Issue 2.06
Monday morning, November 5, 2007, at precisely 12:01 AM, the Los Angeles Free Press received the following email, which we present unedited.
The Editorial We
NEW THIS WEEK
Cover-ups always help reiterate conspiracy theories. We'd never heard of the toxic waste that may have been in the smoke of the California fires until we were forwarded an email from Janis R. England, who put together a fascinating series of facts at her website, toxicsites.org. Like the best conspiracy theories, it's accompanied by what looks like a cover-up. It's certainly our Conspiracy Theory of the Week.
All copyrights reserved by original writers or artists.
Michael Dare
michael@dareland.com
This is the cover we're satirizing.
It was written by Daily News editor William J. Brink.
At the time there was an avalanche of outrage.
"Ford didn't actually say that!" they grumbled.
Right.
It's the first symbolic headline, and for that we're all grateful.
Without symbolism, we'd all be attached to our presuppositions, and we can't have that.
William J. Brink dropped dead in 2005.
That'll show him.
This is the official map of the origin of the Santiago Canyon fire in California.
This is a map of the location of a toxic waste dump.
You might think this all adds up to calling the Arson Tip Line and turning in the EPA. Even if the dump didn't actually start the fire, how much toxic shit was in that smoke?
Thanks to Janice R. England, who put all this together at her website, toxicsites.org.
Monday morning, November 5, 2007, at precisely 6:14 AM, the Los Angeles Free Press received the following email, which we present unedited.forgive the lack of capitals as I am text messaging. i am a wga member and writer for the colbert report and im tired of being muzzled. the truth has got to come out concerning the real story behind colberts presidential campaign which has been completely covered up by the press. im friends with one of the janitors at the wga, and after the last meeting i snuck around the offices with a key. i found secret memos (attached) between the wga and the south carolina democratic party in which certain hollywood contributors were able to bribe and blackmail the members of the election committee into stopping colbert from appearing on their ballot. colbert has a secret agenda to legalize prostitution, socialize medicine, and make gay marriages mandatory. behind the scenes, he's a tyrant, nothing like the character he plays, totally lacking in humor. he holds his breath when he doesn't get his way, and hes got a strange and incomprehensible fixation on bunnies. (he won't work unless one is in the room.) he doesnt like my punctuation and insists we put punchlines ALL IN CAPS. i wouldnt be saying this if it werent for the fact none of us writers really need a pay raise, were doing quite fine actually, and the whole strike is just a cover-up for their blatant manipulation of the electoral process. hillary doesnt want his name on the ballot and thats that. the best thing about the strike is i dont have to be in the same room with steven colbert and get a nice vacation from his tyranny. if you publish this please leave off my name.sincerely,gregory dacted
Comedy Central Press Release:Monday morning, November 5, 2007, at precisely 8:00 AM, the Los Angeles Free Press received the following email, which we present unedited.
NEW YORK - We do not now, nor have we ever, had an employee named Gregory Dacted. Any statements he may have made concerning the relationship between the WGA and Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign are purely circumstantial.
Sincerely,
Gregory Splendant
Vice-President in charge of cover-ups, Murdoch Communications
Monday morning, November 5, 2007, at precisely 8:12 AM, the Los Angeles Free Press received the following email, which we present unedited.
Contract 2007 Negotiations Statement
LOS ANGELES - The WGA Negotiating Committee, on behalf of the Writers of Guild of America, West (WGAW) and the Writers Guild of America, East (WGAE), has issued the following statement regarding Contract 2007 negotiations: The strike is on. The producers have negotiated in bad faith. They put the screw in scruples, and the disinformation campaign has already begun. You may have already received an email from someone claiming to write for the Colbert Report or from a "Gregory Splendant" who supposedly works for Comedy Central. He doesn't. We ask you to take all this into account when you vote for Hillary.
Sincerely,
Gregory Diculous
Special assistant to the director of press manipulation, WGA
COLBERT REPORT PRESS RELEASE:Monday morning, November 5, 2007, at precisely 9:04 AM, the Los Angeles Free Press received the following email, which we present unedited.
Steven Colbert won't allow the writers strike to get in the way of his presidential campaign. He calls on the internet to carry on for him, urging his fans to keep the ball rolling at his website. This new "homegrown" approach is separate from his relationship with Comedy Central, who continue to claim they're just producing a TV show with no political agenda.
Sincerely,
Gregory Lationship
Publicity, Colbert Productions
i also broke into comedy central and checked out colberts contract. it specifically delineates specific pay increased based upon precise numbers of viewers, which will unquestionably go down when its back to reruns this week and for god knows how long. translated into dollars, comedy central aint gonna be filling any colbert for president coffers. come on, guys, television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home. the point is carol fowler, the chairwoman of the south carolina democratic party, says shell return colberts check and hes going to need it if this strike goes on and of course my name really isn't gregory dacted.Monday morning, November 5, 2007, at precisely 9:30 AM, the Los Angeles Free Press received the following email, which we present unedited.
sincerely,
gregory dacted
Rupert Murdoch Press Release:Monday morning, November 5, 2007, at precisely 10:00 AM, the Los Angeles Free Press received the following email, which we present unedited.
New York - The next president will be who I say it is.
Sincerely,
Rupert Fucking Murdoch
PRESS RELEASE: Los Angeles Free PressTuesday morning, November 6, 2007, at precisely 12:01 AM, the Los Angeles Free Press received the following email, which we present unedited.
In solidarity with our fellow writers, the writing staff of the Los Angeles Free Press is on strike too, and promises not only to skip work today but to turn down any lucrative contracts that may be offered by unscrupulous production companies looking for cheap filler material.
Sincerely,
Gregory Verberate
Copy Editor, LA Free Press
Don't believe a word of the scandalous reports that Barack Obama tried to influence the South Carolina Democratic Party concerning Stephen Colbert. As a member of Barack Obama's election committee, I can say with certainty that Obama loves the Colbert Report and watches it every day, even in reruns. Hillary Clinton, on the other hand, has spies in our camp, and it would be just like her to borrow a tactic from the Karl Rove handbook by getting one of her minions to try to influence the South Carolina Democratic Party while posing as a member of Barack Obama's campaign, forcing him to deny something ridiculous that he never did. Barack is so embarrased he wants Colbert to know he's not a member of the Writer's Guild and has some material he might want to use.Wednesday morning, November 7, 2007, at precisely 6:23 AM, the Los Angeles Free Press received the following email, which we present unedited.
Sincerely,
Gregory Charound
Co-chair of Obama Illigitimate Fundraising Committee
I am an American political candidate who is suffering from a serious image problem. I am married to Sir William who also is an American President though retired now. My husband worked with the United States Congress for over a decade before the cold hand of unemployment took him away from office.
My husband and I made a vow to uplift the down-trodden and the less-privileged individuals within the United Kingdom, Europe, North and South America, Africa and the rest of the globe as he had passion for persons who can not help themselves due to physical disability or financial predicament.
When my husband was President he deposited the sum of 2.45 Million with an offshore Bank in Uganda. Presently, this money is still with the Bank. Recently, my spin doctor told me that I have a limited or numbered days in the public favor and that my popularity will not exceed 25% due to the personality problems I am suffering from.
With this hard reality that has befallen my family and me, I have decided to donate this fund to a non-governmental, or a non-religious, and or a non-profit organization or better still an individual, that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein.
I am seeking an individual, that will use this gift which comes from my husband's sweat to fund the upkeep of widows, widowers, orphans, destitute, the down-trodden, physically challenged children, barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely handicapped financially.
So that we can bring this money into the country through your good graces, please reply to this email with your social security number and credit card (with the four-digit security code on the back).
sincerely,
Lonesome Housewife
The Editorial We
We here at the Los Angeles Free Press were
expecting our writing staff to come up with some sort of lead story
this week about the presidential race, but since they're on strike in
support of the WGA (Millionaire Screenwriter's Association), we've had
to make do with a mysterious series of emails that came our way this
morning. We seem to have stumbled upon a conspiracy between the
WGA the South Carolina Democratic Party to prevent Stephen
Colbert's name from appearing on the ballot. Since the whistleblower
claims to be a comedy writer, the bad jokes seem to back his story.
This is either a heinous travesty of justice or further proof that all
the world's a stagecoach robbery where the sheriff's working for the
banditos.
In any case, we'd like to thank whatever mysterious writer who may or may not work for the Colbert Report has decided to bestow upon us this fabulous story.
In any case, we'd like to thank whatever mysterious writer who may or may not work for the Colbert Report has decided to bestow upon us this fabulous story.
The actual writers of the Colbert Report are
members of the WGA, as am I, so officially neither of us can write for the show
during a strike, but journalism's another matter. There is nothing stopping any
of us from writing an article for a newspaper concerning what we think should be
on the Colbert Report this week, and if Stephen Colbert decides to use
the material, that's fine too, as long as he doesn't pay us., which would make
us scabs, not only incurring the wrath of Joe Eszterhas but the ghost of
Woody Guthrie would haunt our dreams forever, not to mention disqualifying us
from ever working for a WGA signatory again.
On the other hand, there's nothing to stop me from
paying the writers of the Colbert Report to write an article/episode of
the Colbert Report for the Los Angeles Free Press, so consider it assigned. Similarly there's nothing to stop me from
accepting an ad from Comedy Central for the Colbert Report, the cost of
which would mysteriously somehow match the salaries of his old writing staff,
plus 10% for myself, even though I don't have an agent's license, which I don't
need because this is just journalism, not television, after all.
Should Mr. Colbert decide to use the material written by
his own writers but delivered in a newspaper instead of from the script
department, I won't stop him. If Comedy Central refuses to run an ad, the
writers will just have to make do with the standard stipend the Los Angeles Free
Press currently pays its writers, which is nothing. They will, however, be
satisfied with readers instead of viewers, though the chances of another Emmy
are slim.
Either way, there's no excuse for there being no
Colbert Report this week. The Stephen Colbert played by Stephen Colbert
doesn't need no stinking writers and can tell the other Stephen Colbert to go to
hell.
So come on guys, submit your stuff. Don't worry. No one
will know. I'll put the Free Press name on it with a license from the Creative
Commons. And if Stephen Colbert decides to use any of
the material, I'll pass the check on to you, and we all get to feel like Woody
Allen saying "You can all go fuck yourselves" to the congressional committee at
the end of The Front.
What the fuck. Make it 15%
UPDATE: We once wrote a joke for the LA Weekly about there being a love-in at Griffith
Park that Sunday. Between the Thursday of publication and the weekend, it
snowballed, and there actually WAS a love-in in Griffith Park that Sunday, we
went there ourselves, a journalistic dream realized under sunny skies and
calliope music from the merry-go-round.
Sometimes it actually
works that way, like the Rocky Horror Show says, "Don't dream it, be it." The
love-in wouldn't have happened if we hadn't lied and said it was happening, and
now we are forced to conclude that Barack Obama sabotaged Stephen Colbert's
presidential campaign in South Carolina because we lied the day before and said
Hillary did it.
We once made up some
bullshit about scientists discovering a greed gene and now you could determine
prenatally if your children were going to be Republicans. The next week the
headlines in scientific magazines declared that such a gene had actually been
discovered, but only because they were looking for it. What a weird thing to
do. How about a generosity gene? A pathological liar gene? A habitual
nail-biter gene? A tendency to get stuck in a rut gene? Yeah, man, gimme a grant
to do some research on THAT. We'll make millions, but only if we've got the
greed gene.
We know it's also happened
to Paul Krassner. It must have happened to someone else. It's the "Stupid
Question of the Week." Go to your keyboards, send an email to stupidquestion@dareland.com, and
give us some other instances of fiction that somehow became fact.
NEW THIS WEEK
Cover-ups always help reiterate conspiracy theories. We'd never heard of the toxic waste that may have been in the smoke of the California fires until we were forwarded an email from Janis R. England, who put together a fascinating series of facts at her website, toxicsites.org. Like the best conspiracy theories, it's accompanied by what looks like a cover-up. It's certainly our Conspiracy Theory of the Week.
One of the writing team of Ira Miller
and John Kapelos was the guy in History of the World Part
I who, in response to the question "What do we do with runaway slaves?"
steps out the crowd and says "You shove a live snake up their ass," and the
other was the janitor in Breakfast Club. If you want to know which is
which, you'll have to rent the movies. You certainly won't find out by reading
their review of Levon Helm's new CD, Dirt
Farmer.
COLUMNISTS: David Schoen, Lynette Sheffield, and zEN mAN.
CONTRIBUTORS:
BartCop Entertainment, Justin Bilicki, Dave Brice, William J. Brink,
The Creative Commons, Barry Crimmins, Jeff Crook, Cory Doctorow, Janis
R. England, Daniel Ellsberg, Thomas Good,
John Kapelos, Paul Krassner, Art Kunkin, Ira Miller, Ironic Times,
oldamericancentury.org, Michael O'McCarthy, Tony Ortega, Sam Pizzigati,
Pravda, Baron Dave Romm, Satan, David
Swanson, tbhpolitoon, wrapped-in-the-flag.com.COLUMNISTS: David Schoen, Lynette Sheffield, and zEN mAN.
All copyrights reserved by original writers or artists.
Michael Dare
michael@dareland.com
Acknowledgement
This is the cover we're satirizing.
It was written by Daily News editor William J. Brink.
At the time there was an avalanche of outrage.
"Ford didn't actually say that!" they grumbled.
Right.
It's the first symbolic headline, and for that we're all grateful.
Without symbolism, we'd all be attached to our presuppositions, and we can't have that.
William J. Brink dropped dead in 2005.
That'll show him.
Conspiracy Theory of the Week
This is the official map of the origin of the Santiago Canyon fire in California.
This is a map of the location of a toxic waste dump.
This is a quote from a FEMA report.
"The mixing of certain materials in a landfill can result in spontaneous combustion. Even in small quantities, some chemicals can ignite if exposed to one another...Underground fires in landfills occur deep below the landfill surface and involve materials that are months or years old.. The most common cause of underground landfill fires is an increase in the oxygen content of the landfill, which increases bacterial activity and raises temperatures (aerobic decomposition). These so-called "hot spots" can come into contact with pockets of methane gas and result in a fire. Of particular concern with these long-smoldering, underground fires is the fact they tend to smolder for weeks to months at a time. This can cause a build up of the byproducts of combustion in confined areas such as landfill site buildings or surrounding homes, which adds an additional health hazard...Landfill fires that result from spontaneous combustion gradually increase as the weather warms, dropping in September. The peak period, however, occurs in October and November, when 22 percent of the spontaneous combustion fires occur."
- FEMA 2002 report: Landfill Fires: Their Magnitude, Characteristics, and Mitigation -
This is a report from the Orange County Fire Department:
TIME OF ALARM: 5:55 PM 10/21/07
INCIDENT#: ORC 07068555
INCIDENT NAME: Santiago Incident
LOCATION: Originated at Santiago Canyon and Silverado Canyon (Thomas Brothers page 832 A2). Fire continues to move to the east/southeast between Williams Canyon and Hamilton Truck Road.
PRELIMINARY CAUSE: Confirmed arson - A reward of $250,000 is being offered for information that leads to the arrest and conviction of the person or persons responsible for this crime.
If you have any information relating to this fire, you are encouraged
to call the OCFA Arson Tip Line at (800) 540-8282.
You might think this all adds up to calling the Arson Tip Line and turning in the EPA. Even if the dump didn't actually start the fire, how much toxic shit was in that smoke?
Thanks to Janice R. England, who put all this together at her website, toxicsites.org.
Non-Conspiracy Fire Theory of the Week
"South Dakota has a fire-fighting system which would have prevented ANY loss of
those buildings! Go to
www.firestopllc.com and watch the
videos... I'm not kidding. This stuff (Barricade gel) was demonstrated on ABC
GMA for god's sake... Especially see the video called Saving
Keystone."
- Peter Riva -
- Peter Riva -
News for Real
I'm sure all of you know at least one conservative
still willing to defend this administration, even in the face of overwhelming
evidence of incompetence and malfeasance. Usually when you point to a Bush Co.
mess these ideological dead-enders have a ready answer: "Well, what about the
Clintons?" they shoot back smugly, as though one-size-fits-all actually settles
the totally unrelated issue at hand.
Diehard liberals - in
particular Hillary supporters - seem to have the same problem with their
intellectual peripheral vision. And here's a perfect example:
"Newsweek first reported that the former president has reserved the
right to put certain categories of documents off limits until 2012, a stance
permitted him by an executive order by the current President Bush. Those
documents include 'confidential communications regarding a sensitive policy,
personal, or political matter' and 'communications directly between the
president and the first lady.'" (Politico.com)
I am not hearing any howls of protest from the pro-Hillary forces or
the DNC about that. I get PR emails form the DNC several times a day bitching
and complaining about GOP hypocrisy and sleazy moves.
Now just try to imagine if one of the leading GOP candidates were
running on his professional experience, and there were a trove of documents that
could either confirm or refute his claims, but the candidate made a request
exactly like Bill Clinton's that let him pick and choose what documents were
released and which he could keep under wraps. You can bet your sweet bippy that
the DNC would be spamming the known universe challenging the GOP candidate to
either "put up or shut up," and release those documents.
Ah, but no such cry has gone up in the case of Hillary Clinton. This is
why so many of us former liberal Dems now consider ourselves free-agent
Independents. And why more will surely follow.
I just had to point this out.
I can now go off and enjoy my weekend. I invite you to do the
same.
Short Film in Support of the Writers Strike
INT. COURTROOM: DAY
The room is packed. The judge addresses the jury.
JUDGE
Has the jury reached a verdict?
JURY FOREMAN
We have, your honor.
The clerk walks up to the Jury Foreman, takes the
verdict from him, and hands it to the judge, who looks at it.
TITLE: "It's not up to the judge"
JUDGE
You may read the verdict.
TITLE: "It's not up to the jury"
JURY FOREMAN
On the count of first degree murder...
CLOSE-UP: THE DEFENDANT who is sweating profusely.
JURY FOREMAN
We find the defendant...
The defense attorney and the prosecutor look at
each other.
TITLE: "It's not up to the attorneys"
CLOSE-UP: The Jury Foreman shrugs.
CLOSE-UP: Me at my typewriter as I type "Guilty!"
JURY FOREMAN
Guilty!
TITLE: "It's up to the writer."
THE END
What WGA members are doing right now
From the Creative Commons
To the Commoners community, from Cory Doctorow:
My writing career and Creative Commons are inextricably bound together. My first novel, Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom, was published by Tor, the largest science fiction publisher in the world, on January 9, 2003, just a few days after CC launched its first licenses. I was the first author to use the licenses, applying them to my book and releasing it for free online on the same day it appeared in stores. Today, the book has been through more printings than I can keep track of, been translated into more languages than I know, and has been downloaded more than 750,000 times from my site alone (I don't know the total number of downloads, because, of course, anyone is free to redistribute it).
I've applied Creative Commons licenses to all my books since, including the comics that IDW just adapted from six of my short stories. I use CC for my speeches, for my articles and op-eds, and for articles and stories that I write for "straight" magazines from Forbes to Radar. My co-editors and I use CC licenses for our popular blog, Boing Boing, one of the most widely read blogs in the world. These licenses have allowed my work to spread far and wide, into corners of the world I never could have reached. I hear from sailors on battleships, volunteers working in the developing world, kids in underfunded school-districts, and people who "don't usually read this sort of thing" but found my work because a friend was able to introduce them to it. My readers have made innumerable technical remixes, fan-fic installments, fan-art drawings, songs, translations and other fun and inspiring creative works from mine, each time humbling and inspiring me (and enriching me!).
- The Creative Commons -
My writing career and Creative Commons are inextricably bound together. My first novel, Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom, was published by Tor, the largest science fiction publisher in the world, on January 9, 2003, just a few days after CC launched its first licenses. I was the first author to use the licenses, applying them to my book and releasing it for free online on the same day it appeared in stores. Today, the book has been through more printings than I can keep track of, been translated into more languages than I know, and has been downloaded more than 750,000 times from my site alone (I don't know the total number of downloads, because, of course, anyone is free to redistribute it).
I've applied Creative Commons licenses to all my books since, including the comics that IDW just adapted from six of my short stories. I use CC for my speeches, for my articles and op-eds, and for articles and stories that I write for "straight" magazines from Forbes to Radar. My co-editors and I use CC licenses for our popular blog, Boing Boing, one of the most widely read blogs in the world. These licenses have allowed my work to spread far and wide, into corners of the world I never could have reached. I hear from sailors on battleships, volunteers working in the developing world, kids in underfunded school-districts, and people who "don't usually read this sort of thing" but found my work because a friend was able to introduce them to it. My readers have made innumerable technical remixes, fan-fic installments, fan-art drawings, songs, translations and other fun and inspiring creative works from mine, each time humbling and inspiring me (and enriching me!).
- The Creative Commons -
Cleverest Campaign of the Week
Ron Paul supporters suggest you print this out and leave it as a tip the next time you go to a restaurant.
Ron Paul supporters suggest you print this out and leave it as a tip the next time you go to a restaurant.
Levon Helm: Dirt Farmer
Reviewed by John Kapelos and Ira Miller
It begins with a folk-tinged acoustic guitar. Then a snare and an earthy bass drum kick in setting up a steady, warm, down-home beat. Really great drumming. Analog. Then we hear that voice. That voice that is oh-so warm and familiar. That voice that weaves a plaintive tune. A little raspier now but still burning white hot is that voice. Oh, and did I mention the drumming? Both voice and drummer can only be housed in one living person, rock's legendary everyman (and original dirt farmer) Levon Helm.
Levon Helm is the definition of roots music.
The heart of The Band, a group who hot-wired southern blue-eyed soul
with psychedelic rhythm and blues, Helm was the prototypical drummer of the rock
and roll era not because of his antics but because of his chops. Helm's music
consistently transports us to a simpler time without ever dipping into the
sentimental and the ordinary. On Dirt Farmer, his first studio
recording in 25 years, he rolls out his familiar carnival tent, but it's his
haunted stoic take on the lyrics that underpins everything and is what really
grabs you emotionally.
Helm's recordings, whether with The
Band or on his own, are best when unadorned with studio yada. Producers
Larry Campbell and Amy Helm know this very well. Their production has an
intimate homespun quality that serves the music splendidly. In Steve Earle's
The Mountain, Levon sings about swimming "in every fishin' hole" and
you believe he's dunked his head in
every quarry from Arkansas to Louisiana! The sentiment is never corny and
(although Mr. Helm is a gifted actor) he is never anything but authentic. His
subtle authority is well in play in Little Birds as well as in The
Girl I left Behind. Both invoke the Carter family, so it should come as no
surprise that the Helm family's participation, with daughter Amy singing ably on
several tracks, is now a natural fact. Carter's very own Single Girl Married
Girl is done up by Levon with an effortless charm and hillbilly irony that
solidly sets him at the head of the family table.
But it's on Brian Isaacs' Calvary
when the shivers come. Levon's imploring vocal is a catharsis for both audience
and performer. The song is an homage to The Band while simultaneously
being pure Helm circa '07. When that voice sings "take me down to Calvary" you
know this is a man who has faced down the devil and the darkness and has lived to tell the
tale.
Having recently recovered from a bout
of throat cancer Helm's voice is understandably weathered but strangely more
focused and vulnerable. What it lacks in vigor it more than makes up for in calm
conviction and pure soul. Calvary is the pinnacle of this CD. Other
highlights are Paul Kennerly's two masterful compositions A Train
Robbery and Got Me a Woman as well as some solid playing
throughout from the assembled players.
Ghosts inhabit Levon's new studio in Woodstock. His late Band brothers, Rick Danko and Richard Manual, permeate this set of music. At the end of the day however, it's Levon alone - the survivor still toiling in the field at twilight. The drummer from that band with "that voice" who has both transcended his past and faced it head on in Dirt Farmer. Roll back in your rocking chair, light your corn cob pipe and check out the real deal, Levon Helm.
Ghosts inhabit Levon's new studio in Woodstock. His late Band brothers, Rick Danko and Richard Manual, permeate this set of music. At the end of the day however, it's Levon alone - the survivor still toiling in the field at twilight. The drummer from that band with "that voice" who has both transcended his past and faced it head on in Dirt Farmer. Roll back in your rocking chair, light your corn cob pipe and check out the real deal, Levon Helm.
|
Good News
"Already people are jumping at the
chance to get their genome sequenced using cheapo services like
GeneTree.com. Meanwhile, scientists at the Georgia Institute of
Technology have invented a biosensor for identifying viruses that's the
size of an attach case. So it shouldn't be long before a company
develops handhelds that identify sections of your DNA that offer hints
of your distant parentage as well as what kinds of characteristics
you're likely to develop as you age. Of course, nobody really cares
about the science behind this crap - they just want to be told a cool
story that predicts what will happen to them based on their allele
configuration. Thus Mattel will offer the DNA Crystal Ball, a little
computer that will spit out pseudoscientific 'predictions' about you
based on poorly researched genomics studies. If you have this or that
allele, you might become an artist! Or you might be quick to anger.
Your ancestors might have been Indian princesses or African warriors!
Since the device will be sold purely 'for entertainment,' it won't give
you, for instance, valuable information about a predilection for breast
cancer. But you'll metastasize happily knowing you've got the 'gene'
for friendliness."
- Annalee Newitz: Consumer
Biotech -
"Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from." - Al Franken: Oh, the Things I Know - |
Bad News
"Empty shelves in Caracas. Food riots in West Bengal and Mexico.
Warnings of hunger in Jamaica, Nepal, the Philippines and sub-Saharan Africa.
Soaring prices for basic foods are beginning to lead to political instability,
with governments being forced to step in to artificially control the cost of
bread, maize, rice and dairy products.
"Record world prices for most staple foods have led to 18% food price
inflation in China, 13% in Indonesia and Pakistan, and 10% or more in Latin
America, Russia and India, according to the UN Food and Agricultural
Organisation (FAO). Wheat has doubled in price, maize is nearly 50% higher than
a year ago and rice is 20% more expensive, says the UN. Next week the FAO is
expected to say that global food reserves are at their lowest in 25 years and
that prices will remain high for years."
"According to a wide range of reports, several nuclear bombs were lost
for 36 hours after taking off August 29/30, 2007 on a cross-country journey
across the U.S., from U.S.A.F Base Minot in North Dakota to U.S.A.F. Base
Barksdale in Louisiana. Reportedly, in total there were six W80-1 nuclear
warheads armed on AGM-129 Advanced Cruise Missiles (ACMs) that were lost. The
story was first reported by the Military Times, after military servicemen leaked
the story.
"It is also worth noting that on August 27, 2007, just days before the
'lost' nukes incident, three B-52 Bombers were performing special missions under
the direct authorization of General Moseley, the Chief of Staff of the U.S. Air
Force. The exercise was reported as being an aerial information and image
gathering mission. The base at Minot is also home of the 91st Space Wings, a
unit under the command of Air Force Space Command (AFSPC).
"According to official reports, the U.S. Air Force pilots did not know
that they were carrying weapons of mass destruction (WMDs). Once in Louisiana,
they also left the nuclear weapons unsecured on the runway for several
hours.
"U.S. Air Force Deputy Chief of Staff for Operations, Plans, and
Requirements, Major-General Richard Y. Newton III commented on the incident,
saying there was an unprecedented series of procedural errors, which revealed an
erosion of adherence to weapons-handling standards.
"These statements are misleading. The lax security was not the result
of procedural negligence within the U.S. Air Force, but rather the consequence
of a deliberate tampering of these procedures.
"If a soldier, marine, airman, or sailor were even to be issued a rifle
and rifle magazine weaponry of a far lesser significance, danger, and cost there
is a strict signing and accountability process that involves a chain of command
and paperwork. This is part of the set of military checks and balances used by
all the services within the U.S. Armed Forces.
"Military servicemen qualified to speak on the subject will confirm
that there is a stringent nuclear weapons handling procedure. There is a
rigorous, almost inflexible, chain of command in regards to the handling of
nuclear weapons and not just any soldier, sailor, airman, or marine is allowed
to handle nuclear weapons. Only servicemen specialized in specific handling and
loading procedures, are perm certified to handle, access and load nuclear
warheads.
"Every service personnel that moves or even touches these weapons must
sign a tracking paper and has total accountability for their movement. There is
good reason for the paperwork behind moving these weapons. The military officers
that order the movement of nuclear weapons, including base commanders, must also
fill out paper forms.
"In other words, unauthorized removal of nuclear weapons would
be virtually impossible to accomplish unless the chain of command were
bypassed, involving, in this case, the deliberate tampering of the
paperwork and tracking procedures."
- Mahdi Darius Nazemroaya: Missing Nukes:
Treason of the Highest Order -
- Chris Floyd: Loss Leader: Terror War Dividends From Pakistani Breakdown -
"[I]t's getting harder and harder to stay in - let
alone join - America's crumbling middle class. Today's minimum wage is worth 30
percent less than it was in 1968. According to Draut, 'if wages had kept pace
with rising productivity between 1968 and 2000, the average hourly wage would
have been $24.56 in 2000, rather than $13.74.' Instead - and particularly in
fields with a social service component - salaries have failed to keep pace with
inflation and benefits, like health insurance or retirement funds, are elusive
rarities. Meanwhile the cost of living has skyrocketed. Between 1995 and 2002,
median rents in urban centers like San Francisco, Boston, and New York surged by
sixty or seventy percent. The price tag on a simple studio in these cities is
well over a thousand dollars a month. Finally, a college degree, often regarded
as the key to a middle class lifestyle, costs more than ever before. In the
1960s and 1970s, when many quality public universities were free, Pell Grants
covered nearly three-quarters of college tuition; today, the percentage has
fallen to one-third. At the same time, tuition has outpaced inflation three
times over since 1980. As a result, the average student leaves a four-year
college with over $20,000 in educational debt; a graduate degree means $45,000.
"As a member of 'generation debt,' I know these
frustrations firsthand. It's hard to feel footloose when your owe $40,000 in
student loans and haven't even started chipping away at the interest. I've had
to move back in with Mom and Dad when housing costs were too much to cover. I
haven't had health insurance in eight years and saving for retirement isn't even
on the horizon. "
- Astra Taylor: Whatever Happened to the Good Life?
-
"Research has shown that groups are surprisingly
susceptible to reaching the wrong conclusion, even when a majority of the
individuals know better. One such study gave 60 percent of group members
information that would lead them toward the correct answer, while the rest were
given information that would lead them the other way. In such cases, there is
still a 1-in-3 chance that the group will cascade toward the wrong conclusion.
"The results are further skewed when people start with (false)
preconceived notions and/or strongly held (but false) beliefs. Take this basic
statement: There is a direct correlation between the amount of fat in a person's
diet and the risk of heart disease. Pretty basic, right? The only trouble is
that it's not true. Never has been. It might seem like it should be
true, but countless clinical trials have failed to establish a link. What has
happened over the past few decades is that organizations like the U.S.
Department of Agriculture (with the 'food pyramid'), along with certain members
of the media (who lazily prefer clear, simple statements over correct
ambiguity), have cascaded over one another until the fat intake-heart disease
'link' became chiseled in stone.
"It's even more pronounced when zealots are allowed into the equation.
For example, just try to find a vegetarian who doesn't believe that he's going
to live longer than his omnivorous counterpart. The study that many point to in
order to back up that dubious contention concluded that Seventh-day Adventists
(who are vegetarians) live about four years longer than do people who don't
follow that particular faith. The only problem is that the study failed to take
into account the fact that Seventh-day Adventists also don't drink or smoke and
generally don't partake in high-risk behavior, such as having multiple sex
partners. Factor in those points, and the life-expectancy difference goes away.
"Even if they were to cherry-pick results from different studies, the
best that a hopeful vegetarian could point to is an increased lifespan measured
in months, a figure that, during an average lifespan of 75 years, is
statistically negligible. And yet, among members of that group, the cascade
toward a false conclusion is almost universal.
"Clearly, the most destructive example of cascading is that which led
to George Bush's invasion of Iraq. Think back to how one false piece of
information led to another and established a base from which still others would
spring. The fact that the percentage of Americans who still believe that Saddam
Hussein had something to do with Sept. 11 is greater than zero points to
cascading (and some really dumb Americans). "
- Tom Danehy: Beware
of the group-dynamics phenomenon known as cascading -
|
The War on Plants
Drew Carey's New Online Only TV Show
Episode 2: Medical Marijuana
Episode 2: Medical Marijuana
Keith Olbermann on the Same Subject
