Quick, what does the United States have in common with the assholes who blew the nose off the Sphinx, set fire to the great library at Alexandria, knocked the arms off the Venus de Milo, and destroyed the Buddhist statues in Afghanistan?

We were protecting oil fields while the only things in Baghdad genuinely worth protecting, artifacts from the 8000 year old cradle of civilization, were destroyed. A whole company of Marines, along with at least a half-dozen amphibious assault vehicles, had been assigned to guard the Oil Ministry, obviously more important than protecting THE HISTORY OF MANKIND but what can we expect from a man who has probably never visited a museum in his life. Bush to world: "Our oil is more important than the cultural history of the planet."

Gone forever

"They lie across the floor in tens of thousands of pieces, the priceless antiquities of Iraq's history. The looters had gone from shelf to shelf, systematically pulling down the statues and pots and amphorae of the Assyrians and the Babylonians, the Sumerians, the Medes, the Persians and the Greeks and hurling them on to the concrete. Our feet crunched on the wreckage of 5,000-year-old marble plinths and stone statuary and pots that had endured every siege of Baghdad, every invasion of Iraq throughout history ­ only to be destroyed when America came to 'liberate' the city. The Iraqis did it. They did it to their own history, physically destroying the evidence of their own nation's thousands of years of civilisation. Not since the Taliban embarked on their orgy of destruction against the Buddhas of Bamiyan and the statues in the museum of Kabul ­ perhaps not since the Second World War or earlier ­have so many archaeological treasures been wantonly and systematically smashed to pieces."
- Robert Fisk on the destruction of Iraq's National Archaeological Museum

- "A country's identity, its value and civilization resides in its history. If a country's civilization is looted, as ours has been here, its history ends. Please tell this to President Bush. Please remind him that he promised to liberate the Iraqi people, but that this is not a liberation, this is a humiliation."
- Iraqi archeologist Raid Abdul Ridhar Muhammad, discussing the looting of the National Museum of Iraq -

"This war, replete with the Court-appointed Bush administration's self-conscious attempts to make, and go down in history, will now be remembered as the war that ended history. The war in which humanity's most precious artifacts were stolen from under the noses of the instigators of the war. In a city they claimed to control, George W. Bush is now guaranteed a prime spot in history, that's for sure. His handlers pictured him becoming the hero of the soundbitten era of cable news and all-war, all-the-time history stations. He has transcended all that. W is now resides in the annals of mankind as the warmongering oaf who was in such a rush to commence hostilities that he failed to safeguard humanity's most precious antiquities. The court-appointed president will forever be remembered as the asshole who created the diversion that facilitated the largest art and antiquity heist in history. An indelible blot marks America's name in the history of nations. It will last as long as there is history."
- Barry Crimmins -

"Our heritage is finished. Why did they do this? Why? Why? If there were five American soldiers at the door, everything would have been fine. They're supposed to be here to protect us. They should be protecting us."
- Nabhal Amin, the museum's deputy director -

"Stuff happens."
- Donald Rumsfeld -

Websites about the missing antiquities...

Best Cartoon from Six Months Ago

Best Darenet Prediction from 12/15/2000

Excert from: George W. Bush's Acceptance Speech on Truth Serum "So I just want to say thank you daddy, and thanks in particular for leaving Saddam Hussein in power. I can't wait. This is going to be fun. We're going to totally fuck up the middle east so that everyone has to get their oil from us. Hoo boy, are we going to make a lot of money."

The Complete Text of the Dixie Chick's Apology 

Apology from Natalie Maines 

As a concerned American citizen, I apologize to President Bush because my remark was disrespectful. I now realize that whoever holds that office should be treated with the utmost respect. 

I hope everyone understands, I'm just a young girl who grew up in Texas. As far back as I can remember, I heard people say they were ashamed of President Clinton. I saw bumper stickers calling him everything from a pothead to a murderer. I heard people on the radio and TV like Rush Limbaugh, Pat Robertson, Newt Gingrich and Trent Lott bad mouthing the President and ridiculing his wife and daughter at every opportunity.  I heard LOTS of people disrespecting the President. So I guess I just assumed it was acceptable behavior. 

But now, thanks to the thousands of angry people who want radio stations to boycott our music because criticizing the President is unpatriotic, I realize it's wrong to have a liberal opinion if you're a country music artist. I guess I should have thought about that before deciding to play music that attracts hypocritical red necks. 

I also realize now that I'm supposed to just sing and look cute so our fans won't have anything to upset them while they're cheating on their wives or getting in drunken bar fights or driving around in their pickup trucks shooting highway signs and small animals. 

And most important of all, I realize that it's wrong for a celebrity to voice a political opinion, unless they're Charlie Daniels, Clint Black, Merle Haggard, Barbara Mandrell, Loretta Lynn, Ricky Skaggs, Travis Tritt, Hank Williams Jr, Amy Grant, Larry Gatlin, Crystal Gayle, Reba McEntire, Lee Greenwood, Lorrie Morgan, Anita Bryant, Mike Oldfield, Ted Nugent,  Wayne Newton, Dick Clark, Jay Leno, Drew Carey, Dixie Carter, Victoria Jackson, Charleton Heston, Fred Thompson, Ben Stein, Bruce Willis, Kevin Costner, Arnold Schwartzenegger, Bo Derek, Rick Schroeder, George Will, Pat Buchanan, Bill O'Reilly, Joe Rogan, Delta Burke, Robert Conrad or Jesse Ventura. 

God Bless America, Natalie

Is this apology parody or reality?

Personal Hint to my Teenage Son

A woman in Jerusalem stabbed her son to death in a dispute over his refusal to get off the computer and make his bed.

Insane E-Mail of the Week

ENLARGE YOUR COALITION! GUARANTEED!! 

Want a big international COALITION? Tired of getting spurned by hot European girls because of your "unilateralism"? 

Now, YOU can experience the COALITION ENLARGEMENT you've always wanted with a MASSIVE accounting breakthrough!! 100 GUARANTEED!!! 

THE APPEARANCE OF SIZE DOES MATTER! 

With the help of our GUARANTEED plan you too will go from being a little bush to a THICK, MIGHTY LOG in no time! Best yet, our plan has NO Painful and Hard-To-Use international pumps like the UN, and NO annoying allies who might actually try and assert themselves! 

With our plan, you can GROW that HUGE THROBBING COALITION in just THREE EASY STEPS!!! 

1) Get one of your buddies at the health club (or in England) to SING PRAISES of how MIGHTY your Coalition is, then simply COUNT EVERYONE AT THE HEALTH CLUB (or in England) AS BEING PART OF YOUR COALITION -- WHETHER THEY WANT TO BE OR NOT. Remember to use the phrase: "Everyone down at the gym (or England) says I have a huge coalition" often. 

2) MOCK anyone who questions the size of your coalition, especially if they ask for measurements. Be quick to say: "I don't have to measure it because everyone KNOWS it's HUGE." Better yet, ask them how big THEIR coalition is. That usually shuts them up real fast. If it doesn't, simply change the subject or walk out of the room. 

3) Tell possible MEMBERS they can hang with you and the cool kids down at Club NATO after the show. If that doesn't work, promise to slip several billion dollars into their economy (Don't actually give them the money, just promise it.) 

4) You can DOUBLE and TRIPLE the size of your international thang by padding it with SEXY sounding places like Latvia, Uzbekistan and, ooh baby, Eritrea. And if anyone wonders what good the Marshall Islands are when they can't even field 2 guys at the Olympics much less an army, you just shoot back "HEY, even with MICRONESIA on my side I'm still bigger than the French! HAR!" 

5) And finally, when all else fails just tell people 1/3 or more of your coalition is HIDDEN and flatly refuse to pull out the whole length. Insist real gentlemen don't talk about such things in public and that they'll just have to trust your word as to how MASSIVELY THROBBINGLY HUGE the whole coalition is. Then cite security concerns and have them arrested. 

If you follow the above 4 steps, you will be GUARANTEED to ERECT a bigger coalition that will leave them all too WILLING to drop trou, bend over and do ANYTHING YOU TELL 'EM TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

For more details, contact Ari F. at http://www.whitehouse.gov/

"'Enlarge your coalition' made me a man!" - George B.

Staged Event of the Week

From Indymedia

I Feel So Much Safer Now

A Florida Appeals court ruled there is absolutely nothing illegal about lying, concealing or distorting information by a major press organization. (Hey, don't look at me, I'm a MINOR press organization)

Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, the Iraqi Minister of Information, says things like "I now inform you that you are too far from reality," which is why we love the Iraqi information minister. (Warning: mysteriously one of the most popular sites on the net so it may be hard to reach)

The Taliban are back in Afghanistan.

Sony has patented the term "Shock and Awe" for a video game.

In January of 2003, Bush cut off access to its VA health care system for approximately 174,000 veterans. Specifically, Bush announced that new VA care would no longer be available to "Priority 8" veterans who are not already enrolled in the VA system. These are veterans who make more than roughly $29,000. This measure would total a budget cut of approximately $388 million. Incidentally, Bush actually announced this cut on the same day he did a photo-op at the Walter Reed Medical Center touting veterans care for vets of the Afghanistan conflict.

The Illicit Drug Anti-Proliferation Act (also called the "RAVE Act"), which was attached to the AMBER Alert bill, passed both the House and Senate this week, which means if you own a nightclub and someone lights a joint in it, you could lose your club. 

Congressional Republicans, working with the Bush administration, are maneuvering to make permanent the sweeping anti-terrorism powers granted to federal law enforcement agents after the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, which are set to expire in 2005.

Totally Wacko, New World Order, Amazingly Well-Documented Explanation for Everything, Site of the Week
(Unless it's all true)

According to Alfred Lilienthal, the war on Iraq is part of an Israeli plan to let Americans die for the goal of its expansionist plans to take over the middle east.

And as a side note, two of Israel Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's senior aides will go to Washington for separate talks this week where they will suggest that the United States also take care of Iran and Syria because of their support for terror and pursuit of weapons of mass destruction.

Animation of the Week

Excellent ad for Rummyco and the full service Pentagon.

Calling All Terrorists

The Anarchist's Cookbook is online.

Poster of the Week

Don't Take My Word For It

"One day, I hope little kids pledge allegiance to the USA but also pledge allegiance to humanity."
- Tad Daley during a lecture and dinner series sponsored by the World Affairs Council of the Desert -

"The only possibility of stopping this current military action is to engage in strategies and tactics which severely disrupt the war machine, the U.S. economy, and the overall functioning of U.S. society particularly how it relates to consumerism and the economy. Marches, picketing, rallies, parties, benefits, civil disobedience and even property destruction are pointless, and perhaps even counterproductive, unless they serve to severely disrupt the functioning of the political system and its economy. An atmosphere of severe unrest, if manufactured properly, will force the U.S. government to place military resources in the streets of the United States, will threaten the economy (the chief motive behind this military excursion) of the United States, and ultimately create a political atmosphere unfavorable for Bush to continue on with the war."
- Craig Rosebraugh: A Message to the U.S. Anti-War Movement -

"It is not an act of heroism when a superpower like the United States with a population of nearly 300 million gangs up on a poor third-world country like Iraq with a population of 23 million. Moreover, one could easily get an idea of the vast chasm in military spending between the United States and Iraq if we consider the fact that the annual American defense budget amounts to 400 billion dollars while the Iraqis spend no more than 1.5 billion dollars on their armed forces."
- Criminals, liars -

"War is only a cowardly escape from the problem of peace."
- Thomas Mann -

"The People cannot be safe without information. When the press is free, and every man is able to read, all is safe." 
- Thomas Jefferson -

"I sometimes feel appalled at the thought of the sum total of human misery all over the world at the present moment: the millions parted, fretting, wasting in unprofitable days - quite apart from torture, pain, death, bereavement, injustice. If anguish were visible, almost the whole of this benighted planet would be enveloped in a dense dark vapor, shrouded from the amazed vision of the heavens! And the products of it all will be mainly evil - historically considered. But the historic version is, of course, not the only one. All things and all deeds have a value in themselves, apart from their 'causes' and 'effects.' No man can estimate what is really happening sub specie aeternitatis. All we do know, and that to a large extent by direct experience, is that evil labors with vast power and perpetual success - in vain: preparing always the soil for unexpected good to sprout in."
- The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien -

"You really have to work at it to create a situation in which Saddam Hussein is looked upon as less of a threat to world peace than the U.S. president. In his little more than two years on the job, George W. Bush has proved himself to be more than up to the task."
- Graydon Carter: Vanity Fair -

"The answer is obvious: there is only one way to truly support our soldiers, and that's to bring them home."
- David Lynch -

"Crush your Dixie Chicks CDs! Boycott Susan Sarandon's public appearances! But while you're at it, drink a toast to Saddam, because that's exactly the kind of thinking he loves: the fewer private citizens there are with the power to express their opinions to the masses, the better."
- Greg Beato: Support the Celebrities! -

"We are going to impose our agenda on the coverage by dealing with issues and subjects that we choose to deal with." 
- Richard M. Cohen, former Senior Producer of CBS political news -

"News is what someone wants to suppress. Everything else is advertising." 
- Rubin Frank, former NBC news president -

"The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth becomes the greatest enemy of the State." 
- Dr. Joseph M. Goebbels, Propaganda Minister of Nazi Germany -

    "In the Cambridge International Dictionary of English, Capitalism is defined as an economic, political and social system based on private ownership of property, business and industry, and directed towards making the greatest possible profits for successful organizations and people.
    "In the Cambridge Dictionary of American English, the Newspeak version, Capitalism is defined as an economic system based on private ownership of property and business, with the goal of making the greatest possible profits for the owners. Amazing isn't it?
    "You see the problem. In the rest of the world, capitalism means private ownership where success is financially rewarded. Using America's Newspeak Dictionary, capitalism means private ownership where the OWNERS, and not the company or the employees are the ones entitled to capital, regardless of how badly the business does. Success doesn't even come into play. In America, the owners are entitled to the greatest possible profits, period."
- An Interview with George Orwell by Hsing Lee -

"Yay! The gorilla has crushed the mouse. The bazooka has blown apart the BB gun. The dinosaur has stomped the fly. Yay! Rejoice in the streets! The bright shiny righteous angry Christian god has obliterated the angry sullen foreign god."
- Mark Morford: The Lie of Liberation -

"Did I read this scene in Catch-22? Surely, the BBC man was being ferociously ironic. I doubt it, just as I doubt that whoever designed the Observer's page three last Sunday had Joseph Heller in mind when he wrote the weasel headline: 'The moment young Omar discovered the price of war.' These cowardly words accompanied a photograph of an American marine reaching out to comfort 15-year-old Omar, having just participated in the mass murder of his father, mother, two sisters and brother during the unprovoked invasion of their homeland, in breach of the most basic law of civilised peoples."
- John Pilger: Crimes against Humanity -

"Extending the war into Iraq would have incurred incalculable human and political costs. We would have been forced to occupy Baghdad and, in effect, rule Iraq. The coalition would instantly have collapsed, the Arabs deserting in anger and other allies pulling out as well. Exceeding the U.N.'s mandate would have destroyed the precedent of international response to aggression we hoped to establish. Had we gone the invasion route, the U.S. could still be an occupying power in a bitterly hostile land." 
- From "Why We Didn't Remove Saddam" by George Bush [Sr.] and Brent Scowcroft, Time Magazine, 1998 -

"It also gives us a very special, secret pleasure to see how unaware the people around us are of what is really happening to them."
- Adolf Hitler -

"They were careless people, Tom and Daisy - they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made."
- F. Scott Fitzgerald: The Great Gatsby -

"Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, - That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, It is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, Laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security."
- That pesky old Declaration of Independence -

Quiz from Hell

a) Iraqi forces began putting up resistance to the US Marines 1st Expeditionary Force attacking the Diyala River bridges early Wednesday, April 9. Suddenly at around 11 am, the Iraqi fighters vanished as one man. Clearly, someone had ordered them to give way without blowing up the bridges, a repetition of what has happened more than once since the war began. The Marines were thus able to go forward unopposed until they reached Baghdad’s town center. Where'd they go?

b) The Diyala River defenders were not the only Iraqi fighters to become invisible. Where is the Iraqi army’s 25th Division? Where are all Saddam’s ministers, his generals? How come after 21 days of warfare, the coalition has not exhibited a single Iraqi army commander taken captive? 

 HINT: Beneath the heavily exposed surface battles, a fierce secret war is raging in the subterranean tunnels linking Saddam's four of five command and control fortress-bunkers spread out under the Baghdad region. DEBKAfiles sources reveal that US Special forces are locked in hand to hand combat with Special Republican Guards and Saddams Fedayeen commanded by Uday Hussein. All that we know about the battle of the tunnels for the moment is that American forces uncovered two or three secret entrances to the underground labyrinth  two of them at the international airport of Baghdad after its capture. At least one of those entrances led to a broad underground highway system with roads some 12 meters wide through which two armored personnel carriers can pass each other comfortably. Some of these passageways are designed as blind alleys to lead interlopers astray; the ones leading to the command and control bunker-fortresses are guarded by Iraqi commandos.

SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION FOR THOSE CELEBRATING THE "LIBERATION" OF BAGHDAD: Does the orgasm justify the rape?

History Lessons from Hell

Lest We Forget by Laurie Manis.

Quick, name anyone who controlled Iraq before Saddam Hussein. Surely you remember when King Faisal II was dismembered and dragged through the streets of Baghdad. You don't? Has anyone in the U.S. read the history of Iraq? Don't forget that Saddam's regime is a European import.

With all the bad things he's done, why should the Iraqi people feel any gratitude or loyalty to President Saddam Hussein? You would not know it from anything that has been written in the U.S. or British media, but there are very good reasons. (Hint: Women don't have to wear burkhas like they do in Saudi Arabia, thanks to Hussein)

Everything Else

Mandatory reading: A message to the people of Iraq from the U.S. Bureau of Indian Affairs.

The top 30 Bush lies about Iraq.

Here's a lovely little list of firms who gave to Bush and got lucrative contracts.

Don't let media headlines about "rumors from the Muslim world" distract you. They weren't necessarily Saudis. At least several Israelis have been held by FBI as possible suspects in the Sept. 11 [2001] terrorist attacks.

Letters between Tim Robbins and the Baseball Hall of Fame. 

Not to get all conspiratorial on your ass, but here's a nice little list of Americans who are members of the Tri-Lateral Commission.

Get spare parts for your tank.

What would the English language be like without French?

Are we going to bring democracy to Iraq? We sure didn't bring it to Afghanistan.

Want to make a movie? You better learn the art of funding.

Kim Jong Il's blog.

Meria Heller is still a weapon of mass instruction.