According to social security records, 266 girls were named "Unique" in 2001.

The Republican Party has finally come through with a flash animation of their own that beats all the others to hell in its ability to make them look like idiots. Is that Bush's face? Is that Mighty Mouse's body? Yep.
- Thanks to Jeff Crook -

The snipers weren't members of the NRA.

According to marketwatch.com, Joey's Greenwich Village apartment would rent for at least $4,000 a month.

This flash Rubic's Cube is about as good as it's going to get.

THE EMPTY BOAT

He who rules men lives in confusion;
He who is ruled by men lives in sorrow.
Yao therefore desired
Neither to influence others
Nor to be influenced by them.
The way to get clear of confusion
And free of sorrow
Is to live with Tao
In the land of the great Void.

If a man is crossing a river
And an empty boat collides with his own skiff,
Even though he be a bad-tempered man
He will not become very angry.
But if he sees a man in the boat,
He will shout at him to steer clear.
If the shout is not heard, he will shout again,
And yet again, and begin cursing.
And all because there is somebody in the boat.
Yet if the boat were empty.
He would not be shouting, and not angry.

If you can empty your own boat
Crossing the river of the world,
No one will oppose you,
No one will seek to harm you.

The straight tree is the first to be cut down,
The spring of clear water is the first to be drained dry.
If you wish to improve your wisdom
And shame the ignorant,
To cultivate your character
And outshine others;
A light will shine around you
As if you had swallowed the sun and the moon:
You will not avoid calamity.

A wise man has said:
    "He who is content with himself
    Has done a worthless work.
    Achievement is the beginning of failure.
    Fame is beginning of disgrace."

Who can free himself from achievement
And from fame, descend and be lost
Amid the masses of men?
He will flow like Tao, unseen,
He will go about like Life itself
With no name and no home.
Simple is he, without distinction.
To all appearances he is a fool.
His steps leave no trace. He has no power.
He achieves nothing, has no reputation.
Since he judges no one
No one judges him.
Such is the perfect man:
His boat is empty.

- Chuang Tzu -
 

Dear Dr. Hollywood,

The opening two pages of my screenplay has a continuous movement from an exterior location then into an interior, through a building and it's rooms. As we enter a new room and describe its action it becomes a new scene heading and so on. While their is a great flow and the scene description is no  more that three lines. There is the look of a lot of words. So I underlined each scene heading, this gave the appearance sectioned page. To me it looked more pleasing to read and not as laborious. As I'm using Final Draft, all the scene headings are underlined. Is this acceptable formatting?

Thank you for your time and consideration

Regards
Michael S

Dear Reggie,

The opening shot in Mario Puzo's script for Superman is the world's longest tracking shot from Krypton blowing up all the way across the universe to earth. Did the actual movie start that way? No. Why? Because every single decision concerning how the camera moves is up to the director, not the screenwriter. Directors will deliberately NOT do camera moves that the screenwriter tells them to do. Just tell your story and don't worry about what the camera does. It's not your job.

MD

Dear Dr. Hollywood,

I just finished one script which is full of observational detail and mood. It comes in at 74 pages, because the stuff shoots longer than it reads. (e.g. STORYTELLING, or L'AVVENTURA.) Another, a talk/relationships movie, is piling up the pages and might reach 130 or more; even if it doesn't, 120 pp. of that could be real short in actual screen time. 

But readers want that standard page range. If even 90 minutes of Oscar-winning Woody Allen comes in at 140 pages (I checked, and this is dialogue-only), what the hell is going on? Is there a way to cope with this, for people who aren't already Woody Allen or M. Antonioni? Have YOU had to face this question? 

Thanks,

Mark 

Dear Mark,

First of all you can't use Woody Allen scripts as guidelines. Scripts written by directors who are going to be directing their own script are entirely different animals. When Woody hands in his scripts to his producers, they know that he's going to shoot all that dialogue but hand in a film of normal length because that's how he works. 

For the rest of us, the process of getting a film made consists of getting rid of all potential impediments towards getting it made. Not too long. Not too short. Not too expensive. An original story that's exactly like some other movie that made a lot of money. Full of interesting characters that will attract good actors. If you're just starting out, you've got to get rid of absolutely everything that someone could argue against. I don't care how good it is, when someone sees a script that's only 74 pages, the first thing they will say is "It's not long enough." You want to start out on the defensive? No you don't. Make it at least 90. And that 130? Bring it down at least 20. 

MD

"You're the ruler of the galaxy. Show a little taste!" 
- Ed Wood in the movie Ed Wood -

 
Send your questions to "Ask Dr. Hollywood" at disinfotainment@earthlink.net

 

WHO’S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK?

by Helen A. Handbasket

You never know who’s going to trade their soul away or what they’re going to get for it unless you’re Helen A. Handbasket, ex-executive chief in charge of operations for the burning flames of hellfire. Who are her sources? Wouldn’t you like to know? Sorry, all communications are confidential and the property of Helen A. Handbasket, whose opinions do not necessarily reflect those of this or any other publication. 

October 28, 2002

UNDO THE COUP
Satan for President in 2004

A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH

Satan's really pissed the Angels won the World Series but he's going to get us all back. He's made sure that E! renewed the Anna Nicole Smith Show.

CARTOON FROM HELL

 

HISTORY LESSON FROM HELL

Claim: Iraq has consistently demonstrated its willingness to use force against the US through its firing on our planes patrolling the UN-established "no-fly zones."

Reality: The "no-fly zones" were never authorized by the United Nations, nor was their 12 year patrol by American and British fighter planes sanctioned by the United Nations. Under UN Security Council Resolution 688 (April, 1991), Iraq's repression of the Kurds and Shi'ites was condemned, but there was no authorization for "no-fly zones," much less airstrikes. The resolution only calls for member states to "contribute to humanitarian relief" in the Kurd and Shi'ite areas. Yet the US and British have been bombing Iraq in the "no-fly zones" for 12 years. While one can only condemn any country firing on our pilots, isn't the real argument whether we should continue to bomb Iraq relentlessly? Just since 1998, some 40,000 sorties have been flown over Iraq.

Claim: Iraq must be attacked because it has ignored UN Security Council resolutions – these resolutions must be backed up by the use of force.

Reality: Iraq is but one of the many countries that have not complied with UN Security Council resolutions. In addition to the dozen or so resolutions currently being violated by Iraq, a conservative estimate reveals that there are an additional 91 Security Council resolutions by countries other than Iraq that are also currently being violated. Adding in older resolutions that were violated would mean easily more than 200 UN Security Council resolutions have been violated with total impunity. Countries currently in violation include: Israel, Turkey, Morocco, Croatia, Armenia, Russia, Sudan, Turkey-controlled Cyprus, India, Pakistan, Indonesia. None of these countries have been threatened with force over their violations.

Claim: The president claimed that: "Iraq possesses ballistic missiles with a likely range of hundreds of miles; far enough to strike Saudi Arabia, Israel, Turkey and other nations in a region where more than 135,000 American civilians and service members live and work."

Reality: Then why is only Israel talking about the need for the U.S. to attack Iraq? None of the other countries seem concerned at all. Also, the fact that some 135,000 Americans in the area are under threat from these alleged missiles just makes the point that it is time to bring our troops home to defend our own country.

- Ron Paul -

DRUG FROM HELL

Gee, you'd think suicidal behavior might be considered a bad side effect of a drug used to combat depression, but not according to Paxil.

MUSIC FROM HELL

Radio Satan 666.

SATAN DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW

Brazil Nuts are much easier to shell if you soak them in boiling water for a few minutes before cracking.

QUOTES FROM HELL

One of the following quotes is not accurate. Can you figure out which?

"Desperate people do desperate things. Palestinians don't blow themselves up because they get some kind of rush out of it. Embassies are not blown up just because someone happened to have some spare gunpowder hanging around. People do not steal airplanes and fly them into towers to impress their girlfriends. They do it because they're pissed off at being bullied; they're pissed off at being hungry or displaced; and they're pissed off at watching all the smiling fat bastards grinding them and their brethren into the dirt. They are tired of watching their countries or their neighbors' countries used and abused by a bunch of foreign guys who have only their own greed  and self-interest at heart."
- Paul Harris -

"For every victim of ours there must be 1,000 dead Palestinians."
- Michael Kleiner, Israeli Herut Party chairman -

"It often happens that I wake at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must talk to the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope." 
- Pope John XXIII - 

"We don't see things as they are; we see things as we are."
- Anais Nin -

"99% of lawyers give the other 1% a bad name." 
- anonymous lawyer -

"Too many of us confuse what we value with values."
- Noah benShea -

"Hitler doesn't concern me at all - besides, he's probably dead, anyway. What we need to concentrate on is regime change in Italy." 
- Winston Churchill, August 3, 1944 -

"From what we get, we can make a living; what we give, however, makes a life."
- Arthur Ashe -

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
- Mark Twain -

"In politics nothing happens by chance. If something happens, then you can bet that it was planned that way."
- Franklin Delano Roosevelt -

"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?"
- George Carlin -

"Here we are today victimized by a stolen election that's turned into a mandate for war. Bush is using a war to divert our attention from the economy and drive us by fear, and not lead us by hope."
- Jesse Jackson (as though he had credibility) -

"Remember that three out of four homicide victims are killed by a spouse, family member, friend, or acquaintance. Which is comforting for all of us who fear random violence."
- Al Franken -

"Killers, snipers, thugs and thieves. Why does the media feed us this "fear factor" 24 hours a day, seven days a week? Surely there are good acts going on in the news somewhere. Yet, we are constantly bombarded with stories to paralyze us with fear. Keep us dependent on our "government, police,  homeland security" regardless of the fact that these very stories PROVE they cannot get the job done. Distraction is a wonderful thing. It keeps our minds  off the major killers, snipers, thugs and thieves that are creating their  havoc worldwide on a larger scale, known as the World Trade Organization,  GATT, NAFTA, Enron, Tyco, Walmart, Esso, CIA, Mercenaries, Mossad, Skull & Bones, Haliburton, Carlyle Group, Raytheon (the list is long and dreary) and other such true terrorists of peace, happiness and life for all people"
- Meria Heller -

"The Coincidental Premature Deaths surrounding anyone who stands in the way of the Bush families' power seizures are impossible to ignore. Raytheon (who made the plane Paul Wellstone went down in) specializes in two things: 1) Making Killing Machines & 2) Pleasing Administrations."
- voxnyc.com -

"By the time this guy gets around to killing all of us, we should have a pretty good idea who he is."
- Harry Shearer -

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy."
- Mahatma Gandhi -

"Rouse yourself! Sit up! 
Resolutely train yourself to attain peace. 
Do not let the king of death
seeing you are careless
lead you astray 
and dominate you." 
- Buddha -

"There is sauerkraut in my lederhosen."
- Top Secret -

OLD HEADLINE FROM HELL

"Democratic Senator to be Assassinated Soon
Assassination teams actively preparing hit"
Posted May 25th 2001 - at Voxfux

Click here and here for more strange stuff about the Wellstone crash that no one's reporting.

"The officials emphasize the existence of snow or rain. Independent reports say there was little rain or none. The doppler showed completely clear skies at the time over the whole of Minnesota."
- indymedia.org -

SITES FROM HELL

Mandatory Halloween reading: Very scary. Don't miss POV: Killer. 

Vote fraud at the last election was much more massive than reported. With the focus on Florida, nobody much cared about Nashville.

Bush has decided to ignore it but that doesn't mean you have to. Check out the CIA's official list of all the dangers greater than Saddam.

Does anyone have anything they'd rather be doing than reading Al Gore's Blog?

Snopes debunks the theory that a plane didn't hit the Pentagon.

It's hard to imagine that anybody would be against clean water, but it's hard to imagine most of what Congress is doing these days. Just in case you've got a representative in favor of pollution, here's an easy way to let them know you'd like less sludge in your H2O.

In the interest of Homeland Security, the Bush Administration has come out in favor of poop on poultry.

10 questions I bet you can't answer. #1) Is a half-moon half as bright as a full moon?

Aren't you glad there's a website out there devoted to proving that Islam is evil?

Oh, by the way, Gore Vidal has got a pair.