty matters of life, death, divorce - and then he steps gingerly around the fact that if you mess with that fag lifestyle you gonna split hell wide open."
- Pastor Fred Phelps: Mr. Rogers is Going to Hell -

    "My former husband George, who is a trained assassin, calls the people he is involved with the members of The Firm or The Brotherhood. If you are in the clique, you are above the law and literally can get away with murder. For years, mostly when he was drinking, he told me how he and others in this elite military group would kill people...
   "As far as the sheer numbers of people involved in this cap and gown, skull and bones secret society, it's hard to say. But it is based on old friendships, college and prep school relationships, covering up secrets and sexual perversion.
    "My husband told me about all the sexually perverted rituals, like anal and oral sex in coffins at drunken parties and running naked in the woods at Bohemian Grove. Then there was the last time I saw George was in 2001 and he was telling me to keep quiet, but I think he knows I will never stop telling the truth."
- Kay Griggs: The Evil Lurking Within -

"The only statistics you can trust are those you falsified yourself."
- Winston Churchill -

"Nothing so completely baffles one who is full of trick and duplicity himself, than straightforward and simple integrity in another."
- Charles Caleb Colton -

    "According to military officials and members of the battalion, soldiers from the battalion's Bravo Company, which is based in Dublin, an East Bay suburb of San Francisco, approached several businesses earlier this year that were owned and operated by Iraqi nationals.
    "The businesses a dry cleaner, a convenience store and the like catered to U.S. soldiers and were located on the fringe of the U.S. military's operating base inside the Green Zone, the fortified hub of the Iraqi government, U.S. occupation officials, embassies and contractor headquarters. The businesses were asked to pay the soldiers 'rent.'
    "Lt. Col. Cliff Kent, spokesman for the 3rd Infantry Division in Iraq, confirmed Friday that two vendors agreed to pay."
- Scott Gold: Guardsmen Took 'Rent' From Iraqi Businesses - The raising of money for a 'soldiers fund' is found during an investigation of a California battalion -

   "Halliburton announced on Friday that its KBR division, responsible for carrying out Pentagon contracts, experienced a 284 percent increase in operating profits during the second quarter of this year. 
    "The increase in profits was primarily due to the Pentagon's payment of 'award fees' for what military officials call 'good' or 'very good' work done by KBR in the Middle East for America's taxpayers and the troops. 
    "Despite the scandals that plague KBR's military contracts, the Pentagon awarded $70 million in 'award' fees to the company, along with four ratings of 'excellent' and two ratings of 'very good' for the troop logistics work under the Army's LOGCAP contract."
- HalliburtonWatch: Halliburton announces 284 percent increase in war profits -

    "Many evolutionary transitions are elegantly documented by more or less continuous series of changing intermediate fossils. Some are not, and these are the famous 'gaps.' Michael Shermer has wittily pointed out that if a new fossil discovery neatly bisects a 'gap,' the creationist will declare that there are now two gaps! Note yet again the use of a default. If there are no fossils to document a postulated evolutionary transition, the assumption is that there was no evolutionary transition: God must have intervened.
    "The creationists fondness for gaps in the fossil record is a metaphor for their love of gaps in knowledge generally. Gaps, by default, are filled by God. You don't know how the nerve impulse works? Good! You don't understand how memories are laid down in the brain? Excellent! Is photosynthesis a bafflingly complex process? Wonderful! Please don't go to work on the problem, just give up, and appeal to God. Dear scientist, don't work on your mysteries. Bring us your mysteries for we can use them. Don't squander precious ignorance by researching it away. Ignorance is God's gift to Kansas."
- Richard Dawkins: Creationism: God's gift to the ignorant -

"The goal of action is contemplation."
- Aristotle -

    "We suffer from a hallucination, from a false and distorted sensation of our own existence as living organisms. Most of us have the sensation that 'I myself' is a separate center of feeling and action, living inside and bounded by the physical body - a center which 'confronts' an 'external' world of people and things, making contact through the senses with a universe both alien and strange.
   "This whole sensation that we're brought up to have, of being an island of consciousness locked up in a bag of skin, facing outside us a world that is profoundly alien to us in the sense that what is outside me is not me, this sets up a fundamental sensation of hostility and estrangement between ourselves and the so-called 'external world.'" 
- Alan Watts: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are -

    "Imagine America under the jackboot of, say, Icelandic occupation. At first many Americans are happy to see Bush arrested and put on trial, but it doesn't take long before we start to miss him. Promises of rapid rebuilding evaporate. Two years after saturation bombing has leveled Washington, Los Angeles, New York and other major cities, the rubble is overrun with rats and wild dogs. America's natural resources - coal, lumber, oil - are shipped back to Iceland without recompense. Unmarked checkpoints spring up everywhere, transforming a drive to the 7-11 to get water - faucets are dry - into a potentially lethal exercise. Icelandic troops conduct house raids to take away Americans' guns. Since there's no electricity for streetlights, the night belongs to gangs, who rape and hold women for ransom. There are no jobs, unless you count working for the hated police force of the puppet regime, the Unified Nordic Republic of Icelanderica. UNRI lackeys ride alongside Icelandic storm troopers to point out the homes of 'terrorists,' who are bagged, beaten and dragged off into the night, never to be seen again. Most of the victims are innocent civilians, of course, but the Icelandics don't speak English. They mistakenly trust their toadies, who use their authority to act on personal grudges.
   "These collaborators, as Karl Rove would point out, are fair game - for attacks by American resistance fighters. As in V. and Red Dawn.
   "A few years pass. The Icelandic government turns over nominal 'sovereignty' to its puppet American regime, but nothing changes on the ground. The checkpoint shootings, mass arrests and chaos continue unabated. Almost everyone has lost a friend or family member to the war. There's an 'election,' but members of the prewar Democratic and Republican parties are barred from participating. America as we know it has been rubbed out.
   "The humiliation is total. Icelandic forces pass out decks of cards depicting the faces of former senators, governors and generals. They shoot deposed leader George W. Bush's twin daughters and air images of their bloody, mutilated faces on state television. They print photos of Bush, haggard and obviously abused in his secret prison, wearing nothing but underwear."
- Ted Rall: Got Empathy? -

    "The circumstances of this attack are extremely interesting: the bombings occurred: 

• During the first full day of the 31st G8 summit in Perthshire, Scotland. 
• A day after London was chosen to host the 2012 Summer Olympics. 
• Two days after Abu Hamza’s trial began in London.
• During an antiterrorism exercise based on multiple simultaneous attacks.
• When the surveillance cameras were not working. 

    "A few hours after the attacks the BBC News reported that a 200 hundred page document claiming responsibility had been discovered on a web site allegedly operated by al-Qaeda associates. Apparently a 'new guest' using the name 'Nur al-Iman' and representing a faction calling themselves 'Secret Organization—al-Qaeda in Europe' also claimed responsibility by posting a message on the al-Qal3ah ("The Castle") Internet forum. They assert that the 'raid' is retaliation for the British complicity in the 2003 Iraq invasion and the United States invasion of Afghanistan.
    "Is al-Qaeda responsible for the London attack as well as 9/11? Or is this the Reichstag Fire of London? How will it affect Bush’s 'war on terror'? Will he continue to behave like America’s tough 'cowboy' by sending others off to war or will our troops return home and give the Iraqis the responsibility for their country?"
- Deanna Spingola: THE G8 SUMMIT DOUBLE-CROSS OF 2005 -

"What else is love but understanding and rejoicing in the fact that another person lives, acts, and experiences otherwise than we do?"
- Friedrich Nietzsche -

"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."
- Confucius - 

"Men at ease have contempt for misfortune; 
They take aim at those who stumble, 
While the tents of robbers are undisturbed 
And those who provoke God are secure, 
Those whose god is their own mighty fist!"
- Book of Job -

"I hope you leave here and walk out and say, 'What did he say?'"
- George W. Bush, Beaverton, Oregon, Aug. 13, 2004 -

Everything Else

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