Issue #89
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Posted January 19, 2004 I Have a Scheme Martin Luther King was a bit of a hypocrite, and so are many Americans, which is one of the Top 10 Reasons why Martin Luther King Day is The Perfect American Holiday. It's an article worth reading for some scattered facts you might not know about, like MLK apparently spent his last night on earth with a white prostitute he beat up, though you've got to take it all with a grain of salt since it's clearly written by someone with a racist agenda. A black or a Jew does something bad and immediately it's because of "blacks" or "Jews," as though the problem was inherent to the entire race instead of just some personal problem inherent to the individual. Yep, that's the problem with "disinfotainment." I'm not the only one who uses facts as a platform to take off into lala land. In a more sensible manner... "King was
a brave and courageous person. I agree with him that a person should be
judged by the content of his character and not by the color of his skin.
To those who stress King’s loose sexual morals, I reply that sin is that
for which we ask God’s forgiveness.
Just as hapless Bushites are known to stumble across the anti-administration whitehouse.org instead of the fascist whitehouse.gov, seekers after the truth about Martin Luther King will invariably find themselves at martinlutherking.org, a site dedicated to repealing the national holiday. This site has a lot in common with those trying to repeal Columbus Day in that they're convinced the bad he did outweighs the good he did. Since Disinfotainment Today insists that deification is a bad thing under any circumstances, I'm afraid I must recommend you check it out. English as a Second Language
Don't you have to be elected ONCE before you can be re-elected? 644,000 sites have selective amnesia? Shouldn't that say "The Official Re-appointment Site for President...?" The media is "liberal" when absolutely everybody is reporting about Bush's "re-election" campaign despite the fact he was never elected in the first place? Are people actually reading those headlines and saying to themselves "Yep, we should elect Bush AGAIN?" Aerial Art of the Week
I Feel So Much Safer Now A mother was hassled by the cops for buying Microsoft's Flight Simulator for her son. Last month's earthquake in Iran was obviously triggered by the United States using HAARP technology. The value of the dollar has fallen so low against the euro that Germans can save 60,000 euros by buying a German Porsche Carrera GT from a dealer in the US and have it shipped back to Germany where it was originally manufactured. Since 9/11, U.S. and Canadian military aircraft have intercepted or diverted nearly 1,700 aircraft regarded as suspicious. "The first thing to do would be to build an
implant that could 'speak' the same language as the brain. You would then
need to figure out how to connect it to the right tissue so that the tissue
would correctly accept the information. The easiest way to do this would
be to go through the same pathways the brain uses to take in other information
to the sensory systems. This is already being done for the auditory system
with cochlear implants and is close to reality for the visual system with
retinal or visual cortex implants. Such an interface would give you direct,
instantaneous access to information - and it would be the ultimate virtual
reality system, a la The Matrix - but it would not necessarily give you
knowledge. I see this type of system being available in a fairly short
timeframe, say 20 years or so."
"AG Ashcroft can now have you arrested -- more
accurately, abducted and detained -- and thrown in a military brig or sent
to the Guantanamo concentration camp. Like military dictators in Chile
or Guatemala, or the Gestapo in Nazi Germany, the Bushites don't have tell
your family where you are, or even acknowledge your detention. They can
detain you for years, decades -- or until Bush's war on 'terr'sim' is over
-- that is to say forever. All of this is now perfectly legal -- or so
the Supreme Court ruled the other day when it refused to consider whether
the government properly withheld names and other details of hundreds of
people detained after 9/11. In other words, Bush may continue abducting
people and throwing them in secret prisons without charge."
Listen to five hilarious songs by Gefilte Fuck. If Operating Systems were Airlines DOS AIR: All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, and jump off when it hits the ground again. Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop on, etcetera. WINDOWS AIRLINES: The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants are all very attractive and the pilots very capable. The fleet is immense. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 20,000 feet it explodes without warning. MAC AIRWAYS: Tickets are expensive. The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all look the same, feel the same and act the same. When asked questions about the flight they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie. LINUX EXPRESS: Each passenger brings a piece
of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac,
arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how
to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft,
but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations.
All passengers believe they got there.
History Lesson from Hell
"Clarke was a holdover from the Clinton administration, chief of the Counter-Terrorism
Security Group. He had special concerns about Bin Laden; after the bombing
of the U.S.S. Cole in October 2000, Clarke had put together a comprehensive
plan for attacking Al-Qaida with military force, with efforts to stop its
international financing network, with police attacks on known cells in
foreign countries and with counterterrorism aid to countries like the Philippines
and Uzbekistan.
"Clarke wanted
to take the fight aggressively to Al-Qaida, but his plan was completed
only in December 2000, as Clinton was leaving office, so Clarke and his
plan were forwarded for consideration by the new Bush team.
"Consideration was not forthcoming; the Predators weren't put back in the
air, and the administration sat on Clarke's attack plan. Meanwhile, Bush
was contemplating his 'multipronged assault on Saddam Hussein.'"
- Star Tribune editorial: Saddam, Osama - Bush chose wrong enemy - It's okay for Rush Limbaugh,
the most popular radio talk show host on earth, to constantly refer to
feminists as feminazis and Hillary Clinton as Hitlery Clinton, but let
two losing submissions out of 1,500 to a contest at moveon.org compare
Bush to Hitler and the right wing goes apeshit. Moveon.org removed the
submissions from their site but they're here.
CBS has refused
to air the winning 30-second spot, which simply shows a bunch of children
working at a factory set to a folk guitar, then shows a title saying "Guess
who's going to pay off President Bush's $1 trillion deficit?" You can see
it, and all the other winners, here.
Did you know the Russians landed on Venus in 1975 with a Venera lander? Here are more spectacular shots. (Speaking of Venus, here's a much more interesting space mission than the proposed one to Mars.) Don't Take My Word For It "The two greatest obstacles
to democracy in the U.S. are, first, the widespread delusion among the
poor that we have a democracy, and second, the chronic terror among the
rich, lest we get it."
"Associate with all the
smart, funny, talented, creative people you can, learn to write beautifully,
but don't stay locked in your room to do it: go out and try new things,
meet new people, have a wonderful, rich, compelling, and interesting life
-- and then tell me about it in the most beautiful prose imaginable."
"These are the simple
observations of a boat owner earning his living by sailing back and forth
across a small river between two different countries where different currencies
are being used. Over the past two years, he would have seen the US Dollar
fall in value by almost 30% while at the same time he could read in the
US papers that total national wealth still stood at an enormous $US 50
TRILLION in terms of land, buildings, factories etc.. From his external
perspective, it was a clear case that Americans had lost $15 TRILLION in
cross-river terms in just two years."
"The Internet has changed
everything, even desperation."
"My dad is a great man
and I would really, really miss him if he was sent back to Italy forever.
Like my dad, I play soccer, and my dad has coached me since I was 5. He
also encourages me with my piano. When my dad comes home from work, he
usually makes all three of us dinner and we sit down and eat together.
My dad has also been teaching my brother and I how to handle a garden.
All people like my dad and you would like him too, so please don't send
him back to Italy."
"Well, who really cares,
right? So what if we lied about WMD, misled as to 'war on terrorism' objectives,
and wasted well over $200 billion we didn’t have, deployed 150,000 troops,
and killed over 500 of them (so far and not counting suicides, or the thousands
maimed) unnecessarily. Look at the bright side – on March
24, George W. Bush confiscated Iraqi bank and national financial assets,
including assets of the oil ministry. On May
22, George W. Bush became the proud new administrator of the Iraqi
Development Fund, and future oil sales that would feed it. On August
28, George W. Bush made sure that all additional government and Ba-ath
official property be transferred into the Fund. All
Iraqi oil sales are back in dollars too. We broke it, we bought it,
we switched it back to dollars."
"No
one can seriously believe that terrorists have struck America because they
hate our freedom, our democracy, or our prosperity. If that were true,
they would have warmed up first by attacking Switzerland —
an easier target.
"Unless preparations
are made for its eventuality, the announcement of Bin Laden's capture will
be the death-knell for the 2004 Democratic campaign. And, like the 'heroic
rescue' of Jessica Lynch or the toppling of Hussein's statue by 'jubilant
throngs' of Iraqis, it needn't even be real.(See this,
this,
and this.)
So Democrats must have a pre-emptive strategy in place; the most obvious
being, early in the game, to accuse the White House of sitting on Bin Laden
for political gain."
"Hitler today is a bureaucracy.
It is a corporate network that coldly carries out the single-minded agenda
of its own advancement without remorse, without reservation, without human
inhibitions, a cold inhuman machine. It is fascism with a friendly face.
And every bit as lethal, arguably much more lethal, than the earlier version
with an ugly face. It can only be dismantled when it is recognized for
what it is. It was very intelligently built up. It's going to have to be
very intelligently taken down. The effort to stop it must be as relentless
as this network has been in usurping democratic power in this country."
"Man improves himself
as he follows his path; if he stands still, waiting to improve before he
makes a decision, he'll never move."
"The press has turned
on Dean over the past two weeks. Why, we are not sure. Perhaps it's his
'bulging neck,' as that embarrassment to the once-great New York Times
Maureen Dowd posits this morning. No doubt the once-Clinton-obsessed 'MoDo'
is sulking that Dr. Dean did not keep his telephone appointment with her.
We have one word for you, Maureen: lavalife.com! It is the most stud-u-licious
online dating site in the known universe, especially for a cosmopolitan
babe such as yourself. Take my word for it -- as in I'm speaking from experience,
hon. It will help your writing -- maybe to the point where you might actually
deserve that next Pulitzer. But I'm not banking on that as even a short
long shot."
"Of
course, the collapse of Corporate America wouldn't be such a bad thing.
At least we would have the opportunity to rebuild our economic system on
a foundation of fairness and justice for American workers and halt the
exploitation of foreign workers. We also could end corporate personhood,
an oxymoron that has allowed inanimate entities to grab more rights than
any flesh and blood person. "The question is do
we withhold as many of our dollars as we can to hasten the collapse, thereby
lessening the pain, or wait for the inevitable implosion of Corporate America?
The decision is ours, unless you believe getting used to becoming a slave
in a banana republic is an option."
"If by renouncing a lesser
happiness
"You can only have bliss
if you don't chase it."
Everything Else How do I know I could edit a newspaper? Because I got every one of the answers correct in this excellent grammar quiz. Nyah nyah. Got money lying around? Here are the ten gadgets you'll covet most in 2004. If you want to see a picture of everything, you better check out the picture of everything. In a TV special actually aired in Canada, they found that "even the most outlandish conspiracy theory may have its basis in a legitimate question. In the course of separating fact from fiction, Bob [McKeown] delves into the labyrinthine and surprising ties between the Bushes and the Bin Ladens. What he finds out may startle you as much as any conspiracy theory." Will somebody please ask Michael Jackson If it's all right to sleep with little boys, why doesn't he sleep with little girls too? Hmmm, I guess THAT would be bad. Oh, by the way, here's
how
to terraform Mars.
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Contact pResident Bush
- president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Jeb Bush - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Saddam Hussein
- president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Kim Jong Il -
eng-info@kcna.co.jp
Contact Jacques Chirac
- france-presse@un.int
Contact the Pope - accreditamenti@pressva.va
Contact the Democratic
Candidates:
Wesley Clark, Howard
Dean,
John
Edwards, Dick Gephardt,
Bob
Graham, John Kerry,
Dennis
Kucinich, Joe Lieberman,
Carol
Moseley Braun, Al Sharpton
Embassy of France in
the US: 202-944-6000
German Embassy in the
US: 202-298-4000
Embassy of the Russian
Federation: 202-298-5700
Embassy of the People's
Republic of China: 202-328-2500
White House switchboard:
(202) 456-1414
Contact your Senator
Contact your Representative
House and Senate switchboard:
(202) 224-3121
Links
to Central Government Agencies
Am I supposed to believe
you don't drink coffee?
You need a Disinfotainment
Today mug.

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Thanks,
Satan