Writer Plagiarizes This Very Headline

In a blatant attempt to fix Disinfotainment Today so that it conforms to the plagiaristic standards of the New York Times, every word in this article came from somewhere else.

Pornography of the Week

The next time you're gathered round the fire with your kiddies,
show them how to make an origami vagina out of a dollar bill.

Piano Solo of the Week

Bradley Sowash is an inspirational jazz pianist, speaker & educator who has done an incredibly beautiful solo piano version of Balm in Gilead. 

"This is our response to violence: to make music more beautifully, more passionately, more devotedly than ever before." 
- Leonard Bernstein -

And the Winner Is...

In the sweepstakes over what country the U.S. is going to invade and conquer next, holders of tickets saying "Iran" are the big winners this week. They can expect to receive thousands more disabled war veterans seeking non-existent health care. Congratulations!

I Feel So Much Safer Now

New Federal regulations are having the effect of stopping the delivery of Fourth of July fireworks.

If you give blood, you risk ID theft.

In deference to PETA, Kentucky Fried Chicken has installed surveillance cameras in its slaughterhouses in order to prove it is killing the chickens humanely.

Eminem wouldn't let Weird Al satirize one of his songs.

Important Question #47

Since when do you have to ask someone's fucking permission to satirize them?

Let's Have a Big Hand for...

May, AKA National Masturbation Month.

One Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Less than 300 people have died worldwide from SARS. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that an average of 36,000 people die from influenza-related complications each year just in the United States.

Cartoon of the Week

Linguistic Question of the Week

Two definitions from the Merriam-Webster dictionary...

Main Entry: Sem·ite
Pronunciation: 'se-"mIt, esp British 'sE-"mIt
Function: noun
Etymology: French sémite, from Semitic Shem, from Late Latin, from Greek
SEm, from Hebrew ShEm
Date: 1848
1 a : a member of any of a number of peoples of ancient southwestern Asia, including the Akkadians, Phoenicians, Hebrews, and Arabs 
 b : a descendant of these peoples

Main Entry: an·ti-Sem·i·tism
Pronunciation: "an-ti-'se-m&-"ti-z&m, "an-"tI-
Function: noun
Date: 1882
: hostility toward or discrimination against Jews as a religious, ethnic, or racial group

Question: If Semites include "Hebrews and Arabs," why is anti-Semitism just "hostility toward or discrimination against Jews" instead of all Semites?

Don't Take My Word For It

"Every day that we wake up is a good day. Every breath that we take is filled with hope for a better day. Every word that we speak is a chance to change what is bad into something good. We aren't slaves. . . . This nation is at least a potential democracy. We need to wake up from this walking nightmare and realize that the sun is shining."
 - Walter Moseley: What Next: A Memoir Toward World Peace -

 "I'm jealous of the Iraqis. I wish someone would liberate the United States of America from its unelected dictator."
 - Marc Perkel -

     "Of course they knew! The foreknowledge issue is a red herring. The 'Islamic Brigades' are a creation of the CIA. In standard CIA jargon, Al Qaeda is categorized as an 'intelligence asset.' Support to terrorist organizations is an integral part of U.S. foreign policy. Al Qaeda continues to this date (2002) to participate in CIA covert operations in different parts of the World. These 'CIA-Osama links' do not belong to a bygone era, as suggested by the mainstream media.    "The U.S. Congress has documented in detail, the links of Al Qaeda to agencies of the U.S. government during the civil war in Bosnia-Herzegovina, as well as in Kosovo. More recently in Macedonia, barely a few months before September 11, U.S. military advisers were mingling with Mujahideen mercenaries financed by Al Qaeda. Both groups were fighting under the auspices of the Kosovo Liberation Army (KLA), within the same terrorist paramilitary formation.    "The CIA keeps track of its 'intelligence assets.' Amply documented, Osama bin Laden's whereabouts were always known. Al Qaeda is infiltrated by the CIA. In other words, there were no 'intelligence failures'! In the nature of a well-led intelligence operation, the 'intelligence asset' operates (wittingly or unwittingly) with some degree of autonomy, in relation to its U.S. government sponsors, but ultimately it acts consistently, in the interests of Uncle Sam."
 - Michel Chossudovsky: Political Deception: The Missing Link behind 9-11 -

"Former Defense Secretary Robert McNamara now says America's involvement in Vietnam was a mistake. A mistake? It was more than a mistake. The Gulf of Tonkin incident was a hoax perpetrated on the American people and the world to justify a war that cost millions of unnecessary deaths. What hoaxes are being perpetrated on the American people today to justify war and how many lives will they cost?"
 - Col. David Antoon (USAF ret.): The pain of war never goes away -

"The presidency - by which I mean the executive state - is the sum total of American tyranny. The other branches of government, including the presidentially appointed Supreme Court, are mere adjuncts. The presidency insists on complete devotion and humble submission to its dictates, even while its steals the products of our labor and drives us into economic ruin. It centralizes all power unto itself, and crowds out all competing centers of power in society, including the church, the family, the business, the charity, and the community." 
 - Lew Rockwell -

"Power always thinks it has a great soul and vast views beyond the comprehension of the weak; and that it is doing God's service when it is violating His laws."
 - Thomas Jefferson -

"I think George Bush is the most corrupt American president since Harding in the Twenties. This really is a completely insupportable government and I look forward to it being overthrown as much as I looked forward to Saddam Hussein being overthrown."
 - Ken Livingstone, Mayor of London -

"It's not just vases that are missing. Who will start the bidding on a crate full of uranium?"
 - Joe Conason: Rummy the genius forgot about nukes - 

"...big newspapers almost are beyond being sued or cannot successfully be sued in Court. Why? A case in point is The Chicago Tribune. It is virtually impossible to bring a successful suit or claim against them. Even accidents at their facilities caused by their negligence. WHY? Because they keep secret files on every judge, state and federal. And the judges know full well of the existence of such files, from anecdotal data gathered from others on the bench and in the bar."
 - Sherman H. Skolnick: The Overthrow Of The American Republic Part 22 -

"A superpower like the United States does not invade a pip-squeak power like Iraq  outside the framework of international law and against worldwide opposition  only for its publicly stated reasons, in this case, fighting terrorism, liberating Iraq and triggering a domino effect for the democratization of the Middle East. The real American agenda is only now becoming clearer. The conquest of Iraq is enabling a new Pax Americana that goes well beyond the much-discussed control of oil, as central as that is to the enterprise. America is redrawing the military map of the region with amazing alacrity."
 - Haroon Siddiqui: Real American Agenda Now Becoming Clear -

"The world is governed by people far different from those imagined by the public."
 - Benjamin Disraeli -

"There are two issues here - the value of Iraqi oil to US corporations, and the question of imperial cost/benefit analysis. Taking the second question first, throughout history imperial powers have expended more in wars of conquest and subjugation than could be earned from the colonies acquired or subdued. The US wars in Indochina are a staggering example of how disproportionate economic costs can be relative to perceived material benefits. The costs of empire are borne by society as a whole, while the benefits of empire are enjoyed by the influential few. Therefore, in general, for those who make policy - who share interests and viewpoints with those who hold domestic power - it is entirely rational to use the resources of society to secure the interests of the wealthy and powerful, even if expenditure far exceeds projected returns. Costs are socialized, benefits are privatized. That is the reality of our 'free market' economy."
 - Milan Rai: Oil and War -

"It has indeed been a trying hour for the Republic; but I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country. As a result of the war, corporations have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working on the prejudices of the people until all wealth is aggregated in a few hands, and the Republic is destroyed. I feel at this moment  more anxiety for the safety of my country than ever before, even in the midst of war."
 - Abraham Lincoln in a letter to William F. Elkins, Nov 21st, 1864 -

"One should give up anger, renounce pride, and overcome all fetters. Suffering never befalls him who clings not to mind and body and is detached."
 - Buddha: Dhammapada 221 -

"Instead of posting the Ten Commandments in every schoolroom, maybe they should be tattooed on the forehead of every member of our government who pledges their religious faith, just as a graphic reminder of the loathsome hypocrisy they routinely practice that brings destitution, disease, dismemberment and death to those they are supposed to champion and serve."
 - R. S. Janes -

"To build its case for war with Iraq, the Bush administration argued that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction, but some officials now privately acknowledge the White House had another reason for war - a global show of American power and democracy."
 - John Cochran: ABC News -

"Ignorance is not the problem in the world; it's the things people 'know' that aren't so."
 - Will Rogers -

"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!"
 - Homer Simpson -

Poster of the Week

Mr. Conspiracy Says...

The real artifact America was planning on stealing from Iraq all along was Saddam Hussein's crashed UFO.

By the way, did you hear the one about the Polish mountain climber who cut off one of his arms and was STILL trapped under a rock?

Quiz from Hell

Everything Else

Triggerstreet, run by Kevin Spacey, is a pretty cool place to upload your films and scripts.

Here's a nice little compilation of what they're saying about us in newspapers around the world.

Iraqi agriculture is on the brink of collapse, with fears that many of its 24.5 million people will go hungry this summer, according to a confidential report being studied by the UN's Food and Agriculture Organization.

China says SARS came from us.

We've got free speech as long as it's nowhere near Bush.

Mindy Kleinberg's husband was killed in the WTC on 9/11/01. She's got some questions she'd like the National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States to answer.

Would you believe there's a damn good reason for NOT lifting the sanctions against Iraq?

Bush's post-war job approval = the Macarena.

The Iraqi welcome to the United States has turned to fury.