The Only Daily That Comes Out Weekly
Issue #191
is
brought to you by
 |
|
HARARE, Zimbabwe (04-04) After 20 mental patients disappeared from his bus, a driver replaced them with sane citizens and delivered them to a mental hospital. The unidentified bus driver was transporting 20 mental patients from the capital city of Harare to Bulawayo Mental Hospital when he decided to stop for a few drinks at an illegal roadside liquor store. Upon his return he was shocked to discovered that all the mental patients had escaped. Desperate for a solution, the driver stopped at the next bus stop and offered free bus rides to several people. He then delivered them to the mental hospital, informing the staff they were easily excitable. It took the medical personnel three days to uncover the foul play. The real mental patients are still at large. |
Chapter 1
The Inmates It was a good night to be insane. Pitch black, rain pouring heavily, lightning striking again and again, perfect for lighting up the old wooden sign outside the crumbling gray stone walls of "The Gainesville Asylum for the Insane," with the word "insane" crossed off in crayon and the words "mentally handicapped" scrawled nearby, and the words "mentally handicapped" crossed off in chalk with the words "perfectly normal" scribbled next to them. There must have been an insane cackle breaking the momentum of the storm as lightning struck again and again, barely illuminating a skeleton key opening an old lock on a dirty door, heavy with age, squeaking open with a rusty creak. Another insane cackle. Yep, the insane like nights like this. It takes them outside themselves, forcing them to ponder the outside world as it really is, a random series of powerful illuminations, rather than the inside world, which varies splendidly in the sparkling synapses of the cerebral cortex of each individual, sane or not. |
|
The Critics Agree
Looks like it might be “REALLY GOOD” - Publisher’s Discount Outlet Not quite as “HILARIOUS” as I thought it was going to be - New York Times Falls far short of “THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL” - Joyce Carol Oates Tries very hard to be “THE FUNNIEST BOOK YOU’LL EVER READ” - Norman Mailer “I WISH I’D THOUGHT OF IT” because if it had been written by me it would have been much better - Dave Barry When I stopped reading and turned on The Family Guy, “I COULDN’T STOP LAUGHING” - Carl Hiaasen Almost achieves something “INCREDIBLY GREAT” but falls far short - The Village Voice The author obviously thinks he’s a “GENIUS” - Psychiatry Today If you want something “ENORMOUSLY ENTERTAINING” look elsewhere - Books in Print “INSPIRED” me to write a better book - P.J. O’Roarke It starts out fairly RATIONAL, but about halfway through you're bound to tell yourself "this is NUTS." A second later, you will nod as another voice in your head says "PRECISELY." - Sigmund Freud $20 for the quality paperback from Cafepress. $10 for a PDF file directly to your mailbox, preferably with Paypal, or write me and tell me why you think you deserve a free copy. "Art is like a border of flowers along the course of civilization." - Lincolm Steffens - "Artists lie to tell the truth. Politicians lie to hide it." - V for Vendetta - |
|
|
Posted 7/14/06 How to Get Published in the L.A. Times
Several months ago I submitted by email a piece of
3,000+ words to West Magazine, the free glossy mag that comes with the
Sunday LA Times.
Two months
later, I got a rejection from the editor who apologized for
taking so long. He said he liked it but didn't see anyplace for it to
fit. The only place it would possibly work would be in a new column
they had running called "The Rules of Hollywood" which was only 700
words long.
I noticed the rejection wasn't from some
underling but the actual editor of the magazine. Now that I had his
attention, I took advantage of it.
Ten minutes after receiving the
rejection, I replied with a submission for "Rules of Hollywood" that
was 700 words long. Not 699. Not 701. 700. Ten minutes later I received
a reply saying he liked it but he didn't like the "rule" and he thought
it should be more about the difference between horror and comedy.
Ten minutes later I resubmitted the piece
with a new rule and a couple new paragraphs about the difference
between horror and comedy, apologizing that the piece was now longer
and I couldn't figure out what to take out.
Ten minutes later I received an
acceptance. The longer version was already edited back down to 700
words, and I was asked for my address and social security number for my
contract. Next Sunday, August 20th, pick up the Sunday LA Times, go to
West Magazine, and check out "Get the Gig First, Then Unleash Your
Genius," the latest example of The Rules of Hollywood, or see the PDF
(90KB) here.
And the Rule for Journalists? "You can turn a rejection into an
acceptance with persistence."
The Legacy
of Timothy Leary
by Paul Krassner
“There is one thing people should know about Tim
Leary,” says British writer John Higgs. “He was
fucking funny!” Shortly before his death, Leary was asked
about Richard Nixon calling him “the most dangerous man in
America.” “It’s true,” Leary
replied. “I have America surrounded.” Which is why
Higgs titled his biography I Have America Surrounded: The
Life of Timothy Leary. I asked him a couple of questions via
e-mail.
Q. How do you view the negative media depictions of Leary this year? A. I find them very revealing. Not in what they're saying, of course, but in what they are ignoring. Most of the mud that has been slung at Leary is perfectly true, but you can be factually accurate and wildly misleading at the same time. For instance, if someone asked me to describe Winston Churchill, I could say he was a mentally ill drunk who lost the 1945 UK General Election. And I'd be factually correct, but that wouldn't mean I was being fair, or that I'd nailed the essence of the man. With Leary, for everyone with a complaint against him, there are countless people who credit him with enriching their lives on a very profound level, and I don't understand the desire to ignore this. Ultimately, you can't hope to understand why he did what he did if you refuse to look at the ideas that drove him. Leary was too complicated a figure to dismiss as either a saint or a moron, as many people try to. He's probably the best example of the “trickster” archetype that the 20th Century produced, and his ambiguity is key to understanding him. The crux of his philosophy was the extent to which the reality that appears to be external to us is actually a model constructed by our own minds, a model that we are responsible for and which in certain circumstances can change. This is a frightening and unsettling idea, but it is also liberating. The implication is that if you hear someone describe Leary as a saint or as a moron, then they are not really telling you anything about Tim, but revealing something about themselves. Leary used to say, “You get the Timothy Leary you deserve.” (He was being willfully antagonistic here, I think. It would perhaps be fairer to say that you get the Timothy Leary you want.) The upshot of all this, of course, is that it is only right and fitting that we hear so many wildly different opinions about him. Perversely, it validates his ideas. Q. How do you think history will remember him? A. With increasing interest. We all know that Leary was instrumental in millions of people deciding to take LSD in the ’60s and ’70s. The big question, however, is how deeply did the impact on this affect our current, 21st Century western culture? It's a huge question, and one we've hardly begun to answer. A lot has been written about the impact of psychedelics on music, for example, but very little on its impact on the rest of our society, on subjects as diverse as chaos mathematics, religion, molecular biology, postmodernism or politics. All these are big subjects that will need a lot of work to understand. Happily, people are now starting to look at these questions. John Markoff's recent book, What the Dormouse Said, which looks at the impact of ’60s thought on the emergence of the PC industry, is a good example of this. As the years pass, I think we're going to slowly get a better perspective on the impact of this historically unprecedented mass psychedelic use, and with that a better appreciation of Leary's impact on us all. William Burroughs said that Leary's impact would not be fully understood for a hundred years. I can't bring myself to disagree with this, but it is no reason not to venture a few steps further down that road now. "Think for yourself and question
authority."
- Timothy Leary -
Paul Krassner edited Pot Stories For the Soul, available at paulkrassner.com. My Best Birthday Present
by Michael Dare
(from Emulsional Problems)
 I haven't
celebrated my birthday in decades. Sure, when you're a kid it's
exciting to add a year to your age, have your parents gather
your friends, blow out the candles, and get presents, but today I turn
49 and the last thing on earth I feel like doing is celebrating, much
less blowing out a fire. Nothing very special about November 10th other
than it is the day that Stanley found Livingston. Okay, I wouldn't mind
a present or two, but that's more a matter of actually needing stuff
than thinking I deserve any sort of reward just for having
survived another year. I've always felt it was a wee bit egomaniacal to
throw yourself a big birthday party. Nothing wrong with
celebrating others, but when it comes to celebrating yourself, it
shouldn't be in public.
Fifteen years ago today it was also my
birthday and, as normal, I was doing what I always do, what I still do,
what I'm doing right now, writing at my computer, with
absolutely no plans for the day. When you don't have a plan, there's
nothing to deviate from. You can do whatever you want without fear
of failure because how can you fail when you don't have any
goal in mind? Whatever happens, happens, and it's good or bad on its
own terms. The higher you get your hopes up, the further you
have to fall, so I never count on anything. If something bad
happens, too bad. If something good happens, it's a gift.
There was a knock at the door. I opened
it and there was Timothy Leary who said "Hi, I'm your birthday
present." He wouldn't explain how or why this came to be, or
who in particular was bestowing him upon me. He was simply
there, and he would hang out for at least an hour. All he
would tell me was that he was told I was someone he should
meet.
Whenever you meet someone famous in a
personal situation, it's hard to know how to behave, particularly if
they're enormous media stars. After all, you've spent hours
gazing at them, thinking about them, perhaps days or weeks
staring at their image. Imagine the hundreds of hours you've
spent with certain stars broadcast regularly into
your living room. They feel like a friend, like you actually
know them. They're not and you don't, but it's a hard feeling
to shake when they're standing right in front of you, coming
into your house, sitting on your sofa, checking the place out while
waiting for you to bring them a drink. No matter how many
memories you have of them, they have none of you. To them, you are a
total stranger. Treat them like a fan would and you risk
becoming part of their teeming crowd of lookie loos. Treat
them like you don't know who they are and they could get insulted.
No way to make a friend. Friendships deserve an even playing
field, so it's hard to think of yourself as the friend of a
celebrity until they know as much about you as you know about
them. Which is why celebrities are SO interested when
you interrupt them somewhere in public and tell them about
your uncle Sid's gall bladder operation.
I wanted to be friends with Timothy Leary
so he had a hell of a lot of catching up to do because he knew
nothing about me and I knew a lot about him, or at least I
thought I did. I shifted into show-and-tell mode, whipping out a book
of Polaroids for him to peruse. He enjoyed my madness immensely and I
proceeded to tell him something I'm sure he heard a million times. My
life was profoundly changed by his research into psychedelia, combined
with reading Tom Wolfe's "The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test," the
Beatles, and meeting a guy named Mario in 1970 who claimed to be the
husband of the actual Alice that Arlo Guthrie sang about but who
supported his acting habit by selling acid at Lee Strasberg's studio
where I happened to be studying at the time.
But I digress. The first and foremost
influence that Timothy Leary had upon me was my art, which simply
didn't exist. Before my first acid trip, I wasn't an artist. I had
never played guitar, had certainly never created any impressionism, and
hadn't written a single word other than school assignments. Maybe I
would have discovered these talents on my own, but if my Polaroids
remind you of acid flashbacks, welcome to the club. On acid, what I do
to my Polaroids, you can do to reality. Move it around a little. Make
big things look small, small things look big, marvel at the infinite
depths you're capable of perceiving, as though reality were a
3D comic book and for the first time you were looking at it
with the red-and-blue glasses.
Pre-acid, I was only interested in being
an actor, moving to New York to study with Lee Strasberg, and getting
in a Broadway play. On acid, I actually attempted to give a performance
from Spoon River Anthology in front of the man
himself, a performance he declared "interesting," a performance that
convinced me that acting was a very strange profession. While
personally communicating with the infinite miracles of the universe, I
had a very hard time convincing myself that the most important thing I
could be doing was pretending to be a fictional character while
reciting dialogue written by a writer I'd never met. Post-acid
I walked home from the Village to my boarding house at 39th and Park,
picked up my roommate's guitar and started playing. It wasn't
long before I was a better guitar player than actor, and I
ended up composing music for several off-Broadway shows. Way off
Broadway. The Company Theater at La Cienega and Pico in Los
Angeles to be precise.
Other acid trips were less eventful and I
stopped taking it, but not before playing with my first SX-70 Polaroid
camera and discovering I didn't need acid to change reality to
my own specifications.
We talked and talked. He wasn't a drug
addled guru and I wasn't an acid burnout. He was extremely intelligent.
My vision of Leary had been fogged by his media image, and I
had forgotten that he was a Harvard professor. Luckily, some others
forgot too and that's how he escaped from prison. The
most amazing story he told me was this one...
When he was busted by the Feds for
possession of one single joint of pot and sentenced to 20
years in a Federal penitentiary, the prison officials did
what they always did with new prisoners, they gave him a
psychological test to determine whether he would go to a
minimum or maximum security prison. He passed the test with
flying colors and was sent to minimum security where
he promptly escaped. What the officials didn't know was that
Leary himself wrote the psychological test for the Federal
prison system when still at Harvard, so he knew exactly what
answers to give.
After a couple hours, my birthday present
had to leave, but in his new life as Hollywood gadfly I kept
running into him over the years at video shows and
art galleries. I'm glad he lived long enough to experience the
Internet, and let's hope his
site gets restored to its former glory.
Movie I Want To See
Answer to Last Issue's
Obviously Stupid Question
Know any logical fallacies or inconvenient lies? Can
you even connect 'logical fallacy'
In the same sentence? I guess I just did You can even say 'fallacie logique' And sound vaguely intellectual Or French from the ages Mid Everything does and does not exist If you, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, Can hold that paradox in your head Important and unimportant simultaneously From Alpha to Omega to Prima to Zed And our puny minds can't bring into existence That which should rule over all; Intelligence, justice, honesty, Someone comely in our bed; And we can't just wish away That which shouldn't exist; Lies, treachery, neocons, morons, This stupid rhyming answer you just read; So we are doomed to be victims Of the false realities we endlessly create Out of something dumb or dead We saw or thought or felt Or smelt or heard or said. - RS Janes Sir, I am Vromme Gunther, A dealer in propellers. I want to buy propellers for supply to my government. Please I will like you to give me you stock at hand and also prices list. Regards, - Vromme Gunther. IF EVERYTHING DOES NOT EXIST THEN ELSE IS A FALLACY. IF EVERYTHING DOES NOT EXIST THEN LOGIC DOES NOT EXIST. EXISTENCE IN AND OF IT'S SELF BECOMES A LOGICAL FALLACY. REALITY BECOMES A MIASMA OF INTERDEPENDENT CONSTIPATION. THE LOGICAL FALLACY OF "I SHIT THEREFORE I AM" IS A COMMON RESULT OF THIS TYPE OF THINKING. - JD IF Global Warming is a reality, and IF the Human Race is thus an endangered species as a direct result, THEN anyone that supports anything that ends a Single Human Life is killing off an endangered species, and must be stopped. Of course, that would start at the White House, but would also run to Hospice Centers and Abortion Clinics, but there is this old saying about eggs and omelets.... Should that honk you off, then skip that and recall the brilliance of The Moody Blues: I THINK. I THINK I AM. THEREFORE, I AM! ...I think... - james and katherine allard "When reason succumbs to passion, we act against our better judgment." - Benedictus de Spinoza - Ironically, this "don't take my word for it" quote appeared in the same issue as the list of 20 logical fallacies and is itself the logical fallacy of a tautology. Reason is a better judgment because passion is unreasonable. - Jimmy McConnell Opportunity for Mischief
Project Gutenberg is a massive online collection of books in the public domain. Distributed Proofreaders is where the public volunteers to proofread new texts for Project Gutenberg. If the phrase "baba-booey" were ever to mysteriously appear in something by Dickens, now's the time. Not that I'm suggesting you actually DO such a thing, but the... Stupid Question of the
Week
...is if you WERE to leave your personal mark somewhere within classic fiction past, what would it be? Satan Doesn't Want You
to Know
Red River is just Mutiny on the Bounty on horses. Don't Take My Word for It
"The clash we are witnessing around the world is not a clash of religions, or a clash of civilizations. It is a clash between two opposites, between two eras. It is a clash between a mentality that belongs to the Middle Ages and another mentality that belongs to the 21st century. It is a clash between civilization and backwardness, between the civilized and the primitive, between barbarity and rationality. It is a clash between freedom and oppression, between democracy and dictatorship. It is a clash between human rights, on the one hand, and the violation of these rights, on other hand. It is a clash between those who treat women like beasts, and those who treat them like human beings. What we see today is not a clash of civilizations. Civilizations do not clash, but compete... "I am not a Christian, a Muslim, or a Jew. I am a secular human being. I do not believe in the supernatural, but I respect others' right to believe in it. "Brother, you can believe in stones, as long as you don't throw them at me. You are free to worship whoever you want, but other people's beliefs are not your concern, whether they believe that the Messiah is God, son of Mary, or that Satan is God, son of Mary. Let people have their beliefs... "The Jews have come from the tragedy (of the Holocaust), and forced the world to respect them, with their knowledge, not with their terror, with their work, not their crying and yelling. Humanity owes most of the discoveries and science of the 19th and 20th centuries to Jewish scientists. 15 million people, scattered throughout the world, united and won their rights through work and knowledge. We have not seen a single Jew blow himself up in a German restaurant. We have not seen a single Jew destroy a church. We have not seen a single Jew protest by killing people. The Muslims have turned three Buddha statues into rubble. We have not seen a single Buddhist burn down a Mosque, kill a Muslim, or burn down an embassy. Only the Muslims defend their beliefs by burning down churches, killing people, and destroying embassies. This path will not yield any results. The Muslims must ask themselves what they can do for humankind, before they demand that humankind respect them." - Arab-American Psychiatrist Wafa Sultan from an interview aired on Al-Jazeera TV on February 21, 2006. See it here, read a transcript here, or see her death threats here. - "It does not matter how small you are if you have faith and a plan of action." - Fidel Castro - "I have to say, watching George Bush talk about Israel the last week has reminded me of a feeling that I hadn't felt in so long I forgot what it felt like: the feeling of pride when your president says what you want your president to say, especially in a matter that chokes you up a bit. I surrender my credentials as Bush exposer - from the very beginning - to no man, but on Israel, I love it that a U.S. president doesn't pretend Arab-Israeli conflict is an even-steven proposition. Lots of ethnic peoples, probably most, have at one time or another lost some territory; nobody's ever completely happy with their borders; people move and get moved, which is why the 20th century saw the movement of tens if not hundreds of millions of refugees in countries around the world. There was no entity of Arabs called 'Palestine' before Israel made the desert bloom. If those 600,000 original Palestinian refugees had been handled with maturity by their Arab brethren, who had nothing but space to put them, they could have moved on -- the way Germans, Czechs, Poles, Chinese and everybody else has, including, of course, the Jews." - Bill Maher: I Love Being on the Side of My President - "Maybe I'm missing part of the story, but near as I can figure, two Israeli soldiers were kidnapped, hundreds of Lebanese were killed in retaliation, Hezbollah rockets began pouring over the border in retaliation for that. I don't see how this most recent heap o' violence falls under Israel 'defending its right to exist'." - waxwings responding to Maher - "Does every Jewish man have to see this as an Israeli. Hey, Bill. Aren't you an American? This stance of yours is as whacked as your position on Iraq. Since when is defending yourself means having the right to go all out nuts. Defend yourself by stopping the assaults. defend yourself by being a good neighbor. Defend yourself by being a part of a civilized community with rights and obligations to talk and if necessary, negotiate. Do we teach our children to defend themselves by going home and getting Daddy's guns and kill all the kids on the playground because one kid spit on them. Get a life. If your analogy held true, then Dillon Klebold was just defending himself in the Columbine shootings. After all. Dillon was mocked in the cafeteria. Proportionality is the key. Decency is the key. Geez...get a grip, Bill. Starting a holocaust is over the line. Even for Jews." - alibe responding to Maher - "A list from the Homeland Security Department that determines hundreds of millions of dollars in anti-terrorism grants showed that Indiana and Wisconsin each have more than twice as many terror targets as California and that one target is a petting zoo in Alabama. "My immediate thought was: Of course, a petting zoo. This is the kind of 'think like a terrorist' strategy we need. Petting zoos are not only where our children are, it's where our animal children are. And if children are our future, then animal children are our animal future. Al Qaeda takes out our petting zoos, and our civilization is reduced to nothing but useless old creatures. "Now that people know that Old MacDonald's Petting Zoo in Woodville, Ala., is in the cross hairs, I figured it would be emptied out. Sherry Lewis, who owns the zoo, has been busy trying to get people to risk their lives to pet her particularly vulnerable 'non-spitting llama,' but people are wary. "'I've had three or four calls asking if it's safe to come and wanting to know when we got the bomb threat,' Lewis said. 'One lady in the post office thought my name was found on a list that a terrorist made up. I said, "No, it's our own state government saying we're a terrorist site."'" - Joel Stein: The Terrorists Hate Our Baby Animals - Why are the evildoers targeting America's petting zoos? - "To get a better handle on the ethical objections to embryonic-stem-cell research, I've been listening with as much detachment as possible, given my twenty-nine-year-old daughter's ongoing slow death from juvenile (Type 1) diabetes, one of several diseases likely to be cured by this research. Bridget has already undergone a vitrectomyopen-eye surgery to remove vision-blocking blood clots and scar tissue from her vitreous humor - and several rounds of laser treatment to help keep her retinopathy in check. During these procedures, she needs to remain awake while a gonioscope is held against her eye and an ophthalmologic surgeon burns her pigment epithelium about eighteen hundred times with two hundred milliwatts of light. In each eye. Victims of juvenile diabetes can go blind because their elevated blood-sugar levels cause capillaries throughout their bodies, especially in their eyes and extremities, to leak and proliferate in unhealthy ways. "But like I said, I'm trying to listen to every voice here, even that of Alfonso Gmez-Lobo, the dapper metaphysician from Georgetown who proclaimed half an hour ago in his lilting Chilean accent that "all of us were once a blastocyst." His point was that no blastocyst, cloned or otherwise, should ever be destroyed for its cells, however great the possible benefits. I wanted to say that we all were once an ovum as well, yet we don't hold a funeral every time a woman who's made love has her period. That being evolved from amphibians doesn't keep us from deep-frying frog legs and washing them down with Corona. That defenders of animal rights fervently believe that eating meat, even fish, is a sacrilege, but we don't let them dictate to Smith & Wollensky or cut off government subsidies to the beef industry..." - James McManus: Please Stand By While the Age of Miracles Is Briefly Suspended - How the president is trying to kill my daughter - "A painter can say all he wants to with fruit or flowers or even clouds." - Edouard Manet - "I certainly hope to sell in the course of time, but I think I shall be able to influence it most effectively by working steadily on, and that at the present moment making desperate efforts to force the work I am doing now upon the public would be pretty useless." - Vincent Van Gogh - "One can cure oneself of the "not un-" formation by memorizing this sentence: A not unblack dog was chasing a not unsmall rabbit across a not ungreen field." - George Orwell: Politics and the English Language - "Knowledge born of the finest discrimination takes us to the farthest shore. It is intuitive, omniscient, and beyond all divisions of time and space." - The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, 3:54 - "Rage is the only quality which has kept me, or anybody I have ever studied, writing columns for newspapers." - Jimmy Breslin - "Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar." - Edward R. Murrow - "In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination." - Mark Twain - "Within tears, find a hidden laughter; seek treasure amid ruins, sincere one." - Mathnawi [VI, 1586] - "The things we know best are the things we haven't been taught." - Marquis de Vauvenargues - "There is a key for everything, and the key to Paradise is to love the poor." - The Prophet Muhammad - "Everything you can imagine is real." - Pablo Picasso - "All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why." - James Thurber - "Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd." - Voltaire - "My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed." - Christopher Morley - "They project this self-created world onto their ideas of past and future and the present moment. They try to crystallize reality into permanent shapes and categories. In this way they veil the path of insight, the spiritual path which reveals the innate clarity, freedom, and radiant transparency of What Is." - Prajnaparamita - "Works of art, in my opinion, are the only objects in the material universe to possess internal order, and that is why, though I don't believe that only art matters, I do believe in Art for Art's sake." - E. M. Forster - "Hell, there are no rules here-- we're trying to accomplish something." - Thomas A. Edison - "Our peace of mind increases in spite of suffering; we become braver and more enterprising; we understand more clearly the difference between what is everlasting and what is not; we learn how to distinguish between what is our duty and what is not. Our pride melts away and we become humble. Our worldly attachments diminish and, likewise, the evil within us diminishes from day to day." - Mahatma Gandhi - "I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." - Sir Winston Churchill - "A fact is a simple statement that everyone believes. It is innocent, unless found guilty. A hypothesis is a novel suggestion that no one wants to believe. It is guilty, until found effective." - Edward Teller - "The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky." - Solomon Short - "The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down." - Flip Wilson - "The gods too are fond of a joke." - Aristotle - |
|
The Best of Disinfotainment Today - 2005 A Year of Journalism with the Crap Removed  |
Last Disinfotainment Today, Issue #190, was much better than this one,
and so is Issue #192.
Random
Issue of Disinfotainment
Today
Link to Disinfotainment Today with one of these tasteful banners.
 . Subscribe to Darenet |
|
| WARNING:
This column is sent
out in HTML format and is approximately 300KB. Powered by groups.yahoo.com |
Iraq Body
Count
Contact George W. Bush
- president@whitehouse.gov
Contact
the Freemasons
- president@whitehouse.gov
Contact
Skull and Bones
- president@whitehouse.gov
Contact
the Carlyle Group
- president@whitehouse.gov
Contact
the Illuminati
- president@whitehouse.gov
Contact
Satan - satan@whitehouse.gov
Contact
both houses of
Congress - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact
the Supreme Court
- president@whitehouse.gov
Contact
Dick Cheney -
vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact
Halliburton -
vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact
Bechtel -
vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact
Saddam Hussein
- tightywhities@whitehouse.gov
Contact
Osama bin Laden
-
deepthroat@whitehouse.gov
Contact
Jeb Bush - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact
Fidel Castro
- jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact
Kim Jong Il -
eng-info@kcna.co.jp
Contact
Jacques Chirac
- france-presse@un.int
Contact
the new Pope
- accreditamenti@pressva.va
Contact
the old Pope
- thirdlevel@hellfireanddamnation.com
Contact
God - president@whitehouse.gov
Am I supposed to believe
you don't drink coffee?
You
need a Disinfotainment
Today mug.
Boo
hoo
My
life's a fucking wreck.
Please
donate
to the cause.
When you're done reading The
Wrong Bus,
you're sure to enjoy
Read the first chapter
"It's
a charming story, very
funny and I hope he writes a lot more.
-
Lynette Sheffield -
Acknowledgment
dIsInFoTaInMeNt
ToDaY
consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the
air,
and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if
you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news
item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please
accept
the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and
if
I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up
here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even
put
my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's fair
use.
Thanks,
C.F.I.
Care
Your
Very Special Gif for Making
it to the Bottom of the Page
The management disavows
any knowledge.