WHO’S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK? 

June 11, 2001

Death is the end to earthly suffering. Why anyone would want to end Timothy McVeigh's earthly suffering is beyond me, but there you go, that's why I'm not working for Satan anymore. Sometimes even I don't get it.
- Helen - 

10. Herbie Hind, a publicist for Sony, made up David Manning, a fake critic who gave good reviews to Sony Films. 

9. Texas is devastated by floods in the same week that the ex-governor of Texas gets to go to Europe. Coincidence? I don't think so.

8. Taye Diggs is leaving the cast of Ally McBeal because he's tired of doing strip scenes. But I wasn't tired of him doing strip scenes.

7. Representative Mary Bono's proposal for the federal government to float loans supplying solar panels to 100,000 homes in the desert, taking them entirely off the Edison grid, and solving the energy crisis in the state, has hit a snag. She hasn't thought of it yet.

6. George Lucas is planning a re-release of "Howard the Duck" with the puppet duck removed and replaced by a digital version voiced by Robin Williams.

5. Why was Sharon Stone's husband Phil Bronstein mauled by a Komodo dragon at the L.A. Zoo? All part of his satanic prenups.

4. Every time Philippine kidnappers seize 15 new hostages, Jewel's stock goes up 15 points at the Hollywood Stock Exchange.

3. Why did Ryan O'Neal get leukemia, the same disease that killed his girlfriend in "Love Story?" Because Sherry Stringfield is going back to "ER."

2. Will Iran's president Mohammed Khatami succeed in his challenge to the ruling Muslim hard-liners? Only if "What's the Worst That Could Happen" breaks $25 million at the box office.

And the number one person going to hell this week?

1. In settling a class action suit claiming they charge exorbitant fees, Blockbuster Video is issuing $450 million in free coupons. (Go here for your cut) 

Personal to Heath Ledger: $100,000 in a plain brown suitcase
Personal to Andre: Next stop, the Caymans