The Osama Tapes

Selections from Osama bin Laden's recent videotape, translated from Arabic into English, English to Swahili, Swahili to Chinese, and from Chinese back into English.

Osama enters...

Man in beard: Salutations and grommet sacks to all who taking relaxed positions of settlers in kugel.

Osama: A pumpkin and a gefilte fish were on their way to heaven when they were stopped by six dwarves who demanded they hand over their ethnicity, pray zallah.

Other Man in Beard: Braise challah, and the one with the hangnail shall be smitten till he isn't. 

Man in beard: And so it was said, freeze Walla.

Other Man in Beard: And again, prey solo.

Omar: But there was the thing, with the noise and the pushing, 

Osama: It is said that when a camel walks into a bar, what does the bartender say?

Omar. Such a long face, Troy Donahue.

Man in Beard: And the asking how you do that, with the hands and stuff, the fornicators of trepidation take delight in. 

Osama: But then with the fooling and the thing with the stuff on top, whose youth was blooming with chariots? When the penis of a camel can pass through the eye of a needle, it's time for that needle to wink, pray Zoltar.

Man in Beard: Play Mozart, it was so, and was so again.

Omar: Well well, ingrate salad, poodle in sanctuary. Nothing to me.

Osama: Twas ever thus, pureed llama, Ramadan doobie clusters in the raging infestation of your nicotine patch.

Man in Beard: And boy was it fun. You could fondle weathering hamstrings whenever silent partner conniption fit involved sanctuary.

Osama: Sanctuary. Sanctuary much.
 
 

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The road with the rocks and stuff
about the middle
right about here, up the bazooka, 92282