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Issue #198
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Bong hits 4 Jesus

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FREEDOM AND WEEP
Posted December 4, 2006


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Can you believe the Supreme court of the United states is considering the constitutionality of a high school principal suspending a student for posting a banner saying "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" in the street, off school property, in the path of an Olympic runner, hoping to get his message on television? If the sign had appeared in the hallways of the school during a Christmas pageant, the principal might have had a weak leg to stand on. After all, to encourage drug use on school property is tantamount to encouraging cigarettes and alcohol, but I would contend the saying does NOT encourage drug use and is just a joke, a pretty funny one, with no particular message whatsoever other than to make you think, so let's do that.
 
A high school principal punishing a student, Joseph Frederick, for activities off campus, even a "school sponsored event," seems a stretch too impossible to imagine. Or is it? Maybe this is the way to go. Maybe schools should give us grades for everything we do outside of school, a B-minus in watching television, an F in picking your nose in private. The case was a slippery slope that the Alaskan appellate court, in a unique display of common sense, threw out. The student won and that should have been that. A triumph of free speech for the state of Alaska. Case closed.
 
But then a law firm decided that this would not stand. Without a client, strictly on their own initiative, they took the case to the Supreme Court, begging them to overturn the Alaskan appellate court's decision. They're asking the highest court in the land to exonerate the principal (and principle), to allow the eight days of suspension, already served, to stand as reasonable. And the Supreme Court, in their vast supremacy, decided this was worthy of their attention. Apparently the message "Bong hits 4 Jesus" is so reprehensible that it simply has to be punished. Instead of going after the originator, the online site whitehouse.org, who daily display it in front of thousands of internet surfers, and from whom I stole and pasted it above in a blatant display of copyright infringement, the law firm decided to go after some kid who wrote it down on a banner and displayed it in front of what might have been dozens of people who weren't on the internet at the moment. Since no cops at the scene had the foresight to bash his head in, much less arrest him for public indecency, it was up to his school principal to bestow suitable punishment upon the poor sinner from hell who was otherwise getting good grades.
 
This wouldn't be a political issue if it weren't for the fact this case wouldn't still exist except for the wretched man who spent bazillions of taxpayer dollars investigating the president's bodily functions, the king of concern for what people do in private, yes, it's the rebirth of Ken Starr, a man with an incomprehensible agenda. Not content with shoving oral sex down our throats every day for years, now he thinks we'll be outraged at the very idea of the son of God, born of a virgin, miracle worker, resurrected from the grave after dying for our sins, chuffing a bongload of Hawaiian. After all, wouldn't he more likely have come in contact with Afghani hash?
 
Other than the obvious hallucinations in the New Testament, there is no particular evidence of drug use in the year zero other than the fact that clothing was made of hemp and, every once in while, the hemp plant spews out flowers with remarkable power. Jesus had means and opportunity, which leaves motive. No Playstations, no iPods, no malls, nothing to do but handle your hormones while wearing a robe and dealing with a mom with a definite Madonna complex and two dads, one on earth who isn't biological, and one in the sky with a God complex who is. Sounds like motive to me. It's important to remember there is no evidence whatsoever that Jesus DIDN'T enjoy a fatty once in a while. Consumption of leaves by setting them on fire is a crime that disposes of its own evidence.
 
If I were rich, I'd hire an expert, probably myself, and search the world's museums for antiquities, identifying bongs that have been misidentified by the archeological community as drinking vessels or tools for penis enlargement.
 
Though the whitehouse.org graphic accompanying the mischievous slogan shows the son of God getting a blast of gnarly, the quote itself suggests no such thing, and Joseph Frederick's sign didn't have the graphic, making the message something like "Mushrooms 4 Mohammed" or "Jell-O shots 4 Buddha" or "Crystal Meth 4 Krishnamurti." The "4" means "for," implying not that Jesus, during his teenage years, might have been offered a toke somewhere in his wandering, but that we, in celebration of his glory, should fire one up once in a while. The censoring of Jesus' drug use is the most plausible explanation for the fact that not one of the gospels covers his teenage years.
 
I smell a television series, a cross between Smallville and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, in biblical times, following the exploits of our hapless wandering pre-messiah going through puberty and fighting demons, both personal and real, with his loyal gang of goofy followers who learn a thing or two about the wiles of Satan and his loyal gang of snarly orcs. Hilarious preparations for Armageddon ensue as teenage Jesus cures acne with a touch and changes water into Jagermeister with a wave of his hand. Fuck that Aramaic bullshit. Our Jesus speaks English like a good Mexican in America. This is before he became well known, so he always introduces himself to people as "Christ, Jesus Christ, with a C-H." It's his catch phrase and, of course, the name of the show.
 
"Christ with a C-H" is a registered trademark of Michael Dare, unless registration consists of doing anything other than writing this sentence. Any major, or even minor network production of a TV show called "Christ with a C-H" will be considered an act of copyright infringement to be punished by their old high school principals (and principles).
 
Hurray for Copyright Infringement
 
 
Penguin tarts and Penguin omelets at The Penguin Recipe Page
 
Something to Think About
 
    There were four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
    There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it.
    Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but eventually Nobody did it.
    Somebody got angry that Nobody had done it, because it was Everybody's job!
    Everybody thought Anybody could have done it, but Nobody realized that Everybody hadn't done it.
    It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody, when Nobody did what Anybody could have done!
- From Phil Proctor's Planet Proctor -
 
I Feel So Much Safer Now
 
    "A record 7 million people - one in every 32 U.S. adults - were behind bars, on probation or on parole by the end of last year, a Justice Department report released yesterday shows.
    "Of those, 2.2 million were in prison or jail, an increase of 2.7 percent over the previous year, according to the report.
    "More than 4.1 million people were on probation and 784,208 were on parole at the end of 2005. Prison releases are increasing, but admissions are increasing more...
    "'Misguided policies that create harsher sentences for nonviolent drug offenses are disproportionately responsible for the increasing rates of women in prisons and jails,' Marc Mauer, executive director of the Sentencing Project, a Washington-based group that supports criminal justice reform, said in a statement.
    "From 1995 to 2003, inmates incarcerated in federal prisons for drug offenses have accounted for 49 percent of total prison population growth."
 
"Persons taking no active part in the hostilities, including members of armed forces who have laid down their arms and those placed hors de combat by sickness, wounds, detention, or any other cause, shall in all circumstances be treated humanely, without any adverse distinction founded on race, colour, religion or faith, sex, birth or wealth, or any other similar criteria... The wounded and sick, as well as the infirm, and expectant mothers, shall be the object of particular protection and respect... As far as military considerations allow, each Party to the conflict shall facilitate the steps taken to search for the killed and wounded, to assist the shipwrecked and other persons exposed to grave danger, and to protect them against pillage and ill-treatment."
 
    "'The administration has not only the right, but the duty, in my opinion, to pursue Fifth Column movements,' Graham, R-S.C., told Gonzales during Senate Judiciary Committee hearings on Feb. 6. 'I stand by this President's ability, inherent to being Commander-in-Chief, to find out about Fifth Column movements, and I don't think you need a warrant to do that,' Graham added, volunteering to work with the administration to draft guidelines for how best to neutralize this alleged threat.
    "'Senator,' a smiling Gonzales responded, 'the President already said we'd be happy to listen to your ideas.'
    "In less paranoid times, Graham's comments might be viewed by many Americans as a Republican trying to have it both ways - ingratiating himself to an administration of his own party while seeking some credit from Washington centrists for suggesting Congress should have at least a tiny say in how Bush runs the War on Terror.
    "But recent developments suggest that the Bush administration may already be contemplating what to do with Americans who are deemed insufficiently loyal or who disseminate information that may be considered helpful to the enemy.
    "Top U.S. officials have cited the need to challenge 'news' that undercuts Bush's actions as a key front in defeating the terrorists, who are aided by news informers in the words of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.
    "Plus, there was that curious development in January when the Army Corps of Engineers awarded Halliburton subsidiary Kellogg Brown & Root a $385 million contract to construct detention centers somewhere in the United States, to deal with an emergency influx of immigrants into the U.S., or to 'support the rapid development of new programs,' KBR said...
    "Less attention centered on the phrase 'rapid development of new programs' and what kind of programs would require a major expansion of detention centers, each capable of holding 5,000 people. Jamie Zuieback, a spokeswoman for Immigration and Customs Enforcement, declined to elaborate on what these new programs might be."
 
She Still Won't Fuck You
 
 
Sophistimicated Doowackies of the Week
 
Ever wonder where you'd emerge if you could dig a hole straight through the earth to the other side from precisely where you are right now? My hole ends in the Indian Ocean near Madagascar. Go here to find out where you would most likely drown.
 
One may ask if the U.S. is ultimately leaving Iraq, why is the military building 14 permanent bases around the country? One answer would be "we're never leaving." Check out this interactive guide to our military bases in Iraq.
 
Your Well-Considered Answers to Last Week's Remarkably Erudite Stupid Question of the Week
 
What is the name for the psychological condition whereupon somebody who saw themselves portrayed by a certain actor finds themselves seeing a bit of themselves in each subsequent role played by that same actor?
Cinephasia
- Jimmy McConnell

Fanatischism: When the whole world revolves around you.
Cosmophrenia: Do I feel bad for Kenny Kramer or what?
- Dwight Burke

Syncretistic Idio-agono-mimesis complex, obviously.
- William Kirk

Cruise Control
- JD

Perhaps 'auto-acknowledgism'
is what's making you weird
in the head.
'Egotism-by-proxy'
could also be what
some doctor would've said.
'Affective fading
star disorder'
just kind of drops like lead.
Of course, it might
be termed a serial
'thespian relationship,'
which is fine but
just don't try to get wed.
- RS Janes
 
Stupid Question of the Week
 
Gimme a quick synopsis of an episode from "Christ with a C-H."
 
Christmas Gift from Hell
Samsung has developed a sentry robot with machine guns that will kill on sight.
 
Satan Doesn't Want You To Know
 
Green potatoes are poisonous.
 
Don't Take My Word For It

"Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot."
- Mark Twain: The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn -

 
"Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock."
- Ben Hecht -
 
"The path of least resistance and least trouble is a mental rut already made. It requires troublesome work to undertake the alternation of old beliefs. Self-conceit often regards it as a sign of weakness to admit that a belief to which we have once committed ourselves is wrong. We get so identified with an idea that it is literally a 'pet' notion and we rise to its defense and stop our eyes and ears to anything different."
- John Dewey -
 
    "Some years ago, the New York City fire department made a fundamental paradigm shift away from fire emergency response toward fire prevention. The department changed the way it approached its job and turned more energy and resources into public education, early detection systems, better building codes, and addressing some of the most persistent causes of fire. They saved lives and, over a few short years, began fighting fewer and less devastating fires. A similar shift in approach to conflict could save lives and reduce the occasion of war.
    "The U.S. can help lead this shift. The threats of weapons of mass destruction, terrorist networks, oppressive regimes, ethnic conflict, failed states, and devastating poverty and disease can be diminished through policies and programs designed to peacefully prevent the outbreak of violence and address the root causes of conflict. As U.S. Senator Joseph Biden (DE) proposed in late July 2003, 'Instead of a preemption doctrine, what we need is a prevention doctrine which diffuses problems long before they explode in our face.' Such a U.S. policy framework would build on the efforts already underway within some U.S. government agencies, at the UN, among European allies, in regional organizations, and among civil society groups to develop stronger capacities for early warning, early response, and addressing root causes. It would replace the policy of 'preemptive' war with one of war prevention."
 
    "When I called former Democratic Sen. Gary Hart at his office in Colorado, I explained that I was working on a story about permanent bases in Iraq. 'Right,' Hart replied, 'unlike the New York Times and the Washington PostThe fact that no one's discussing this is a great mystery to me,' Hart told me.
    "If the topic of permanent bases in Iraq seems unfamiliar, it's because, as Hart noted, there's been barely a whisper about them in the mainstream media. While the deteriorating situation in Iraq is making headlines daily, it's been two months since any reports on the presence or construction of bases have emerged from major press outlets. Yet, the issue of permanent bases is one that cuts to the heart of not only how long we intend to stay in Iraq, but why we got there in the first place.
    "'If the goal of ... the Bush administration, was to overthrow Saddam Hussein, install a friendly government in Baghdad, set up a permanent political and military presence in Iraq, and dominate the behavior of the region (including securing oil supplies),' Hart wrote in May, 'then you build permanent bases for some kind of permanent American military presence. If the goal was to spread democracy and freedom, then you don't.'"
- Sam Graham-Felsen: Operation: Enduring Presence -
 
"This guy who was so not my style came over to me and my friends and asked: 'Do you happen to know how much a polar bear weighs?' We said no and kept walking, and then he said, 'Well, it's enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm Brian.'"
 
    "Mr. Buffett compiled a data sheet of the men and women who work in his office. He had each of them make a fraction; the numerator was how much they paid in federal income tax and in payroll taxes for Social Security and Medicare, and the denominator was their taxable income. The people in his office were mostly secretaries and clerks, though not all.
    "It turned out that Mr. Buffett, with immense income from dividends and capital gains, paid far, far less as a fraction of his income than the secretaries or the clerks or anyone else in his office. Further, in conversation it came up that Mr. Buffett doesn't use any tax planning at all. He just pays as the Internal Revenue Code requires. How can this be fair? he asked of how little he pays relative to his employees. How can this be right?
    "Even though I agreed with him, I warned that whenever someone tried to raise the issue, he or she was accused of fomenting class warfare.
    "'There's class warfare, all right,' Mr. Buffett said, 'but its my class, the rich class, that's making war, and we're winning.'"
 
    "Most of the harm that comes from drugs is because they are illegal...
    "Moreover, if even a small fraction of the money we now spend on trying to enforce drug prohibition were devoted to treatment and rehabilitation, in an atmosphere of compassion not punishment, the reduction in drug usage and in the harm done to the users could be dramatic.
    "This plea comes from the bottom of my heart. Every friend of freedom, and I know you are one, must be as revolted as I am by the prospect of turning the United States into an armed camp, by the vision of jails filled with casual drug users and of an army of enforcers empowered to invade the liberty of citizens on slight evidence.
 
    "Something important in the overall scheme of the American experiment happened this week. 
    "On Monday morning, MSNBC anchor Contessa Brewer appeared on cable television screens across the United States and announced: 'The news from Iraq is becoming grimmer every day. Over the long holiday weekend bombings killed more than 200 people in a Shiite neighborhood in Baghdad. And six Sunni men were doused with kerosene and burned alive. Shiite Muslims are the majority, but Sunnis like Saddam Hussein ruled that country until the war. Now, the battle between Shiites and Sunnis has created a civil war in Iraq. Beginning this morning, MSNBC will refer to the fighting in Iraq as a civil war - a phrase the White House continues to resist. But after careful thought, MSNBC and NBC News decided over the weekend, the terminology is appropriate, as armed militarized factions fight for their own political agendas. We'll have a lots more on the situation in Iraq and the decision to use the phrase, civil war.'
    "The statement followed a similar decision by the Los Angeles Times to drop the pretense of referring to the fighting in Iraq as something other than the civil war it has obviously been for some time.
    "What is important about this development is that, for the first time since the debate about Iraq began, some--though certainly not all--major media outlets in the United States are making their own judgments based on developments in the Middle East. Up until now, major media has, with few exceptions, failed to embrace that most basic of journalistic responsibilities. Rather, it has served as a stenography service for the Bush-Cheney administration.
- John Nichols: News Flash: Major Media Begins to Think for Itself -
 
    "This strange interlude at the White House, when Bush asked Webb about his son in Iraq, Webb said he wants to bring the troops home, and Bush barked: 'I didn't ask you that' says a lot about Bush and Webb.
    "Jim Webb has vast and enormous experience in military combat and military policy over the decades. Why on earth didn't Bush pull him aside and ask his private counsel? Not only does Webb know far more than Bush about real wars and not only does Webb have an infinitely better record than Bush being right about this war, but Webb probably could have given some serious insight about what his son tells him from the ground.
    "But the Decider has already Decided.
    "My guess is, what JFK would have done, is invite Webb to the Oval Office, and while they were sitting in the Oval Office would have called the son in real time and asked: what the hell is going on over there? What do you think we should do?
    "But just like McCain is no Webb, Bush is no JFK.
    "A word to the anonymous Democratic staff who said Webb would be 'a real pain'. Cool it, pal. What the Senate needs are people like Webb who tell it straight, call it true, go against the grain and are willing to violate the code of what most Americans think is Sodom and Gomorrah on the Potomac.
    "The Senate could have used Jim Webb when the Iraq war was debated in 2002."
 
    "Fresh thinking about what ails newspapers arrived in yesterday's (Nov. 29) Wall Street Journal, where staffer William M. Bulkeley contributed a column titled 'The Internet Allows Consumers to Trim Wasteful Purchases.' Bulkeley explains how the photographic film industry, encyclopedia publishers, the music industry, and the advertising industry feasted on buyers by forcing them to purchase things they didn't want - prints of all 24 shots from their camera or a whole album to secure one favorite song, for example. 'The business models required customers to pay for detritus to get the good stuff,' Bulkeley writes. But digital cameras, the Web, iTunes, and search-related advertising have stripped those industries of their power to charge for detritus.
    "Bulkeley could have easily applied the wisdom of his lesson more broadly to newspapers. It's not that the complete gestalt of local, state, national, and international news plus sports, comics, classified, opinion, and hints on fashion, home, entertainment, and food isn't still useful. It is. But given a choice, and the economic means to make a choice, many buyers prefer to make an unbundled purchase. Unbundling the news they want from the news they don't want is what the Web allows readers to do now."
 
"AMORALITY: A quality admired and rewarded in modern organizations, where it is referred to through metaphors such as professionalism and efficiency... Immorality is doing wrong of our own volition. Amorality is doing it because a structure or an organization expects us to do it. Amorality is thus worse than immorality because it involves denying our responsibility and therefore our existence as anything more than an animal."
- John Ralston Saul: The Doubter's Companion -
 
    "George Horvat, an exceptionally gifted inventor created a remarkable system initially designed to assist his brother-in-law, a truck driver. Additionally it would help lower highway accidents and deaths.
    "Horvat called his system the Traffic Speed Surveillance System (TS). It included roadway monitor transceivers that would receive speed, vehicle identification and driver information which would then be transmitted to a central processing station for identifying speed limit violators. The system also includes a vehicle disable feature which requires that the driver and vehicle identification be entered to operate the vehicle...
    "On May 9, 1986, two years after filing with the patent office, Horvat finally received a copy of the 'Issue Fee Receipt' which stated that 'the application will be issued as U.S. Patent No. 4,591,823 on May 27, 1986' Horvat felt protected. He followed the legal steps, paid the stipulated fees and obtained a patent which protected his invention.
    "On October 7, 2004, an article appeared in World Net Daily. 'A little-known federal agency is planning a new monitoring program by which the government would track every car on the road by using onboard transceivers.' The agency, the Intelligent Transportation Systems Joint Program Office, is part of the Department of Transportation. According to an extensive report in the Charlotte, N.C., Creative Loafing, the agency doesn't respond to public inquiries about its activity...
    "The very same year that Horvat's patent expired; the same Department of Transportation that rejected his invention reveals their plans for 'their' system? The article also states that more than $4 billion in federal tax dollars had already been spent in laying the foundation. The article says that they had been working on the project for 13 years. Senator Kasten presented the DOT with all the plans, diagrams, etc. in 1986. Horvat was told that traffic was a state responsibility. The DOT plan includes transceivers or 'onboard units' that will transmit data from each car to the system...
    "Although the federal government financed the development of the system, it would require mega money to impose this 'Big Brother' tracking system throughout the world. It is going to take - the international banking community.
    "Once the system is brought to life, both the corporations, and the government stands to reap billions in revenues. Companies plan to use the technology to sell endless user services and upgrades to drivers. For governments, tracking cars' movements means the ability to tax drivers for their driving habits, and ultimately to use a punitive tax system to control where they drive and when, a practice USDOT documents predict will be common throughout the country by 2022."
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
- Groucho Marx -
 
"I never did crystal meth."
- Krishnamurti -
 
"What the hell is a Jello shot?"
- Buddha -
 
"Mmmm, mushrooms."
- Mohammed -
 
"Did you hear the new Godsmack? Man, put this on and crank it, you've got to hear Serenity."
- Jesus Christ -
 

 





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  131. Dream Job or How Disinfotainment Today Almost Came Out in Print
  132. Celebrities vs. the United States Government
  133. Test of the National Homeland Reconciliation and Healing System
  134. The Still Missing Artifacts
  135. Why Bush is Nothing Like Hitler
  136. Tim Robbins' Speech to theNational Press Club
  137. Randy Newman's "Follow the Flag"
  138. How I would Re-Write the Bill of Rights by Satan
  139. I Didn't See the News Today, Oh Boy
  140. Global Voice by Jim Channon
  141. Daniel Ellsberg's Review of the Made-for-TV Movie The Pentagon Papers
  142. The Lemon Pledge of Allegiance
  143. U.S. Diplomat's Letter of Resignation
  144. Message from Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
  145. Obfuscation of the Week: Who grows the most opium? We do.
  146. Urgent Plea for Assistance from George W. Bush
  147. How I Got the Rights to Tom Robbins' Another Roadside Attraction
  148. Please Help the FBI Find These People
  149. The Adventures of Xarvon: Alien Investigator
  150. The Under-Reported Story of the Year - Margie Schoedinger vs. George W. Bush
  151. Why I'm Optimistic About the Future by Paul Krassner
  152. Booze (A movie I'd like to see)
  153. Hope (after the election)
  154. The Empty Boat by Chuang Tzu
  155. Special Halloween/Election Issue
  156. What's Wrong with Leonard Maltin?
  157. Forwarded E-mail from Satan
  158. A Letter from Tom Robbins
  159. Good Thing/Bad Thing - American Foreign Policy
  160. The Ultimate Politically Correct Flag and Pledge of Allegiance
  161. A Letter from Paul Krassner
  162. The History of Denials

Don't Let This Happen to You

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Iraq Body Count

Contact George W. Bush - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Freemasons - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Skull and Bones - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Carlyle Group - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Illuminati - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Satan - mailto:president@whitehouse.gov
Contact both houses of Congress - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Supreme Court - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Dick Cheney - mailto:mvice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Halliburton - vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Bechtel - vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Saddam Hussein - tightywhities@whitehouse.gov
Contact Osama bin Laden - mailto:thetwins@whitehouse.gov
Contact Jeb Bush - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Fidel Castro - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Kim Jong Il - eng-info@kcna.co.jp
Contact Jacques Chirac - france-presse@un.int
Contact the new Pope - accreditamenti@pressva.va
Contact the old Pope - mailto:%20thirdlevel@hellfireanddamnation.com
Contact God - president@whitehouse.gov

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My life's a fucking wreck.
Please donate to the cause.

The Wrong Bus: A Novel by Michael Dare


     HARARE, Zimbabwe (04-04) After 20 mental patients disappeared from his bus, a driver replaced them with sane citizens and delivered them to a mental hospital.
    The unidentified bus driver was transporting 20 mental patients from the capital city of Harare to Bulawayo Mental Hospital when he decided to stop for a few drinks at an illegal roadside liquor store. Upon his return he was shocked to discovered that all the mental patients had escaped.
    Desperate for a solution, the driver stopped at the next bus stop and offered free bus rides to several people. He then delivered them to the mental hospital, informing the staff they were easily excitable.
    It took the medical personnel three days to uncover the foul play. The real mental patients are still at large.
Chapter 1
The Inmates


     It was a good night to be insane. Pitch black, rain pouring heavily, lightning striking again and again, perfect for lighting up the old wooden sign outside the crumbling gray stone walls of "The Gainesville Asylum for the Insane," with the word "insane" crossed off in crayon and the words "mentally handicapped" scrawled nearby, and the words "mentally handicapped" crossed off in chalk with the words "perfectly normal" scribbled next to them. There must have been an insane cackle breaking the momentum of the storm as lightning struck again and again, barely illuminating a skeleton key opening an old lock on a dirty door, heavy with age, squeaking open with a rusty creak. Another insane cackle. Yep, the insane like nights like this. It takes them outside themselves, forcing them to ponder the outside world as it really is, a random series of powerful illuminations, rather than the inside world, which varies splendidly in the sparkling synapses of the cerebral cortex of each individual, sane or not.
The Critics Agree
 
Looks like it might beREALLY GOOD
- Publisher’s Discount Outlet
 
Not quite asHILARIOUSas I thought it was going to be
- New York Times
 
Falls far short ofTHE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL
- Joyce Carol Oates
 
Tries very hard to be “THE FUNNIEST BOOK YOU’LL EVER READ
- Norman Mailer
 
I WISH I’D THOUGHT OF IT” because if it had been written by me it would have been much better
- Dave Barry
 
When I stopped reading and turned on The Family Guy, “I COULDN’T STOP LAUGHING
- Carl Hiaasen
 
Almost achieves somethingINCREDIBLY GREATbut falls far short
- The Village Voice
 
The author obviously thinks he’s aGENIUS
- Psychiatry Today
 
If you want somethingENORMOUSLY ENTERTAININGlook elsewhere
- Books in Print
 
INSPIREDme to write a better book
- P.J. O’Roarke

It starts out fairly RATIONAL, but about halfway through you're bound to tell yourself "this is NUTS." A second later, you will nod as another voice in your head says "PRECISELY."
- Sigmund Freud

$20 for the quality paperback from Cafepress.
 
$10 for a PDF file directly to your mailbox, preferably with Paypal, or write me and tell me why you think you deserve a free copy.
 
"Art is like a border of flowers along the course of civilization."
- Lincolm Steffens -

"Artists lie to tell the truth. Politicians lie to hide it."
- V for Vendetta -


Acknowledgment

dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's fair use.

Thanks,

Mr. Ection


DISINFOTAINMENT@EARTHLINK.NET

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