I myself feel that our country, for whose Constitution I fought in a just war, might as well have been invaded by Martians and body snatchers. Sometimes I wish it had been. What has happened, though, is that it has been taken over by means of the sleaziest, low-comedy, Keystone Cops-style coup d’etat imaginable. And those now in charge of the federal government are upper-crust C-students who know no history or geography, plus not-so-closeted white supremacists, aka “Christians,” and plus, most frighteningly, psychopathic personalities, or “PPs.”

To say somebody is a PP is to make a perfectly respectable medical diagnosis, like saying he or she has appendicitis or athlete’s foot. The classic medical text on PPs is The Mask of Sanity by Dr. Hervey Cleckley. Read it! PPs are presentable, they know full well the suffering their actions may cause others, but they do not care. They cannot care because they are nuts. They have a screw loose!

And what syndrome better describes so many executives at Enron and WorldCom and on and on, who have enriched themselves while ruining their employees and investors and country, and who still feel as pure as the driven snow, no matter what anybody may say to or about them? And so many of these heartless PPs now hold big jobs in our federal government, as though they were leaders instead of sick.

What has allowed so many PPs to rise so high in corporations, and now in government, is that they are so decisive. Unlike normal people, they are never filled with doubts, for the simple reason that they cannot care what happens next. Simply can’t. Do this! Do that! Mobilize the reserves! Privatize the public schools! Attack Iraq! Cut health care! Tap everybody’s telephone! Cut taxes on the rich! Build a trillion-dollar missile shield! Fuck habeas corpus and the Sierra Club and In These Times, and kiss my ass!
  - Kurt Vonnegut Jr.: In These Times -

 Tens of Bush Supporters Took To the Streets In Support of the President

     "An MSNBC.com report on the bin Laden tape carried the following sentence: 'At the same time, the message also called on Iraqis to rise up and oust Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, who is a secular leader.' This clearly confirms the clarity of mind Osama bin Laden displayed in regard to Saddam Hussein, and conforms to the recorded message heard by millions and millions of people around the world. 
     "Less than twenty minutes after this report appeared on MSNBC, that sentence was deleted from the report. A few intrepid Internet news junkies, including myself, preserved what is called a 'screen-grab' of the original article before it was scrubbed. The version of the article currently in existence has replaced the text above with this far more benign text: 'The taped statement reflected Saddam, a secular leader, but made it clear that Saddam was not the immediate target.' A similar story line, bereft of the portions describing bin Laden's wish that Hussein be killed, has appeared in virtually every mainstream news media report on the matter."
 - William Rivers Pitt -

  The Dell dude was busted for pot.

From Ed Ryba by way of Phil Proctor

• Choking on an ice cube? Don't panic! Simply pour boiling water down your throat and the blockage is instantly removed.
• Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.
• No Date? Use an aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps for an inexpensive vibrator.
• Date not tickled? Who needs expensive 'ribbed' condoms! Pull out an ordinary one and insert a handful of frozen peas before slipping it on.
• Bored by fish? Putting some gin in your goldfish bowl makes their eyes bulge and they'll swim around in a most amusing manner.
• Need a lift? Avoid arguments about the toilet seat by pissing in the sink.
• High blood pressure? Cut yourself, bleed a bit, and watch it drop as you drip.
• Bad cough? Take a hefty dose of laxatives. You'll be afraid to cough.

Teen Pregnancies Enjoy Downturn: The Desert Sun

"JFK's campaign song, High Hopes, written by Sammy Kahn and Jimmy Van Heuson and sung by Frank Sinatra was the theme song from the 1959 Frank Capra film A Hole in the Head. Coincidence? I don't think so..."
 - Steven Alan Green -

Main Entry: coup d'état
Variant(s): or coup d'etat  /"kü-(")dA-'tä, 'kü-(")dA-", -d&-/
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural coups d'état or coups d'etat  /-'tä(z), -"tä(z)/
Etymology: French, literally, stroke of state
Date: 1646
: a sudden decisive exercise of force in politics; especially : the violent overthrow or alteration of an existing government by a small group

 "There is a concerted, corporate and government effort to spike controversial stories and threaten those who dare step outside the prescribed lines with the loss of their careers."
 - Mary Starrett: Going...Going...Gone -

 "'My country, right or wrong' is on the same moral level as 'My mother, drunk or sober.'"
 - G.K. Chesterton -

"Powell proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that not only was the Administration's case for war based upon a series of false assumptions, but so was the relatively high opinion most of us had for our Secretary of State."
- e.c. fish: the Spleen, A Lower Colin -

 "It seems to me the people who believe in things are the problem. People who bomb embassies usually insist that they believe in things. Rival terrorist organizations machine gun women and children in supermarkets because they believe in things. Like officials shut down hospitals and then vote for increases in the Defense Budget, usually because they believe in things. Now...I'd rather not believe in things."
 - Jude in Hal Hartley's Surviving Desire -

"Why do the hate us? Because we preach one thing and do another."
 - Congresswoman Diane E. Watson -

"As the earth fares under a rainless sky, So do a people languish under an unkind king. Possessions are less pleasant than poverty To the oppressed living under an unjust king. If the king acts contrary to justice,contrary seasons will befall And rain-laden clouds will not come forth. If the people's protector fails to protect,Priests will forget the Vedas and cows' milk will dry up."

 - Tirukkural 56: 557-560 -

"Have you ever fallen out of a patient?"
 - Groucho Marx to a tree surgeon -

"Great souls are not those which have less passion and more virtue than common souls, but only those which have greater designs."
 - Francois de La Rochefoucauld -

"Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you."
 - Maori Proverb -

"Knowledge is a process of piling up facts; wisdom lies in their simplification."
 - Martin H. Fischer -

"Balance is the enemy of art."- Richard Eyre - "It is better to have loved and lost then never to have seen Lost In Space at all."- Married with Children - "Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story."
 - Ashleigh Brilliant -

"Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse?"
 - The Simpsons -

"Try to learn something about everything and everything about something."
 - T.H. Huxley -

"When you have money, that's a good way of staving off reality."
 - Bill Schneider -

"Jesus was a liberal.  Why aren't you?"
 - Baron Dave Romm -

"I hate racists. I hate everything about them. Their music. Their food. Their so-called 'religion'. The way their men are so skinny and their wives are all so fat. But mostly I hate the way they judge people based on tired stereotypes."
 - Andy Richter Controls the Universe -

"If guns are outlawed, how can we shoot the liberals?"
 - Mike Gunn: Mississippi Legislator -

"The dreaming mind recalls past impressions. It sees again what has been seen; it hears Again what has been heard, enjoys again What has been enjoyed in many places. Seen and unseen, heard and unheard, enjoyed And unenjoyed, the real and the unreal, The mind sees all; the mind sees all."
 - Prashna Upanishad -

"Never before in all history have the inequities and the momentums of unthinking money-power been more glaringly evident to so vastly large a number of now literate, competent, and constructively thinking all-around-the-world humans. There's a soon-to-occur critical-mass moment when the intuition of the responsibly inspired majority of humanity, in contradistinction to the angered Luddites and avenging Robin Hoods, faced with comprehensive functional discontinuity of nationally contained techno-economic system, will call for and accomplish a world-around reorientation of our planetary affairs."
 - R. Buckminster Fuller: Can't Fool Cosmic Computer -

"You know, when Bill Clinton got a blowjob from Monica Lewinsky, the press didn't have to underestimate the size of the crowds protesting Clinton's lack of moral fiber."
 - Jeff Crook -

"When the community is in trouble, a person should not say, "I will go to my house and I will eat and drink and be at peace with myself." 
 - Babylonian Talmud, Ta'anit 11a -

"Give to the poor and become praiseworthy. Life offers no greater reward than this."
 - Tirukkural 24: 231-232 -

"The most perfect political community is one in which the middle class is in control..."
  - Aristotle, 2,325 years ago -

"The age of apathy stops here."
 - Mary Riddell -

Amir Taheri says "Antiwar mobs side with Saddam and against the Iraqi people."

At the risk of sending you somewhere you're going to spend hours, because he is, without a doubt, the funniest writer on the Internet, may I introduce you to the fabulous Matt Neuman.

In Colorado Springs, police fired tear gas and rubber bullets at anti-war demonstrators.

It's easy to plant false memories.

The Bush administration expelled Mohammed Allawi, a journalist for the official Iraqi News Agency who covers the UN.

  The U.S. is punishing Germany by no longer bribing them to go along with whatever they say.

 You too can send a condom to Africa in Bush's name.

 People actually bought plastic sheeting and duct tape to protect themselves from a terrorist attack.

 In San Francisco, protesters sang John Lennon's "Imagine" in Arabic.

  ...who thinks the war in Iraq has already started and that all the protests and UN haggling are only serving to distract the media from covering the slaughter that's been going on for months?

  ...who is against impeachment because impeachment assumes that Bush is ACTUALLY the legitimate president of the United States, which he isn't?
 

Dr,

I currently am working on a screenplay (character study) and I read your response to one of your mentorees.  The response was concerning that you have never had an agent and you prefer to go through (entertainment) attorneys rather than  agents.  I am inclined to agree with that approach and have already entertained that notion.  Further, I have written this screenplay with a particular actress and or producer in mind and thought of submitting this screenplay to them directly.  My reason for doing this is to gage interest in the primary actress I have in mind for the project and if that person is interested, I could make her a deal breaker.  How insane is this approach?  I have to tell you that my primary vocation in life is not writing, but law enforcement and no, I don't plan on leaving law enforcement any time soon, even if I sold my screenplay.  Thank-you for your participation in this service.

Jenny 
 

Jenny,

Thank you for braving time and space to contact me.

People in Hollywood only trust people they already trust. If you're the caliber of actress who can make a picture a "go" project, then literally every single person you meet has a script they want you to read. You can't differentiate. They're all trying to take advantage of you. You ONLY read things given to you by people you've already worked with or want to work with. Don't even think of personally handing your script to such a person if you don't know them. It will end up in the trash. Your goal is to find a second party they trust and get THEM to read it, or, in most cases, a third party who is trusted by the second party who actually reads it first.

I can't tell you who that person is. I don't know what part of law enforcement you practice, but to get your script made, you have to be a detective. Check out the credits of all your actress's pictures, particularly the producers and executive producers, particularly of films that garnered your actress praise or awards. THAT'S someone they'll accept a script from. Find out where they work. Find out what they're doing. Find out THEIR submission process. If they want a release before they'll read it, sign it. They won't be impressed by the fact you wrote your script with the actress in mind because hundreds of people write scripts with the actress in mind. Don't tell them you're using them as a middle-man. Make THEM your target. Tell them you can tell by their credits that it's the kind of movie they like. Let THEM figure out what actress to give it to. Let 'em think it's THEIR idea when they come up with the very name you were counting on, and if they come up with another name, don't complain. Tell them they're brilliant, you would have never thought of that.

I was lucky enough to be personally introduced to my attorney through one of their more successful clients, and if you think I'm going to introduce them to you, you're nuts. Actually finding such a person to represent you can be difficult, depending upon your financial situation. Most charge in the neighborhood of $300 an hour. Pay their fee, act like a CLIENT, and you bet they'll meet you.

How do you find out what attorneys represent what people? Most of them keep their client list pretty close to their chest, so once again, get out that detective badge, burst into the production office at Universal, and DEMAND to know who represents your actress. Chances are you'll get thrown off the lot, but at least you'll meet a lawyer.

Send your questions to "Ask Dr. Hollywood" at disinfotainment@earthlink.net
 
 

Dr. Hollywood archives are here.

 

WHO’S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK?

by Helen A. Handbasket

You never know who’s going to trade their soul away or what they’re going to get for it unless you’re Helen A. Handbasket, ex-executive chief in charge of operations for the burning flames of hellfire. Who are her sources? Wouldn’t you like to know? Sorry, all communications are confidential and the property of Helen A. Handbasket, whose opinions do not necessarily reflect those of this or any other publication. 

February 17, 2003

UNDO THE COUP
Satan for President in 2004

ARITHMETIC FROM HELL

100,000 in New York + 3,000 in Chicago + 200,000 in San Francisco + 50,000 in Washington D.C. + 7,000 in Raleigh, NC + 10,000 in Austin, TX + 3,000 in Houston, TX + 4,500 in Santa Fe, TX + 5,000 in Santa Cruz CA + 500 in Pearl Harbor + 30,000 in Los Angeles + 20,000 in Seattle + 5,000 in San Diego + 2,000 in Detroit + 7,500 in Minneapolis + 1,500 in Lansing MI + 3,300 in Colorado Springs + 350,000 in New York + 10,000 in Philadelphia + 500 in Little Rock + 1,400 in Portland + 1,000,000 in London + 30,000 in Glasgow + 100,000 in Place Denfert-Rochereau, France + 10,000 each in Toulouse, Lyon, and Marseille + 20,000 in Budapest + 1,000 in Reykavik + 80,000 in Lisbon + 15,000 in Gaza + 500,000 in Berlin + 500 in Prague + 1,000,000 in Rome + 2,500 in Warsaw + 15,000 in Helsinki + 400,000 in Paris + 1,000,000 in Barcelona + 600,000 in Madrid + 60,000 in Seville, Valencia, and Bilbao + 100,000 in Dublin + 70,000 in Amsterdam + 60,000 in Oslo + 50,000 in Athens + 50,000 in Brussels + 40,000 in Bern + 2,000 in Cairo + 35,000 in Stockholm + 25,000 in Copenhagen + 200,000 at the Acropolis + 15,000 in Vienna + 2,000 in Dhaka, Bangladesh + 2,000 in Kuala Lumpur + 50,000 in Brussels + 2,000 in Sofia, Bulgaria + 2,000 in Kiev + 50,000 in Monte Videa + 100,000 in Montreal + 20,000 in Vancouver + 25,000 in Toronto + 2,000 in Ottawa + 5,000 each in Cape Town and Johannesburg + 10,000 in Bangkok + 6,000 in Tokyo + 5,000 in Manila + 2,000 in Seoul + 2,000 in Dhaka, Bangladesh 100s outside the US Embassy in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia + 100s outside the US consulate in Hong Kong + 10,000 in Calcutta + 100,000 in Jakarta, Indonesia + 250,000 in Sydney + 50,000 in Melbourne + 16,000 in Canberra + 18,000 in Newcastle + 10,000 in Perth 14,000 each in Wellington and Aukland, New Zealand + 30,000 in both Sao Paulo and Rio de Janeiro + 20,000 in Montevideo, Uruguay + 30,000 in Mexico City + 40,000 in Bern + 200,000 in Damascus + 10,000 in Pattani, Thailand + 5,000 in Havana, Cuba + 1,000 in San Juan, Puerto Rico + 5,000 in Istanbul, Turkey + 200,000 in Damascus + 10,000 in Amman, Jordan + 15,000 in Beirut + 2,000 in Tel Aviv + 50,000 in Buenos Aires + 10,000 in Baghdad divided by George W. Bush = war.

SEQUEL FROM HELL

 The Patriot Act II: in the U.S., no one can hear you scream.

BELATED VALENTINE FROM HELL

Nothing says "I love you" like a Possum Fur Nipple Warmer

INTERNET DEAD-END FROM HELL

 Just in case you haven't already been forwarded this a million times, be sure to go here.

STATISTIC FROM HELL

 "It seems that the number of people on this planet who are obese is now in balance with the number of people on this planet who are starving. Let me pause for a moment to give that time to sink in. Surely if we don't pause to ponder a statistic like this we're sunk. Currently on terra firma, or in terra's infirmary, there are approximately 1.1 billion people who are obese and 1.1 billion people who are starving."
 - Noah ben Shea -

STAMP FROM HELL

From the new honesty in stamp art collection

HISTORY LESSON FROM HELL

 Hitler's Enabling Act 
 

On March 23, 1933, the newly elected members of the German Parliament (the Reichstag) met in the Kroll Opera House in Berlin to consider passing Hitler's Enabling Act. It was officially called the 'Law for Removing the Distress of the People and the Reich.' If passed, it would effectively mean the end of democracy in Germany and establish the legal dictatorship of Adolf Hitler. 

  The 'distress' had been secretly caused by the Nazis themselves in order to create a crisis atmosphere that would make the law seem necessary to restore order. On February 27, 1933, they had burned the Reichstag building, seat of the German government, causing panic and outrage. The Nazis successfully blamed the fire on the Communists and claimed it marked the beginning of a widespread uprising. 

 On the day of the vote, Nazi storm troopers gathered in a show of force around the opera house chanting, "Full powers - or else! We want the bill - or fire and murder!!" They also stood inside in the hallways, and even lined the aisles where the vote would take place, glaring menacingly at anyone who might oppose Hitler's will. 

 Just before the vote, Hitler made a speech to the Reichstag in which he pledged to use restraint. 

  "The government will make use of these powers only insofar as they are essential for carrying out vitally necessary measures...The number of cases in which an internal necessity exists for having recourse to such a law is in itself a limited one." - Hitler told the Reichstag. 

  He also promised an end to unemployment and pledged to promote peace with France, Great Britain and the Soviet Union. But in order to do all this, Hitler said, he first needed the Enabling Act. 

 A two thirds majority was needed, since the law would actually alter the German constitution. Hitler needed 31 non-Nazi votes to pass it. He got those votes from the Center Party after making a false promise to restore some basic rights already taken away by decree. 

 However, one man arose amid the overwhelming might. Otto Wells, leader of the Social Democrats stood up and spoke quietly to Hitler. 

 "We German Social Democrats pledge ourselves solemnly in this historic hour to the principles of humanity and justice, of freedom and socialism. No enabling act can give you power to destroy ideas which are eternal and indestructible." 

 This enraged Hitler and he jumped up to respond. 

 "You are no longer needed! - The star of Germany will rise and yours will sink! Your death knell has sounded!" 

  The vote was taken - 441 for, only 84, the Social Democrats, against. The Nazis leapt to their feet clapping, stamping and shouting, then broke into the Nazi anthem, the Hrst Wessel song. 

 They achieved what Hitler had wanted for years - to tear down the German Democratic Republic legally and end democracy, thus paving the way for a complete Nazi takeover of Germany. 

  From this day on, the Reichstag would be just a sounding board, a cheering section for Hitler's pronouncements. 

  - The History Place -

CARTOON FROM HELL

 
 

POEM FROM HELL
(actually Dave Cogan)

Slick Willy and Oily George
 

First t'was Slick Willy, the one with a brain.
Oooh so immoral, impeached for a stain.
So he liked blowjobs, he also loved books.
His whole life not run by a panel of crooks.
He earned world respect, the economy grew.
He could speak off the cuff, in whole sentences too. 

Then came Oily George, silver spoon up his ass,
he shows his compassion with the heart of a bass.
He makes the rich richer, and prays for the poor,
with promises large, follow through miniature.
He gives the rich millions, says it trickles down,
but so far all that's trickled smells bad and is brown.

Oily G's White House is photo-op clean,
Paper tigers abound, moral courage is lean.
He rules like a puppet, his speeches are canned.
He'll donate your sons to win more oily sand.

You're guilty of treason and cowardly things,
should you disagree with his diehard right wings.
He can break treaties, steals votes like a thief,
Oily George - acting president - dummy-in-chief.

As Bush destiny manifests itself broke,
to most of the world, he's America's joke.
The Connecticut cowboy's small brain runs on oil.
He's true to the rich folks and rich sandy soil.
Oily George is so manly, and says what he means,
as he misquotes clichés, born-again philistine.

So what have we now, since the G. Dubya con?
A Crawford-class idiot, world-class moron.
He's lost us our friends, and our world-wide respect.
He pissed on the surplus, the economy's wrecked.
Twin towers are gone, but bin Laden's still free.
Oily George just gets richer, decree by decree.
His agenda brings chemical? nuclear war?
Hell! Horny Slick Willy just wanted to score.

CAMPAIGN FROM HELL

This, and more great buttons, available here.
 
 

SATAN DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW

If you chew on a coffee bean, it'll get rid of garlic breath.

GOOGLE SEARCH FROM HELL

 

All of Helen's old columns are here.