presents
The Interactive Comedian

A DVD ADVENTURE

by michael dare

     A generic comedian comes onto a stage. He is wearing a light blue suit that matches all other generic products. He is clean cut and smiles a lot. The audience loves him. He performs the following monologue.

     "Sincere and humble display of gratitude for well-deserved applause. Statement concerning pride for being given the opportunity to be speaking in front of you today. Delivery of obvious straight line, which leads to set-up of first joke in monologue. Actual set-up to first joke in monologue.
     "A-a-a-a-a-n-d....brilliantly timed delivery of first joke punchline, followed by sincere and humble display of gratitude for gales of well-deserved applause and laughter. Compliment to entire audience.
     "Comment about some weird looking guy in the front row. Insult to musical director.  A weird scowl thrown to bozo in audience who booed at that last joke. A sidelong glance, sort of a cross between a double take and a glare, to the drummer.
     "Actual insult to bozo in audience. Expression of regret that monologue has been disrupted. Obligatory reference to recent news item. Beginning of set-up to second joke in routine. Surprisingly poor delivery of punchline to second joke. Embarrassed murmur from audience as sweat forms on brow. Begin to lose it in a somewhat arbitrary fashion, but gather composure enough to convince audience I'm cool. Polite applause.
     "Casual glance at watch determines that it's just about time to wrap this one up. Another straight line leading to set-up of third and final joke. Perfect delivery of closing punchline. Sincere and humble display of gratitude for gales of well-deserved applause and laughter. Bow. Sting music. Exit through curtain. Beginning of actual show."

Now it's your turn to create your own unique comic monologue. You too can knock out an audience with nothing but your wit. You just witnessed a generic version of a perfect monologue for a stand-up comedian. Simply fill in the blanks by picking one letter from each of the following categories and produce a comic monologue with real jokes, some funny, some not. It's up to you.
 

(Blanks to be filled in by the comedian's stable of writers)

 1. DISPLAY OF GRATITUDE

a. Thank you, you're beautiful.
b. Now cut that out.
c. etc.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.

2. OBVIOUS STRAIGHT LINE

a. I took a cab here tonight.
b. Did this ever happen to you?
c. etc.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.

3. SET-UP TO FIRST JOKE

a. Did you hear about the midget who was charged with raping a six foot woman?
b. It was so hot.
c. I had a tough childhood.
d. I had a blind date.
e. etc.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.

4. FIRST JOKE PUNCHLINE

a. He claimed that someone put him up to it.
b. She didn't like it when I stuck my hand down her blouse and straightened out the wrinkles in her pantyhose.
c. Turns out we just had bad reception.
d. etc.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.

5. COMMENT ABOUT WEIRD GUY IN
   THE FRONT ROW

a. So how are things at the Quicky Lube?
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.

6. INSULT TO MUSICAL DIRECTOR

a. Is that a tie or a lobster bib?
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.

7. SNIDE COMMENT

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.

8. INSULT TO BOZO

a. Are you a painting?
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.

9. EXPRESSION OF REGRET

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.

10. REFERENCE TO RECENT NEWS
    ITEM

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.

11. SET-UP TO SECOND JOKE

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.
 

12. PUNCHLINE TO SECOND JOKE

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.

13. RECOVERY

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.

14. TIME TO WRAP THIS ONE UP

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.

15. ANOTHER STRAIGHT LINE

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.
 
 

16. SET-UP TO FINAL JOKE

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.

17. PUNCHLINE TO FINAL JOKE

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.

18. DISPLAY OF GRATITUDE

a. Hey, you were great.
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.

     Every one of these choices has been filmed by our comic in a variety of guises, some successfully, some not. The monologue will play, in real time, according to the choices the player has made. If there is an area in which the player has not made a choice, it will revert back to the generic monologue, placing it in that space.
     THE INTER-ACTIVE COMEDIAN can also be played in random mode where the computer makes each choice for the player, randomly, in real time. There are literally millions of possible combinations, and each one will have it's own pleasures.
     At the end of each monologue, the player is given the choice of saving it for future playback, or simply moving forward with new choices. Many combinations are so embarrassing they clear the audience, ending with an empty house. Only if you create the perfect, hysterically funny monologue will you get a standing ovation at the end.