Mr. Conspiracy Says...

Fight the new world order. Stop asshole CEOs from moving their factories out of the country. Stop Walmart. Shop at an online site where every product is made in the USA. Buy American. But don't try finding a pair of athletic shoes. Not one. Nope. Not one. Remember this, and it's an important thing to keep in mind. The corporations don't manufacture overseas because the product is BETTER, they manufacture overseas because the product is CHEAPER. If the guys at the top weren't so piggy, if the goal was to feed and clothe everybody instead of just making out like a bandit, you'd have a job.

Insane E-Mail of the Week

PLEASE DON'T DENY US SATAN LUCIFER
We are three people in Uganda and we want to Join In the squad to serve for LUCIFER and we want to compete for "lucifer bride" we hear of here, No matter what it takes to be satan AGENTS on earth but we want to join the Under ground Plannet before we die.
We are poor and ready to fight this crazy CHRISTISM because it has not helped us at all.
Try us now, we are nothing but something for satan now.
Meet us any where now now now.
LUCIFER BRIDES,
KAGGWA LUCIFER,
KIKAMBI LUCIFER,
RUJAGALI LUCIFER.

Good News

Isn't it great they removed the "anti-war profiteering" penalties from the $87 billion spending bill? Now we can profit from the war without worrying about getting penalized. Yay!

Saving NBC's Credibility

Either Saving Private Lynch was broadcast on NBC using a new form of technology meant to prevent taping, some extension of copyguard that messes up the picture in a brand new psychadelic way, with the screen divided into 16ths, each 16th coming in a fraction of a second behind the one beneath it, creating sort of a Predator effect, making it unwatchable and sort of making it cool because you can hear everything fine, it's just the picture that's scrambled by some brand new technical gismo the CIA has been working on for years that can actually allow them to foretell and download your political affiliation through your VCR, messing up the subtitles so no one in a foreign country would ever be able to read them, making Saving Private Lynch a VERY SPECIAL FILM meant only for AMERICAN eyes... or something was wrong with my VCR. 

In any case, if their goal was to stop me from writing the ultimate piece on the Lynch MOW, they've succeeded, the bastards!

Calling All Investigative Journalists

Margie Schoedinger, the Texas woman who accused George W. Bush of statutory rape and forcing an abortion upon her, has been found dead. Everyone who believes it was suicide, raise your hand. According to the Houston Chronicle, "MARGIE D. SCHOEDINGER expired Monday, 9/22/03. Visitation: Friday, 9/26/03 , 7 to 9pm, McCoy & Harrison Chapel. Funeral Service: Saturday, 9/27/03, 1:30pm, McCoy & Harrison Chapel. Interment, Houston Memorial Gardens." This site, where Schoedinger's lawsuit was originally posted, now says "The requested URL was not found on this server." Luckily, I posted the whole thing here where you can read Schoedinger saying "the Defendant also informed Plaintiff that his only option to assure his never having to answer for the previous contact would be to simply see Plaintiff pressured to the point of committing suicide." Anyone wanna guess how much money will be spent by the Federal government investigating the mysterious death of Margie Schoedinger? Where's her NBC movie-of-the-week?

A Quarrel Between a Rabbi and a Priest

Rabbi Bloom and Father O'Reilly were arguing one day about religion. They went on for some time and very soon, things began to get out of hand.

Finally Rabbi Bloom said, "We must not quarrel in this way. It's not right. We are both doing God's work, you in your way and I in His."

How About the Effects of Stupidity?

Researchers at the Yerkes National Primate Research Center at Emory University have discovered you can reverse the effects of cocaine using your own brain.

How Come Nobody's Asked Bush...

If your wife needed a late-term abortion to save her life, how would you feel about the fact you just signed a bill that's essentially her death warrant?

Rocket Science

The Union of Concerned Scientists has this to say about the new energy bill.

Don't Take My Word For It

     "So what is it that we honor when we honor veterans? In the context of a volunteer army, do we honor the soldiers' willingess to wreak death and destruction on total strangers? Where is the honor in that? Better to honor the people who refuse to commit state sanctioned mass murder.
   "You may say that the soldier never starts a war. Wars are started by politicians, the civilian leaders. Are we then to honor the blind obedience of soldiers who follow orders to make war, especially orders by people like George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, who have never faced the horrors of war themselves? Or do we honor the fear in soldiers who believe the war is wrong but go anyway, lest they be punished for defiance?
    "You may say that the soldiers of our all-volunteer army are not all volunteers. Many of them are poor and see the military as the only hope they have for a decent career or training or money for education for a civilian career. What then do we honor . . . the poverty and discrimination that sent them to the boot camp barracks?"
- Kéllia Ramares: What do we honor? -

"What good is a man's knowledge unless it prompts him to
Prevent the pain of others as if it were his own pain?
Any actions which a man knows would harm himself
He should not inflict on others.
The supreme principle is this: Never knowingly
Harm anyone at any time in any way."
- Tirukkural 32: 315-317 -

"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat."
- F. Scott Fitzgerald -

"I am of the opinion, on the whole, that the manufacturing aristocracy which is growing up under our eyes is one of the harshest that ever existed in the world; but at the same time it is one of the most confined and least dangerous. Nevertheless, the friends of democracy should keep their eyes anxiously fixed in this direction; for if ever a permanent inequality of conditions and aristocracy again penetrates into the world, it may be predicted that this is the gate by which they will enter."
- Alexis de Tocqueville: Democracy In America, 1835 -

    "Well sir, it's been five long years, but seminal Lewinskygate figure Linda Tripp - that malignant cyst in a fright wig - was finally able to collect her payoff. For helping Inquisitor General Ken Starrquemada set up his blowjob perjury trap, Dubya's Pentagon has decided to "settle" Tripp's privacy suit for $600,000.00.
    "Did you hear that, tax-payer? As if Dubya's folly in Iraq wasn't hitting your wallet hard enough, along comes Linda Fucking Tripp to dip her filthy snout in the Republican deficit trough. And all because a Pentagon employee leaked to reporters that Tripp had failed to list her criminal past on a government security form, thus making her seem dishonest, a fact made obvious by how naturally she took to the rankest forms of skullduggery.
    "That a woman who violated the confidence of a friend and illegally recorded intimate conversations is now financially set for life over a legal claim that "her privacy" was violated must surely have sent the needle on the Chutzpah-detector rocking into the red."
- The Daily Dirt 11/6 -

"Iraq is the central front in the war on Terror."
- Condoleezza Rice: October 31 at the White House -

"Terrorism is a technique for killing people. That doesn't tell us who the enemy is. It's as if we said that World War II was not against the Nazis but against blitzkrieg."
- Zbigniew Brzezinski: October 28 at a conference on "New American Strategies for Security and Peace" -

"In a long war, we are going to have tragic days. But they're necessary."
- tragic Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld -

"Honestly, it's a little tougher than I thought it was going to be. If we have to, we just mow the whole place down, see what happens. You're dealing with insane suicide bombers who are killing our people, and we need to be very aggressive in taking them out."
- insane Trent Lott -

"We've got a real irony here....We have politicians selling access to something we all own - our government. And then we have broadcasters selling access to something we all own - our airwaves. It's a terrible system."
- Newton Minow, Former Federal Communications Commission chairman -

"In our every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions upon the next seven generations."
- The Great Law of the Iroquois Confederacy -

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth."
- Lenin -