How about a ban on political advertising on 9/11?

We've got free speech as long as we're not in public when Bush is around. Here's footage of the protest in Portland that didn't get shown on national television, from Cascadia Media Collective, Guerrilla Media from Eugene, Oregon.

The History of Michael Jackson's Face

Egypt's delegation at the World Summit on Sustainable Development in Johannesburg has said that it opposes the agreement between Israel and Jordan to build an $800 million pipeline to rescue the shrinking Dead Sea because it goes against Arab League resolutions banning co-operation between Israel and Arab states. 

Here's a video to Pink Floyd's Money that's probably not what they had in mind.

    Michael Caine walks up to Milton Berle during a party and asks, "What kind of cigar are you smoking, there?"
    "It's a Lawrence Welk." says Berle. 
    "What's a Lawrence Welk?" Caine asks. 
    Milton says, "It's a piece of crap with a band wrapped around it."

http://www.swordswallow.com/

Maharishi Mahesh Yogi's plan goes like this: He will build 3,000 "Peace Palaces" around the world, including one somewhere near Washington. In each palace, hundreds of his followers will be engaged full time in "yogic flying" -- an advanced version of Transcendental Meditation in which the meditators sort of hop around the room while sitting cross-legged. This practice, he says, sends out powerful positive vibrations that reduce stress, crime and violence. With hundreds of people doing yogic flying in 3,000 different places, peace will break out all over.

P. Diddy sent a list of rules to everybody attending his recent party.

See if you can stop playing this game before getting to level 25.

Starbucks has 4,479 locations in North America, opening three or four stores a day, including 147 different locations in Washington D.C. alone.

1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
4. It is important that these three women never meet.

"I have always wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are both controlled by the Illuminati and the Changelings, why are they so different in their beliefs and attitudes? Then I began to realize that when Clinton and the Democrats were in control, it was the Betelgeuse Changelings that I had always been dealing with. But now that Bush was in office and the Republicans were in control, all of a sudden the Bellatrix Changelings come to the forefront. Then I was thinking how the Democrats are considered to be the "Left" of the political spectrum, and the Republicans are considered to be the "Right". Well, take a look at Orion some night. Betelgeuse and Bellatrix are the two brightest stars at the top of Orion, and guess what? Betelgeuse is on the Left, and Bellatrix is on the Right. Coincidence? I doubt it."
- name left off for good reason -

Number of days since 9/11 that Osama bin Laden has not been found - 351.
 

Dear Dr. Hollywood,

So what's the problem with offering for sale ''edited for television'' versions of movies like these guys are doing?  It's not ''banning'' or ''book burning'' the ''director's vision'' of what the film should be.

Dan

Dear Dan,

I think those people are insane and that their entire premise is bankrupt. They are so wrong in every way that it's hard to know where to start in explaining why they should have their eyes gouged out with a fork.

Let's take their statement "We think a jury will want to agree with us that you shouldn't be required to watch what you find objectionable." Who the fuck is "requiring" that anyone watch anything? There's already a ratings system, imperfect though it may be, that tells viewers whether a film is okay for children. Anyone who wants to protect their children from objectionable language or violence or nudity need simply show them films rated G or PG. There. Problem solved. They're solving a problem that doesn't exist. Anybody who wants to show their children a version of Taxi Driver with all the violence removed or American Pie with all the sex removed is insane.

Let's take Amistad, a brilliant Steven Spielberg film rated R for violence and nudity. I would assume these mental midgets have excised the violence and nudity, making the film more child friendly.

Amistad is a fantastic history lesson that every parent should show to their children. I've shown it to mine, despite the R rating, and yes indeed there's a scene in it with violence and nudity that shocked the hell out of them, and me too. It's the most horrifying scene I've ever seen in a movie.

Slave traders discover they haven't got enough food for their human cargo, so they decide to dispose of them. Dozens of beautiful black naked human beings are chained to a weight and simply thrown overboard. There's an absolutely unforgettable shot from the bottom of the ocean, looking up at a chain of naked people sinking to their death. 

I was horrified. My children were horrified. Need I point out that the point of the scene was to horrify us? They turned to me and said "Dad, did this really happen?" I said "Yes" and I didn't have to explain any further. They weren't horrified by THE NUDITY. They were horrified by MAN'S INHUMANITY TO MAN. A pretty goddam important lesson, one I felt obligated to teach my children, despite the fact they saw some tits.

Wanna bet that's the scene these ignorant assholes cut out of the picture? 

What exactly are they protecting their children from? Nudity? They can go fuck themselves. The naked human being is beautiful. (Generally speaking. Please don't send me naked pictures of Pavarotti.)

I just saw the sanitized version of Last Summer, a film about two teenage boys who are driven so mad with lust over the sight of Barbara Hershey's breasts that they rape Cathy Burns. Guess what was left out of the picture, even though it was supposedly uncut on satellite TV? That's right, Barbara Hershey's breasts. Hurray, now kids can watch Last Summer without being exposed to the magnificence of Barbara Hershey's teenage torso while seeing a film that pretty much makes no sense. Anybody who thinks it's okay for children to see a rape but bad for them to see breasts is insane.

There's no reason to sanitize Last Summer. It's an adult film in the best sense of the word, a serious film about sex that's meant for adults. To sanitize it for children destroys the picture. There are sex comedies full of vulgar jokes and serious movies that explore the depths of human sexuality. Both are unquestionably not for children. Need I point out the obvious solution? Leave them alone and DON'T SHOW THEM TO CHILDREN.

There are films that exploit violence, making it fun to watch, and others, like Saving Private Ryan, that deliberately show us the actual result of violence, showing that it most certainly is NOT fun. Cutting all the most violent shots out of the opening of Saving Private Ryan changes it to a film that makes it fun to watch instead of one that turns us AGAINST violence by proving how horrifying it really is. They're changing the point of the picture. Anybody who thinks Saving Private Ryan would be better with the ultra-violence removed is an idiot.

These are the same cretins who don't want their kids to see Michelangelo's David unless his dick is covered with a fig leaf. Someone should hijack a plane and crash it into their corporate offices. Good riddance.

Send your questions to "Ask Dr. Hollywood" at disinfotainment@earthlink.net

 

WHO’S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK?

by Helen A. Handbasket

You never know who’s going to trade their soul away or what they’re going to get for it unless you’re Helen A. Handbasket, ex-executive chief in charge of operations for the burning flames of hellfire. Who are her sources? Wouldn’t you like to know? Sorry, all communications are confidential and the property of Helen A. Handbasket, whose opinions do not necessarily reflect those of this or any other publication. 

September 2, 2002

UNDO THE COUP
Satan for President in 2004

CARTOON FROM HELL

 

BABY ASPIRIN  FROM HELL

Bayer was found responsible for poisoning children in Peru.

QUIZ FROM HELL

Questions for George W. Bush...

Are you absolutely certain that Osama bin Laden does not already have a weapon of mass destruction hidden somewhere in the United States?

If he does have a weapon of mass destruction hidden somewhere in the United States, isn't it possible he's just waiting for the right excuse to set it off?

Wouldn't the U.S. invading Iraq give him just the motivation he's looking for?

If we invade Iraq strictly on your say-so, and bin Laden sets off a weapon of mass destruction in the United States in retaliation, wouldn't the loss of American life be your fault?

Are you an idiot?

TOYS FROM HELL

Mattel Toys is now selling personal vibrators to children. (read the customer's comments)

CONTRADICTION FROM HELL

They ate lobsters, caviar and brandy at the summit on starvation.

HISTORY LESSON FROM HELL

Larry King explains the use of the word fuck.

SATAN DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW

To get crayon marks off walls, just use a hairdryer to heat them up, then wipe them off with a paper towel.

CROP CIRCLE FROM HELL

Winchester, Hampshire, Aug 2002 (Steve Alexander)

SHAKESPEARE FROM HELL

Hipsters, flipsters, and finger-poppin' daddies,
Knock me your lobes,
I came to lay Caesar out,
Not to hip you to him.
The bad jazz that a cat blows,
Wails long after he's cut out.
The groovy is often stashed with their frames,
So don't put Caesar down.
The swinging Brutus hath laid a story on you
That Caesar was hungry for power.
If it were so, it was a sad drag,
And sadly hath the Caesar cat answered it.
Here with a pass from Brutus and the other brass,
For Brutus is a worthy stud,
Yea, so are they all worthy studs,
Though their stallions never sleep.
I came to wail at Caesar's wake.
He was my buddy, and he leveled with me.
Yet Brutus digs that he has eyes for power,
And Brutus is a solid cat...
- Lord Buckley -

QUOTES FROM HELL

"I haven't got a dream that hasn't been repossessed."
- Bob Dylan, Bye and Bye -

"If the government creates any regulations to oppress its people than it has no right to legislate."
- James Madison -

"You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money."
- P.J. O'Rourke -

"There are many men of principle in both parties in America, but there is no party of principle."
- Alexis de Tocqueville -

"It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing. It is not how much we give, but how much love we put in the giving." 
- Mother Theresa -

"The things that will destroy us are: politics without principle; pleasure without conscience; wealth without work; knowledge without character; business without morality; science without humanity, and worship without sacrifice."
- Anonymous -

"If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the host of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well." 
- Martin Luther King Jr. -

"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones." 
- Albert Einstein -

"If a politician found out that he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner."
- H. L. Mencken -

By objective standards, the leading managers of the U.S. economy are collectively, clinically insane."
- Lyndon LaRouche -

"He's rash. He's a destroyer of the world. When we create higher consciousness, he'll be out."
- Maharishi Mahesh Yogi on GWB -

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
- Dave Barry -

"Bovine."
- George W. Bush upon passing a herd of cattle on a jog -

SITES FROM HELL

Mandatory reading: Anti-personnel cluster bombs, cruise missiles, B-52-sewn carpet bombs and 2000-pound blockbusters were rained indiscriminately onto the inhabitants of countless primitive Afghan mud hut villages in an orgiastic and vengeful American killing spree, the purpose of which was, ostensibly, to "git bin Laden." Bin Laden was apparently not gotten, but many simple Afghan peasants who never heard of bin Laden were killed. - From Bush cynical, unimaginative, reactive opportunist.

While Saddam is undoubtedly a murderous dictator who does finance fundamentalist terrorist groups, Saddam is for the most part a secular murderous dictator who has historically calculated his military activities in terms of real politic. As far as we know, neither he nor any of the terrorist groups he finances have ever directly attacked the United States. By way of comparison, the last secular leader driven from power in the Middle East was also a murderous dictator; the Shah of Iran. He was replaced by the Ayatollah Khomeini, who immediately declared America the "Great Satan" and seized 52 American hostages. Given that background, it is fair to ask, if the United States invades Iraq, will whoever replaces Saddam be better or worse? - From The Coming Slaughter.

Everyone who thinks cutting down the forests to prevent fires is a good idea, raise your hand, otherwise click here.

According to a report mandated by a U.N. resolution on May 7, the number of Palestinian casualties in Jenin was 55, most of whom were combatants. Not quite the massacre we were told about.

Is the U.S. military behind crop circles? Here's a strangely plausible explanation.

Okay, I created the Save the Plankton site as a joke, but it turns out plankton levels are actually falling dangerously low and the results could be disastrous.

The war in Iraq ain't Bush's war, it's Cheney's war. Did you know last
winter, Cheney, as CEO of Halliburton, oversaw $23.8 million of business
contracts for the sale of oil-industry equipment and services to Iraq?

If money is the root of all evil, what is the root of all money?

Okay, here's a new reason why JFK might have been assassinated.

Should Alan Greenspan be tried for treason?

Jeff Crook is Mad as Hell about the riot police in Portland spraying pepper spray at babies but hey, if you can't laugh at totalitarianism, what can you laugh at?

Janis Ian gives her music away for free so she can make money.

Where the hell did Saddam Hussein get the idea to use germ warfare against his own people? Clue #1: American Indians. Clue #2: blankets with smallpox.

Hey, let's use the moon as a nuclear waste repository.

Were Russians behind the anthrax scare?

Fuck the rest of the media. Besides the protesters, here's what really happened at the 1992 Earth Summit in Rio de Janeiro.

Looking for the latest in suicide bomber squad uniforms? Go to Fatwa Sam's.

Confused? Having difficulty telling the good guys from the bad guys? Use this handy guide to tell the difference between Terrorists and the Bush Administration.

Wanna do something about it? Check out the Apocalypse Prevention Project.

Wanna leave Vegas with your shirt? Check out this superb guide to gambling. part 2, part 3.

What do 1,130 women have to do at the same time in order to make it into the Guinness Book of Records? Show their tits, that's what.