THE PLACE - HOLLYWOOD

THE TIME - 1910

When Hollywood was the old west.

Film was a new artistic frontier without rules.

The first audiences...

The first stars...

The first film deals...

• IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE

    JOHNNY CATALINA is one of the hottest stars of silent films. He is having trouble on the set with ASHLEY WELLES, whose popularity matches his own. They are supposed to be shooting a love scene but they had a spat last night, and are bristling at the sight of each other. The scene they are shooting is supposed to be passionate, but it is turning out very physical and erotic as hell. Though the words they are using are far from the script they are supposed to be shooting, the director, GRIFFITH MCCOY, is wise enough to keep the cameras rolling.

    Griffith is screening the dailies for the studio head, MAXWELL GOLDFISH, who complains that this is not the version of David Copperfield that he originally envisioned. Griffith says “Trust me, leave it in.” Goldfish shrugs. Meanwhile in Montana, JOSHUA PORTER, a hick farm boy, is on his way to the big town for the first time alone to pick up some cattle feed for PA PORTER. He is greeted by a spectacle the likes of which he has never seen. Opening on Main Street is the county's very first Kinematograph Show, featuring motion pictures with musical accompaniment. He spends Pa's seed money on a ticket, then watches with awe the most erotic version of David Copperfield he has ever seen. He falls seriously in love with Ashley Welles.

    Back in Hollywood, Mona's House is not the hottest spot in town. The only customer is HUEY THE HUSTLER, who is broke and trying to bargain with MONA MONTANA. Mona complains that she's not doing any business. She can't afford to give away freebies. Huey can't understand why the place isn't full. He thinks all her girls look like movie stars. He's especially impressed by the new girl, ALICE. Finally, Mona and Huey make a deal. If he will bring her at least five new customers, he can get a free night of his dreams with Alice.

    Joshua arrives back at the farm without money or feed. He is promptly thrown out by pa, who is not impressed by his son's awed description of the Kinematographic experience. Joshua hops a train to Hollywood.

    Early in the morning, Catalina bids his mistress MONIQUE farewell, then drives from his hidden bungalow to his stately Hollywood home. He calls out for Ashley but finds her nowhere. Finally, he discovers a note she has left him. He hits himself on the forehead, then rushes back out the front door.

    At the Hollywood Train Station, Huey the Hustler enjoys an early morning cup of coffee while leaning on a large poster of Catalina and Welles advertising David Copperfield. He looks up to see a film crew loading their equipment on the platform, preparing to leave town on location.
    The train pulls in, and the film crew quickly loads up. Suddenly, Ashley Welles arrives with an enormous entourage. She is sedate until she sees the poster of herself and Johnny Catalina. Huey has to duck as she spits at Catalina's picture. She makes quite a scene, ranting that she'll never work with him again. Finally, she gets on the train. It pulls out just as Johnny Catalina arrives. He watches the train disappear, gets depressed, and leaves the station.
    Across the tracks, Huey spots Joshua, fresh off the train from Montana, wide-eyed and innocent. “Can you tell me how to get to Hollywood?” asks Joshua. Huey takes him under his wing.
    Huey notices Joshua's interest in the Ashley Welles poster. He tells Joshua that he knows Ashley Welles. Coincidentally, he's on his way to her place right now. “As a matter of fact,” says Huey, “if you've got five bucks, you can actually have her. You know what actresses are like? They're loose, and they always need more money to support their make-up habits.” Joshua is dumbfounded and goes right along.

    Maxwell Goldfish is summoned from his office to talk Johnny Catalina out of his dressing room. Catalina has the number one film in the country, so he feels justified to wallow in a snit. “What more do you want?” asks Goldfish. “The studio pays for that bungalow and an endless supply of actresses. Nobody else in Hollywood gets such perks.” Catalina swears he loves only Ashley Welles, and that he will not touch another woman until her return. In the meantime, he will channel his libido into great acting. He is finally in the mood to strut before the camera.

    Huey collects five dollars in advance, then makes Joshua wait outside while he runs into Mona's. He gives the money to Mona, explaining that he's got a sucker outside who thinks he's going to bed with Ashley Welles. Using make-up and a wig, he and Mona turn Alice into Ashley Welles. They usher Joshua into a darkened bedroom where he is totally hoodwinked.

    The next day, Joshua heads for the Goldfish Studio, and miraculously gets a job as an extra on the new Johnny Catalina movie. On his first day of shooting, he hears Catalina complaining about the fact that the love of his life, Ashley Welles, is out on location.
    At lunch, Joshua can't keep a secret. He tells one of his fellow extras, BERNIE, that Ashley Welles isn't out of town. She's actually available to anyone with five bucks. He gives away Huey's phone number.

    Bernie shows up at Mona's and asks for Ashley Welles. Mona says “Come on in.”
    Huey checks off a second mark in his book.

    Meanwhile, the real Ashley Welles is in serious trouble. She wakes up out of a daze. Her mouth is gagged. Her arms and legs are tied to an anvil. The anvil sits on a railroad track. A train is rapidly approaching. The lights are on. The camera is rolling.
    Griffith yells “Cut!” The train keeps coming. “I said cut!” reiterates Griffith.
    A stage hand runs up to Ashley and gets her loose just as the train rumbles by. Ashley storms up to Griffith and slaps him, saying “Fuck realism. I quit!”

    Monique arrives at Johnny's mansion. He says “I told you never to come here.” She throws herself at him, but he swears fidelity to Ashley. Monique gets upset, and tells Johnny what everyone in town already knows. That Ashley didn't leave town, she's working at Mona's.

    At Mona's, business is booming. She has look-alikes for all the major stars. This night, to her surprise, the real Johnny Catalina shows up and storms from room to room. When he meets Alice as Ashley, his eyes light up. He throws himself upon her.

    Huey is working the train station again. Ashley is due back from location. This time, Catalina is punctual, as are the newspaper reporters, who all snap shots of him as he sweeps Ashley off her feet and to the ground. The two of them go off to the limos, the ultimate Hollywood couple, hounded by the press. Huey looks back at the train where he spots another rube with a cardboard suitcase. The rube watches Catalina and Welles leave the station. Huey says to the rube “You want her? You can have her.”
    Huey sits in front of Mona's, checking off a third mark in his book.

    In the limo, Ashley throws herself at Johnny. She swears she had a horrible time, that she'll never go on location again, “Oh Johnny, hold me.” It's a command no man could resist.

    It's payday at Goldfish, and Joshua is picking up his check. He cashes it and heads straight to Mona's for an evening with Alice. He tells her he loves her. She confesses to him that she is not the real Ashley Wells. He tells her he doesn't care. He asks her to take off her make-up. She does. He tells her she's much prettier than Ashley Welles. She cries and falls into his arms.

    Ashley Welles takes off from Johnny's in the morning. He is startled by Monique's sudden arrival in his bedroom. She comes on hard but he is strong. He tells her to please find someone else. She says “Fine, you want me to go out with someone else, I'll go out with someone else.” She leaves.

    Goldfish visits Ashley on the set. He's having dinner this evening with some very important people, his wife is sick, and he would appreciated it if she would accompany him. She agrees.

    Monique is out with someone else - Chief of Police DAN ROGERS. He is showing her a grand time. They show up at a fancy nightclub where Monique discovers she is having dinner with the Mayor and Maxwell Goldfish. Hanging on his arm is Ashley Welles, just the person she wants to see.
    In the ladies room, Monique confronts Ashley with the rumor about her working at Mona's. Ashley denies it all, claiming truthfully that she has never heard of Mona's.
    After dinner, in the car, Ashley asks Goldfish if he has ever heard of Mona's. He breaks out in a sweat and says “no.” “You're lying,” Ashley declares. Then she demands to be taken there at once.
    Goldfish reluctantly takes Ashley to Mona's. She can't believe her eyes. She asks to meet her surrogate.
    Ashley meets Alice. Surprisingly, instead of fighting, they hit it off and become pals. Alice tells Ashley about this boy she loves named Joshua and how he's going to get her out of there. They share a drink and a couple of stories when Mona knocks on the door and says “Johnny Catalina is here.” Alice tells Ashley to hide under the bed. Ashley says “No, you hide under the bed.”
    Johnny comes in and begins making love to Ashley, thinking she's Alice pretending to be Ashley. In the midst of passion, he tells her how much better she is than the real Ashley. She smacks him on the head and storms out the door.

    The next day, Ashley won't come out of her dressing room. Max Goldfish is summoned. She tells him she can't work knowing that there could be a tourist at Mona's right now who thinks he's having sex with her. She demands that he have the place closed down. He agrees to call Police Chief Rogers.

    Huey is about to cash in his five customer deal. He is finally alone with Alice, who is none too pleased. Joshua bursts in at the last minute and busts Huey in the chops. Joshua and Alice hug. All seems well when, wouldn't you know it, tonight is the night Mona's is busted. Joshua and Alice are taken to separate jails.

    Johnny is pounding on Ashley's door, pleading for forgiveness. Ashley is on the other side.
    “How can I forgive you?” she says. “You told Alice she was a better lover than I am.
    “That wasn't Alice, that was you.”
    “You didn't know it was me.”
    “Of course I did. I was just kidding.”
    “You're not that good an actor. Go be with Alice.”
    “I can't, she's in jail. The whole place was busted.”
    Silence. Johnny listens at the door and hears what seems like crying. The door opens.
    “What's wrong?” says Johnny.
    “It's my fault. I told Max I wanted the place closed down but I didn't realize...”
    “Well, there's nothing you can do about it now.”
    “Yes there is.” Ashley leaves him standing in the doorway, grabs her coat, gets in her car, and speeds off.

    Ashley visits Griffith McCoy at his mansion. He is alone. She knew he would be. She tells him she needs a favor. He says “What's in it for me?” She moves closer.

    Morning. Griffith goes to the film lab, picks up a reel of film, and drives off.

    Maxwell Goldfish's phone rings. “I've got the last reel of The Scarlet Pimpernel,” says Griffith McCoy. “But I need some more money.”
    “What do you mean,” screams Goldfish. “This is already the most expensive movie I've ever made. You told me how much you needed, I gave it to you and more. Why on earth should I give you any more money?”
    “Because I've got the last reel of The Scarlet Pimpernel,” says Griffith.
    Goldfish is resigned to the inevitable. “How much?” he asks.
    Griffith tells him “Five thousand dollars. Plus I need one little bitty favor.”

    Griffith delivers the film can to a studio guard, who hands him a suitcase.

    Goldfish makes a phone call.

    Joshua is surprised as he is let out of jail. The charges have mysteriously been dropped.

    Griffith finds Alice at the train station and gives her the five thousand dollars.

    Joshua goes to Mona's, finds Alice isn't there, and heads for the train station.

    Johnny and Ashley begin shooting their newest film, a highly eroticized version of Pride and Prejudice. They fight on the set. They still love each other.

    Joshua and Alice find each other at the train station. They fall into each others arms and go off together.

    Huey the Hustler watches them leave as some fresh new faces get off the train. He looks at them, smiles, and gets to work.