Disinfotainment Today

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Issue #193


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The Real Threat of Global Warming
by Michael Dare
 
    Pure writing. Writing without a subject matter, writing just to write, writing that doesn't adhere to any prearranged conceptions concerning its origin, writing for the hell of it, writing because you've got nothing better to do, writing right now, at this very moment, and not waiting for the outside world to deliver a subject worthy of your available attention span, writing about itself, writing where you trust your instincts, sure in your talent, writing that takes time to catch up with your thoughts which refuse to stop, writing like a Clapton solo, like Keith Jarrett, a hint of jazz, total improv, writing wrongs, using established guidelines of communication to convey something new, that you've never written before, that you've never thought before, writing so distinct in its clarity of passion that it puts you in a dream state, refusing to adhere to any map with a big X saying dig here, wandering into unknown territory in search of treasure, never knowing what you'll dig up, finding fulfillment in the quest, very much avoiding the subject because there is none.
    Oh sure, I may stumble across something resembling a premise, but that doesn't mean I have to tell you about it. I can delegate everything to subtext, refusing to acknowledge the point, making you work for it so it'll mean more, deliberately leaving out what I'm trying to make obvious, because I can't help it, I've got to type, even though it's not a novel, not journalism, not a memoir, not anything but a train of thought without even the slightest potential for remuneration, writing specifically because no one's paying me to do it, because it feels good to pound the keys, because of the tenuous connection between brain and hand and computer and internet to another computer and brain, delivering a message, passing it along, whatever it may turn out to be.
    I used to know what I was going to write about before I actually started writing until I discovered an inconvenient quote by Hemingway that brought me to a standstill. He said "If a writer of prose knows enough about what he is writing about he may omit things that he knows and the reader, if the writer is writing truly enough, will have a feeling of those things as strongly as though the writer had stated them. The dignity of movement of an iceberg is due to only one-eighth of it being above water."
    I'm a writer of prose. I know enough about what I'm writing about. Damned if it didn't look like Hemingway was talking right to me. I took him to mean that if the subject of your piece is "love conquers all," you never actually mention it. Instead you write a piece IN WHICH "love conquers all," and you write it so strongly that the reader will inevitably come to the right conclusion, that love does indeed conquer all, without your ever having to come right out and state it.
    In other words don't just bury the lead, cremate it. Make the headline ANYTHING BUT the lead. Make the headline the punchline that doesn't make any sense until you finish reading the article. A casual browser through your average news source is much more apt to read an article called "What's that Stink?" than one called "Mix-up at Garbage Processing Plant" because the former headline will never make any sense unless they actually read the article. Who says you have to think of the headline first. Make it the last.
    So after that goddam Hemingway quote, I write another way. Call it subterfuge by proxy. "Pick what you've got to say and then don't say it" has been my recent motto, going entirely against the constant flow of so-called journalism that always tells you exactly what it's talking about. I only talk about whatever it is I'm not talking about. I dance around the subject with impenetrable pirouettes, adding more and more subjects to be avoided that should more reasonably be openly stated. After all, it's a literary conceit, not a real iceberg. There's no reason to adhere to the actual physics of how icebergs float. Who says you've got to stick to burying seven-eighths? How about four-eighths? I figured 50/50 text/subtext is just about manageable. Fuck Hemingway's iceberg. How about picking five things you're not going to say, then pointing to only four of them, just to keep the reader guessing. Forgive me but I've been subconsciously applying this absurd rule to my writing, in novels, letters, and journalism, for longer than I can try to remember.
    Something just like what you're reading right now. I buried the lead so far I can't even remember what it looked like, but like I said, fuck Hemingway and the imaginary iceberg he's standing on. Some things deserve to be buried. Soon global warming will melt the polar icecaps and there will be no more Hemingway.
 
MD
 
Don't Take My Word For It
 
"Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working."
- Pablo Picasso -
 
"A man should not strive to eliminate his complexes but to get into accord with them. They are legitimately what directs his conduct in the world."
- Sigmund Freud -
 
"When you start writing you're 98% pure writer and 2% critic. After you've written for a length of time, you've learned a great deal about your craft, and you've become 2% pure writer and 98% critic. It's like writing uphill."
- David Westheimer -
 
"Art is a moral passion married to entertainment. Moral passion without entertainment is propaganda, and entertainment without moral passion is television."
- Rita Mae Brown -
 
"Whenever you write, whatever you write, never make the mistake of assuming the audience is any less intelligent than you are."
- Rod Serling -
 
"If Hitler's still alive, I hope he's out of town with a musical."
- Larry Gelbart -
"A writer is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer."
- Karl Kraus -
 
"There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward you can remove all traces of reality."
- Pablo Picasso -
 
"If you're going through hell, keep going."
- Winston Churchill -
 
"Satires which the censor can understand are justly forbidden."
- Karl Kraus -
 
"To escape criticism - say nothing, do nothing, be nothing."
- Elbert Hubbard -
 
"Don't be seduced into thinking that that which does not make a profit is without value."
- Arthur Miller -
 
"I hear and I forget; I see and I remember; I write and I understand."
- Chinese proverb -
 
"No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise for the writer, no surprise for the reader."
- Robert Frost -
 
"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it."
- Pablo Picasso -
 
"I write because I hate. A lot. Hard."
- William Gass -
 
"Writing is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to those who have none."
- Jules Renard -
 
"Fifty years old and still only a writer!"
- F. Scott Fitzgerald -
 
"After being turned down by numerous publishers, he decided to write for posterity."
- George Ade -
 
"Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after."
- Ernest Hemingway -
 
"Writers are vain, selfish, and lazy, and at the very bottom of their motives lies a mystery. Writing a book is a long, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painfull illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven by some demon one can neither resist nor understand."
- George Orwell
 
"People do not deserve to have good writing, they are so pleased with bad."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson -
 
"When you make a thing, a thing that is new, it is so complicated making it, that it is bound to be ugly. But those that make it after you, they don't have to worry about making it. They can make it pretty, and so everybody can like it...when others make it after you."
- Picasso -
 
"The only certainty about writing and trying to be a writer is that it has to be done, not dreamed of or planned and never written, or talked about (the ego eventually falls apart like a soaked sponge), but simply written; it's a dreadful, awful fact that writing is like any other work."
- Janet Frame -
 
"Writers write about what obsesses them. You draw those cards. I lost my mother when I was 14. My daughter died at the age of 6. I lost my faith as a Catholic. When I'm writing, the darkness is always there. I go where the pain is."
- Anne Rice -
 
"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
- Edgar Allen Poe -
 
"It is the task of the scenarist to invent little pieces of business that are so characteristic and give so deep an insight into his creatures, that their personalities clearly and organically unfold before the eyes of the audience so that the latter feel that the actions of these people are contingent upon their characters, that there exists some kind of a logical fate, and that nothing is left to mere accident or coincidence."
- Ernst Lubitsch -
 
"Writing is so difficult that I often feel that writers, having had their hell on earth, will escape all punishment thereafter."
- Jessamyn West -
 
"Art is not truth; art is the lie which makes us see the truth."
- Pablo Picasso -
 
"Every great man has his disciples, and it is always Judas who writes the biography."
- Oscar Wilde -
 
"A writer is a controlled schizophrenic."
- Edward Albee -
 
"The first draft of everything is shit."
- Ernest Hemingway -
 
"Television - a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done."
- Fred Allen -
 
"When I am out of blue, I use red."
- Picasso -
 
"You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart."
- Fred Allen -
 
"The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast."
- Oscar Wilde -
 
"An editor is one who separates the wheat from the chaff and prints the chaff."
- Adlai E. Stevenson -
 
"The director is the most overrated artist in the world. He is the only artist who, with no talent whatsoever, can be a success for 50 years without his lack of talent ever being discovered."
- Orson Welles -
 
"If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when they're reading to themselves."
- Don Marquis -
 
"A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people."
- Thomas Mann -
 
"The humblest citizen in all the land, when clad in the armor of a righteous cause, is stronger than all the hosts of error."
- William Jennings Bryan -
 
"Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone."
- Pablo Picasso -
 
"The liberal claim that 'Clinton lied, nobody died' was proven false today when Ken Gyro, a 16 year old student at Grover Cleveland High School in Cincinnati, was blown to death by his biology teacher, Cynthia Fathers, an avowed Democrat."
- MD



FREEDOM AND WEEP
Posted September 4, 2006


Open links in new window
Lame Excuse
 
My big problem has always been an absolute focus upon creation to the detriment of marketing and sales. I would spend months writing a script or book, and instead of spending the next few months getting my it into the hands of the right people, I'd spend it writing another script or book, which was much more fun, but infinitely less lucrative. Lately I've been paying less attention to the news and more attention to agents and producers and publishers and the wonderful world of blind submissions. Sending things to people who AREN'T on my mailing list, following up on every response, putting all efforts into doing something with what I've already done instead of creating anything new.
 
Which is why there haven't been many Disinfotainment Todays lately.
 
Sophistimicated Doowacky of the Week
 
Dubya needs help removing various tumors, malignant growths, and vestigial organs from his governing body. It's your patriotic duty to play Operation.
 
Gallery of the Week
Surely there's a better way to traumatize your children
than to give them a Strange Doll.
 
Answers to the Last Stupid Question
 
How would you leave your personal mark somewhere within classic fiction past?
 
FACT IS JUST FICTION ON ACID.
- JD
 
Right after Jesus questioned the Lord at Gethsemane about having to be crucified, in the margins I would then insert a Scofieldized text relating: "Then Jesus realized, 'Oh shit, I just doubted my G_d!'"
- DanD
 
I'd have a three way with Tom Sawyer and Becky.
- Palantir
 
    From Great Expectations...
    it was after this, my first meeting with Estella, that I considered the possibility she was a bit of manipulative prick-tease. Hey! I thought having a love interest that's frustratingly doomed to failure will help develop me into more of a 3 dimensional character. I think Ill try chatting her up at every encounter, then leave with a feeling of depression and inadequacy, and compound this misery by failing to sleep with anyone else despite the fact I live in London. If nothing else, a bit of emotional content will make my memoirs slightly more interesting."
- Nick Kent
 
Urine stains on "Moby Dick" and/or "Ulysses".
- Dave Cogan
 
    from peter pan...
    Wendy: Why do you hate him so?
    peter: he "recently sought significant quantities of uranium from
- Dwight Burke
 
I'd slip in a XXX lesbian scene into The Crucible... why are kids still forced to read that? Is it THAT important a piece of literature/theatre?
- james and katherine allard
[Yes. Dramatizing the McCarthy Hearings as the Salem witch trials was a pretty damn cool thing for Arthur Miller to do, especially while they were actually happening. -MD]
 
    It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, but mostly the worst of the worst as I returned to my clean, well-lighted place in the east of Eden, just this side of paradise, reeking of jitterbug perfume from a night to remember.
    My digital wristwatch said the date was '1:9:84' but I wasn't fooled; the damned dingus had been broken since Osama was 'our man in Havana,' and it was no time for a remembrance of things past in any case.
    Picture this: I knew from the boob tube that the war lover Bush's brain was on the beach, beating the tin drum, and we're all in a row for a long day's journey into night, unless sense and sensibility prevail and fear strikes out at the ballot box come November.
    It looked like the last hurrah of the conservatives without conscience, since all the king's men seemed to be eyeless in Gaza and stumbling in disarray. Still, the Christian crusaders were awaiting some dune messiah to arise, so one couldn't afford a separate peace just now, whatever the odds for tomorrow.
    If only we had a Siddhartha or Gandhi to guide us against the armies of the night; if only we could find a way to stop them before they lead us to the slaughterhouse. Five minutes to midnight passed, or maybe it was a darkness at noon, and I heard the heavy tick of the clock on the wall -- catch 22: how do you oppose brute force without using brute force and return to the age of reason and the rights of man? Perhaps Abraham, Martin and John had the answer, but they're gone with the wind; perhaps that question was really the last temptation of Christ. I'm a man, a part of a thin blue line, a summer soldier, a sunshine patriot waiting for the crack-up, anticipating some answered prayers, or you might simply call it a twist in the tale or the turn of the screw.
    I sat, with the guns of August ringing in my ears, the lords of flat Bush ruling the jungle, waiting for Lefty to take a walk in the sun, trying to enter laughing at the human comedy, the infinite jest, of Rove's Frankenstein (the idiot) and Deadeye Dick as masters of the universe -- masters of deceit, more like -- and wincing at the notion that another winter of our discontent may be in the offing. The stand has been taken and the way of all flesh promises we will find a farewell to arms and the madness of King George by January and write 'The End' to the day of the jackal. Or else we will be typing notes from the underground until 2010 in this brave new world of cabbages as kings.
- RS Janes
 
I'd like to be in the Bible and every time those wackers said something stupid I could say "That's vicious crap, Leviticus!" or "bullshit, Matthew!" or "John, you fucking wanker, you wouldn't know God if She bit you on the ass!" Though, it might take some of the romance out of the book and it would be a bit longer....
- waldo
DanD had this to say about Bill Maher's proud proclamation that "I Love Being on the Side of My President."
    So, while having always implied that IT IS NOT OKAY for the Germans to have dispossessed and slaughtered European Jewry, Maher feels that it's just fine for the Zionists to steal somebody else's land for their nation, and since it's only the indigenous "raghead" population of Palestine they're stealing it from, all is morally okay.
    I take special offense to the line where Maher proclaims: " There was no entity of Arabs called 'Palestine' before Israel made the desert bloom." If you look at ANY pre-20th-Century map of the Middle-East, and it will show a region clearly labeled as "Palestine." You will find the name "Israel"" nowhere.
    As a matter of Biblical history, "Israel" was allegedly founded on land originally owned by the Philistines (hence, the historic Land of Palestine). It was founded as a HEBREW nation. Later, the Hebrew kingdom disintegrated and broke up as a conquered region into smaller client-states, and ceased to exist as a HEBREW kingdom. A time before its conquest by Babylon, the only "known" surviving tribe of the Hebrew state -- the tribe of Judah -- established the first Jewish state in apart of Palestine that they called Judah. It was also during this time that a Jewish king of that tribal breakaway kingdom of the long-defunct Hebrew empire "rediscovered" the Torah while cleaning out the shelves and closets of Solomon's Temple. Upon realizing what he had discovered, he then sought to tribally "reestablish" the Hebrew faith as the state religion of that then, predominately pagan, Jewish kingdom.
    Thus "Judaism" was born.
    Sitting next to and to the north of Judah was a more lawless region sometimes referred to as "Israel," where the Samaritans (or Semitic Hebrew descendants who were not Jewish) dominated the region. The Israel of that era actually practiced a PAGAN version of the discombobulated Hebrew faith. Quite a bit later, well after the Jews returned to Palestine after being freed from Babylon by an Iranian ancestor, the"Jewish" Wars broke out with Rome and all of Palestine was -- once again-- wholly depopulated of Jews.
    In 1948, for the first time in history, the non-Semitic Ashkenazi Zionists of Europe established the first "Jewish" state ever in Palestine to be mis-named "Israel."
    Also, how did these "new-age" Israelis (and NOT Israelites) "make the deserts of Zionland bloom?" Why, they simply started stealing by force of military arms the primary water resources of all their crime-state's surrounding "sandnigger" Semitic neighbors. The blooming flowers of"Israel" has been watered with the blood of Arabs, BOTH Christian AND Muslim. They've even leavened it a little bit with some "self-hating"Jewish heart wine.
    Bill Maher is an unapologetic shill for Zionland.
- DanD
And Larry Grobel mentions that...
I too was once visited by Timothy Leary. He came knocking on my door when my radio play of Truman Capote was going to first air on NPR. Bud Cort was there, and Carol Kane. Bud had invited him. But he didn't tell me, so it was a surprise to see him standing there with flowers no less.
 
Stupid Question of the Week
Stabbed through the heart by a stingray is a strangely appropriate way for Steve Irwin to go. What are some strangely appropriate ways for other celebrities to bite the big one?
 
Satan Doesn't Want You to Know
 
The black team on Treasure Hunters was the only team that didn't make it through the slave's escape route.
 





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  1. Swami Beyondananda Calls for an Upwising
  2. In the Line of Fire
  3. You can help end the war. Click here.
  4. The Difference Between Religion and Myth
  5. Getting High Down Under by Paul Krassner
  6. The Simpsons Episode from Hell
  7. Ice Cream Treat for Pedophiles by Paul Krassner
  8. Deluded Idiot of the Week: Linda Lightfoot - The E-Mail Forwarder
  9. Deluded Idiot of the Week: The Anonymous Anti-Immigration Shopper
  10. Boston Legal to the Rescue
  11. Cheney Bags his Limit
  12. The Corner of Irate and Insane or Have a little Danish with your hummus
  13. How I Would Re-Write the Constitution
  14. The Impossibles
  15. Meet an FBI Porn Squad Agent by Paul Krassner
  16. History Lesson from Hell - Frank Cavestani's Operation Last Patrol
  17. Create Your Own Pandemic and Media Scare! by Dana Ullman
  18. My New Years Resolution
  19. Fear and Laughing in Las Vegas by Paul Krassner
  20. Heavenly Times
  21. Professional Journalism, and not just a cheap attempt to get free Eagles tickets
  22. Personal Problems
  23. The Three Most Inappropriate Uses of the Presidential Seal
  24. 20 Articles I Never Finished Writing
  25. Lost In Translation: Iraqi CIA page translated into English
  26. Imagine There's No Jesus: Review of The God Who Wasn't There
  27. Harriet Miers: An Offer They Better Refuse
  28. There Goes the Son
  29. I Can't Believe I Hate the Whole Thing
  30. The Battle of New Orleans
  31. Bottom of the Birdcage Award for the Worst Newspaper in America
  32. Message from Art Kunkin about the new LA Free Press
  33. Christopher Walken Campaign Speech
  34. The Book of Job is a Crock
  35. Recognizing Rick
  36. The Boy Who Cried Wolf by Tim Ireland
  37. Guest Critic Michael Jackson reviews Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
  38. Ten Theories of Who Did the London Bombings by Mr. Conspiracy
  39. Confidential PBS Report by R.S. Janes
  40. Open Letters to the Kansas School Board
  41. Greed Glitch in Human DNA Discovered
  42. What We Can Learn from Penguins by Michael Dare
  43. Al Franken for President by Paul Krassner
  44. Mobile Media Memory Dump by Michael Dare
  45. The Speech I Wasn't Allowed to Give by Michael Dare
  46. Going, Going, Gonzo by Michael Dare
  47. Pride and Paranoia by Paul Krassner
  48. Happy April 15
  49. Pope John Paul on Satan for a Day
  50. Johnny Cochran Meets Dr. Hip by Paul Krassner
  51. Terri Schiavo on Satan for a Day
  52. The End of Journalism by Paul Krassner
  53. My First Crisis of Conscience
  54. Spoiler Alert: Million Dollar Baby or Won't Get Food Again
  55. Gonzo Journalist of the Year Award
  56. Fear and Loathing at the Funeral Parlor by Michael Dare
  57. Blowing Deadlines by Paul Krassner
  58. Meaningless Rant and the subsequent discussion of gay marriage
  59. Fever Dream I and III by Michael Dare
  60. Rumpleforeskin Awards for 2004 by Paul Krassner
  61. Happy New Year, Planet Earth by Jim Channon
  62. Double Agent by Paul Krassner
  63. I Confess, I'm breaking two new laws by Michael Dare
  64. The Brain Monologues by Michael Dare
  65. Chilling Effects by Paul Krassner
  66. Memorial to David Jove
  67. The Rapture President by Paul Krassner
  68. A Government Fable
  69. Russ Meyer and Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
  70. Mr. Metaphor on Stagecoaches
  71. A Kinder, Gentler Paper by Paul Krassner
  72. Little Guantanamo and the Republican Convention by Erin Starr
  73. Howl for Girlie Men by Paul Krassner
  74. The New Olympics
  75. The REAL My Pet Goat
  76. Republican Campaign Song by Michael Dare
  77. Defying Convention by Paul Krassner
  78. Zen Bastard: When Arnold Met Martha by Paul Krassner
  79. DVD of the Week: 911 In Plane Site
  80. "Urge Curt D. Pangracs to Quit His Job" Petition
  81. Meet the Norms by Michael Dare
  82. Zen Bastard: I Forgot What This Article is Called by Paul Krassner
  83. The Simpsons and the South Park Kids visit Abu Ghraib
  84. DVD of the Week: Orwell Rolls in His Grave
  85. Why I Won't Watch the Nick Berg Video
  86. The Destroyed Tapes of the Air Traffic Controllers on 9/11
  87. Zen Bastard: Deep Throats - Was Monica Lewinsky the 20th Hijacker? by Paul Krassner
  88. Letter to Mary Beckerman
  89. Four Zen Bastards by Paul Krassner
  90. Letter from Jack Cohen-Joppa of the U.S. Campaign to Free Mordechai Vanunu.
  91. Patrick Henry's "Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death" Speech
  92. Free Bumperstickers
  93. Nothing Bad About Rabbits
  94. Studio Script Notes on The Passion by Steve Martin
  95. In the Eyes of the Law, I'm a Criminal by Montel Williams and Lawrence Grobel
  96. Why I'm Not a Terrorist
  97. My Candidate: John Buchanan: Bush's GOP Challenger Detained by US Secret Service
  98. Republican Zen Bastard: Meet the Republican who will Challenge Bush by Paul Krassner
  99. Zen Bastard: Predictions for 2004 by Paul Krassner
  100. Making the Yoke Obsolete
  101. Good News/Bad News about Saddam's Capture
  102. Zen Bastard: Blowjobs, Ballet, Baggies - the parts left out of the Reagan movie by Paul Krassner
  103. Tips on Junk Calls by Ken Rubin
  104. The Worst Commercial on Television
  105. Marketing Ploys from Hell
  106. Zen Bastard: Threats Against the President by Paul Krassner
  107. The Bush/Nazi Connection: Journalist John Buchanan gets targeted
  108. Why Schwarzenegger Gropes
  109. Issue #1 of the Hollywood Free Press
  110. Me and Monty Python
  111. Special 9/11 "Don't Take My Word for It"
  112. Zen Bastard: Who's Need to Know? by Paul Krassner
  113. Equal Time with Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot (An Other Triumph For George W. And You Cannot Prove Those Are My Baboon Noses So Stop Saying That!!)
  114. Mordechai Vanunu: The Prisoner of Zion by Mary La Rosa
  115. Equal Time with Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot (I Am Not Fair and Balanced and I Am Not A Sissy For Having A George W. Bush Doll So Stop Saying That!!)
  116. Bob Hope's Last Monologue from Heaven by Lynette Sheffield
  117. Inside/Outside #1: The Riddicks vs. Judge Burrell by Billy Hayes
  118. The California Choice
  119. Creation Science Fair Proves God Exists by Tom Norris
  120. What Would Jesus Do About Cramps? by Nancy Cain
  121. Summer Reading or Harry Potter vs. What's-His-Face
  122. Scumbags of the Week - Letter to the RIAA
  123. Hello Mullah, Hello Fatwah
  124. The Israeli Wall
  125. Dream Job or How Disinfotainment Today Almost Came Out in Print
  126. Celebrities vs. the United States Government
  127. Test of the National Homeland Reconciliation and Healing System
  128. The Still Missing Artifacts
  129. Why Bush is Nothing Like Hitler
  130. Tim Robbins' Speech to theNational Press Club
  131. Randy Newman's "Follow the Flag"
  132. How I would Re-Write the Bill of Rights by Satan
  133. I Didn't See the News Today, Oh Boy
  134. Global Voice by Jim Channon
  135. Daniel Ellsberg's Review of the Made-for-TV Movie The Pentagon Papers
  136. The Lemon Pledge of Allegiance
  137. U.S. Diplomat's Letter of Resignation
  138. Message from Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
  139. Obfuscation of the Week: Who grows the most opium? We do.
  140. Urgent Plea for Assistance from George W. Bush
  141. How I Got the Rights to Tom Robbins' Another Roadside Attraction
  142. Please Help the FBI Find These People
  143. The Adventures of Xarvon: Alien Investigator
  144. The Under-Reported Story of the Year - Margie Schoedinger vs. George W. Bush
  145. Why I'm Optimistic About the Future by Paul Krassner
  146. Booze (A movie I'd like to see)
  147. Hope (after the election)
  148. The Empty Boat by Chuang Tzu
  149. Special Halloween/Election Issue
  150. What's Wrong with Leonard Maltin?
  151. Forwarded E-mail from Satan
  152. A Letter from Tom Robbins
  153. Good Thing/Bad Thing - American Foreign Policy
  154. The Ultimate Politically Correct Flag and Pledge of Allegiance
  155. A Letter from Paul Krassner
  156. The History of Denials

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The Wrong Bus: A Novel by Michael Dare


     HARARE, Zimbabwe (04-04) After 20 mental patients disappeared from his bus, a driver replaced them with sane citizens and delivered them to a mental hospital.
    The unidentified bus driver was transporting 20 mental patients from the capital city of Harare to Bulawayo Mental Hospital when he decided to stop for a few drinks at an illegal roadside liquor store. Upon his return he was shocked to discovered that all the mental patients had escaped.
    Desperate for a solution, the driver stopped at the next bus stop and offered free bus rides to several people. He then delivered them to the mental hospital, informing the staff they were easily excitable.
    It took the medical personnel three days to uncover the foul play. The real mental patients are still at large.
Chapter 1
The Inmates

     It was a good night to be insane. Pitch black, rain pouring heavily, lightning striking again and again, perfect for lighting up the old wooden sign outside the crumbling gray stone walls of "The Gainesville Asylum for the Insane," with the word "insane" crossed off in crayon and the words "mentally handicapped" scrawled nearby, and the words "mentally handicapped" crossed off in chalk with the words "perfectly normal" scribbled next to them. There must have been an insane cackle breaking the momentum of the storm as lightning struck again and again, barely illuminating a skeleton key opening an old lock on a dirty door, heavy with age, squeaking open with a rusty creak. Another insane cackle. Yep, the insane like nights like this. It takes them outside themselves, forcing them to ponder the outside world as it really is, a random series of powerful illuminations, rather than the inside world, which varies splendidly in the sparkling synapses of the cerebral cortex of each individual, sane or not.
The Critics Agree
 
Looks like it might be “REALLY GOOD”
- Publisher’s Discount Outlet
 
Not quite as “HILARIOUS” as I thought it was going to be
- New York Times
 
Falls far short of “THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL”
- Joyce Carol Oates
 
Tries very hard to be “THE FUNNIEST BOOK YOU’LL EVER READ”
- Norman Mailer
 
“I WISH I’D THOUGHT OF IT” because if it had been written by me it would have been much better
- Dave Barry
 
When I stopped reading and turned on The Family Guy, “I COULDN’T STOP LAUGHING”
- Carl Hiaasen
 
Almost achieves something “INCREDIBLY GREAT” but falls far short
- The Village Voice
 
The author obviously thinks he’s a “GENIUS”
- Psychiatry Today
 
If you want something “ENORMOUSLY ENTERTAINING” look elsewhere
- Books in Print
 
“INSPIRED” me to write a better book
- P.J. O’Roarke

It starts out fairly RATIONAL, but about halfway through you're bound to tell yourself "this is NUTS." A second later, you will nod as another voice in your head says "PRECISELY."
- Sigmund Freud

$20 for the quality paperback from Cafepress.
 
$10 for a PDF file directly to your mailbox, preferably with Paypal, or write me and tell me why you think you deserve a free copy.
 
"Art is like a border of flowers along the course of civilization."
- Lincolm Steffens -

"Artists lie to tell the truth. Politicians lie to hide it."
- V for Vendetta -

Acknowledgment

dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's fair use.

Thanks,

morbid Leo Bese

DISINFOTAINMENT@EARTHLINK.NET

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