Which is why it's so important for us to actually read your Letter to the American People. Yes, it's propaganda, half-truths meant to draw us towards a prearranged conclusion. It's like a jigsaw puzzle piece, a diametric opposite that fits perfectly into the puzzle that is the current administration of the US. You leave out things we always put in the debate, and put in things we always leave out. It is the most perfect piece of diplomacy I've ever read, equally full of appeasement and points of contradiction, intelligence, sanity, and madness. You're trying to keep the people on your side happy, praising the glories of Jihad, while seeming to genuinely reach out to people like me. Ignoring the standard Arab religious rhetoric you use that I abhor, there are other places where, damn, you speak the truth, not rich truth, not poor truth, not Arab or Israeli truth, but simple human truth. You're clearly a scholar who has genuinely thought things out. The mad quotes aimed at others have been repeated ad nauseum by the American press, but here are the statements that got me.

 

     Were we not faced with the activities of the US administration in this part of the world and the negative ramifications of those activities on the daily lives of our peoples, coupled with the many wars and calamities caused by the US administration as well as the tragic consequences of US interference in other countries;

    Were the American people not God-fearing, truth-loving, and justice-seeking, while the US administration actively conceals the truth and impedes any objective portrayal of current realities;

    And if we did not share a common responsibility to promote and protect freedom and human dignity and integrity;

    Then, there would have been little urgency to have a dialogue with you...

     Let's take a look at Iraq. Since the commencement of the US military presence in Iraq, hundreds of thousands of Iraqis have been killed, maimed or displaced. Terrorism in Iraq has grown exponentially. With the presence of the US military in Iraq, nothing has been done to rebuild the ruins, to restore the infrastructure or to alleviate poverty. The US Government used the pretext of the existence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, but later it became clear that that was just a lie and a deception.

    Although Saddam was overthrown and people are happy about his departure, the pain and suffering of the Iraqi people has persisted and has even been aggravated.

    In Iraq, about one hundred and fifty thousand American soldiers, separated from their families and loved ones, are operating under the command of the current US administration. A substantial number of them have been killed or wounded and their presence in Iraq has tarnished the image of the American people and government.

    Their mothers and relatives have, on numerous occasions, displayed their discontent with the presence of their sons and daughters in a land thousands of miles away from US shores. American soldiers often wonder why they have been sent to Iraq.

    I consider it extremely unlikely that you, the American people, consent to the billions of dollars of annual expenditure from your treasury for this military misadventure.

    Noble Americans,

    You have heard that the US administration is kidnapping its presumed opponents from across the globe and arbitrarily holding them without trial or any international supervision in horrendous prisons that it has established in various parts of the world. God knows who these detainees actually are, and what terrible fate awaits them.

    You have certainly heard the sad stories of the Guantanamo and Abu-Ghraib prisons. The US administration attempts to justify them through its proclaimed war on terror. But every one knows that such behavior, in fact, offends global public opinion, exacerbates resentment and thereby spreads terrorism, and tarnishes the US image and its credibility among nations...

    It is possible to lead the world towards the aspired perfection by adhering to unity, monotheism, morality and spirituality and drawing upon the teachings of the Divine Prophets. Then, the American people, who are God-fearing and followers of Divine religions, will overcome every difficulty...

    Okay, there are serious points of contention where I completely disagree. I'm not "God-fearing." I think God's the problem, not the solution. I don't fear mythology, just its adherants. But a real diplomat could take this letter, negotiate the hell out of it, and do something positive for the planet. Will Bush send Condi? Not my first choice but better than nobody, which is who we're going to end up with.

    Ahmadinejad, sweetheart, you focus on Israeli and American atrocities while conveniently leaving out Arab atrocities, just like we focus on Arab atrocities while conveniently leaving out our own. The truth is an amalgamation of both sets of propaganda. I am swayed by both sides to come to a conclusion in the middle. How diplomatic of me.

    Everyone just wants to feel safe, the Israelis from you and you from the Israelis. Backing one side isn't the way to solve the problem. Joining the Arabs against the Jews is completely futile, as are your attempts to get me on your side. Hitler proved you can't get rid of the Jews. It's impossible. Similarly, joining the Jews against the Arabs is equally futile. Nobody's getting rid of all the Arabs. Israel could blow up all their bombs in hundreds of strategic locations and all they'd accomplish is killing a lot of innocent people. They can't win either.

    We tried to eradicate the Indians and now they run our casinos. The Hutus couldn't wipe out the Tutsis. Since the Neanderthals disappeared, there has never been a successful genocide. Never. Genocide doesn't work. Can't happen. Why try?

    If neither side can win, quite literally the only solution is getting both sides to live with each other. You, as a leading spokesman for the Arabs, must bestow safety upon the Jews, and the Jews must bestow safety upon the Arabs. The only goal is to break up the fight, not declare a winner. Once the fight is broken up, everyone's a winner.

    You're right when you say the US backing of Israel is only exacerbating the problem. We're not trying to break up the fight, we're backing only one side in a war that can't be won. You're wrong in presenting yourself as the front man in the Arab war against the state of Israel, the same war that can't be won. You're also not trying to break up the fight. You want America to stop backing Israel in order to make Israel weaker because you want to beat their ass. You imagine winning. You want safety but don't seem to have the generosity to bestow it.

    You describe the Palestinians as "the rightful owners of the land of Palestine." Bullshit. Nobody's the rightful owner of anything. All land is simply claimed and/or stolen from someone else. That land the US is trying to protect from the Mexicans used to be Mexico. God and Allah aren't real estate developers who bestow land upon certain groups of people. I actually agree with you that giving that particular tract of land to the Jews for a homeland wasn't particularly the wisest move, but if Israel simply changed its name to Palestine, the pro-Palestinians would not be sated. You have not fooled me into believing that all they want is a homeland.

    I can't help but think of Los Angeles as a perfect role model for the mid-east. You should visit. There isn't an ethnic group alive that doesn't enjoy a peaceful co-existence in LA. There's an Iranian part of town, a Jewish part of town, a Mexican and Chinese and Korean part of town, full of all things foreign, shops, food, and people. There are no fixed boundaries. The areas grew organically as all immigrants logically moved to be with their compatriots. There are no walls to keep them in or others out. Angelinos who don't like certain ethnic groups simply don't go to their part of town. The hatred hasn't been erased. Everyone just tolerates and abides. I offer the Iranian and Korean parts of town as shining examples that we can easily get along, that Iranians and Koreans are not our enemies or members of any axis of evil. While Los Angeles has its share of inequities, including a poor black ghetto, there's also a poor white ghetto, a poor Mexican ghetto, poor Arab and Jewish ghettos, and probably a poor midget ghetto. Apart from the 10% of all humanity who are deranged and unable or unwilling to participate in any venture that isn't self-serving, the entire homogenous population of Los Angeles, with all their idiosyncrasies and prejudices, seem to accept the presence of each other. They certainly aren't blowing each other up. At least not today. They live and let live.

    If the concept of Los Angeles is what we're spreading when the US moves into a country, I'm all for it. That's what they say they're doing, but in most of the more than 100 countries on earth in which we have a military presence, I don't see any Los Angeleses. I don't see everyone living together in peace. Our idea of keeping the peace is siding with the faction most easily corruptible, then draining the country of its resources.

    We're trying to be the police force of the world, but we're hopelessly misguided. Let's say you're a policeman in a bar when a fight breaks out between two drunks. What do you do, side with one of the drunks or break up the goddam fight? What does it matter what they're fighting about? I would think it would be your duty to encourage civilized behavior.

    I'm neither pro Arab nor Zionist. I'm only pro-civilized behavior. We can start by setting an example.

    Having the death penalty sends the message we think it's okay for a government to take the lives of its own citizens. Declaring war against terrorism and drugs sends the message we have no problem fighting wars without possibility of conclusions, where war itself is the ultimate goal. Not replying to you sends the message it's okay to be rude.

    You also said this...

    The global position of the United States is in all probability weakened because the administration has continued to resort to force, to conceal the truth, and to mislead the American people about its policies and practices...

    It is possible to govern based on an approach that is distinctly different from one of coercion, force and injustice. It is possible to sincerely serve and promote common human values, and honesty and compassion. It is possible to provide welfare and prosperity without tension, threats, imposition, or war...

    The legitimacy, power and influence of a government do not emanate from its arsenals of tanks, fighter aircrafts, missiles or nuclear weapons. Legitimacy and influence reside in sound logic, quest for justice and compassion and empathy for all humanity.

 

    Good for you. Show me someone who doesn't agree with that and I'll show you someone who doesn't deserve to take part in the debate. Sincere or not, it's something the Dalai Lama could have said, and whether you believe it or not, at least you said it. I can't imagine those words coming from an American politician. Maybe Kucinich, but you know how well HE did in the election.

    I think you understand that you start a dialogue with your enemies by opening with matters of commonality. You do this brilliantly, presenting dozens of opportunities for reasonable discussion. The fact you use the words and position of the American peace movement is sure to be used to denigrate the peace movement as patsies for the enemy instead of elevating you to the level of peacemaker. I'm a member of the peace movement and resent the implication I'm a traitor for agreeing with you. I'm no one's patsy.

    There are things I wish you'd pointed out, like the fact that Halliburton sold you a lot of your nuclear technology, that we're doing what we always do, building up enemies to justify invasion. You say you're just using nuclear technology for electricity. Bullshit. You'd kill for a nuclear weapon. You know Israel has nukes aimed at you, and you want to level the playing field. Perfectly natural. Want to prove your intentions are peaceful? Might I suggest wind and solar power for your electricity? That's a message that would raise your prestige in the world.

    Since I'm an American who's at least partially convinced by your rational arguments, you might start by making ME feel safe. I'm a comedian who makes fun of Jesus and Mohammed all the time. I have no respect for Christianity or Islam whatsoever. I don't think Allah exists and he certainly didn't write a book. I'm the very definition of an infidel. What I DO respect is your right to believe anything you want, and I need you to say you're cool with that. I presume the only reason there isn't a fatwa against me is my startling lack of readership in Iran. You seem to want to be my friend. In your next letter, you need to clarify that you'll allow me my beliefs as long as I allow you yours. Satire ain't gonna bring down Islam. Your own intolerance will. You can't be my friend until I've got nothing to fear from you.

    So anyway, thanks for writing, and if we invade, don't blame me. I voted for Gore.

 

MD

    "An intelligent, reasoned response by US President George W. Bush to a letter sent to him by his Iranian counterpart, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, can open avenues for discussing and resolving differences taking into account the need to enforce justice in the world, an official said here Sunday.

    "Vice-President for Legal and Parliamentary Affairs Ahmad Moussavi was commenting on a letter sent by President Ahmadinejad to his US counterpart, George W Bush, on Monday which reached Washington via the Swiss embassy, which is in charge of US interests here.

    "Ahmadinejad, in his letter, suggested new ways of resolving the two countries' differences and also spoke of the current tense situation as well as the need to find solutions to the many problems of the world.

    "'If Bush gives a fair and reasoned reply to Ahmadinejad's letter, we will welcome it and regard it as a step in diplomacy and forging of understanding. We hope US politicians will heed the advice of intellectuals with a positive attitude towards the letter and give it a realistic and wise response, taking the long-term interests of states into consideration instead of being emotional and antagonistic about it,' Moussavi said.

    "'A response which takes note of the particular points raised in Ahmadinejad's letter, particularly the claim of extremist policies being pursued by the United States, could pave the way for a reversal of the negative view and hatred with which Washington is currently held in the international arena,' he added.

    Moreover, the vice-president said that a refusal by the White House to respond to the letter within a reasonable period would lead 'US politicians to conclude that the points raised in the letter were true and that the review of policies suggested therein deserved to be looked into.'"

- IRNA (Islamic Republic News Agency): Bush's response to Ahmadinejad's letter can open avenues for discussing differences -

 

Top 25 Censored News Stories of 2007

 

#1 Future of Internet Debate Ignored by Media

#2 Halliburton Charged with Selling Nuclear Technologies to Iran

#3 Oceans of the World in Extreme Danger

#4 Hunger and Homelessness Increasing in the US

#5 High-Tech Genocide in Congo

#6 Federal Whistleblower Protection in Jeopardy

#7 US Operatives Torture Detainees to Death in Afghanistan and Iraq

#8 Pentagon Exempt from Freedom of Information Act

#9 The World Bank Funds Israel-Palestine Wall

#10 Expanded Air War in Iraq Kills More Civilians

#11 Dangers of Genetically Modified Food Confirmed

#12 Pentagon Plans to Build New Landmines

#13 New Evidence Establishes Dangers of Roundup

#14 Homeland Security Contracts KBR to Build Detention Centers in the US

#15 Chemical Industry is EPA’s Primary Research Partner

#16 Ecuador and Mexico Defy US on International Criminal Court

#17 Iraq Invasion Promotes OPEC Agenda

#18 Physicist Challenges Official 9-11 Story

#19 Destruction of Rainforests Worst Ever

#20 Bottled Water: A Global Environmental Problem

#21 Gold Mining Threatens Ancient Andean Glaciers

#22 $Billions in Homeland Security Spending Undisclosed

#23 US Oil Targets Kyoto in Europe

#24 Cheney’s Halliburton Stock Rose Over 3000 Percent Last Year

#25 US Military in Paraguay Threatens Region

 

Gallery of the Week

Relive the '60s with these political posters.

 

I Feel So Much Safer Now

 

    "They've become a fixture in the skies over Iraq and Afghanistan, a new breed of unmanned aircraft operated with remote controls by 'pilots' sitting in virtual cockpits many miles away.
    "But the Air Force's Global Hawk has never flown a mission over the United States.
    "That is set to change Monday, when the first Global Hawk is scheduled to land at Beale Air Force Base in northern California.
    "'This landmark flight has historic implications since it's the first time a Global Hawk has not only flown from Beale, but anywhere in the United States on an official Air Combat Command mission,' base spokesman Capt. Michael Andrews said in a statement.
    "Beale-based pilots are flying the drones daily on combat missions in the Middle East, Andrews said. The planes are operated by four-person crews from virtual cockpits the size of shipping containers.
    "The planes are designed to fly at high altitudes for 40 hour-missions covering as much as 10,000 miles, mostly providing aerial surveillance. The aircraft, which can cost more than $80 million each, can reach an altitude of 65,000 feet and send back high-resolution imagery.
    "The Hawks are among a growing fleet of unmanned aircraft that also includes the missile-carrying Predators and five-pound Ravens that are small enough to be carried in soldiers' backpacks."

- Global Hawk to Fly 1st Mission Over U.S. -

 

    "Under a tough new Fairfax County policy, residents can no longer donate food prepared in their homes or a church kitchen - be it a tuna casserole, sandwiches or even a batch of cookies - unless the kitchen is approved by the county, health officials said yesterday.

    "They said the crackdown on home-cooked meals is aimed at preventing food poisoning among homeless people.

    "But it is infuriating operators of shelters for the homeless and leaders of a coalition of churches that provides shelter and meals to homeless people during the winter. They said the strict standards for food served in the shelters will make it more difficult to serve healthy, hot meals to homeless people. The enforcement also, they said, makes little sense.

    "'We're very aware that a number of homeless people eat out of dumpsters, and mom's pot roast has got to be healthier than that,' said Jim Brigl, chief executive of Fairfax Area Christian Emergency & Transitional Services. 'But that doesn't meet the code...'

    "Under state and county code, food served to the public must be prepared in a kitchen that has been inspected and certified by the county Health Department. Those standards are high: a commercial-grade refrigerator, a three-compartment sink to wash, rinse and sanitize dishes and a separate hand-washing sink, among other requirements...

    "'On the other hand, how much do you have to be a stickler with that?' Kincannon asked. 'What's more important: whether we're open to have somebody get in out of the cold and get a meal? There's kind of a balance there.'

    "The Rev. Judy Fender of Burke United Methodist Church said 50 volunteers had been planning to cook beef stew, pork loin and other nutritious meals in the church kitchen when it hosts the hypothermia shelter Dec. 17 through 23.

    "But she found out this week that, because the kitchen is not Health Department-approved, it will have to prepare its food elsewhere.

    "It will be a logistical nightmare, Fender predicted, and is an insult to members who have cooked meals for years in the church kitchen without any problems...

    "The crackdown has also hit year-round shelters. They prepare their food in on-site commercial kitchens, but many also accept donations from people who bring leftover food, home-baked goodies and other products to their doors.

    "'It takes the personal element out,' said Pam Michell, executive director of New Hope Housing, which runs three year-round shelters and two wintertime programs. 'There's something about being able to bring a batch of brownies or being able to bring a home-cooked casserole to a shelter and feel like you're doing your part to end homelessness,' she said. 'That warm, fuzzy touch is going to go away.'"

- Jacqueline L. Salmon: Freshly Baked Handouts Forbidden in Fairfax - County Says Health Of Homeless Is at Issue -

 

She Still Won't Fuck You

 

Rosie O'Donnell and The View presented a segment called "10 Things You Don't Know About Your Penis."

 

    "Porky's Ain't Kosher"

    This week, on a VERY SPECIAL "Christ With A C-H," a teenage Jesus and his posse go to a local Bethlehem brothel where Jesus loses his virginity to a neophyte red-headed prostitute, Mary Magdalene. A young Judas Iscariot is the "Meat" of the posse, being, ahem, well-hung. Only Jesus smiles smugly at the prophetic pun. Mary Magdalene spreads her legs, revealing a curly red bush and invites Jesus to "do a Moses and part the Red Sea." Peter, thinking she meant she's on her period, has already chickened out three times. While Jesus is giving her the ol' rugged cross, she's screaming out, "Oh you, oh you, oh my YOUUUUUU."

    As Jesus is leaving, He tells the madam, "Oh, by the way, in about six hundred years, some Me wannabe named Mohammad is gonna come along and circumcise your kind right out of business."

- Jimmy McConnell

 

JESUS ATTENDS A WEDDING AND TURNS WATER INTO WINE. THE ATF BUSTS HIM FOR MOONSHINING BUT HE ESCAPES WITH THE HELP OF THE DUKES OF HAZZARD WHO LOAN HIM "GENERAL JACKSON" FOR HIS GET AWAY. THE ATF FINALLY CATCHES JESUS AND HE IS CRUCIFIED ON GOLGOTHA. JESUS ARISES ON THE THIRD DAY AND ASCENDS INTO HEAVEN BUT HE LEAVES US THE RECIPE FOR WINE. PRAISE THE LORD!!!

- JD

 

In the third episode Christ with a CH Jesus meets the most popular person in school, Mary Magdalene. And Jesus is smitten. Jesus, show his infatuation by manifesting lotus flowers for her everyday before school, (trick he learned from his best friends Buddha and Judas). But, Mary cant decide on whom she should date, Jesus of Barbosa

- Frank B. Michel

 

    Episode title: "I Married Jesus"

    Background: The demographically-desirable twenty-something Karma Mammon (think a Britney Spears/Lindsay Lohan type, but with dark hair) is the daughter of a wealthy banking family who marries an itinerant carpenter's son from the wrong side of the tracks named Jesus, but he is not Hispanic. (Think a Heath Ledger/Jude Law type, but with dark hair.) Jesus claims he's the 'Son o' God' and runs a clinic in the ghetto where he heals the poor and unemployed. Zany fun ensues as Karma and her family's conservative values clash with Jesus' wacky 'New Age' ideas. In this episode Jesus and Karma, after a brief one-month marriage, agree to a divorce, citing 'irreconcilable differences.'

    Sample dialogue:

    "Jesus, why didn't you stick up for me when that man accosted me?"

    "One must turn the other cheek when attacked, Karma."

    "Oh, Jesus, Jesus!"

    Karma's father Hugh B. Mammon: "So Karma tells me that you don't have a job and don't plan to try to get one."

    "Consider the lilies of the field, neither do they sow nor do they reap..."

    "Just don't think I'm going to be paying for your free ride, bucko."

    Karma: "You know, I just, like, want to be a normal kid and hang out at the bazaar and drink wine, while you want to be a wandering Jew or something..."

    Jesus: "The 'Wandering Jew' is a plant, Karma."

    Karma: "Whatever. I'm just totally freaked by all this 'prophet' stuff, so I think it would be best if we just call it quits. Mommy and Daddy agree."

    Jesus: "You shouldn't listen to your father and mother if they tell you ..."

    Just then, Hugh B. enters the room and interrupts Jesus: "Did I hear my name mentioned?" [Laugh track] "Karma's right, kid: Profits over propheting, if you get my drift."

    Jesus: "I guess this just goes to show that you really can't serve both God and Mammon."

    Hugh B.: "What's the difference, kid?"

    Episode ends with general laughter. Fade out on Vonda Shepard singing upbeat version of "My Heart Belongs to Daddy" while cutting back and forth between the smiling faces of Karma and Jesus.

- RS Janes