I was in the midst of rereading 1984 with the idea of doing a definitive comparison of Orwell's world with our own, but I discovered it's already been done. Check out the magnificent Orwell Today.

This astonishing piece of flash takes a while to download but will certainly cut down on your mescaline bills.

Excerpt from a Portugeuse Survey On War On Iraq

Will America go to war? 
Yes: 91% 
No: 9% 

Without the United Nations? 
Yes: 94% 
No: 3% 
No Opinion: 3% 

Which country is the greatest threat to world peace? 
Iraq: 3% 
North Korea: 5% 
Great Britain: 4% 
USA: 71%

Christopher Columbus but he's dead.

A toss up between Defense Strategies in the Oval Office and is Bush a Nazi?

Japanese TV caught the WTC on 9/11 from a different angle, showing an object flying by that I sure can't identify. MPG#1 and MPG#2.

ac·u·men (ky-mn, -ky-) n. Quickness and keenness of judgment or insight. [Latin acmen < acuere, to sharpen < acus, needle; see ak- in App.] 
synonym see DISCERNMENT

Toni Collette got married.

Alex Jones' documentary film 911: The Road to Tyranny exposes how dozens of FBI and defense intelligence agents were threatened with arrest by the Federal Government if they got in the way of Al-Qaeda, how the CIA protected bin Laden, while showing the world history of nations who allowed themselves to be attacked in order to justify aggression. Read about it here, watch it live here, or download it here. An amazing piece of work.

When he was a kid, George W. Bush enjoyed putting firecrackers into frogs, throwing them in the air, and then watching them blow up.

Local authorities in Sequin, Texas, say the mysterious death of more than 150 grackles in a shopping center parking lot is no cause for alarm.

"It's difficult to deal with North Korea."
- New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson -

Ben Curtis (the Dell guy) is only the 10th Most Annoying Celebrity of 2002.

Some Israelis killed some Palestinians and some Palestinians killed some Israelis.

North Korea blames the U.S. for the crisis vs. the U.S. blames North Korea for the crisis.

If you're dealing crack, don't walk up to the police and tell them about it.

Looking to score some pot? Why not hop in your Delorean time machine, head back a few thousand years, and try Jesus Christ?

The U.S. armed Pol Pot.

Article II Sec. 4 of the Constitution states that: "The President, Vice President and all Civil Officers of the United States, shall be removed from Office on Impeachment for and Conviction of, Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors." International Law Professor Francis A. Boyle of the University of Illinois says that waging a war of aggression is a crime under the Nuremberg Charter, Judgment and Principles. "It's very clear," he adds, "if you read all the press reports, they are going to devastate Baghdad, a metropolitan area of 5 million people. The Nuremberg Charter clearly says the wanton devastation of a city is a Nuremberg war crime." 

The United States is a party to the Nuremberg Charter, Judgment and Principles, and thus is constitutionally bound to obey them. "The Constitution, in Article 6, says that international treaties are the supreme law of the land here in the United States of America. So all we would be doing here, in this impeachment campaign," Boyle says, "is impeaching them for violating international treaties, as incorporated into the United States Constitution, as well as the Constitution itself."

(Editor's note: Impeachment has the advantage of bypassing the U.S. Supreme Court, which illegally installed Bush in the Oval Office.)

Chinese Troops On The US-Mexican 
by 
Dennis & Ann Bossack 

DNA LIVE RADIO 

www.ufolab.info (editor's note: hoo boy is this a wacko site)

505-546-4170 

Since August, 2002, when DNA LIVE RADIO signed on to the Internet and began broadcasting, Ann and I have reported about the thousands of Chinese troops just south of the US-Mexican border. 

We live 22 miles southeast of Deming and 32 miles southwest of Las Cruces, NM, in the 'middle of the desert.' We have spoken with two (2) local Border Patrol agents who have come into face-to-face contact with Chinese military troops doing maneuvers 15 miles north of the US-Mexican border. This actually puts those troops 15 miles directly south of our home. 

These two agents have told us that they have encountered three to four thousand troops numerous times. They stated that they call headquarters who in turn calls a local covert US Marine unit that wanders around the desert along the border in this area. 

The Marines meet the Border Patrol agents, talk with the Chinese officers, slap backs and shake hands. Then the Chinese about-face and return south across the border. 

As for the Marine unit, there has been no official word that this unit exists. We've been told that this Marine unit moves, on a daily basis, around the border area setting up camp in a different location every day. We've inquired with Border Patrol, US Customs, the Luna County Sheriff's Department and the local police. No one will say anything about it. 

We have been trying to get the Border Patrol agents to speak on our show...but to no avail. They fear for their safety, the safety of their families and their jobs. 

We have recorded every show since August, 05, 2002, revealing this. For your research and information, cassette tapes or CDs of our shows are available through our on-line store located here.

The latest reports on the Internet are speaking only of Russian and Cuban troops south of our border. Although this is a major problem, why is it that no one is reporting the Chinese troops? 

The Chinese military is the largest in military in the world boasting a 200 million-man infantry. There are approximately 286 million people living in the United States today. Excluding the sick, the elderly and the very young, this works out to almost one foreign soldier for every American citizen.This does not include the Russian, Cuban, Mexican, North Korean, German, and other troops placed around our country. 

This means a very large problem for the citizens of the United States of America.

...who isn't really worried about rearranging his stock portfolio in order to take advantage of Bush's dividend tax cut?

Still the mouth that roars, Meria Heller, who invited me to be on her show this month to promote my site but it'll have to wait till next month because of the following item...

    My site was real popular this month. So popular it exceeded my maximum traffic allotment in the first five days of the year, so Earthlink shut it down till next month, prompting the following conversation between Earthlink and myself.

    Me: How do I get my site back up?

    Earthlink: You can't, not till next month, the system won't allow it. 

    Me: I'm looking for work. My résumé is posted to my site. You're telling me you took down my résumé because too many people were looking at it? Fine. Charge me something to put it back up.

    Earthlink: We can't, you don't have that kind of account. Perhaps you'd like to upgrade to a domain account with a bigger traffic allotment?

    Me: If I buy a domain account will you put my site back up?

    Earthlink: Yes, at a new domain name with more bandwidth.

    Me: What about all those hundreds of places around the net that already link to me at the old address, and all the people who are going there right now?

    Earthlink: You can set up a redirect.

    Me: Sounds great. So if I buy a domain name account right now and move my old site there, you'll IMMEDIATELY redirect people going to the old address?

    Earthlink: No, we can't do that till next month.

    Me: Why?

    Earthlink: Because your site is down. We can't put it back up till next month, and it's got to be up to do the redirect.

    Me: Isn't that sort of a weird policy? What exactly is the downside of charging me extra when I exceed my limit? 

    Earthlink: This policy was stated in the fine print of the gigantic contract you were supposed to read when you signed up to Earthlink ten years ago. Sorry, you should have known.

    Me: Okay, how much do you want? I know you sell extra bandwidth. You're an Internet provider for Christ sake. $10? $20? $50? My first born? He's driving me crazy anyway. You want him? You got him. Whatever it takes, I'll pay it. Just put my site back up.

    Earthlink: We can't.

    Me: Not at any price or under any circumstances?

    Earthlink: Not at any price or under any circumstances.

Pretty weird, huh? I won't torture you with any more of this ludicrous conversation. Suffice it to say my site is still down, and I've worked my way up the corporate ladder with this problem. It turns out that literally the only person at Earthlink who can restore my site before next month is Garry Betty, the CEO of Earthlink. His e-mail address is ceo@earthlink.net. Help me out here.

dr.,

yes im a first time screenwriter and im still in high school, i am jobless, i survive off my parents, this may sound pathetic im sorry but i have researched and read and read some more about everything there is on screen writting and im still confused. What is it i have to do to get my screenplay out there? There are steps i know but i don't live in the states i live in Canada I CANT GET CONTACTS! except for those in Vancouver. All i want to know is in what ORDER do i do things, what things do i do, and how much is this going to cost me? Maybe i should by a book, i mean this is a lot of information, but what book? P.S. i dont need any shit about i'm fucked, I will never sell my script, please i don't care, i just need to be educated, this is what i want to do and not much is going to stop me, i just need to get there first! 
Thanks - Julia 

Julia, 

Thank you for braving time and space to contact me. 

I will gladly help you figure out what order to do things. 

(1) Learn how to spell and use proper punctuation. I swear to God if it was anyone but me, your letter would have gone immediately into the trash because you clearly don't know how to write a letter, much less a screenplay. Or do you think it's cute to use "i" instead of "I?" It's not. Do you think you're ee cummings by starting sentences without capital letters? You're not. It just makes you look like an idiot. If your screenplay looks like your letter, I absolutely guarantee you that no one will ever read it. Get professional if you want people to take you seriously. Keep writing the way you wrote this letter and you'll not only never get a screenplay produced, you'll never get out of high school. 

(2) Check out the WGA FAQs and the recommended reading lists for advice on how to do the actual job of writing the screenplay. 

(3) You can't get contacts in Vancouver? More films are shot there than in Hollywood! Contact the local film commission and find out the names of production companies that are about to start production. Call them and offer your services as a production assistant. Offer to work for nothing, to be an apprentice. Believe me, someone will hire you, maybe even pay you. Being a PA is a shitty job, often just running around getting coffee for people, but you will get the opportunity to hang out on a set and actually witness the process of making movies. Maybe you'll find some other aspect of filmmaking that appeals to you as much as screenwriting. In any case, you'll make contacts and you're on your way.

MD

Send your questions to "Ask Dr. Hollywood" at disinfotainment@earthlink.net
 
 

Dr. Hollywood archives are here.

 

WHO’S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK?

by Helen A. Handbasket

You never know who’s going to trade their soul away or what they’re going to get for it unless you’re Helen A. Handbasket, ex-executive chief in charge of operations for the burning flames of hellfire. Who are her sources? Wouldn’t you like to know? Sorry, all communications are confidential and the property of Helen A. Handbasket, whose opinions do not necessarily reflect those of this or any other publication. 

January 13, 2003

UNDO THE COUP
Satan for President in 2004

BELATED CHRISTMAS GIFT FROM HELL

Satan's pissed at Illinois Gov. George Ryan for commuting the sentences of all of the state's death row inmates. "It's really an inconvenience when that many reservations are canceled," claimed the Lord of Hell, "especially when our computers are down. We've been booked solid since January of 2000. if Ryan thinks he's getting his deposit back, he's sadly mistaken. Oh well, at least I got a Bee Gee."

ART FROM HELL

An exquisite corpse is a single piece of art 
created in pieces by artists who don't know 
what the other artists are doing.
At An Exquisite Corpse 
you can team up with other artists 
around the net and create your own art by e-mail.

SATAN DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW

If you blow out the stale smoke from a cigarette before putting it in an ashtray, it will still taste fresh when you re-light it.

QUOTES FROM HELL

"If anyone attempts to intimidate you, the people of Iraq, repel him and tell him that he is a small midget while we belong to a nation of glorious Faith, a great nation and an ancient people  who have, through their civilization, taught the human race as a whole what man was yet to know. In any case, we are in our country; and whoever is in his own homeland with truth on his side, and is forced to face an enemy that stands on the side of falsehood and comes as an aggressor from beyond seas and oceans, will no doubt emerge triumphant, because victory always belongs to those who stand by truth in their own home while defeat certainly belongs to their enemies."
- Saddam Hussein, Jan. 6, 2003 -

"It is the duty of the patriot to protect his country from its government."
- Thomas Paine -

"If we make peaceful revolution impossible, we make violent revolution inevitable."
- John F. Kennedy -

"The best argument against Democracy is spending five minutes with the average voter."
- Winston Churchill -

"The money in your 401K from both savings and dividends are tax sheltered until you withdraw the money -- then all of it gets taxed as ordinary income. You don't get any tax break on your dividends -- that only goes to the investor class. According to the Urban-Brookings Tax Policy Center, the effect of eliminating dividend taxation is that the average benefit for those making less than $10,000 would be $6, and average benefit for those making more than $1 million would be $45,098."
- Molly Ivins -

"U.S. President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney each stand to reap thousands of dollars in savings from Bush's proposal on Tuesday to eliminate taxes on stock dividends. Based on income reported in his tax returns for 2001, Bush would have saved $16,511 on dividend payments of $43,805 if his new proposal had been in effect for the year. Cheney, who had dividends of $278,103 in 2001, would have saved $104,823."
- Reuters -

"Dear Lord,
Please come and help us here on Earth
Please don't send Jesus again
This is no place for children"
- Christmas prayer from Peter Michelson -

"theyll shoot me i dont care theyll shoot me in the back of the neck i dont care down with big brother they always shoot you in the back of the neck i dont care down with big brother--"
- from Winston Smith's diary in George Orwell's 1984 -

"Give me your life, your pain, your bottomless sorrow — it's not like you're going to do anything with it."
- David Sedaris -

"Anyone in marketing or advertising... kill yourselves. You are Satan's little helpers and it's the only way to save your souls. Kill yourselves, kill yourselves, kill yourselves."
- Bill Hicks -

"Eagles may soar, but weasels will never be sucked into a jet engine."
- Jack Handey -

CARTOON FROM HELL

SITES FROM HELL

Mandatory reading:  The Great Global Social Security Giveaway by Rep. Ron Paul.

Criticizing the president during a time of war? Nah, couldn't happen.

If you don't already know the 100 words that all high school graduates should know, it's time to get that GED.

Hey, you know those radioactive fish in The Simpsons? Cartoon science fiction no longer.

The web design sucks but there's lots of interesting reading at The Blacklisted Journalist: Original Interviews with Beat Generation Personalities.

Speaking of sucking, why isn't Bill Clinton qualified to become Chancellor of Oxford University? Because he once lied about getting a blowjob.

Oh, by the way, here's where to complain about frauds and scams on the Internet.

All of Helen's old columns are here.