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Posted March 5, 2007 Indiana Jones and the Cache
of Google
Might I mention Google has seemingly taken the
side of the cybersquatter in the continuing battle over
disinfotainmenttoday.com? Any internet queries to my old domain name
are simply redirected to a placeholding page for domains with no
site. I posted all the same material to a new
domain name, dareland.com, but Google won't switch the
links. Only the material at disinfotainmenttoday.com comes up in a
search, despite the fact that every one of those pages clearly points to a
generic page while all the actual material someone might be searching for
resides at dareland.com.
You'd think there would be a simple solution, just
aim the searches to where the material actually is, but there's a catch, or more
accurately, a cache. Google tries to limit mirror sites by comparing all new
sites to all old sites already indexed in their cache. If the content is
substantially the same, it's decreed a "mirror" site of something already
indexed, so it doesn't get indexed. In other words Google won't index
dareland.com as long as the material there is substantially the same as the
material already indexed from disinfotainmenttoday.com, even though it was
cached from an address that no longer exists. It's like your mailman
continuing to deliver your mail to your old address, only in this case you
can't just kill them.
There's no simple solution at Google. No button
you can push. You've got to leave it up to their robots to figure it out, and
yeah, I do mean employees.
Ever try to get Google to update their cache?
Yeah, man, that's my primary gripe of the week. You jump through every hoop to
get indexed by those bastards but there are no hoops to jump through to get
UN-indexed. There's simply no way to get searchers pointed in the right
direction once a decision has been made by the almighty cache, blessed be its
holy name, Indiana Jones and the Cache of Google, what can I do? Sneak
in there at night and fiddle with their settings?
Christ I hope you're not following this. It appears I have to go back and
rewrite myself, absolutely everything I've ever written, most of which has
already been indexed, TO A CERTAIN DEGREE, before Google will acknowledge my new
existence at Dareland.
To what degree? They won't say. Industrial secret, how Google works,
don'tcha know.
sing it with me brothers...
It sucks to be a member of the bourgeoisie
But it's the mighty cache of Google that's killing
me.
When I try to be a mensch to everyone I
see
It's still the mighty cache of Google that's killing
me.
Google has everything I've ever posted to the net
in its cache, but anyone looking for the material is directed to a blank
page instead of the actual material, which is completely available, albeit
somewhere else, which is another good name for a column. I could write a column
called "Albeit Somewhere Else" in seconds flat if I weren't so busy
re-fucking-writing all my old material just enough to be indexed by Google, then
reposting the old version after the indexing, which still won't get rid of all
the bad links to nowhere.
The only potential beneficiary would seem to be
Godaddy, who get all those hits from people looking for me, some of whom
presumably go Hey, forget about my search for the
story of Margie Schoedinger, I want to buy a domain name from Godaddy. These
fictional characters forget all about me, which isn't really good business.
I can't think of a single business that has thrived by convincing it's customers
to forget all about them.
But Godaddy also hosts dareland.com. They've
already got all the material, so either way they got you. They won't let Google
redirect it since only the domain name owner can change the DNS numbers, and
Google refuses to acknowledge the site is down as long as the DNS numbers point
SOMEWHERE, albeit just a page of ads from Godaddy, who believe in the sanctity
of ownership, which is why I'm using them, hoping they'll protect my sanctity
the same way they're protecting the cyberputz who owns disinfotainmenttoday.com.
There's no budging Godaddy, and that's a good
thing, so the only real enemy to easy access to the dens of Dare is
Google.
Why does this mean so much? My whole scheme to
find my missing daughter was that some day she'd look herself up in Google and
find this, but now if she looks
herself up in Google, she'll either end up at Godaddy, or worse, Google's cache
of a page that's clearly about her but no longer links to me. This is where
the National Inquirer would go back up and delete that clever headline,
replacing it with "Google Prevents Man From Finding Daughter in a Dispute
with a Cybersquatter."
All I need is a hit song that goes something like
this, to the tune of Dinah Blow Your Horn.
Google change your cache
Google change your cache
Google change your cache for me-e-e.
Google change your cache
Google change your cache
Google change your cache for me.
Someone's gotta stick it to Google
Stick it in a place I know-ow-ow-ow
Someone's gotta stick it to Google
Stick it where the sun don't show
My crystal ball says the fates have decreed
that I should be difficult to find. Is it my daughter's cosmic task to become
internet savvy before contacting me? The troll at the gate, what the hell, let's
go ahead and call it Googlegate, three questions before you can enter: what's
your name, what's your favorite color, and are you tenacious enough to dig
deeper and actually find your father?
Any way you arrange my daughter's three names before searching for them,
the number one spot that comes up at Google for Nisa Paris Dare is at
disinfotainmenttoday.com, which was my plan, but which no longer exists, so
let's say I simply replace my daughter's file at dareland.com with something
completely different. Google will index it since it's completely different from
the other file, then I change the file back to the original, and they eventually
cache it. Since there's no way to get them to delete the bad link, at least the
new one would come in at number two. Here are some stupid questions:
Would this ridiculous scheme work? What
the hell else can I do?
Excuse me, I've got to go back and change every adverb in How I Spent My Summer
Vacation.
 Surely you've got something better to do than
look at Ketchup Art
Caption Contest
 "As a nation, we are only a little bit at
war. "
- Jed Closson -
"My official intercourse with the president
is not for public scrutiny."
- vanwork -
Belated Christmas Gift from
Hell
 I take absolutely no responsibility if
this works.
Satan Doesn't Want You To
Know
From here.
Satan Also Doesn't Want You
To Know
  Random Idiocy
The whole bible can be fixed with only
four words, "sometimes it's as though." Add the phrase "sometimes it's as
though" to anything in the bible and, voila, it makes total sense without your
ever having to drop your common sense and believe in anything supernatural.
Sometimes it's as though the world were created for man. Sometimes it's as
though woman came from man, giving him power he doesn't actually have since
man clearly comes from woman. Sometimes it's as though there were someone
watching over us and sometimes it's as though we're totally abandoned. Sometimes
it's as though there were immutable rules to live by. Sometimes it's as though
chaos rules the day. Sometimes it's as though
there were humans with special powers not granted the rest of us. Sometimes it's
as though this is heaven. Sometimes it's as though this is hell.
Sometimes it's as though there were a
whole new definition of God -anything beyond human understanding. As soon as we
understand it, it's no longer God. If someone asks if you believe in God, ask
yourself if you believe there's anything beyond your understanding, at least at
the moment, and the answer's gotta be yeah, of course. The very question is
beyond human understanding. Is there a God? Hah! You're asking ME? As if I would
know. No one knows. But if you define God as everything you don't know, then
there sure as hell is a God because chances are you don't know shit. And the
less you know, the bigger God is, which is why so many fundamentalists are the
most ignorant assholes on the planet. The deeper your devotion to God, the
greater your ignorance, and the deeper your devotion to current understanding,
the greater your knowledge. This is something I know, so I know it isn't God,
just me, making shit up as I go along, trying to accurately reflect my own
experience against the carnival mirror of what's around me. Just because you
look funny in a carnival mirror doesn't mean you ARE funny. If your thoughts are
a pinball, you better keep your hands on the flippers or your whole motivation
will go down the wrong hole. Sometimes five balls aren't enough, sometimes one
lasts forever.
Excuse me, I've got to go spice up How Lee Strasberg Saved My Life
for Google.
I Should Sue
Don't Take My Word For
It
"The men the American
public admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest
most violently are those who try to tell them the truth."
- H.L. Mencken -
"The only distinction between Bush and
Gore is the velocity with which their knees hit the floor when big corporations
knock on the door."
- Ralph Nader -
"People see what
they believe, not vice versa, when it comes to social injustice.
"And this mind-altering trick of perception keeps moral
outrage at bay, especially among the rich, a new psychological study suggests.
"By reducing outrage, this mental hoodwink also impedes social
change because it inhibits people from taking action, allowing injustices to
persist, said lead researcher Cheryl Wakslak of New York
University.
"Research has shown that people become emotionally distressed
when confronted with inequality. The privileged minority is particularly
affected, and they are likely to have a nagging worry that their cash and prizes
are undeserved.
"To keep a clean conscience and legitimize privilege,
individuals often alter their perceptions of the status quo.
"The details of how that mental distortion provides the
relief, however, remained a mystery until now."
- Jeanna Bryner: The
Rich See What They Believe -
"Give me the Justice Department,
Entertainment Division."
- Richard Dawson as Damon Killian in The Running Man
-
"The goal of all inanimate objects is
to resist man and ultimately defeat him."
- Russell Baker -
"Those who flee temptation generally
leave a forwarding address."
- Lane Olinghouse -
"Men
are not against you; they are merely for themselves."
- Gene Fowler -
"I am waiting for a good movie about
me."
- the Zodiac Killer in his last
known letter to the San Francisco Chronicle in 1978 -
"Some Seattle school children are being told to be skeptical
of private property rights. This lesson is being taught by banning
Legos.
"A ban was initiated at the Hilltop Children's Center in
Seattle. According to an article in the winter 2006-07 issue of 'Rethinking
Schools' magazine, the teachers at the private school wanted their students to
learn that private property ownership is evil.
"According to the article, the students had been building an
elaborate 'Legotown,' but it was accidentally demolished. The teachers decided
its destruction was an opportunity to explore 'the inequities of private
ownership.' According to the teachers, 'Our intention was to promote a
contrasting set of values: collectivity, collaboration, resource-sharing, and
full democratic participation.'
"The children were allegedly incorporating into Legotown
'their assumptions about ownership and the social power it conveys.' These
assumptions 'mirrored those of a class-based, capitalist society - a society
that we teachers believe to be unjust and oppressive.'
"They claimed as their role shaping the children's 'social and
political understandings of ownership and economic equity ... from a perspective
of social justice.'
"So they first explored with the children the issue of
ownership. Not all of the students shared the teachers' anathema to private
property ownership. 'If I buy it, I own it,' one child is quoted saying. The
teachers then explored with the students concepts of fairness, equity, power,
and other issues over a period of several months.
"At the end of that time, Legos returned to the classroom
after the children agreed to several guiding principles framed by the teachers,
including that 'All structures are public structures' and 'All structures will
be standard sizes.'"
- Maureen Martin: L'Eggo My
Lego -
"As part of sweeping
economic restructuring implemented by the Bush Administration in Iraq, Iraqi
farmers will no longer be permitted to save their seeds. Instead, they will be
forced to buy seeds from US corporations which can include seeds the Iraqis
themselves developed over hundreds of years. That is because in recent years,
transnational corporations have patented and now own many seed varieties
originated or developed by indigenous peoples. In a short time, Iraq will be
living under the new American credo: Pay Monsanto, or starve.
"A new report by GRAIN and Focus on the Global South has found
that new legislation in Iraq has been carefully put in place by the US that
prevents farmers from saving their seeds and effectively hands over the seed
market to transnational corporations. This is a disastrous turn of events for
Iraqi farmers, biodiversity and the country's food security. While political
sovereignty remains an illusion, food sovereignty for the Iraqi people has been
made near impossible by these new regulations.
"The US has been imposing patents on life around the world
through trade deals. In this case, they invaded the country first, then imposed
their patents. 'This is both immoral and unacceptable,' said Shalini Bhutani,
one of the reports authors."
"While companies claim GM [genetically
modified] crops will feed the world in fact they are largely irrelevant to
ending hunger: around the world they are driven by commercial interests, not a
concern to 'feed the world' or raise productivity. The real challenge is poverty
eradication; land reform; water conservation; and increasing production by
promoting mixed, low chemical-use farming which favours naturally improved and
locally adapted plants."
- Christian Aid: Selling
suicide - farming, false promises and genetic engineering in developing
countries -
"If a man be gracious to strangers, it
shows that he is a citizen of the world, and his heart is no island, cut off
from other islands, but a continent that joins them."
- Francis Bacon -
"Literature is news that stays
news."
- Ezra Pound - "If this is coffee, please bring me
some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
- Abraham Lincoln -
"A candle loses nothing by lighting
another candle."
- Erin Majors - "Our sensors can pick up normal life functions, but what about abnormal
life functions?"
- Kirk to Spock -
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The Best of Disinfotainment Today - 2006 A Year of Journalism with the Crap Removed  Or The Best of Disinfotainment Today - 2005, you slowpoke. |
My website Emulsional Problems was chosen as the
 Cost of the War in Iraq (JavaScript
Error)
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Who am I?
and so is Issue #208!
Random
Issue of Disinfotainment Today
Link to Disinfotainment Today with one of these tasteful banners.
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Iraq Body
Count
Contact George W. Bush - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Freemasons - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Skull and Bones - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Carlyle Group - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Illuminati - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact
Satan - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact both houses of Congress -
president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Supreme Court - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Dick Cheney - vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Halliburton - vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Bechtel - vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Saddam Hussein - tightywhities@whitehouse.gov
Contact Osama bin Laden - thetwins@whitehouse.gov
Contact Jeb Bush - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Fidel Castro - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Kim Jong Il - eng-info@kcna.co.jp
Contact Jacques Chirac - france-presse@un.int
Contact the new Pope - accreditamenti@pressva.va
Contact the old Pope - thirdlevel@hellfireanddamnation.com
Contact God - president@whitehouse.gov
Am I supposed to believe you don't drink coffee?
You
need a Disinfotainment
Today mug.
Boo
hoo
My
life's a fucking wreck.
Please donate
to the cause.
 |
|
HARARE, Zimbabwe (04-04) After 20 mental patients disappeared from his bus, a driver replaced them with sane citizens and delivered them to a mental hospital. The unidentified bus driver was transporting 20 mental patients from the capital city of Harare to Bulawayo Mental Hospital when he decided to stop for a few drinks at an illegal roadside liquor store. Upon his return he was shocked to discovered that all the mental patients had escaped. Desperate for a solution, the driver stopped at the next bus stop and offered free bus rides to several people. He then delivered them to the mental hospital, informing the staff they were easily excitable. It took the medical personnel three days to uncover the foul play. The real mental patients are still at large. |
Chapter 1
The Inmates It was a good night to be insane. Pitch black, rain pouring heavily, lightning striking again and again, perfect for lighting up the old wooden sign outside the crumbling gray stone walls of "The Gainesville Asylum for the Insane," with the word "insane" crossed off in crayon and the words "mentally handicapped" scrawled nearby, and the words "mentally handicapped" crossed off in chalk with the words "perfectly normal" scribbled next to them. There must have been an insane cackle breaking the momentum of the storm as lightning struck again and again, barely illuminating a skeleton key opening an old lock on a dirty door, heavy with age, squeaking open with a rusty creak. Another insane cackle. Yep, the insane like nights like this. It takes them outside themselves, forcing them to ponder the outside world as it really is, a random series of powerful illuminations, rather than the inside world, which varies splendidly in the sparkling synapses of the cerebral cortex of each individual, sane or not. |
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The Critics Agree
Looks like it might be “REALLY GOOD” - Publisher’s Discount Outlet Not quite as “HILARIOUS” as I thought it was going to be - New York Times Falls far short of “THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL” - Joyce Carol Oates Tries very hard to be “THE FUNNIEST BOOK YOU’LL EVER READ” - Norman Mailer “I WISH I’D THOUGHT OF IT” because if it had been written by me it would have been much better - Dave Barry When I stopped reading and turned on The Family Guy, “I COULDN’T STOP LAUGHING” - Carl Hiaasen Almost achieves something “INCREDIBLY GREAT” but falls far short - The Village Voice The author obviously thinks he’s a “GENIUS” - Psychiatry Today If you want something “ENORMOUSLY ENTERTAINING” look elsewhere - Books in Print “INSPIRED” me to write a better book - P.J. O’Roarke It starts out fairly RATIONAL, but about halfway through you're bound to tell yourself "this is NUTS." A second later, you will nod as another voice in your head says "PRECISELY." - Sigmund Freud $20 for the quality paperback from Cafepress. $10 for a PDF file directly to your mailbox, preferably with Paypal, or write me and tell me why you think you deserve a free copy. "Art is like a border of flowers along the course of civilization." - Lincolm Steffens - "Artists lie to tell the truth. Politicians lie to hide it." - V for Vendetta - |
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The Management Disavows This Acknowledgment (and the last one too)
Disinfotainment
Today is apparently for free and seems to appear weekly. Go
ahead, reproduce it, I dare you. Go ye forth and cut and paste
and see where it gets you. Disinfotainment Today consists of
information from oodles of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and trod
upon, just like my life, just like yours, just like America. Everything
is everywhere, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice,
unless you like it, in which case good for me. If you see something
that you feel should be attributed to you, or if you think I actually
OWE you anything, please accept the fact that much of
everything that everybody does is unacknowledgeable, and if everyone
had to seek permission from all their influences, artistic progress
would grind to a standstill. Legally, it's either
satire or fair use, but should you be
thinking of suing me over something, you should know it wasn't
me, it was someone else, unless you're Bill Hickes, in which case you're dead so what different does it make?
Thanks,
Thanks,
William Arryme
Your
Very Special Piece of ASCII Art for Making it to the Bottom of the Page
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.' '.
/ .'``'. \ Visit http://www.dareland.com
.' '.
/ .'``'. \ Visit http://www.dareland.com
| .'/.\/.\'.
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| : |_/\_| ; | _ .---
\ '.\ /.' /
_________/ |__--'@/
/'. `'--'` .'\ (__PAN AM/__|__===
/_ `-./\.-' _\
(_/ \_) or I'll kill Kenny
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/'. `'--'` .'\ (__PAN AM/__|__===
/_ `-./\.-' _\
(_/ \_) or I'll kill Kenny
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